Let's say you murdered me. How would you dispose of the remains?

[asthmaticeog]

Burn me?

Bury me?

Sneak me into Body Worlds and leave me on any old pedestal?

Get me laid in a Jörg Buttgereit film?

I WANNA KNOW!

[KitchenWitch]

1. Wood chipper...

I know, how original!

:D

[asthmaticeog]

11. :D

He was a little guy. Kinda funny lookin'.

[krispos42]

202. Could ya be a bit more specific, there?

:-)

[trof]

15. My very first thought.

[Mad_Dem_X]

180. Exactly what I was going to say

Wood chipper, baby!!!

[geardaddy]

185. I have one question though for after...

Where is pancakes house?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJUvPZI3Cr4

[Orsino]

2. Drag you over to GDP, and let you sink.

I hope I can count on the same courtesy. :hi:

[asthmaticeog]

12. Hats off to DU metahumor!

:patriot:

[GreenPartyVoter]

112. *snarf*

[Mezzo]

182. OMG! That is so funny. I just spilled my tea on my lap.

Thank God it wasn't too hot, and it wasn't on my keyboard (again)

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. Stick you in an expensive suit with a flag lapel pin

and have you campaign as a Republican presidential candidate.

If that didn't work I'd feed you to my cats.

[asthmaticeog]

13. I hope your cats are hungry.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. Hmmm....Stew, anyone?

Just how tasty are you?

Sorry, some days I cannot help myself!

:evilgrin:

:rofl:

[asthmaticeog]

18. I'd probably be well-suited for braising.

[Fox Mulder]

5. I'd throw you in an incinerator.

And then scatter the ashes somewhere.

[asthmaticeog]

20. Do please make certain I'm quite fully dead first.

You wouldn't want this to happen:

[skygazer]

6. I would prop you up in the line at the DMV

Where no one would notice you for at least 3 decades.

[Cabcere]

8. I lol'd

:rofl: Well played. :toast:

[asthmaticeog]

21. Wouldn't it be stealthier to get my corpse a job there?

:shrug:

[Cabcere]

29. I was going to make a snide remark about increasing the productivity

but I have family members who work/have worked at the DMV and I feel kind of bad for them, so I'll just allude to said snide remark. :silly: :hi:

[skygazer]

39. Also well played

:rofl:

[Cabcere]

7. According to this science teacher at my brother's high school...

...the best way to dispose of a body is to feed it to pigs, because they can (supposedly) digest teeth & bones? :shrug: I don't know if that's true or not, and since I'm eating dinner right now I'm not particularly keen on looking it up on teh Google, but...yeah. I don't think you have to really worry about it, though, as I'm not planning on killing you (or anyone else, for that matter!) any time soon. :hi:

[Esra Star]

14. The fact that pigs are omnivorous is a good reason to never

eat them. Especially in countries where there is no control on what is fed to them.

[asthmaticeog]

24. Wasn't that alluded to

in the film "Snatch?" Like there was a gangster who kept a pigpen for that very reason?

*rifles through DVDs*

[Cabcere]

26. No idea, I've never seen that movie

but it sounds very plot-device like, doesn't it? :hi:

[asthmaticeog]

32. Sure does.

It's a fun flick - a complicated caper story, and I'm a sucker for that. And it has Brad Pitt as an Irish gypsy boxer with an accent so incomprehensible the DVD has a subtitles option just for him. Great stuff.

[ghostsofgiants]

72. Yeah, I think it was Bricktop.

[Xipe Totec]

109. Simian minds cogitate Similarly

see 104 :hi:

[Xipe Totec]

104. Snatch - Brick Top warns about Pig Farmers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HAQ3pNHwj4

[fortyfeetunder]

170. Well, just don't invite me over for barbecued pork

:evilgrin:

[krispos42]

203. They did that in "Deadwood" n/t

[Blue-Jay]

9. I'd dump you in an unused cistern, sprinkle you with sodium hydroxide,

and pile on a few feet of leaves and lawn clippings.

Or maybe cook you and feed you to my dog. I haven't quite decided yet.

[asthmaticeog]

25. Oh, go with the dog.

Cycle of life, and all that. I'd like to think my exit was bettered for having fed someone dear to you.

[Blue-Jay]

Yeah, but then I'd have to scoop you out of the back yard.

That's gross.

[Guava Jelly]

10. I'd throw you in a landfill probably.

Imagine trying to process that crime scene.
I could probably get all of the evidence thrown out.

[asthmaticeog]

28. What would happen to me in a landfill?

Would I decompose or compact first?

[Guava Jelly]

38. Probably neither.

I would place you in an area where you would be found easy..(In a week at the most).
But you probably will be a little smelly from being soaked in garbage..Sorry :(

[asthmaticeog]

43. Ehhhh, I'm sure I won't care much about the smell.

Mighty kind of you to leave me where I'd be found, though. That way my loved ones would have closure. :thumbsup:

[Guava Jelly]

47. Hey it is just business..

Never personal..

[bicentennial_baby]

16. Drop you off at the Body Farm in TN

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_Farm

:D

[asthmaticeog]

33. Damn.

I was kind of hoping that might be something like Cadillac Ranch. :evilgrin:

[Guaranteed]

171. That is BIZARRE. nt

[OmahaBlueDog]

17. Two words -- Rendering Plant

[asthmaticeog]

35. Mmmm, with the weight I've gained since I quit smoking, I'd make LOTS of yummy lard!

:9

[blockhead]

123. first of all,

I would kill you with a frozen lamb chop. Then I would cook the lamb chop and eat the evidence. Meanwhile, as I'm thawing and cooking my lamb chop, I reduce you down to ashes in my fireplace. I then take your ashes and mix them into a batch of mortar and build another fireplace. (so you can smoke again)

[lost-in-nj]

19. so if I "murdered" you

I would use an Iceicle...


then the evidence would melt and I wouldn't have to worry about getting rid of a whole body.....

just saying!!!!


lost

[asthmaticeog]

37. Oof, thank goodness spring weather is almost here.

[flvegan]

22. 15 miles off Cocoa Beach in shark infested waters

Cinderblock attached to a chain attached to a lifevest to hold your disemboweled body down. Sharks would do the rest.

[asthmaticeog]

40. Ever see "Man Bites Dog?"

Lively and informative discussion in that film of the relative weight required to prevent buoyancy in various human body types.

So you're going to disembowel me, then? Remember that in the event I do a "How are you going to kill me" thread.

[flvegan]

54. No, I haven't, but

the disembowelment is to keep the gas from puffing you up and keeping you from floating. The added chum factor would also help draw in my disposal services.

That would be post killing. Too messy otherwise.

[asthmaticeog]

57. Good thinking.

And it renders the whole "Man Bites Dog" thing moot, as the discussion was of intact bodies.

[DarkTirade]

87. Make sure you tie it off to several parts of the body.

You don't want sharks ripping things loose and then having them end up floating away and up the gulf stream to a beach where they'll be found.

[flvegan]

105. You've done this before?

I have significantly underestimated you.

:thumbsup:

[DarkTirade]

106. No, I've just dated two girls who were studying to be marine biologists

(serially, not both at the same time) so I've seen a few videos of how sharks eat. :P And the second one was interested in also studying forensics and whatnot and was big into horror movies and serial killer lore, so I learned a bit of that sort of thing from her.

She also had a natural double D cup, which I think I paid a bit more attention to than the scary movies she made me watch. :P

[Lyric]

23. Soap and dog food.

:D :hi:

[asthmaticeog]

44. So you'd wash me down and bury me in a mound of Bil Jac?

:shrug:

[johnnie]

27. Same way I disposed of you last time I murdered you

It wasn't much fun, now was it?

[asthmaticeog]

45. Au contraire!

Death by Belgian beer was a lovely way to go. And I didn't mind the being stuffed in a manhole so much. In a way, I'm used to that.

[philosophie_en_rose]

30. Pie Shop

:bounce:

[asthmaticeog]

49. ...

Now THAT'S disturbing.

[philosophie_en_rose]

52. I just sell them...

:yoiks:

[NJmaverick]

31. I would take your body to another distant state

then discard it in the wilderness. Odds are they will never ID the body and if they did, they wouldn't have a clue where the original crime scene was or who did it.

[asthmaticeog]

51. That's very Henry Lee Lucas sounding.

Might as well learn from the champ! :patriot:

[NJmaverick]

127. I have a confession

The person who had my job before me, was chopped up, put in suitcases and dumped off the shores of Myrtle Beach. He was killed by his wife, but I did note how lucky they were to ID the body and solve the case. A family friend IDed him from an artist's sketch that looked nothing like him. I figure if you pick a state with out a family friend, there isn't a snowball's chance in hades that a person would be IDed.

[XemaSab]

88. I had a similar idea

The beauty of dumping it somewhat locally, at least in California, is that there's a lot of people near a lot of wilderness. I know people who have found 50-year-old bodies out in the woods. I also know that a lot of areas are NOTORIOUS for body-dumping. There's enough drug and gang crime that there are always going to be body dumps. Finally, if it's somewhat local to the person there's always the question of whether they were killed and dumped, or they just went hiking and got lost. :shrug:

I would worry that driving the body a long ways would increase the likelihood of leaving evidence in your car, and also increase the likelihood of getting pulled over.

That's just off the top of my head. I haven't spent any time thinking about it or anything. :hide:

[Iris]

34. Serve you up with some fava beans and a nice Chianti

[Blue-Jay]

36. fttp fttp fttp fttp...

[asthmaticeog]

53. Wait, wouldn't that just be my liver?

Which admittedly is a larger portion of my body than it should be, but doesn't that still leave a lot to dispose of?

[Iris]

179. I'd feed the scraps to my dog!

Ug - I can't believe I've even gone there!

[Sugar Smack]

41. I'll surprise you.

You'll be well past caring at that point. :smoke: Ew, wait: did Jörg Buttgereit do Necromantik? OMG, I saw that with a boyfriend way back! AAAA!

[asthmaticeog]

55. Points awarded for being the first to get the Jörg Buttgereit reference.

I should have known it'd be you. It was always you. :loveya:

[Sugar Smack]

83. Points to you for making me blow tea on my keyboard

:spray: ! Almost made the imprint of the film's closing scene on my brain-pan worth it. I did what everyone else does, I peeked through my fingers at the end. :blush:

[asthmaticeog]

86. Who's tea?

:shrug:

[Sugar Smack]

136. Who's tea? That tears it. I'm putting you through my document shredder

with or without your approval. :P

[asthmaticeog]

140. Ooooh, cool! Is it one of those gerbil-wheel ones?

[Sugar Smack]

186. Of course! I have only the finest for you. Although I have to wonder how THIS thread

got to be so much bigger in one night than a picture thread did in three days.

With recommends. Three recommends. :wow: wow.

[asthmaticeog]

191. I've got the goods, I deliver the goods.

What can I say? ;)

[DS1]

42. You'd really have to piss me off in order for me to murder you

so much that I'd feed you to The Princess

[La Lioness Priyanka]

48. ....

:applause:

[asthmaticeog]

58. ....

What Priyanka said.

[tchunter]

46. this is such a morbid question but if you're going to force me to answer....

chemical dissociation in a vat of hydrofloric acid, it'll melt through everything but not a cheap polyethylene bucket which can be disposed of easily.

or

chop you up in the shower, and bag the individual parts in garbage bags, spray that bag down with pepper spray and rebag it and drop them off in random dumpsters around town. who notices some a-hole throwing garbage out? and the pepper spray is too keep nosy animals out.

[DS1]

50. been watching much Breaking Bad?

:)

[tchunter]

82. its such a good show!

yay chemistry! i was surprised by how entertaining it was, too bad the season was so short. Bryan Cranston does a great job as Walt

[DS1]

157. He's blown me away with this character

I also decry this short 7 episode season, and can't wait for season 2 to pick up

[asthmaticeog]

60. You've thought this all through alarmingly well.

:yoiks:

[XemaSab]

92. I would suggest NOT bagging it

If you don't bag the pieces, they will decompose MUCH more quickly. :)

[Rabrrrrrr]

56. I'd put you in an ashtray with Marilyn Monroe in my next film.

There - let's see who gets that obscure reference.

[asthmaticeog]

62. Marilyn Monroe + ashtray =

Anna Nicole Smith.

[Rabrrrrrr]

73. I gotta give you credit for a creative answer! It's not the one I'm looking for,

but I can't really say that you're wrong.

[asthmaticeog]

74. Thank you kindly.

I remain curious as to the correct answer.

[Rabrrrrrr]

93. Oeditpus should get it.

Perhaps he will find this thread... and chime in.

Anna Nicole Smith - I'm still :rofl: on that one!

[siligut]

189. Carl French's latest film?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=7581723

For the OP, if I kill you with my disintegration gun, there wouldn’t be any body to dispose of.

Also, are you doing this research for a reason?

[Blue-Jay]

59. Do you like Huey Lewis & The News?

Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercial and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humor.

[asthmaticeog]

64. "far much more?"

[lizziegrace]

61. Cuyahoga River

:shrug:

[asthmaticeog]

65. Isn't the Black River grosser?

I know that's hard to imagine, but all those Elyria factories and landfills?

[lizziegrace]

71. I just remember when the river was on fire

The Black River would be better now that the Cuyahoga's been cleaned up.

:thumbsup:

[buzzard]

63. Have you seen Fried Green Tomatoes??

[asthmaticeog]

66. Um, actually, no, I haven't.

:shrug:

[buzzard]

81. A pretty good movie watch it and see what happens.

[tigereye]

130. watching it would probably kill ya, actually

if I have any sense of the type of movies that you like!


:rofl:

[buzzard]

168. Well I do like a good black comedy.n/t

[Lars39]

84. The secret's in the sauce.

:9

[ThomCat]

67. Wow. I really don't know.

:shrug:

I am not really sure I have any possible way of disposing of a body. I haven't pondered this kind of thing enough to come up with a creative solution.
:P

[asthmaticeog]

76. Take your time.

The cops are only on their way. :P

[krispos42]

204. You'd need an accessory rack for your Jazzy

Or a little trailer to tow behind it!

:-)

[Joey Liberal]

68. I'd drop off your body at the Bada Bing:)............ n/t

[asthmaticeog]

85. I’m gonna say a few things, I’m gonna say same bad words and you just gonna have to deal with it.

http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2007/04/06/TONY_narrowweb__300x430,0.jpg

[Ptah]

69. Interesting Tuesday Afternoon question.

I'd borrow Tuesday Afternoon's backhoe.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=7551046&mesg_id=7551083

[La Lioness Priyanka]

80. unfortunately that is unreliable. someone will dig him up again

[asthmaticeog]

89. I would hope so!

Otherwise that'd be a terrible waste of a perfectly good stiff.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

90. ...

:rofl:

[Ptah]

107. Well, I'm not very good at this murder thing.

I haven't thought it through, apparently.

:blush:

[Bonobo]

70. Mortar and pestle.

[asthmaticeog]

91. Wow, you go for the good old fashioned elbow-grease approach, huh?

[Midlodemocrat]

75. I would chop up your body and stow it in the MidloVan Stow and go Bins.

:bounce:

But, I would never do that because I lurves you much.

[asthmaticeog]

94. Awww!

I don't know what's more flattering, Stow 'n' Go worthiness, or lurve! :blush:

[DarkTirade]

77. If I hadn't just left Florida for good the answer would be simple...

gator food. :)

[asthmaticeog]

96. Oy.

A Google image search of "gator chow" brings up a troubling number of dog photos. :scared:

[DarkTirade]

99. Thankfully I never owned a dog when I lived there.

:P

[XemaSab]

78. Seriously?

I would drive up into the hills and tip your body off a cliff.

Anyone who smelled anything would think it was a deer. :hide:

[asthmaticeog]

97. Points awarded for elegant simplicity.

:thumbsup:

[NMDemDist2]

79. drive the body out into the badlands and let the coyotes eat ya n/t

[asthmaticeog]

I've been to the Badlands.

Beautiful. I could be happy to rot there.

[NMDemDist2]

102. don't think if it as 'rotting' think of it as

being recycled back into the environment

:evilgrin:

[KamaAina]

95. Throw lime on you, New Orleans style.

That's how they manage to keep reusing those famous crypts, y'know.

[asthmaticeog]

100. ?

[ghostsofgiants]

98. I'd just sit you on the couch and leave you there.

I can't be arsed to put effort into my homicides.

[asthmaticeog]

101. I think we have a winner!

Would you talk to me, all Norman Bates-like? I could tell you what to do about those hussies! Or do I have tell her because you don't have the guts? Huh, boy? You have the guts, boy?

[ghostsofgiants]

148. I was thinking it'd be more like a Weekend At Bernies meets Al Bundy kind of thing.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

103. ...

:thumbsup:

[shaniqua6392]

108. Have you seen Sweeney Todd??

I would make you into a lovely meat pie!!

[asthmaticeog]

115. Why are people talking about making me into pies?

Doesn't anyone want to make me into a haggis?

[shaniqua6392]

175. That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen!!

It may be that it is only 6:45 a.m. right now and I am a bit tired, but that thing resembles an intestinal blockage!! Ewwwwww.

[u4ic]

110. Meat grinder, and sell you commercially

Hey, if it works for sick cows...

[asthmaticeog]

113. Hell, I'll provide the grinder!

God damn, I am such a good sport about this shit.

[tigereye]

132. what a great pic

has there been a Cook, Thief, Wife and her Lover reference yet?

[asthmaticeog]

133. Um, now there has.

You just made it.

AND you made me flash back to the thief's "naughty bits/dirty bits" monlogue. :puke:

[tigereye]

147. sorry

now my head is full of movies where people eat other people. :hide:

Oh well. Nice antidote to my day of good-doing! :rofl:

[FloridaJudy]

111. Steal a car

Heck, if I could figure out how to murder someone, learning to steal a car should be easy.

Stick you in the trunk.

Leave the car - with the keys in the visor - in a bad part of town.

Let the "chop shop" people take care of it.

Good thing I don't have a criminal mind. I haven't the vaguest idea of how to steal a car, let alone murder someone and not get caught.

[asthmaticeog]

116. Who says you don't have a criminal mind?

Another simple and elegant solution - make someone else deal with it!

[Haole Girl]

114. I'd call a friend of mine who knows how to do those things

;-)

[asthmaticeog]

117. ....

:rofl:

[FloridaJudy]

119. Good friends help you move.

Really good friends help you move bodies.

[Forkboy]

118. Anyone who has seen Snatch knows how to dispose of a body. Pig farm.

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece.
Apparently, the best thing to do...
...is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
When you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them.
It's no good leaving it in the freezer for your mum to discover.
Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs.
You gotta starve the pigs for a few days...
...then the chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.
You gotta shave the heads of your victims and pull the teeth out...
...for the piggies' digestion.
You could do this afterwards, of course...
...but you don't want to sieve through pigshit, do you?
They will go through bone like butter.
You need at least 8 pigs to finish the job in one sitting...
...so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.
They will go through a body that weighs 2 pounds...
...in about eight minutes.
That means that a single pig...
...can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh...
...every minute.
Hence the expression...
..."as greedy as a pig".

[asthmaticeog]

120. See the subthread starting at post 7. ;)

[Forkboy]

126. See? Good idea, wasn't it?

:D

[tigereye]

121. prostrate in a sea of obscure vinyl of course!

hmm, offed by a very very high unheard theremin tone, or somethin.


:hi:

[asthmaticeog]

125. You KNOW me!!!!

:D

[tigereye]

144. either that or the Cask of Amontillado thing...

well, I know a little, anyway.



(this is a hysterically funny thread, btw)

[asthmaticeog]

149. Thanks!

I thought the Lounge could use an old-school thread. ;)

[triguy46]

122. The western prairies are awfully big. A body could get lost real good out there.

[asthmaticeog]

128. Ooooh, Monument Valley, maybe?

[triguy46]

139. Nothing that dramatic. Just wide open space...

<a href="" target="_blank"><img src="" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

[asthmaticeog]

141. Still nice, though.

asthmaticeog approves. :thumbsup:

[EstimatedProphet]

124. 3 stages

1) cut you into 1 lb pieces

2) package them for mailing

3) mail them to Bush with the label Educational Materials. He'll put them in the closet and never open them.

[asthmaticeog]

129. That's inspired.

Right fucking ON. :patriot:

[Solly Mack]

131. Copper mines

abandoned, beetle infested, handy shafts for convenient drop off (down, in this case) and people stay clear because of the shafts...never know when you're going to disappear into the earth. Well, except the people that grew up around them...



Hypothetically speaking, of course

[asthmaticeog]

134. +1 Informative!

:thumbsup:

[Solly Mack]

137. Yeah...I was afraid of that

:)

[Gormy Cuss]

135. Hmm. Maybe this.

I'd sell the BBQ to the same college Republicans who held those Affirmative Action cookie sales.

[asthmaticeog]

138. Couldn't I serve as nourishment to a USEFUL life form?

*Sigh* Cadavers can't be choosers, I suppose.

[Gormy Cuss]

142. I was thinking that they'd gag once I told them that they had

just dined on a liberal progressive. Better yet, maybe ingesting your parts would be therapeutic and it would fix their twisted little minds.

[asthmaticeog]

143. I like that way of looking at it.

I also, on reflection, like the line "cadavers can't be choosers." I'm going to go write that down.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

145. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you

again.

:evilgrin:

[asthmaticeog]

150. You just turned my very existence into a Möbius strip.

That's fucked up. Thanks. I think.

[SOteric]

146. I'd put you in the back of Karl Rove's car,

invite him to a party and get him snockered, then give him his car keys and let him drive off while I make a quick, anonymous call to the local constabulary.

Your loss will not be in vain. :patriot:

[asthmaticeog]

151. This, I like.

So long as he doesn't try to pork me. :scared:

[Zuiderelle]

152. I would drop you through a special chair with a trap door in the seat down to my furnace

in the basement, and then make pies out of you to sell in my restaurant.

[asthmaticeog]

153. Special chair?

[riderinthestorm]

154. Rural answer here: throw you onto the manure pile

40 horses, crapping 8x/day, you'd be buried and composted FAST. And the heat that mountain produces is prodigious.

Get ready to burn baby so I can fertilize the pastures in the spring when that black gold (uh, you) gets churned back onto the paddocks for sweet summer grass.

I also have a burn pile that's at least 15 feet by 20 feet at any given moment. It'd make an awesome funeral pyre. I know it's one helluva bonfire the couple times/year when we throw parties. My husband tells me that's where he wants his final remains to end up. Not sure the county code will let us (officially - cough) but ya know, that whole ashes to ashes stuff may be persuasive??

:evilgrin:

[asthmaticeog]

155. Another informative answer! Thank you!

I'm enjoying this thread a whole lot more than I thought I would thanks to answers like yours.

[swag]

156. Put a bottle in your lap and leave you in an unlocked station wagon down the street.

[asthmaticeog]

158. Would you honor a request for a 2005 Bordeaux?

It doesn't have to be an especially badass one, I will be dead after all.

[swag]

161. I'll be in the passenger seat with some diapers on,

but I'll see what I can do for you.

[swag]

159. Delete.

His family removed all the pictures.

[asthmaticeog]

160. Kick!

Hey, deja vu...

[swag]

162. Nah, that's just Nietzsche's eternal return,

also known as existential reflux disease.

[asthmaticeog]

163. Joy and suffering, they are as inseperable as charcuterie and heartburn.

You'll have to excuse me, my will is exhausted for the moment.

[Wapsie B]

164. I've been told that immersing a body in a barrel full of liquid Tide

will do the trick. Something picked up from a former CSI.

[Elidor]

165. Since you're only partially water-soluble...

I'm going to have to go with the pigs.

[SocratesInSpirit]

166. Put you in one of Mrs. Lovett's meat pies?

:shrug:

"What's my secret? Frankly, dear, forgive my candor - family secret! All to do with herbs..."

:evilgrin:

Edit: Gah! I see someone has beaten me to the Sweeney Todd reference.

[emilyg]

167. I would send you to DU-P

[jeff30997]

169. Two words:

Soylent Green !

[LynneSin]

172. You know that DU gathering I'm having in Delaware

LUNCH!

:hide:

[Guaranteed]

173. The MOST practical way to dispose of a body?

I heard some comedian say it on TV:

Find a freshly dug grave, get down to the casket, and throw the one body on top of the other.

Close her up, that's the end of that.

[El Fuego]

188. Or even better

If they dig the grave the day before the funeral, sneak in that night and bury it in a shallow grave in the open grave, and the next day they put the casket on top! :D

Bloody brilliant!

[leftofthedial]

174. worst meat pies in London

[av8rdave]

176. I once flew wiht a former detective, who advised...

never use less than four times the body weight of anchor chain.

[Political Heretic]

177. Get in mah belley!

[datasuspect]

178. a vat of industrial solvent, preferably a very strong acid

if bones remain, pulverize into powder and distribute in nearby water.

[terrya]

181. I'd have you stuffed and displayed at the university you attended.

Like Jeremy Bentham.

On edit: lame answer. Sorry.

[asthmaticeog]

184. Lame? Actually I kind of like that.

I went to an art school, don't forget. I could help an anatomy class. So if any future Michelangelo wants to specialize in rendering adipose, doughy midwestern dudes with insignificant schweens, s/he'll be all set! :toast:

[terrya]

187. Thanks!

No, I didn't forget that. So, while I would feel guilty immediately after murdering you, I know that I'd be doing a service to art! :-)

[Sheets of Easter]

183. Shark chum

[SteppingRazor]

190. Living as I do in South Florida, I'd probably chop you up and feed you to the gators...

you know, the same as everyone else does down here when they need to get rid of a body. :crazy:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

192. Lets just say I muredered you and leave it at that. I can't be

bothered with minor details.

[northzax]

193. why bother?

you think anyone's going to come looking for you?

[asteroid2003QQ47]

194. I'd buy an advanced degree online..

for you and plug you into a tenure track
position at university. You'd be my my
bread and butter for the rest of my life.
Hell, you'd probably be a better teacher
then most of the tenured dinosaurs treading
water while they await retirement!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

195. Y'know there are polar bears who are starving.

[rateyes]

196. I wouldn't...

How could I dispose of any body that is so beautiful? :shrug: I'd probably have you stuffed and mounted on my living room wall.

[Sugar Smack]

197. Ooooooh, nice! Get an ambitious taxidermist to keep everything "just so"

& enjoy the view in your own way. :D

[rateyes]

198. Absomolutely.

And, I would!! :D

[asthmaticeog]

208. He would have to be both ambitious AND imaginative.

:cry:

[triguy46]

199. Put you in the trunk of your car and park it in a shopping mall with the keys left in it.

It then becomes someone else's problem.

[Tektonik]

200. I'd suffocate you

Then I'd chop you up and use one of these to liquefy you.

Then I'd make a video for Blendtec :D

[Boudica the Lyoness]

201. I know this guy who has a hog farm..

the piggies will eat ya!

[mitchum]

210. Make sure he doesn't just have brood sows...

while they will eat little piglets, it is rare for them to eat humans.
Now, boars will do the trick for ya...

[krispos42]

205. Minnesota... 10,000 lakes to hide you in

Go "ice fishing".

Put up an ice-fishing hut. Drag your body out to the building at about 4 o'clock in the morning. Let you freeze nice and solid over a day or two. Once you're fully frozen, show up to "go fishing", including a gas-powered ice auger.

Using a hand saw, chop your body up. Make a large "fishing hole" in the ice. Toss your body piece by piece through the hole and into the lake. Your various body parts will float up to the underside of the ice, where the crappies and northerns and walleyes can munch you at their leisure, while the opaqueness of the frozen surface prevents anybody from seeing you.

If a few months later, when the lake thaws, the police actually find something, who's going to remember an anonymous ice-fishing shelter?

[cynatnite]

206. You would be served in a variety of ways at IHOP...

of course, I have to get a job as a cook first. :P

[Babel_17]

207. Hydrofluoric acid

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrofluoric_acid

As all of us fans of Breaking Bad know, it's Hydrofluoric acid ftw as long as you get the right tub to contain it. :)

http://www.tvsquad.com/2008/01/28/breaking-bad-cats-in-the-bag/

http://www.amctv.com/originals/breakingbad/episode2

[mitchum]

209. I would leave you in water

[Ordr]

211. Inside a tokamak.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tokamak

Temperatures of 20-30 million degrees Celsius should do the trick. :)

[madrchsod]

212. god this is a sick thread...let me see

chicken-wire ,concrete blocks,and three or four hundred feet of water...

[Taverner]

213. Burn at a high temperature

Napalm works. You must destroy all DNA evidence.

I leave you with this quote:

Friends will help you move, real friends will help you move bodies.

[mwdem]

214. Leave you in the Pine Barrens..

all the goodfellas drop off there.

[bridgit]

215. Well isn't that just the chore then? Everyone thinks it is all so very easy...

Some may opine quite stridently, "I'm gonna kill your ass, fucker!!" While other people point and say, "Now there's someone with good ole fashioned American entrepreneurial spirit!"...But ah! Then there ensues, yes: The Body! What to do; what to do?

Cremation, even the backwoods sort, generates smoke. Which leads too many to wonder 'where there's smoke there's fire'. They likely have no idea, nor care, there's a body burning *in the fire*, but here they are now in the midst of what is now my hapless endeavor and so...I'd have to pay them off, cut them in (to what I don't know exactly but there's that), or maybe kill them as well. And that'll just make more smoke! So the circle becomes much too large much too fast for so simple a task...or what should be a simple task.

A hog pen in Scilia? Naw! Too Thomas Harris. Lye? Your dead body in an open pit laden with lye front & back? That can only seem a good idea I assure you. If I'm not careful, puffs of lye are able to waft up and do harm to me! ME!! That's not even workable. I just don't have the time for kind of nonsense, sorry. How bout this...

I murder you, in a beatnik poetry/cafe/art house (the kind the plays scratchy, old, incoherent 16mm films), or coffee shop if you prefer (it's not like you have no options in this venture you realize) by way of some medium to fast working non-face contorting poison from the Amazon, but a real hip joint in either event that's open like 24/7 and filled with 'snapping' beat & open Def Jam mic poets all hitting on each other between riffs on Tolstoy, Trotsky, and James Baldwin; pre-dressed all in black, of course as is expected in such venues (though if there is any discrepancy; my invitation to what will become your death nell will clearly state the dress code); black beret, dark-dark sunglasses but the point is you're dead...

It will I guarantee you it will be days on end before and after the tailings of stank death fill the air that you will be found out as actually *being* dead...and at that point it will be left for others to determine the remains of that day. Oh by the way...

:hi:

[asthmaticeog]

216. Wait, have I just been asked out?