Any Catholics in here that can give me advice?

[bicentennial_baby]

Hi :)

We have to go to a First Communion in a few weeks for a family member. I'm not Catholic, never have been. I'm guessing that it will seem very odd when I'm the only person in the church who doesn't get up for Communion, etc. But, I also know that church tenets forbid non-Catholics from taking Communion, so I'm not even going there. Is that correct? This is just awkward.

I'm planning to ask my MIL about it beforehand, but I'd like to hear from you guys too. :)

And please, no anti-religious types responding, not the point of this thread. This is Sniffa's godson, and we have no choice in the matter as to whether or not we go.

Thanks! :hi:

[Fran Kubelik]

1. I'm not Catholic but have been to Catholic services...

...and during communion lots of people stay in the pews. :) I definitely wasn't the only one.

On edit: nevermind. You appear to have me on ignore, which must be why I am the only one you never respond to on your threads. No idea why. :shrug: Just trying to be helpful.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

22. thats been my experience at catholic services too

[LeftyFingerPop]

30. I think DU should tell you who has you on ignore...

Several people have me on, and i hate wasting my Goddamn time trying to be helpful in a post, and then never getting a response. :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

32. when we had the nucleur ignore feature it did tell us

[LeftyFingerPop]

35. Before my time I think Pri. n/t

[miss_american_pie]

2. Don't worry about it

The people taking communion will just walk past you on their way up.

:hi:

[bicentennial_baby]

5. But it's going to be church full of Catholics!

I may be the only one, in this family, which is why I'm nervous. :scared:

[miss_american_pie]

9. Really, you're an invited guest

I married a non Catholic and haven't taken communion since. It's supposed to a private, personal experience, and it would be out of line for anyone to make you uncomfortable about it.

[bicentennial_baby]

11. Thanks babe...

:hug:

You've made me feel much better. :)

I'll still talk to my MIL, just so she knows what's up. :)

:loveya:

[truedelphi]

28. Also sometimes devout Catholics go to earlier services, like the 6 Am one

My parish used to have. They receive communion then, and later in the day attend whatever service is a special event - communions, confirmations etc. Catholic law does not let anyone receive communion twice.

So you won't just be with all the non-believers - you will also be hanging out with the really really devout!

[electron_blue]

55. not everyone will go up. Some will stay put, for fear of passing on (or getting)

a cold, for example. Others will have a broken foot, or just not feel like getting up. At any rate, don't sweat it. Everyone will be looking at the baby anyway. :)

[suninvited]

3. I agree

I was married to a Catholic once. You will not be the only one.

[bicentennial_baby]

6. That's what I'm hoping...

Maybe my MIL can reassure me.

Thanks! :)

[LeftyFingerPop]

4. It is absolutely, 100% OK for you not to take communion...

in fact, many of the old time Catholics may not stand up to receive it if they have not been to confession.

Nothing to worry about...there will probably be several there who do not receive it.

[Pharlo]

79. lol.......Old time Catholics......

Oh man, I feel SO old now.....I'm 44 and I was raised to believe you needed to go to confession before communion.

To the OP: As for not going to communion, don't sweat it. I very seldom go myself.

In fact, I see a lot Catholics who no longer genuflect before entering the pew now. It used to be that was the ONE tell tale sign that a non Catholic was joining you for services. Every parish is different, just stand when they stand, sit when they sit, kneel when they kneel........Oh, and unless you know when those movements are supposed to occur, do NOT sit in the front pew. However, since the front pews tend to be reserved for the first communicants, there is very little probability of that occurring.

Honestly, I've never been to a Catholic Church that didn't encourage visitors of all types. Be respectful and you'll do fine.

As for communion. I have a sister-in-law who was not Catholic and went to communion - it was common in her church and she didn't realize. Do what makes you comfortable. If getting up and going to communion makes you comfortable, do it. If not, stay seated.

[philosophie_en_rose]

7. Lots of people won't take communion.

It's not that big of a deal.

[bicentennial_baby]

8. Ok...it's two very Catholic families and...

me. Yikes. I'm nervous. I haven't been in a Catholic church in over 10 years, for a funeral. Ugh.

[philosophie_en_rose]

36. You could go up for a blessing.

Like the posts below suggest. As judgmental as some can be, I think most people are pretty forgiving. (To get you to come back, at least :)).

[Ellen Forradalom]

85. Blessing. Great idea.

We could all use all the blessings we could get!

[Critters2]

10. You can just stay in your pew

(you probably won't be the only one--some Catholics who haven't been to confession will also choose not to receive), or you can go forward and cross your arms over your chest when you approach the priest. This is a sign to the priest that you don't want to receive (or, in your case, can't because you're not Catholic), but would like a blessing instead. The priest will then say a short blessing and make the sign of the cross towards you. Then you just follow the communicants back to your seat. Again, there may be Catholics who will do this as well.

Not receiving shouldn't seem odd. In fact, it's respectful of the Catholic Church's understanding that non-Catholics shouldn't receive. When in Rome, after all!

Have a good day! :hi:

On edit: Here's a pic of * and Pickles not receiving communion in a mass. If you go forward, you can cross your arms as they're doing. The priest will be sure to bless you. I mean, this one blessed *, and you don't have the blood of millions on your hands!

[Shine]

Yes, I was going to mention the crossing arms thing, too.

glad you covered it. :hi:

[bicentennial_baby]

13. Wonderful advice!!

Thank you so much! I may do that, so that I can participate in our nephew's special day.

:pals::

[Critters2]

19. I edited my post to show a pic of it being done.

Happens to be * and Pickles doing it, but you get the idea!

[bicentennial_baby]

20. Thank you!!

:yourock:

[Critters2]

29. You're welcome. I hope it's a great day for sniffa's godson,

and for you! :hi:

[StrongBad]

50. Weird

I was raised Catholic through high school and I never heard of the "crossing arms" thing. If someone didn't want to receive communion they just sat while everyone else did. Very interesting.

[Shine]

12. I was raised Catholic and here's what I say:

the official Catholic deal is, if you haven't been baptized then you are not supposed to receive the communion.

I have been baptized and when I recently attended a Catholic mass, I chose NOT to receive communion b/c I just don't buy into that stuff anymore.

I stayed seated and it was fine. It's only awkward if you think it is. It's perfectly understandable that you may choose to NOT take communion and yet still show your respect by your presence in church.

[bicentennial_baby]

16. Yeah, I'm a heathen...never baptized

None of us were, save for my Brother in his born again phase as a teenager. I may do what mycritters suggested above. I have a few weeks to decide.

Frankly, functions like this make me uncomfortable, for the most part. The last time I was in a Catholic church was an awful experience, and I haven't been in one since. :(

:hi:

[PassingFair]

42. We took our two kids to their cousin's 1st communion...

My two are pure heathen, and they did NOT like it.
It went on and on and on and on and....I had to
take them to the bathroom about 5 times, and they
were 11 and 14!

They wanted to know, throughout, what all the
cannibalistic talk was for, and had questions
about whether or not VEGETARIANS should eat and
drink the transmogrified host.

Christenings and funerals are bearable, the
1st Communion service was not....


Next time, we will just go meet everyone at the
restaurant!

[bicentennial_baby]

45. I would *love* to just meet up with them at the breakfast, seriously!

The Catholic church makes me *very* uncomfortable. But, as I married into this family less than a year ago, I'm kinda screwn. I wish I had an excuse to not go. Besides, it's my favorite nephew in law...He's adorable.

[PassingFair]

47. Our little cousin is adorable, too...

and she asked specifically for us to come.
I think she thought we would be converted
by her "Bride of Christ" beautiosity!

But it really was ALL "blood of Christ",
"body of Christ", "flesh of Christ"...

CHRIST! It was tough getting through it,
for real!

I was "confirmed" in the Episcopal church
when I was 12, and it was NOTHING like this!

[Tommy_Carcetti]

71. Don't be scared

We're really not that bad. Some of us are a bit conservative, others of us are more liberal, and others are straight moderate. Sort of like the US of A, or your typical extended family.

Sure, you might get the occasional a-hole priest up there, and if that's been your only experience with a Catholic mass, that really stinks and I as a practicing Catholic apologize on behalf of us. But more often than not, it's usually just the "love thy neighbor" stuff, and even if you don't believe in God or Jesus, there's nothing wrong with that at all.

[hedgehog]

14. No sweat - as a matter of fact, I always tell my FIL not to kneel

because I know his knees are in such bad shape. We Catholics in the pews tend to be pretty easy going.

[sniffa]

15. Also, as the non-Catholic God Parent, wtf do I do?

I usually just sit in the pew, but since it's my nephew/godson, I'm apparently expected to act Catholic for a day. :shrug:

I like the advice of just going up and not getting communion, but is that enough to mollify my mother/family? I'm thinking their eyes willing be burning the back of my head.

[ronnykmarshall]

21. You cross your arms over your chest.

The priest will bless you and then the whole church will explode in fire.

Roll your eyes in the back of your head and say like Linda Blair .... "your mother sucks cocks in hell".

It's no biggy.

[miss_american_pie]

23. Ask the parents

How they would like you to participate.

[Critters2]

25. Can't much help you beyond the going forward stuff.

I honestly didn't know the Catholic Church allowed non-Catholics to be godparents. I would think going forward would be enough. Again, to take communion when the church forbids it would be impolite. So, going forward is the best you can do.

And people shouldn't be in church watching what others are doing anyway...in a perfect world.

[hedgehog]

33. As long as one god parent is a Catholic, the other god parent can

be baptized in any Christian denomination. I'm pretty sure they have to be a baptized Christian.

[sniffa]

40. It's a New England thing

My Godfather was Jewish. He faked the whole thing during my Baptism. "I believe in Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit...." :shrug:
I didn't have to fake it as the ritual was far different from mine (from what my mom-dukes tells me) - I just had to hold my nephew as he screamed bloody murder because there was water being poured on him. :D

I would have been the Godfather of my other sister's youngest daughter, even though I left the church as a young teen.. but she started grilling me with god questions, searching for the "right" answers, till I finally said, "Look, just make someone else the Godfather."

[Rabrrrrrr]

26. More than likely, they would only be miffed if you DID go for Communion.

They know the rules, and they would expect you NOT to take Communion.

However, you can also talk to the priest beforehand - some priests are pretty open about the table, and will serve anyone. Others are more rules-following.

[sniffa]

43. Eh, it's different here

Seriously, the NE thing is a different world. That aside, I feel that I'm supposed to fake it (even though I know from too many years in Catholic Schools and church that that's a big no-no) so as not to confuse my nephews and nieces. :shrug:

[MonkeyFunk]

17. It's not a big deal at all

Just don't go up to receive communion. Nobody will think anything of it.

Of course, you might want to get out of there before the Burning of the Apostates which occurs shortly after the Communion.

[ronnykmarshall]

27. Pea soup vomit.

That's always a good touch.

T-Shirt w/ the Flying Nun is the best if you ask me.

[mikita]

39. best response ...

...

now you're ZAPPED by god-rays!!

:evilgrin:

[Richardo]

58. That's pre-Vatican II

The Burning is now right after the first reading.

[JVS]

66. Is that why so many people make a beeline for the door after communion and don't wait for the end...

of the service?

[ronnykmarshall]

18. Bring a bag of chips.

No, I kid! I kid!

You just don't go up to take communion. I've been to many Catholic services and you just sit back and chill. It's no biggy.

[DS1]

24. I took communion once, and I'm supposedly a Protestant

:evilgrin:

You should've heard the gasps! In all fairness to me, I didn't know any better, and just did what everyone else did. Wasn't till after that I found out it was quite the no-no.

[hedgehog]

41. We attended the wedding of a friend at a Lutheran Church.

ABout half of those atending were Catholic. At Communion, we all got up even though Catholics are not supposed to take communion in other Churches in order to prove that WE ARE THE ONE TRUE CHURCH! I guess we all listeded to the minister prononce the same words a priest would use and decided that we'd let God sort things out. It was funny, because all the Catholics held out their hands so the minister could drop the host in while Protestants took the host between thumb and forefinger.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

60. Many Episcopal churches (like mine) have open communion

on the philosophy that it's not up to humans to decide who is worthy.

[Critters2]

81. All Episcopal Churches do. Some of the conservative Anglican offshoots may not

but an open table is the doctrine of the ECUSA.

Critters
has some very close Anglican priest friends

[Hardrada]

68. Yah, and we use real wine too. This surprised a Catholic

brother-in-law who thought all Protestant churches used grape juice!

[malta blue]

31. You do not receive communion

and there will be others not taking as well since strictly speaking, one is supposed to go to confession first.

[hedgehog]

34. You only have to go to confession first if you've comitted a mortal sin.

Unless you've murdered someone recently, I wouldn't worry about it.

[WinkyDink]

63. Really? They lied to me when I was a child?

[hedgehog]

83. Yeppers - that a holdover from the Jasenist attitude (heresy?)

that suggested that we are unworthy of communion. The current teaching is that communion is "food for the journey". In other words, it's meant to strengthen sinners who are struggling, not to serve as an award for saints.

[hedgehog]

84. Yeppers - that's a holdover from the Jasenist attitude (heresy?)

that suggested that we are unworthy of communion. The current teaching is that communion is "food for the journey". In other words, it's meant to strengthen sinners who are struggling, not to serve as an award for saints.

[YankeyMCC]

37. You probably wont be alone ...

maybe the only one on the pew but there's usually a few who don't participate throughout the church, even some Catholics who don't go for one of a few possible reasons - for example I know my ex said she would not go up if she hadn't been to church the week before or to confession recently - as a sort of self imposed penance.

And as long as you sit quietly and don't make a fuss - as I as an atheist, but raised in a catholic family, do when I go for family or friends - there's usually no problem or offense taken.

[FloridaJudy]

38. Reminds me of the time

I took my young son to a friend's wedding. It was a Catholic High Mass, and in the course of the ceremony Communion was offered. We weren't the only ones staying seated in the pews, but we were definitely in the minority. My kid got up to join the line to the alter, and I hauled him back by the collar. "It's not our religion", I gently admonished him.

In a clear voice that carried to the back of the church he wailed "How come I can't get any juice and cookies?"

I was mortified, but the bride, the groom and the priest all thought it was a hoot. Or at least that's what they reassured me after the event.

You'll do fine. Just don't take any really young children with you unless you first make clear that the rules there are different from kindergarten.

[QMPMom]

44. You may go in the line with the people if you wish. When you get

to the front of the line where the Priest is, fold your arms over your chest with your hands on your shoulders. This will give the Priest the indication that you are not Catholic and he will give you a blessing, if you want.

No one will judge you if you stay in your seat.

Please don't feel obligated to do this. Many non-Catholics go to First COmmunion and Confirmation services and do not go forward. When some of us Catholics stay in our pews if we do not wish to take Comunion at that time, no one thinks anything of it. (Unless you are related to my uber-judgmental SIL, then you are probably judged and damned on the spot.) :evilgrin:

[Midlodemocrat]

46. Okay, here's the deal.

Both god parents do not need to be practicing Catholics. Your job as the God parents during the ceremony is very different from when we were baptized.

Go. Enjoy it. Express your love for the baby. That's kinda all you need to do.

[bicentennial_baby]

48. He's the Godparent, I'm just an innocent bystander...

:rofl:

[bigwillq]

49. When (and its rare)

I go to church with the family, I never go to communion..not everyone gets up to go so you won't be an oddball. I guess if a person has been divorced they're not "allowed" to go to communion and people that haven't gone to confession recently cannot receive it either.

[Chan790]

51. I'm no longer catholic but...

You're correct...non-catholics are not supposed to take communion. You do have two choices.

1.) You can stay in your pew while everybody else goes up. Please make sure to sit at the outside end of your row as communion takers typically exit the pew to the center aisle. Upon their return, offer to either stand-up to let them pass you or slide down to the inside of the pew. Better still, if you know that your family (or friends) are going and that none of them will be taking communion, all sit in the same row. Inform the person behind you in that case that nobody in your row will be taking communion.

2.) As a non-catholic you have the option of going forth with the communion-takers and asking for a blessing. Catholics who have committed a mortal sin since their last confession are not supposed to take communion either so this is not an uncommon request. It is better though to inform the priest before the service begins. Some are not comfortable with the practice.

[QMPMom]

53. You do not have to inform the Priest beforehand.

All Priests are used to the crossed arm request for a Blessing.

Gee, that would really be a mess if everyone that wished just a blessing would run to the Sacristy before the Mass to tell the Priest they only wanted a Blessing. They are well prepared to handle Blessing requests in the COmmunion line.

[Chan790]

59. Used to it...yes.

However, I've had some who got very bent out of shape over it. Particularly at functions such as this. As my grandmother told me when I was younger..."there are jerks in every crowd."

I see your point, I was trying to avoid any issue on an important day. I had one such jerk preside at my (aforementioned) grandmother's funeral and there are some in my extended family who still blame me. Funny is, she wasn't anymore religious than I am, she agreed to let my uncles have a funeral mass because it was important to them, not because it was important to her.

[ScreamingMeemie]

52. There will probably be more than you that don't get up. MrG never

did.

Sometimes a "liberal" priest will invite all to share, but that doesn't happen often. I have been to funerals where they do offer communion. It is nice of you to go.

[2008]

54. Probably 10-25% will remain in their seats

There are any number of reasons why someone, even a faithful Catholic, would remain in his or her seat during communion. You have nothing at all to worry about.

[MichiganVote]

56. Sorry, but according to my childhood Sister Elenor if you take communion and you're a heathen

and you can't be anything else if you're not Catholic, you're going to burn in hell for like forever, get a bad disease and all your family members are going with you. Not to mention the worms that are going to eat you.

Just so you know what you're up against.

[OmahaBlueDog]

57. I'm not Catholic: Wife & daughters are

Don't take communion. Don't sweat not taking it. Hell, 90% of the Catholics in the room probably shouldn't be taking it based on not having gone to confession in the last week, er I mean month, .. I mean year.....OK decade. When I do mass with my wife, I make what I call the "superstar exit"; when everyone else goes up for communion, I quietly head for the lobby/car. In this case, that's not appropriate. Try to sit near a row end, so you can step quietly out of the way and let everyone in or out (as applicable) of your row.

[meow2u3]

61. If you're not Catholic, you may sit during the Mass

Sitting, as a visitor to the church, is an act of respect and courtesy. You can't get up for Communion, but you don't have to stand and kneel along with the congregation.

In some parishes, the priest will ask if there are any visitors; the visitors will either raise their hands or stand up upon request. The rest of the people will sometimes greet you with a round of applause.

[WinkyDink]

62. Is it Easter? No. There will be PLENTY not taking Communion (which requires Confession and Penance).

And yes, non-Catholics are not to take Communion.

[LibDemAlways]

64. In my church first communion is part of the regular masses

on Sunday. The kids come all gussied up, and before mass the guy who leads the singing brings them all to the front of the church and interviews them as though they were walking the red carpet."Who are you wearing?" (For real.) I grew up at a time when people were still expected to be respectful in church, and I don't buy into this cavalier show-bizzy approach. My 85 year old mom never ceases to be appalled as well.

As for communion, some of the kid's parents don't even take it. Many of them are non-Catholics and some of the Catholics are basically non-practicing. They send their kids to classes to prepare for first communion because grandma and grandpa expect it.

So, if you feel more comfortable getting up and getting a blessing, do that. Otherwise, just stay put. No one will think anything of it, and they'll all be glad you came.

(I used to know a Catholic woman whose non-religious husband refused to show up at all when she had the kids baptized and for their 1st Communion. She never said anything, but I know it hurt.)

[Breeze54]

65. Not every one gets up to recieve communion, including me.

You won't be alone, sitting in the pew, admiring the stained glass windows. ;)

Don't worry about it! And you don't need a veil on your head or anything like that either.

[JVS]

67. From what I understand, even if you are Catholic, you're not supposed to go up unless you've done...

sacramental confession and there is actually a problem in the RCC with people not doing that and thus receiving the Eucharist unworthily.

The practice of penance and fasting in preparation was much more strictly observed during the middle ages than it is now. For example, when Martin Luther suggested that a person should try to receive communion 4 times a year, it was actually an increase in the typical frequency for most people. Once a year was considered a proper regimen. Some of my neighbors in the burgh are Serbian Orthodox and still only receive the Eucharist once a year (before Christmas IIRC).

[tjwmason]

69. I'm just going to join the queue

Everybody else has covered it very well.

There's nothing wrong with not receiving Communion; the Church's rules don't allow non-Catholics to receive.

You've got two choices, and neither should present any problems at all from the perspective of the other Mass-goers. First just stay in your place during Communion, I doubt that many will even notice and if they do they won't think anything of it; or secondly, go forward with crossed-arms to receive a blessing. Either way do what you feel most comfortable with, and there shouldn't be any problem what so ever.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

70. You won't be the only one....

At my mass, I notice a good amount of people who don't take communion. Might be non-Catholic, might not want to get up, but for whatever reason, they just stay in the pew.

Of course, you are welcome to come up to the altar and instead of reaching out for the host, simply cross your arms and the priest will give you a blessing. That's if you want a blessing, but if you don't want to just sit in the pew, you are welcome to take that option.

And don't worry about being uncomfortable. Believe it or not, most of us Papists are not nearly as judgmental as you might fear. Trust me, I don't go around looking at the pews and thinking "What's his/her deal?"

Congrats on your family member's first communion. Just had my three month old baptized a couple of weeks ago.

[Deep13]

72. Non-Catholics don't take communion in RC church.

The RC Church recognizes itself as the only real church and anyone else is necessarily either an infidel or a heretic.

Oh, sorry, I'm an anti-religious type. I guess you don't want to hear from me. :-(

[Tommy_Carcetti]

73. Yeah, in the 13th Century, maybe....

:eyes:

[Deep13]

74. The Reformation was the 16th century.

The only large group of heretics around in the 13th was the Orthodoxy which mainly existed in the remote, eastern Roman Empire. Naturally, non-Christians like Jews and Muslims would have no reason to attend a mass anyway.

[Critters2]

82. According to VAtican II, the rest of us are "separated brethren"

and not able to receive communion.

[geardaddy]

75. I've done both

I'm far from being Catholic, but the few times I've been to a mass, I've stayed in my pew, but once during Easter services, I had communion, because my then girlfriend who was Catholic said it was ok for me as a Protestant to receive it. :shrug: So, the joke's on them! lol

[WinkyDink]

77. Well, no. The joke is on you, if you think it "counted".

[geardaddy]

78. Hell no.

I don't think it "counted."

[bullwinkle428]

76. As a Jew, I've attended some Catholic Church services in the past,

and have just remained in the pew while others accepted their Communion. No one looked at me like an alien!

Honestly, it will be fine - you really have nothing to worry about!

[AngryAmish]

80. No guns!