I've been wanting to ask these questions about the Lounge for awhile....

[Haole Girl]

First off, this is not about any one particular person, group of people, post, or particular thread. (sorry about the commas Oedi ;-) )

I have been wondering:

-Do you think some people use the Lounge as a support group instead of seeking the professional help they need?

-Or do people use the Lounge as a form of avoidance?

Just wondering what you think. I go back and forth about this subject.

Thank you.

[trof]

1. Yes to question 1.

And that's all I have to say about that.

[Haole Girl]

2. Thanks

I've been thinking the same thing recently.

[MrCoffee]

3. Sadly, yes to 1

I don't know what you mean in 2.

[Haole Girl]

12. Oh, yeah, I wasn't very clear on that. Sorry.

Avoidance from other things they need to do... IRL.

[MrCoffee]

15. oh hell, i do THAT all the time

[XemaSab]

23. Avoiding other things they need to do?

Never! :o

[graywarrior]

4. Yup.

[Haole Girl]

14. Hi graywarrior

:hi:

[graywarrior]

24. Hi KC2! ! !

I just made a therapy appointment. *snort*


Love ya!

[Haole Girl]

26. True story:

When I was in my 30's, and on an HMO, I requested my "primary care-less physician" to refer me to a therapist. He replied, "Why, you don't need one...I can be your cheerleader."

True story.

:eyes:

[graywarrior]

35. Did he wear a little skirt and talk through a bullhorn for your next appt?

[Haole Girl]

52. hahahaha!

:rofl:



Oh... and... no. I never went back. :D

[bicentennial_baby]

5. Avoidance from what?

:)

[Haole Girl]

6. From whatever...

..chores, children, spouses, homework.... the list is endless!

[Pierre.Suave]

8. avoidance of what ever is causing them to be here

in question 1.

or work, whatever floats your boat. :P

[Chovexani]

13. Work, for me

:P

[TK421]

7. I think both...

:hi:

[Pierre.Suave]

9. As do I

.

[Haole Girl]

10. Hey

Thanks :hi:

[bigwillq]

11. Yes to #1

Don't really get question #2.

:hi:

[Haole Girl]

16. Hi there!

See above please. :hi:

[SOteric]

17. I think these two options are not mutually exclusive

and I don't doubt that some, perhaps even many use the Lounge both as a support network and a form of avoidance.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

:shrug:

[Haole Girl]

20. There isn't anything wrong with it....to an extent....

..as long as IRL issues are addressed.

[SOteric]

25. That's up to us each as individuals.

I don't believe anyone with serious issues can avoid them indefinitely. And I don't think anyone with serious issues can resolve them through the very lightweight support offered in an internet forum designed for political banter and recreational social interaction.

But I also don't believe that it's any of our business whether, when or how others deal with their various life issues. I don't mean we can't care about one another, but there's a boundary where caring becomes instrusive and/or enabling behaviour. When you're ready to deal with your shit, you'll deal with your shit. If you want to post about it meanwhile in public fora, -no harm, no foul.

Addendum: I will note that while this may not be an appropriate forum for finding real help in dealing with serious issues, many such fora exist on the internet. I don't discount the possiblity of one obtaining some real, substantial benefit for one's life issues in those fora.

[Haole Girl]

30. Good points

And, yes, people can't avoid serious problems forever. Hopefully, this place doesn't interfere with that... that is my concern (for myself, as well as others).

On the other hand, as my mother used to say, "To each 'is own!"

[Tuesday Afternoon]

18. Hell to the Fucking Yeah on Both these questions...

sometimes around here, I don't know whether to laugh, cry, throw-up, or all three at the same time :D

and ditto to Oedi about that comma thing ;)

[Haole Girl]

21. I know what you mean

I really do.

[trof]

19. I've put a few of the attention seeking drama divas on ignore.

And 'diva' is not gender specific.
It's just too tiresome to read their little daily travails and soap operas.
That's not what I come to the Lounge for.

There.
I said it.
:-)

[Haole Girl]

22. There. You said it!

:D :hug:

[trof]

27. You get to be a geezer? You start getting kinda fearless.

Whatthehell.
You start to SCARE people.
:-)
You're gonna die in a few (or a few more?) years anyway.
What are they gonna do?
Send you to Iraq?
Shit, we're ALL in Iraq already.
:rofl:
:hug: back.

[XemaSab]

28. Yes and yes.

I think there are a lot of people here who sometimes just need a place to share what they're going through in a supportive *but* somewhat anonymous setting. I also think there's a lot of people who use teh longue as a way to take a break from real life.

There's a couple people who I think SHOULD log off the damn 'net and get some professional help, but I don't think it's necessarily the most vocal drama queens.

As far as wasting time on teh 'net, I can't judge. :P

[Haole Girl]

29. Thanks

Complete change of subject: Did you decide whether or not to move to Sacto.?
Or, was that YOU? I get confused when people change their avatars (yeah, like I can talk! lol).

[XemaSab]

34. I think it's going to happen, yeah

The company is being hella slow about figuring things out, but it looks on.

I'm actually sort of looking forward to some things about Sacramento. I wanna go to the woods. There's no woods down here. :P

And I hear ya on the avatars... I hate it when different people have the same avatar, or when people change their avatar and I don't know who they are anymore. I made this one on logobama.com and I'm really happy with it. Or maybe I should go make one with teh broccoli? :shrug: ;)

[Haole Girl]

39. You'll love being close to the Tahoe/Donner area...

I would write more, but I've gotta run!! :hi:

[txwhitedove]

31. Yep. Yes on 1, some do. Yes on 2, many of us. I admit to

being in the Lounge for fun and knowingly avoiding chores - you know, the crap of daily living like trash, dishes, dusting... The Lounge is more fun.

Thanks for a thoughtful question.

[Haole Girl]

42. Thank you

And you're welcome. :-)

[NaturalHigh]

32. I like to come here to decompress...

after a visit to GD or GDP. Those places can actually cause you to need professional help.

[Haole Girl]

43. lol!

I can see that at times. :D

[lightningandsnow]

33. Yes on both.

Yeah, it happens. I occasionally use teh lounge as a substitute for real life.

[Haole Girl]

44. A substitute, huh?

I hope that's not what I do. :hug:

[malta blue]

36. here are my answers....

1. yes
2. guilty as charged...

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

45. :-)

:hug:

[Gormy Cuss]

37. 1.) I hope not. 2.)Absolutely.

I think some people use the Lounge to poll others who may have dealt with similar issue as a means of working out what the next step(s) should be. That's healthy IF they follow through and seek professional help where warranted.

As for the avoidance, sometimes it takes a long time and a lot of courage to face facts and take a difficult step.

Most of the time I am optimistic that Loungers try to steer people through the avoidance phase rather than reinforcing it. Most of the time, that is.

[Haole Girl]

46. Thank you for your wise words. nt

[GreenPartyVoter]

38. A little of both. I am here instead of cleaning my house, exercising, writing my novel etc etc

[Haole Girl]

47. Exercising...

me too. I've avoided that and logged onto DU more times than I care to think about. :-(

[Angel]

40. I think the lounge is a place for people

to enjoy some time not always being serious. Life is serious enough, we need to learn to laugh more and worry less. Some may use it as an advice column, but who better to go to for advice than someone you consider a friend? Avoidance..perhaps from angry, rude people who have nothing better to do than ruin someone's day with some hurtful words. We get enough of that in daily life outside our homes, we don't want nor need it inside our homes. Just some feeble thoughts from my feeble mind.

[Haole Girl]

49. Those are NOT feeble thoughts!

:hug:

[hedgehog]

41. I know it is far, far easier to "speak" to people here than in real life.

I've had a lot of bad experiences with people, so I tend to be very shy in person.

[Haole Girl]

50. I'm very shy in person too

Many here would not believe that, but it's true. :hug:

[ThomCat]

48. I'm pretty sure the answers are yes and yes.

I think you'll find that people use the lounge for all kinds of purposes. :shrug:

I don't think we could get people to agree one what those purposes are for any particular person. Some people would judge kindly and others harshly. Many people might be partially right, and everyone would be partially wrong.
:P

[Haole Girl]

51. Hi Thom

Yep... all kinds of purposes. :hi:

[lost-in-nj]

53. no

I think we ALL use the lounge as a support group
not avoidance but looking for an outlet

KC2

I use it for support
and so do you...


and a million others....

and I will be willing to support and hug and listen

as long as I am needed
I don't mind.......


lost



:hug: :hi:

[SPKrazy]

54. I've done both

used it as a support group and avoid

and gotten professional help and real support groups too.

Teh lounge is okay for venting sometimes, and asking for other's experiences.

We hopefully aren't here to substitute for professional help.

Can't say I've never avoided or used it as a support group or a place to rant or vent or whatever though

[Danger Mouse]

55. i would say both.

[Richardo]

56. Avoidance for sure...

...not the group therapy.

[harmonicon]

57. yes, on both counts

I don't think I'm in need of any professional help (ok, maybe I should have called an exterminator about the mice before asking here, but I don't think that's what you meant), but I definitely use it to avoid doing things. There was this time.... oh... say a year ago... before I'd joined DU and I did this thing with books.... now I can't remember what it was.

[enigmatic]

58. Yes on number one

Absolutely. And it's gotten much worse than when I joined 4 years ago.

[Cabcere]

59. I apparently have a highly avoidant personality

according to some internet quiz, lol, although I can't remember which one at the moment. :P

I do use the Lounge as a supplementary support group, if that makes any sense...I don't use it instead of professional help, necessarily, but I do find it helps with the little things - everyday moral support and stuff like that. :shrug: :hi:

[SKKY]

60. Sometimes, and yes.