HEyHEY
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Thu Mar-27-08 12:36 AM
Original message |
| My greatest first line of a story EVER |
|
"A Municipal Councillor is scared large killer frogs could take-over the city."
How's that for an attention grabber?
|
| ThomCat
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Thu Mar-27-08 12:38 AM
Response to Original message |
| 1. It's a damned good start. |
|
:)
Take-over sounds like they're very intelligent frogs though. Please don't mind me for being pedantic, but I'd suggest "overrun."
|
| HEyHEY
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Thu Mar-27-08 12:40 AM
Response to Reply #1 |
| 2. I'm going with "Take-over" for the Sci-fi effect. |
|
Of course, this story will end with them all being killed.. so I gues it ain't THAT funny.
|
| MonkeyFunk
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Thu Mar-27-08 01:00 AM
Response to Reply #2 |
| 3. but "take-over" is a noun |
|
"take over" is a verb phrase.
|
| HEyHEY
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Thu Mar-27-08 01:02 AM
Response to Reply #3 |
| 4. the hyphen is for ease of reading - I'm in radio. |
|
Edited on Thu Mar-27-08 01:02 AM by HEyHEY
|
| MonkeyFunk
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Thu Mar-27-08 01:14 AM
Response to Reply #4 |
| 5. oh, if this is for a radio broadcast |
|
you need to punch it up a bit! Think "War of the Worlds".
|
DU
AdBot (1000+ posts)     |
Tue Apr 16th 2024, 02:23 PM
Response to Original message |
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
