FUUUUUCK! My Dad leaves hospital...against medical advice

[Bennyboy]

My Mom just calls me from the hospital where she is visiting my father. She wants me to come to their house to help with my father who is leaving the hospital against medical advice.

As some of you know, he has been in the hospital for about a month. He had intestinal blockage, was operated on and then was put in the hospital because he cannot stand on his own and is very weak. He stayed in teh hospital and then placed in a care home. After about one day, he threatened suicide and voilence to the staff and the doctors. He was then kicked out of the care home and put back in the hospital for a medical reason (infection). that cleared up, he went to another care facility, and after two days told the doctors he was going to try suicide (went as far as stealing a pair of scissors)and was removed from the care home and put back in the hospital for psychiatric evaluation.
He was cleared for the psych but the doctors want him to stay in the hospital to continue his therapy. of course they want him to do this at another care facility. My Mom, who is 83,calls me and asks me if I will help with him at home. She cannot help him. he is determined to leave the hospital. he has tried to punch the doctors.

Until now, my Mom has been insistent that he stay in a care home until he made some phyisical progress. But now that has fallen tot he wayside and she has agreed to take him home. THIS FUCKING SUCKS.

Nobody is going to be able to deal with this person, he is a giant jackass even on his best days.

FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

[grasswire]

1. could you link your previous thread?

I think I remember it, but not sure.

[Bennyboy]

3. I can't find it.....

But to make a short story long...It was when he was kicked out of the home the first time.......They used the medical reason (infection) to remove him.

[Whoa_Nelly]

6. Here it is

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=7639347

[Blue_In_AK]

2. I'm so sorry, Bennyboy

That sounds pretty desperate. Does he have Alzheimer's or something? You guys shouldn't have to deal with this alone.

[Whoa_Nelly]

4. I remember your earlier post

So, who will take care of your mom? Sounds like too much for her to handle alone, or even with intermittent help.
Could this be dangerous for her?
This is a tough time, Bb :hug:

[Bennyboy]

7. He is trying to kill her......

My son will come over tommorow and I will be there tonight. But neither of us will last. I have no idea why she is agreeing to this. She cannot possibly be able to take care of him. And there is NO ONE on this planet that will do it. he uses people up.

Truthfully I will be awake all night. he has made the threat too many times that he will burn the house down and take my Mom with him. but she just does what he says every time.....

[GCP]

5. Could you have him committed to a psychiatric ward?

The reason being he's a danger to himself (suicide threats) and possibly others. Call 911.

[Bennyboy]

9. He just got cleared from the psych ward.....

Maybe later tonight I will have to call them again. I tell you I have never ever dreaded anything more than I do the next twelve hours.

[Midlodemocrat]

15. That is good advice. Have him involuntarily committed

because he is threatening suicide. As a family member, you can do this. I don't know what the laws are in your state regarding involuntary commitment, but some states keep patients for up to 21 days.

That would give you some time to figure something out.

Best to you.

[BeachBaby]

16. Believe it or not, you can contact your police dept.....

and depending upon which state you live in, they may direct you to your county prosecutor's office.

From there, they can take it up with a judge. They may need you to make a formal statement, either written or in person.

Although your mother is legally the closest next of kin relative, you, as their son, can testify to the death threats and suicide threats. The psych docs and hospital staff can be subpoenaed for any and all documentation - which should include his behavior, physical threats, and suicide threats.

If the police have any prior record on him at ALL, or if there's any prior medical records documenting irrational behavior....it all helps. But YOU will be the key "witness". And you would be amazed at how receptive they will be to you - even if your mother denies it left and right. The courts recognize the objectivity issues in these cases.

I speak from experience, as well as being a paralegal.

I wish you luck. This ain't easy.

[Shine]

8. Damn, that sucks. I'm really sorry, bennyboy

no advice, just this: :hug:

[grasswire]

10. your mother needs an advocate -- there are laws about elder abuse

...and it sounds as if she is the victim of that. Surely someone can point you in the right direction -- the psych facility? A caseworker? Her family doctor?

[Sweet Freedom]

11. Can 211 help you?

I'm not sure where your parents live, but many states now offer 211 phone service (it's supposed to be a one-stop phone service for elder care).

[NJmaverick]

14. I second that, if they have 211 use it

it's the one stop shopping for all your social service needs

[Deep13]

12. How old is your father?

I wonder if he has decided that his time is up and he doesn't want to spend a lot of time in a depressing place waiting for the inevitable. Just a guess. Anyway, good luck to you and your family. :pals:

[zanne]

13. Does your father have dementia? nt

[Bennyboy]

17. An update......

Spent last night at their house. He is very frail. but tries to walk around, has to rest after about 5 steps with his walker. Claims he is hallucinating, seeing handwriting on the walls (prophetic?) thing smoving etc. he must be watched at all times, he will fall down eventually, even if someone is watching him.

He is of course very short tempered and demanding. My Mom is having to cook three meals a day and of course, clean it up. Not to mention fetch him whatever he needs. And she has a bad knee and does not walk very well to begin with.

It turns out that his atorney gave him some good news on his business area and now he is determined to start another business. One that he has already started and failed at many times. Once he was very sucessful at this but now it is too much. But he keeps trying and failing. And spending more and more money. Money that they no longer have due to his starting and failing over and over.

I am reminded of the definition of insanity, "doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result". For five years that has been the description of him.

i seriously doubt that he will be able to live much longer. Now he wants to eat the same foods he ate before, rather than the foods he should eat (this morning, fried potatoes, eggs) so his intestinal thing will get worse again i am sure. or he will fall down. Or try to drive (he is itching at the thought of that).

[applegrove]

18. So sorry.

[Bennyboy]

19. Thanks...last night he and my Mom were alone....

My son left at about 8PM and may not come back today so they are going to be alone....I haven't called (gotta wait till 10 when My Mom puts in her hearing aids)