WTF? My mother sends me an email that a really good friend of the family and an old

[Maraya1969]

boyfriend of mine died. (I don't know when because apparently he has been buried already). Then a couple minutes later she sends me another email saying that he asked his sister the night before he died if she thought he was going to Heaven to which she replied "yes". (He was 50 the same age as me. He was a bad alcoholic all his life and knew he was dying.) Then a couple minutes after that she write about the fight me and he have been having for the last week and tells me to stop putting down Christianity and that my business behaviors are bad. It's a long stupid story about her volunteering at the church thrift shop, bringing things home to see if we would like them and then either taking them back or paying for them. I went there last week when she was volunteering and and took some things to see if they would sell on EBAY and was going to either take them back or pay for them if they sold.

EDIT to add that the very most this stuff would have cost was $12 bucks. That is the most it would cost.



WTF is wrong with that? When I walked through the thrift store I saw about 4 things I donated and that is just one day. I also give things away all the time from Freecycle, to the woman's center and of course her church's thrift store. I also have it set up so that if anything sells on EBAY I donate a % to a Big Cat Rescue.

Am I a thief?

And why the fuck did she have to bring all this up right now? I've crying about my friend as I type this. And I feel guilty because I think I am corrupt.

And to top it all off she says to stop putting her church down. Well when was the last time you even asked about my beliefs ma? And the last thing she saw me do re: Christianity was when I read the story of James Dobson beating up his dog Siggie at the Publix because they were selling it right next to the Deli counter with al the other "convert them to Christianity" books.

And I feel guilty talking about all this when my friend is now dead and buried, (yea I wasn't informed when he died. Apparently she wanted to wait until after the funeral or more probably she was pissed at me and didn't want to talk to me until today.

I know I am :rant: and I feel guilty about it. But I can't get anyone on the phone plus I wanted to write things out and hopefully my friends here will let me know that I am not the monster my mother makes me out to be.

What am I supposed to do now? I'm going to send a card I know. I would have sent flowers but of course I wasn't told until after the funeral. Maybe I can sen them to the house now anyway? I think I'll do that.

To all.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[shaniqua6392]

1. Oy vay. You are a victim of "Mother's Guilt".

First of all...Send a card and make sure you write a note that you just found out about his death and make an offer of help to the family if they need anything. I don't think you can do anything else. You could send them some flowers too or go put some at the cemetery. As for the Mother thing.....Maybe she does not understand what you are doing regarding the Thrift Shop purchases. You did absolutely nothing wrong in that situation. I guess I would not even do any business with the Thrift Shop any longer. I would just bring in donations, but not take anything out. It just seems to cause problems unless you can get her to comprehend what you are trying to do. It sounds like you need to try to talk to her about it. I am sure it is probably just a misunderstanding. You are definitely not a monster or you would not be feeling so bad right now. I hope you can work things out with her and I am really sorry about the death of your friend. :hug:

[Maraya1969]

2. Thank you so much. I am going to send something to the house -

I don't know what yet. I do know that a little while after a death things get quite and I've heard that it is a good time to send something just to cheer them up.

And the fucking thrift store.....I feel like going over and just giving them a bunch of money and walking out. But I don't want to do it when my mother is there and she'll find out anyway. AND I'd rather give the money somewhere else.

As far as what the stuff cost the total comes to about $12.00. Twelve freaking dollars at the most! I should have just paid for the crap in the first place. It was a stupid idea.

[all that jazz]

3. Sorry about your friend

You really shouldn't have taken the stuff without paying for it. I'm sorry about your friend.

[Maraya1969]

4. I don't think you understand.

My mother would bring things home all the time. We'd try on clothes etc and if they fit she'd take the money back to the store. If they didn't she'd take the stuff back.

I did it to see if anything would sell on EBAY, (which is stupid because it's sitting in a bag right next to me now....not one thing on EBAY. And it is a a great big 3 pairs of shoes.

And of course I am going to pay for them! Or I am going to bring them back. If they fit my feet I would have bought them already but they don't unfortunately. This place is falling over with stuff. You can't get through the bags that come in on a Saturday. It is a mad house.

Maybe it sounds wrong that I wanted to try and auction them off instead of wear them myself. If that is what I did wrong then I guess that is what I did wrong.

Not to mention that stuff I have donated is all over the place too. And if the auction was successful, (it probably won't be....they never are) I would have given more than $4 for a nice pair of shoes.

At this point I just want to go over there and drop of several $20's but I know I'll break down an cry over my friend. I don't ever want to leave the house.

And the bitch sends me the bithcy email last - meaning I read it first! Bitch at me over something stupid before you tell me a friend I had for over 30 years, (even though we were not in contact much I still considered him a very special person) is DEAD~! And then try and turn it into a sermon!!!

Sorry for yelling at you. Obviously I am still a bit upset. It's not you. :hug:

[OmahaBlueDog]

6. I know this doesn't help, but here it goes

I have a maxim I've held to for about 15 years. I don't take anything seriously that is written or stated at weddings and funerals. I realize this isn't a funeral per se, but I'd apply the rule here.

At weddings, people say dumb, drunken stuff that can cause idiotic fights for years afterward. At funerals, all kinds of idiodic crap comes out, and I've seen comments blown up and twisted in ways they weren't meant, and family members not speaking for years (if ever) as a result.

I'm sorry for your loss. As for Mom -- let it go. If putting $12 bucks in the cash box at the thrift store solves this problem, do it. Don't beat yourself up over a few thrift items. This, too, shall pass.

[Maraya1969]

7. OHHHHH I just thought of something. When my school girl friend recovered

from a real serious cancer one of her relatives planted a tree in Israel in her honor. Do you think that would be a good idea? I have no idea how much it costs.

[OmahaBlueDog]

10. Sure. Nice memorial.

Just do a Google search; you should find tree planting in Israel no problem

[Maraya1969]

12. Thanks OMBD. I never planned on keeping the money in the first

place but if the stuff doesn't sell I'm going to give a donation anyway. And I'm donating the shoes back.

[Maraya1969]

5. Well I think I'm done crying after 2 days. It turns out my friend died on

the 28th of March and no one told me. Everyone expected my mother to tell me. And it takes her 9 days and she has to add her religious sermon on top of it.

I dated this guy many years ago and we remained friends after that. But I moved to Florida and lost touch with him.

It's going to be a long time until I get over the shit my mother just pulled.

[TrogL]

8. People with religious addiction have no control over their behaviour

That cannot resist the compulsion to throw a religious thing into everything they do.

[Dangerously Amused]

9. Hey.

So sorry about the loss of your friend. :hug:

If your mom held on to the news about his death until after the burial, then she owes you at the very least an apology and an explanation for her behavior. You have every right - and in a healthy relationship, even the obligation - to let her know that what she did hurt you.

Re: the eBay situation: Honestly I can see both sides of this issue. I have no doubt that your intentions were good, otherwise you wouldn't be writing about it here and wouldn't be so upset at your mom's accusation. OTOH, if the only facts that an outsider knew were that you took things from the store without paying for them, and then were trying to sell them on eBay, well... that doesn't look good. If I were in your situation I would purchase a money order for whatever amount will completely clear your conscience, and send it to the thrift store anonymously along with a brief and vague note explaining that there has been a mistake regarding a particular transaction and you believe this money belongs to them. Then walk away from your guilt, put the entire situation behind you and do not do business with them again. Or at least until your mother no longer works there. And, obviously, don't do the taking things from stores before paying for them thing any more.

I hope you can work through all this, hon. It might be a good time to take a break from your mom.

Take care.

[Maraya1969]

13. An anonymous MO sounds perfect! Thanks

[keroro gunsou]

11. robin williams, on mothers....

the reason they can push our buttons like george jetson ordering lunch is they are the original factory install.

[Maraya1969]

14. YUP!