I don't know if I'm ready to start dating again.

[LostInAnomie]

About 6 months ago, my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me. While I have no desire to get back together with her, I am still having a hard time moving on. I just don't seem to have the drive to really start dating again. I've gone on a couple dates, and I've talked to a few ladies, but it doesn't feel like I am really into it. Every time I have a feeling of "I really don't want to be doing this". I need to get over this feeling. I'm not getting any younger or better looking. And, the ladies aren't getting any more plentiful.

Anyone have any advice?

[LostInAnomie]

1. Grrr... stupid DU glitch

Bookmark post

[Chan790]

2. Two dichotomous points:

1.) You need to get back on the horse as soon as it feels possible. It gets harder to do with time, because it gets easier to imagine remaining alone.

2.) If your head or gut is saying "I don't want to be doing this", it's too soon.

[LostInAnomie]

3. I think you're probably right on both counts

[Generic Brad]

4. It's been a long time since I was in your position, but I'll give it a try

You really should not pressure yourself. If you don't want to date, don't.

What I recommend is finding things that interest you and pursue them with everything you've got. Get some passion back into your life. Go after the things you care about, but do it whole heartedly. Fall in love with yourself and openly love life.

Whenever I feel lost or depressed I try to reassess where I am at, decide where I want to go, and then I pour everything I have into it. Every time I do that my life transforms and it brings in new people I never would have met otherwise.

Good luck.

[Madrone]

5. The answer is simple.

If you don't *want* to date - DON'T. I've never been able to understand this societal "thing" that requires one to be TWO - if you're comfortable with where you're at I don't see a problem. And really? 6 months after a 5 year relationship (especially after a break-up that wasn't pleasant or mutually desired) isn't a whole hell of a lot of time to heal.

[ooga booga]

6. Long ago I took a relationship class with a therapist running it

She said that you need to wait two years after the break up of a long term relationship. So, now that little factoid is still firmly lodged in my brain.

Now, two years might not work for you, but you probably need some time to process things and create some distance from this history. Like another DUer just said, if you don't feel like dating, don't. Sounds like the right idea to me. If you're not ready, any attempt to "jump start" yourself is probably gonna be unfortunate if not down right ugly.

Maybe take up a hobby and put your attention elsewhere for a while.

[bigwillq]

7. When you're ready, you will know.

I see no need in trying to rush it.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

8. My dear LostInAnomie...

There will always be lovely ladies for a gentleman of your caliber...

And I mean this...

You are very eligible, and one sweet day, probably when you least expect it, some terrific lady will pick you up...

And love you...

:hug:

[LostInAnomie]

10. Move to Indiana NOW, Peggy!

You'll probably have to leave your husband first though. ;)

[Withywindle]

9. No rush. No rush at all.

Now's the time to jump in and figure out how YOU most like to enjoy life, as an individual. That's what "moving on" means, not finding a rebound. Enjoy your own company most of all (but stay active and social) and love will come around again eventually.

[Lorien]

11. Ah, but the ladies ARE getting more plentiful!

The older you get, the more women there are to choose from. Just head on over to any restaurant, bar, movie theater, farmer's market...you name it. There are PACKS of single women roaming around out there, many of them successful, intelligent, gorgeous....and dateless for a decade or more. There's no rush for you at all; men are still sexy at nearly every age, while we women seem to have an expiration date of age 35.