I am having one of the worst days ever.

[Rabrrrrrr]

Earlier this morning, about 4:00 am, I was having a difficult time sleeping properly. Yesterday was the 30th anniversary of one my coopers working on my estate, and I allowed him and the other coopers to have a celebration in their cottage. Of course, they don't have electricity there (seriously, does anyone allow their household staff to have electricity in their living quarters? I should hope not) so they can't play loud music or anything, and their cottage is about 3 miles away on one of the corners of the estate, but I swear to God that I could hear them playing cards and laughing.

Naturally, I'm used to absolute silence in the night - who isn't, right? I mean, any sensible person immediately fires loud staff.

Anyway... it's about 4:00 am, and I'm having a rough time sleeping because of the excessive noise level, so I have the night valet ring the staff to send the overnight master-suite maidwench to fluff my pillows. Well, it was a good 3 minutes before she showed up. I've told the Head House Parlour-Maid over and over that she must have someone in my wing at ALL hours of the day, so that such intolerable situations do not occur. Three minutes? That's outrageous!!

But she shows up, and fluffs my pillow, and that helps.

But I also tell her that, given the nasty night of sleep I've had, I'll need a complete change of bedding. I'm not going to sleep in the same sheets and blankets and pillow cases that I had a bad night's sleep in! I'm sure you're with me on that one.

And I don't know about you, but the command "Fluff my pillow" has an implicit command also to bring a glass of warm milk, a variety of snacks, and the masseuse. Well, I don't need to tell you that none of the latter arrived with the overnight master-suite maidslattern, as I now think of her.

I let it slide, which I shouldn't have, but every now and again mercy rears its awful head. And, like now, I have never had that happen that I didn't rue it endlessly later on.

x(

So, now tonight, I go to my rooms and discover that my bed has been changed, but instead of my own 30,000 thread count sheets, I've gotten the ridiculously harsh and unbearable 29,500 threadcount sheets that I allow the head butler to use, since he's been good to the family as were his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather.

There's that part of me that hates to be so strict, but I ask you - would any of you tolerate such things in your lives?

Of course I had the slattern executed, but I feel bad about it.

Maybe it's just the lack of a good night's sleep from last night, addling my brain or something, but I hope you can all understand with me how this day has been utterly without quality.

[KitchenWitch]

1. How can you go on?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. Oh, my poor dear Rabrrrrrr...

Allow me to start a nation-wide search for more attentive wait-staff.

I mean, this is completely unbearable.

Nights like that one should never be allowed to happen!

[AlCzervik]

3. My God that's monstrous!

My what you do have to endure, it's too much for one person.

[RushIsRot]

4. You just cannot get or keep good help anymore! Even if you stop

beating them before breaking their skin, they seem so sullen and inattentive. Ungrateful wretches!

[Lil Missy]

5. Daily beatings might help. And, ...

where's Leona Helmsly when you need her?

[Hand]

6. Insh'Allah. nt

[Skittles]

7. I WILL KICK YOUR POMPOUS ASS RABRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

yes INDEED! :7

[AlCzervik]

8. but unlike Rabrrrrrr's lazy indentured servants you'd actually get the job done.

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. Pfft, tell me about it.

:eyes:

Fucking ridiculous.

Almost 500 people on staff, and about 15 who actually do their jobs as intended.

[AlCzervik]

10. sit and rest a while, you've been through so much, no one should have to endure such suffering.

especially you.

[Rabrrrrrr]

11. Thank you for your understanding. I mean, I'm talking almost 500 just in the house -

that's not the entire estate. I have no idea how many are on the entire estate: 2000? 3000? somewhere in that range I imagine.

I'm glad someone knows what I'm going through.

I swear, by the way some people react, I begin to think that not everyone lives on an estate like this.

Seriously, how could anyone not live this way? That wouldn't even be life. Surely this is how everyone lives?


Anyway, thank you for allowing me to offer my suffering and for your understanding. It means a lot to me.

[crim son]

12. Dear heaven, a day without quality!

Salty tears a-flowing for you, Rabrrrrrr.

[XemaSab]

13. I've found that if you want your pillow PROPERLY fluffed you have to pay for it

3 pounds an hour is more than a just reward for a girl who knows how the master likes it.

You might try phoning some of the more well-heeled gentlemen's clubs in London to see if they can recommend someone suitable.

Either that or go to the Riviera for the summer and try to put it out of your mind.

[Rabrrrrrr]

14. I haven't been to my villa on the Riviera for 6 years.

Last time I was there, one of the newer manservants from the scullery served me my caviar fully a quarter degree warmer than is proper.

Entirely unpalatable.

I still have nightmares.

[XemaSab]

18. I suppose you're over Switzerland...

Did you ever find a new chef for the yacht? :shrug:

Such a shame to have a beautiful little boat like that just sitting at the club...

[TK421]

15. Knowing you, Rabrrrrrr, you were very kind to that "maidslattern"

slattern would be just right, btw...ummmm....do you rent? I'm really looking to get the fuck out of here, and it sounds like you have it pretty good, but I could be a great manslattern!

GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK RABRRRRRR!!!!@!@@!@! I'm desperate!!@

edited to add: I can make a MEAN Philly cheesesteak, if that's not too peasant of a cuisine to fit your taste!

[Rabrrrrrr]

17. Pfft. You'd probably serve my Armagnac in a Cognac glass,

and prepare my Davidoffs with kitchen matches.

[TK421]

21. I don't even know what those are...could you teach me, master?

:D I could be your willing man-slave and even make kick-ass martinis for you! ( aw, fuck it...I would be drinking them with you...you know it )!!!!!! :toast:

[AlCzervik]

22. Brandy and cigars, my goodness i think Rabrrrrrr is too weary to be Henry Higgins

to your Eliza.

[TK421]

23. I'm just not "snobby" enough for my dear Rabrrrrrr.....

:cry: I will have to work on that, I guess

[AlCzervik]

26. you understand i'm sure what a terrible time he's gone through of late, maybe

after he has some much needed rest you could approach him again. Poor dear, his estate manager is just absolutely useless and how will he ever control the serf uprising? The very wealthy still have problems you know, just a very different set of them.

[Rabrrrrrr]

25. Too weary indeed. The guy can't even capitalize Martini.

How am I to take him seriously as house staff?

:eyes:

My God, who does he think I am? I'm not an American Idol watcher.

[AlCzervik]

27. i knew the moment i read that passage it would upset you.

and rightfully so.

[TK421]

29. I like snobs, though...especially Rabrrrrrr....he's MY kind of snob

[TK421]

28. Just because you didn't address me with a request for one

otherwise...it would have been MARTINI for you!!!!@!@!@!

[JeffR]

16. Just don't let those damn elitists take away everything you've earned.

It's nice to see someone rolling up their sleeves and not being bitter. You're an inspiration.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. I've always clung to my spartan values...

25,000 threadcount sheets make a person tough enough to withstand the incompetence of any chambermaid who forgets the snacks.

[mike_c]

20. I hate it when that happens....

You need to impale a few villages worth of vassals. Then torch their houses and their fields. You'll work up an honest sweat and sleep much better for it. That usually works for me.

[Fox Mulder]

24. You sleep on 30,000 thread count sheets?

You poor people are funny.

I sleep on 75,000 thread count sheets.

:silly:

[TK421]

30. You've had a rough day, my friend...we could sit down and have that MARTINI

that we've been talking about having together for quite some time...yet, I find myself a bit conflicted as to what kind of MARTINI you would like to drink with me.

Well...what is your vodka of choice? your vermouth of choice ( although that really doesn't matter...but I AM talking to Rabrrrrrr here, after all ) inquiring minds want to know!

[Critters2]

31. It sucks to be you.

My deepest sympathies. I don't know how you go on.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

32. bwahahahaha! .best.fucking.rant,EVER! Thanks for giving me

a laugh at 5am. Of course, I am up because I am having trouble sleeping

and you will not believe this....

the redneck next door...

never mind ....

but,

it is about a loud radio, in his barn, that is on the corner adjacent to my property, and he has been leaving it on, LOUD all day and night. It echos throughout the valley :rofl:

swear to god this is the truth.

I thought you were in my brain for a minute :D

[Midlodemocrat]

33. Oh, Rabrrrrrr! I'm so very, very sorry. Prayers and good vibes headed your way.

:hug:

Hopefully, things will look up this morning.

[CreekDog]

34. a bad day with servant staff is superior to a bay dad without

:shrug:

:hi:

[RainDog]

35. **overwhelming weeping**

how dare they...

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

36. oh dear.

I don't use anything with a thread count below 40k. You must really be struggling.

[Dr. Strange]

37. That sucks--sending good vibes your way:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

38. Good God, sir, you tolerate only 30,000-thread count sheets?

I thought only homeless people used those. MY bed is made with AT LEAST 45,000 thread count sheets--I would simply DIE elsewise.

You are good to your people, though. That slattern had it coming all along.