The Gay Agenda - it's time to start recruiting again!

[Lil Missy]

I just got a call from a gal I used to work with and haven't laughed so much in months! LOL!

This job was at a high end hotel chain that was gay friendly.

I was openly gay and told the "toaster" joke out on the smoke deck one afternoon. They were straight, but not narrow, and all of them just roared at the notion that anyone's sexuality could be converted with a free toaster.

OMG, there was some young punk sitting nearby, probably 25 to 30 years my junior, that overheard the conversation. She went to her supervisor, just HORRIFIED!, that I was out there trying to convert or entice "innocent straight women" into the "Gay Agenda"!

:rofl: :rofl:


What's even funnier, is that her male supervisor was a friend of mine, and is also gay. LOL! He had a duty to deal with the complaint, so he bypassed HR and spoke directly to my supervisor about it. She called me aside privately, which was her duty, and we laughed hysterically about it.

Apparently, this gal just found out that her supervisor is gay, and is totally horrified! And now plenty embarrassed for complaining, no doubt. She feels like I "switched" him somehow. *groan*

I admit to getting a good laugh out of it, but honestly, I just don't know what to say. (????) What gets into people anyway?? Does anyone here honestly believe that someone would, or even could, automatically "switch" their sexuality for a goddamned toaster??? I WISH!!!

*sigh*

[Skittles]

1. THEY'RE ALWAYS TRYING WITH ME, MISSY

they show up at my door in pink feather boas, offering me a toaster and savings bonds. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!

[Lil Missy]

2. Even if I threw in a Foreman Grill? Just for you?

:shrug:

[Skittles]

5. HA!!! NO SALE!!!

I ALREADY HAVE ME A FOREMAN GRILL!! :D

[Lil Missy]

7. Well then, would a year of free pet food get me into your knickers?

Surely there is something that would entice you to switch over to the "dark side."

:)

:hi:

[Skittles]

26. oooh

oooh :o

[Chovexani]

15. That's cause you're worth like 50 toasters

You're on the Most Wanted list at HQ. :D

[mainegreen]

3. You should ask her if she likes toast.

And grin innocently.

[Lil Missy]

8. We just discussed this dilemma at a family reunion last Saturday.

My male cousin is gay too, and he advised the best way for women to approach this is to ask the other woman if she is acquainted with "Aunt Dorothy"

;-)

[suninvited]

44. Can you explain the "Aunt Dorothy" theory?

I have never heard of that one

[Lil Missy]

45. If you know "Aunt Dorothy", it means you're gay.

I'm not sure how else to explain it. But if they give you a funny look like WTF?, Who the hell is "Aunt Dorothy", they are obviously not gay.

It's like when a recovering alcoholic asks if you are a friend of Bill W. Anyone familiar with the AA program knows that Bill W was one of the founders of the AA program.

Does that help explain it?

[muriel_volestrangler]

51. not 'aunt', but just 'friend of Dorothy', has possible explanations here

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friend_of_Dorothy

Either 'The Wizard of Oz', or Dorothy Parker.

[Lil Missy]

104. I just now saw this, and thank you, I stand corrected.

It's not "aunt Dorothy" but a "friend of Dorothy."

My apologies.

[Ellen Forradalom]

87. Or you can ask someone if they're family

Apparently Maya Keyes answered this in the affirmative before she was out.

[Lil Missy]

90. Yes, that works too. n/t

[MonkeyFunk]

4. I wish they'd let us give out plasma TVs

I know a lot of guys who'd turn for a plasma tv.

[Lil Missy]

9. LOL!

I wouldn't, but I can't speak for men. I seriously doubt it though. You are what you are, men and women alike.

:hi:

[quakerboy]

25. If you could offer me

a lifetime supply of waterproof books that I could read in the shower, you might have a chance.

[Beer Snob-50]

57. a 50+ inch screen plasma tv with surround sound

would make me turn in a moment.

[suninvited]

6. Can you describe the toaster?

Does it do bagels? Brown on both sides.

I need more.

[Lil Missy]

10. Yes, it can do both sides of a bagel. And cook an egg too.

C'mon!?!?! Isn't that enough to switch teams???

[suninvited]

11. that IS tempting

especially the egg part. Never heard of a toaster cooking an egg.

[Lil Missy]

14. Oh! And it can warm up Candian Bacon too!

All of it is timed to be done all at once!

It was posted here tonight, but now I can't find it.

[suninvited]

16. Okay, I'm sold.

consider me RECRUITED !

[Lil Missy]

19. Allow 2 to 4 weeks for your new toaster oven to arrive!

Now, I just have to recruit 5 more women to still be considered gay.

[suninvited]

20. Is that how it works?

I have always wondered.

Congratulations on getting one.

[Lil Missy]

22. I didn't need a toaster. I was already a member. n/t

[cynatnite]

12. I will for a new crockpot...

My crockpot is on it's last legs. The knob fell off and I have to change the settings with a pair of pliers.

[Lil Missy]

17. I have 2 crockpots that I'm not using.

Maybe we can work something out. :D

[cynatnite]

18. crockpot prostitution...

what will people say.

:rofl:

[Lil Missy]

21. It's just between you and me, and the secret "Gay Agenda". Even DU won't know about it.

:D

:hi:

[GaYellowDawg]

73. That's "crockprostitution"

Just so you know.:evilgrin:

[sasquatch]

13. LOL!!

:rofl:

[Lil Missy]

23. No shit, Sherlock.

:eyes:

[Lyric]

24. For a toaster? Nah.

For an iPhone? Maybe!

:hide: :rofl:

[Lil Missy]

27. Sorry, that is beyond the budget.

And you are already queer, you scamp!

:hi:

[Rhythm]

43. No she's not... but her girlfriend is!

:rofl:

[Lil Missy]

46. LOL! That's how I came out to my mother!

I said, ya know mom ... my girlfriend that I spend so much time with? Well, she's gay. Still took mom a couple days to figure out the rest of it.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Rhythm]

84. In our case, we have a weird dynamic...

We're both bisexual, but if i used the old Kinsey 0-6 (hetero-homo) scale, she'd be about a 1.5 at the most... i'd be more like a 4 or 4.5 -- i'm the exception to her 'rule', i guess.

But... we found each other, and our personalities and strengths complement each other, so it works!

[Lil Missy]

85. If I understand the scale correctly, I'd be a 6.

Queer through and through.

[Ellen Forradalom]

88. Together you add up to six

So you make one whole homo!

[Lil Missy]

28. Now, there just HAS to be some here that could be enticed by a toaster.

I am open for suggestions to pass along at the next recruitment meeting. Would a Foreman Grill help?

[Fox Mulder]

29. I don't have a toaster.

I'll do it. :)

[Lil Missy]

30. Okay! I only have to recruit 4 more to maintain my gay status!

Expect 2 to 4 weeks for delivery.

Thanks!

:hi:

[Fox Mulder]

31. Sweet.

:) :woohoo:

:rofl:

[SeattleGirl]

32. No way are you going to convert me with a toaster!

I demand a high-end microwave oven! :P

[Lil Missy]

56. I could work that out, under special conditions.

:evilgrin:

[Jamastiene]

33. I can see it now.

I'd have a closet full of top of the line toasters for when that special someone I liked at the moment was a straight woman. It would be so freaking hilarious. :rofl:

[Lil Missy]

47. OMG. I can't even COUNT the number of times I've had a crush for a straight woman.

They are just too stubborn and set in their ways to be converted with my elegant selection of toasters. :(

[Jamastiene]

100. I know how you feel.

They just won't budge. Unless they are kinky, curious, or bisexual, no dice.

[Lady Freedom]

34. Just a toaster!

Heck I was offered a Trans Am. by a gal if I'd go out with her for a month at least. I had to turn her down because I was seeing someone. If I wasn't, hum......

[Freedom Knight]

35. You would engage in a relationship for a car?

Somewhat shallow, is it not?

[Jamastiene]

36. Did you forget a sarcasm smiley somewhere?

That was an incredibly rude thing to say in a thread as light hearted and fun as this.

[Lady Freedom]

38. That's just the way FK is.

He is a hopeless romantic!

[Freedom Knight]

39. So true Lady Freedom.

And I still think that Dracula and Anna would have been a marvelous couple!

[Lil Missy]

55. Thank you!

And geeze, this is not even a chicken, breast feeding, Olive Garden, etc., thread.

So, could you use a new toaster? :evilgrin:

[Lady Freedom]

37. When I was younger and didn't really care, yes.

But, now that I am older and wiser,no.

[Lil Missy]

52. Oh C'mon! You couldn't switch teams even for a car??

:P

[Lil Missy]

50. You obviously missed the entire point of my OP and her response entirely. This is not GDP.

LIGHTEN UP, DUDE!

[Lady Freedom]

98. That's just Freedom Knights way of picking on me.

That's the strange way he is!

[Lil Missy]

49. LOL! Well, a Trans Am is a bit over the budget. But thanks for emphasizing my point. n/t

[yellowcanine]

40. Just for the record, I will not "switch" for a toaster. A fully dressed Honda GoldWing - now

that's a different story.  I would at least think about it.

[Lady Freedom]

41. See FK!? I'm not the only one!

:evilgrin:

[yellowcanine]

42. Yeah but I am a guy. We are "supposed" to be slutty. It's in the biology.

Heh.:evilgrin:

[Lil Missy]

53. I'm recruiting women. But I'll refer your request to MonkeyFunk. n/t

[av8rdave]

66. Hey...I'll consider becoming a lesbian for one of those!

[Lil Missy]

67. LOL! Silly man!

:D

[DarkTirade]

48. I already have a toaster... any chance I could get a waffle iron instead?

:P

[Lil Missy]

54. You got it, baby! Allow 2 to 4 weeks for delivery.

I only have 3 more to recruit now!!

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

[DarkTirade]

72. I dunno if I count though...

I already liked boys a little bit before... and I like boobs too much to give them up completely. :P

Boobs. It's what's for dinner.

Boobs. The other white meat.

[LynneSin]

58. Damnit, I was a straight woman until I read your post - look what you did now....

You turned me into Abe Vigoda

[Lil Missy]

62. EGADS! I'll have to take this up with the committee!

I'm SOOO sorry! I think we have insurance for when things terribly backfire like this. :cry:

In order to file a claim for you, I'll need your full name, address, SS#, bank account #, and your mothers maiden name. ASAP!

[BarenakedLady]

59. Mmmmmm toast

:9

[Lil Missy]

63. For you, I'll toss in a Foreman Grill too!

:D

edit to add - I only have 2 more to go now!

[Deep13]

60. Is recruiting for the gay agenda anything like Amway?

:shrug:

[Lil Missy]

64. Hmmm. Good question. But no, not the same.

Amway is like a pyramid scheme.

The "Gay Agenda" does not provide for sharing the "profits" those that others have recruited.

[zingaro]

68. Yes, but the pyramid is pink. nt

[Phillycat]

76. Well done!

:thumbsup:

[krispos42]

106. With rhinestones?

Or do I need to get a Be-Dazzler?

[Lil Missy]

107. I've never heard of a "Be-Dazzler"????

But you get to do or be whoever you want, pick who you want, and just be who you are.

:D

[krispos42]

108. You've never heard of a Bedazzler?

Tsk tsk tsk.

http://mybedazzler.com/

It's basically an "add your own rhinestones and such to fabic" device.


Yes, you to can be seen from space with the unaided eye! Thanks to the Bedazzler™! (The makers of Bedazzler™ are not responsible for any interference with government satellites)


:crazy:


And I appear to be a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Is it a 4-slice toaster?

[Lil Missy]

109. OMG! I don't need the "bedazzling". I'm such a boring queer.

And yes, I can negotiate a 4 slice toaster for you.

:D

[zingaro]

111. Oh definitely Be-Dazzled.

Amway would never stoop to *rolls eyes* RHINEstones.

:rofl:

[LibertyLover]

61. I wouldn't switch for a toaster

but,throw in a nice on-the-beach house in Hawaii away from active volcanos and we can definately talk. :evilgrin:

[Lil Missy]

65. Oh boy, I might could even go straight for that.....

If he had one foot on a banana peel and the other foot in the grave.

[Midlodemocrat]

69. I lost my copy of the gay agenda. Can you PM me a new one?

TIA.

[Lil Missy]

77. Sure! It's in the mail! But, shhhhh.... it's a secret ..

:P

[khashka]

70. That reminds me....

one of those psycho groups said not to leave your teenage son at home alone.

Why? Gay men will knock on the door and forcibly convert him.

Like I even could? Or have nothing better to do with my time? And teenage boys interest me not at all - wait til he's 45 and I might wish.

I couldn't stop laughing.

Khash.

[LeftyMom]

71. Because he'd spank it and go blind. Duh.

And everybody knows that once he starts touching himself he just might get used to the feel of peen in his hand and then he'll be showering regularly and you'll know something's up and have to spend the money you'd budgeted for a plasma tv to send little Jimmy to special camp so he'll stop smiling at the mexican boy that mows your lawn and start loving Jesus (the white one) again, or you'll never have grandchildren and the neighbors will know it's because something's a little funny about Jimmy and it'll all be your fault because you left him home alone when you went to Ralph's for onions because you ran out when he was fourteen.

[Ellen Forradalom]

94. Little Jimmy isn't defiling himself

He's protecting himself against cancer:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3072021.stm

[ThomCat]

75. Absolutely Right. Don't ever leave your teen home alone.

Send him to the church sponsored after-school activities. Nobody ever gets molested there. :eyes:

[PVnRT]

74. Who WOULDN'T be swayed by this fabulous appliance?

Personally, I'm tempted. I think a few hot Christian chicks will have to offer me sex, or I'm just going to go full-on gay so I can get that toaster.

[Lil Missy]

79. Wow. That's, ... uhm ... really pretty .....

[harmonicon]

78. is it one of those dualit toaster with the sandwich basket and crumb tray?

I'd consider it for that.

[Lil Missy]

80. Of course! It can cook an egg at the same time too!!

Welcome!!!

[harmonicon]

81. No Way!

I hate eggs. Man, you had a convert, and you blew it. Nice going.

[Lil Missy]

82. Oh crap! But I can special order you one you like.

As a bonus, I can throw in a Foreman Grill as a token of my apology for offending you. Kay?

[Lil Missy]

83. Help! I need at least 1 more recruit to meet my quota for this year!

Possibly 2 more if I can't pull harmonicon back in.

C'mon, you know you wanna! :evilgrin:

[Ellen Forradalom]

86. Don't you act all innocent

You just got me for a year's worth of pet food and any woman I want.

[Lil Missy]

89. You were easy!

:evilgrin:

[Ellen Forradalom]

91. Hey, I got a deal!

You know how much it costs to feed this beast?

[Lil Missy]

92. No problem! What's your preference? I feed mine the "Science Diet."

BTW, he/she is adorable! I loves me pups! One that likes to cuddle and snuggle is all the better!

What's his/her name?

[Ellen Forradalom]

93. California Natural

seems to do the job.

His name is Corbu. He is a Braque du Bourbonnais. He's quite a beast! He's torn apart a couch and a chair and last night we had to rush to the vet ER because he got into the chocolate. I love him though.

[Lil Missy]

96. Okay, California Natural is what you'll get!

My pup has been and expensive project and rather destructive nuisance too. But I adore him, nevertheless.

TMI WARNING!



I got him into the groomer right away today to get his asshole shaved. His poor little butthole gets hairy after a while, and he gets "stuff" stuck there that causes some irritation. He bites me if I try to deal with it, so I have to take him to a professional groomer. Sorry if TMI, but it's a fact of life with hairy pups.

He feels much better tonight, so I do too!

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

[Ellen Forradalom]

102. Don't forget

the anal bleaching while you're at it:

http://www.pinkcheeks.com/analbleach.html

[Lil Missy]

103. OMG! You're terrible!

:o

I like the sense of humor though.:D

But, is this for me, or the pup? I don't need it, and I'm sure the pup would try to kill me if I tried to bleach his asshole. Yikes!

[Lil Missy]

105. BTW, was the pup okay after the chocolate poisoning?

I've had to run mine into emergency a few times, so I know the drill. *groan*

[Ellen Forradalom]

112. Yes, he's fine

Stupid beast got into a little more chocolate last night :banghead: but no harm done. (My son forgot he had a bit in his backpack.)

[XemaSab]

95. I want a toaster!

How do I get one? :shrug:

[Lil Missy]

97. You have to agree to the "Gay Agenda", and switch teams.

Toaster, and copy of contract is in the mail.

Welcome to the team!!!

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

[XemaSab]

99. Thanks!

:bounce:

[Lil Missy]

101. Thanks! This turned out to be a fun thread!

And special thanks to those who had a sense of humor and sense of sarcasm.

Of course, it was never my original intention to seriously recruit, but to point out the absurdity of a homophobic mind I ran across at my work place.

Live and let Live. I have very dear friends who are straight. I seriously would never dream or trying to "switch" someone. I just ask for that same courtesy, and that was the entire point of my OP.

Love who you love, and be happy with it.

Nite all.

:hi:

[Yavin4]

110. ABC

A - Always
B - Be
C - Closing