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Xema-
This is not, and has never been, a relationship, yet there is drama. I do not like drama, especially when it is unnecessary. I have been telling you for some time that I thought you were a nice person, who is smart and interesting, but that I was just vulnerable (and horny) that night when we were both drunk. Yes, the reason I RESPONDED to your advance that night when, again, we were both drunk, is because I thought you were interested in sex--not a relationship. Please don't make me spell it out any more plainly. Also, as a reminder, and to be very clear...we did not ever have sex.
Subsequently, during both of our discussions, I explained my vulnerability to you, and also let you know that a sexual relationship with you was not going to work for me, and that, in effect, it was a mistake for me to have attempted to have sex with you. You're smart--I know you can understand this. However, it seems that you are, and have been, creating something from nothing. I am now starting to get annoyed. As I have mentioned, I think it would be best (and I must now insist) that we do not spend time alone, not that we have--other than our one meeting to discuss this, and then another time, at your request, for twenty-minutes, to again discuss this, after DL. I hope it will not get to the point where I will feel I cannot show up at DL.
I am so sorry that you have any painful or unpleasant feelings directed toward me or, especially, as a result of me. However, the fact is that we are both adults and I would have expected this confusion to be over by now. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of a gift. However, I think you will understand when I say that I do NOT feel it appropriate for me to accept it, nor for you to give it. Please try to understand that if you are not able to move on from the problem you have with me, then I will concede the DL group to you.
Again, Xema, you are a very intelligent, compassionate and thoughtful person. Good luck with your job hunt. I'm sure it will all work out fine. BTW, the greatest gift you could give me (AND YOU) is to stop thinking about me. And, do yourself a favor: don't over-analyze this letter. It's all good.
Take care,
Jefe
P.S. If you write me back, please understand if I don't respond.
On Fri, Apr 11, 2008 at 9:14 AM, <Xema> wrote:
No worries....
I have two other favors to ask.
I got you a present, and I'd like you to accept it. Like, when I give it
to you I'd like you to say "Thank you, this was very thoughtful of you! I
appreciate it!" Then you can go throw it away, or whatever.
The other thing is sort of complicated and I'm not sure how to phrase it.
Basically, I am still confused about why you'd ever be remotely interested
in me. I really don't understand it. The cynical interpretation suggests
that you just thought I'd be easy, but maybe that's not the case. In the
service of helping me understand this, I'd like you to write me a
handwritten note with a few NICE things about myself. If you can't think
of anything true, make stuff up. (Short history: The last person I liked
took it upon himself to say MEAN things about me, so I'm trying to counter
that here.) I'd like it written out by hand, but you don't have to sign
it, and no-one else will ever see it or know it exists.
I know I've totally overthought this, and it's sort of pathetic,
demanding, and high-maintenance, but both of these things would be much
appreciated.
Oh, and if I decide to have a good-bye party, I'd like you to go.
After that I will drop off the face of the earth and leave you alone.
> Xema-
>
> I hope your trip goes well.
>
> I'm just not comfortable having a one-on-one friendship with you. I'm
> sorry.
>
>
> On Wed, Apr 9, 2008 at 3:28 PM, <Xema> wrote:
>
>> Hey Jefe,
>>
>> I'm going out of town for a week, and I was wondering if you would have
>> lunch with me sometime when I get back?
>>
>> If you can't, that's okay.
>>
>> -Xema
>>
>>
>
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