Are "drop-off" birthday parties for children a thing of the past?

[eyesroll]

We took my stepdaughter to a party yesterday at a gymnastics/bouncy castle/indoor playground place. (She's 5, the birthday girl was turning 6.) We asked what time we should come back, and the girl's mom looked at us as though we'd just asked to dump our kid in a dumpster in south central LA and said: "Oh, the facility requires a 2-to-1 child-to-parent ratio and one parent is bringing all of her kids' siblings...oh, but I think it'll be OK, since Matt and I are here and Birthday Girl is an only child...no, really, if you have something you need to do..."

We left (really, that place was loud and claustrophobic and there was positively no need for us to closely supervise a 5-year-old who goes to school all day) and came back about 15 minutes before the end of the party and MY GOD. All of these parents were just HOVERING over their kids. I understand the ones who were there for the "open gym" time with toddlers...but for school-age kids?

Back in my day (and "my day" was 1980), my parents relished other kids' birthday parties as a two-hour break. My mom said once we were capable of toileting by ourselves, we did parties by ourselves. They didn't stick around unless it was a family member.

Wouldn't it make sense, if parents were required to stay to meet a facility's ratio, the invitation would have said as much? Or is the drop-off party so far gone that it's just assumed we'd stick around a noisy facility helicoptering over our kindergartener who is very capable of playing with her friends without adult interference?

And since when do parents bring siblings to birthday parties? Ones at facilities that cost $10/child? Who pays for these uninvited guests? "Back in my day" we invited the children we were friends with, my mom may have added a close-in-age sibling to the guest list to avoid problems, but the younger siblings and babies who were clearly not invited STAYED HOME. (They could do this because the parents dropped their kids off and left.)

So...your experience?

[DarkTirade]

1. This is the same generation that doesn't let their kids on a bicycle without a helmet.

People are obsessing over their children's safety. Kids can't just go out and play anymore, they have to schedule it in advance. I don't know how these kids are going to grow up properly if they're not allowed to be kids properly...

[eyesroll]

4. Well, my partner is living with a brain injury, so a helmet is a MUST for him, and family as well.

That said, she is permitted (by both sets of parents) to play outside with others without immediate supervision. The only "scheduled" "playdates" (and I hate the term) are ones with friends who live too far away for her to walk to....

[Pithlet]

6. Helmets are a must with us, too.

A bike helmet saved my life, and it was just a fall. I wasn't hit by a car or going very fast. I think the "helecopter parent" thing is way overstated by the boomer generation. My kids go out and play on their own all the time.

[DarkTirade]

10. Yeah, the helmet thing may have been a bad example.

But when I was a kid, which wasn't that long ago, my parents had no problem letting us go outside and do our thing. As long as we showed up when we were s'posed to, it was fine. The only time the parents in my neighborhood made any attempt to curb something we did that may have been dangerous was when one particularly good climbing tree got infested with termites to the point where it was no longer sturdy enough to climb, they cut the lower limbs off so we wouldn't be able to reach them.

Nowadays... I've seen parents freak out and run outside when they look out their front window and see their kids lying on the grass. Because they think they might have fallen and hurt themselves.

[Midlodemocrat]

28. I know what you mean. We used to leave the house and return for lunch.

I *think* a lot of it is that there are so many more cars on the road these days, there is a built in danger that way. When I was a kid, my mom didn't have her own car until I was five. Nowadays, every family has two cars and often the teenager as well. Something that we are guilty of.

I know that one of the reasons I had a fence in the backyard was because I was pregnant with BabyMidlo and was scared witless that BoyMidlo would run into the street. (He was three at the time) Even older kids on my street still chase after balls, or cross without looking when they are playing Capture the Flag.

[AngryAmish]

64. I blame the media

It is a bit of a cliche and I think this is a bit of a joke, but people react to stories and not statistics. When a child is abducted by a stranger it is national news. The fact of the matter is children being taken by strangers is exceedingly rare. It is even more rare nowadays than thirty years ago. The crime rate is much less now than thirty years ago. (There was a spike in crime in the US in the 60s through the 80s due to the Baby Boom generation - not that they are inherently criminals but young males do the majority of crimes and demographically there used to be a lot of young males during the Boomer generation thus more crime. Less young males, less crime. Plus we incarcerate more young males during their criminal years. The abortion, crime nexus is interesting but not proven. ANYWAY...)

We used to run pff and play all day. Kids don't do it, partly out of fear. The fear comes from the stories in the news. We hear about more crimes against children so peole react. It is not logical, but we are not logical creatures.

[GreenPartyVoter]

47. My kids don't wear bike helmets. I would prefer that they do but hubby

says, "We survived just fine without 'em". So I just hope real hard that no one falls.

[driver8]

65. It is the law in California -- I think until the kid is 16.

We didn't wear helmets as kids, either...but kids today should be wearing them. There is a lot more traffic these days.

[Deja Q]

15. The flip side is when "boys willb e boys" turns into bullying

:(

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. i think i get what you mean

[DarkTirade]

24. There's a big difference between letting kids be kids...

and letting them do whatever the hell they want whenever the hell they want. A good parent knows how to draw the lines. I know my parents wouldn't have let me get away with anything like that.

Also, I think a good part of that problem is that parents are so overprotective of their own children to the point where everyone is afraid to tell people when their kids are misbehaving. In the 'old days', if the kids were running too wild and the parents didn't know, the entire neighborhood would have no problem telling them about it. None too many years ago we had a couple of kids running a little too wild, crossing the line and occasionally destroying property and whatnot, and when my dad went to knock on their front door to let the parents know about it the response wasn't "Thanks for letting us know so we can nip this problem in the bud instead of calling the cops on our kids or something of that nature." It was "GET OFF MY PROPERTY OR I'LL CALL THE COPS ON YOU, YOU ASSHOLE! DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY KIDS!!!!"

[hippywife]

43. Heck!

Our neighbors were allowed to spank us if we did something out of line.

[Danmel]

23. Gotta argue with you on the helmets

I agree parents hover way too much and kids don't learn any independence- the door to door school bus pick-ups, etc.-I have two kids and I try to teach them to do things so they'll have some street smarts and be able to do things for themselves.


That said- I don't think wearing a helmet when you bicycle is an over-reaction any more than wearing a seat belt in the car


When I was in elementary school in the late 60s, I had a classmate whose brother was hit by a car when he was riding his bike and he sustained a very severe closed head injury- he was in a coma for a few weeks and has life-long neurological deficits. His brother (who was my classmate) became a neurologist as an adult.

Helmets save lives- adults should wear then when they bicycle too.

[jobycom]

73. I never wore helmets, but then again, I never rode on hard surfaces.

Seems like helmets are a great idea for kids who ride on concrete and asphalt all the time. One thing that's changed is the number of people living in cities.

And I don't let my kids ride without a helmet because I wouldn't even think of riding without a helmet myself. Life's too short to risk making it shorter for nothing more than a statement of rebellion. Wear the helmet and play Dylan on your Ipod.

[Kajsa]

2. Dropping off your child

was the norm I'm familiar with.

Otherwise, the invitation should have
stated parent supervision was required.

[Pithlet]

3. As far as I know, it's still usually drop off.

Every party my older son has been to has been drop off, except for one at a bouncy castle place just like the one you mentioned. So, I think it was just a matter of policy for that place, which I think is a chain. "Pump It Up", or something like that. The parent was kind enough to mention on the invitation that a parent had to stay, so it wasn't a big deal.

[eyesroll]

5. This place was an indie, and my partner had to sign a release form (which wouldn't hold up in court,

but I digress), but there was NOTHING on the form or on the invitation about supervision. In fact, why would we need to consent to allow the place to seek emergency medical treatment on a child's behalf if the expectation was the parent would be there to consent?

[Midlodemocrat]

27. OT, but why do places make you sign off on injuries

when it won't hold up in court? Even the high school is still doing it for the Senior picnic. Do they truly think we're that stupid?

[eyesroll]

30. Several reasons:

1. Many people won't try to sue because they think they can't.
2. It does let customers know: "hey, there's a risk here." Voluntary assumption of a risk is still a good defense (for instance--if my stepchild fell off a slide and hurt herself because kids fall off of slides and hurt themselves sometimes, her dad may not have a good case because that's just part of the risk of playing...if my stepchild fell off the slide because it wasn't maintained properly, a better case could be made.)
3. Adult waivers often do stand up in court, so getting everyone to sign them at least gets the venue off the hook for the adults.
4. We lawyers need to make money somehow, and we get paid for going to court whether the clause is found enforceable or not. ;)

[Midlodemocrat]

36. LOL #4.

:thumbsup:

[tigereye]

40. I don't think most of those releases would hold up

people can't just usually sign away their rights just like that, I would think...

[eyesroll]

44. In many states, a parent can't sign away their child's rights BUT

an adult can sign away his or her OWN rights, at least when it comes to run-of-the-mill accidents or even routine negligence. But not usually for gross negligence or intentional harm.

In other words: If I'm going to the gymnastics place, I could probably sign away my right to sue if my klutzy self falls off a balance beam. I might even be able to release the gymnastics place from liability if they missed a loose screw on the balance beam. But, say, if the maintenance people got drunk and took all the screws out because they thought it would be funny, very few releases will hold up.

[Orrex]

7. My wife and I have had our children surgically grafted to us

So that we never have to let them leave our sight.

Really, I consider your "hands off" policy to be tantamount to infanticide, even for children old enough to drive themselves to school.

If you're not within arm's reach of your child at all times, I don't know how you can call yourself a parent. Long-distance spectator, maybe...

[eyesroll]

8. I'm the evil (almost) stepmother...so I'm doubly horrible.

We're living in sin right there in front of a small child AND I spent an hour last night torturing her with a comb (see my thread about fart putty from last night)...Cinderella's family ain't got nothin' on me.

[Orrex]

9. Is that "evil (almost)" or "(almost) stepmother?"

A small distinction, perhaps, but important!

And why not just yank her hair out by the roots while you're at it, you sadist?!?

[eyesroll]

12. I'm the (almost) stepmother, but I'm already evil.

:evilfrown:

[Jade Fox]

11. You might appreciate this.....

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/philip-slater/our-overprotected-society_b_92325.html

"It occurs to me that this Nervous Nellie syndrome that has swept our nation like a pandemic may be rooted in our treatment of children. Many children don't really play any more--they engage in scripted activities, designed by adults. Instead of inventing games by themselves, with their own rules that they abide by--good training for life in a democracy--they're enrolled in adult-supervised games, where they're TOLD what the rules are--good training for life in a dictatorship. They're given toys advertised on TV that require no imagination--they've already been told how they're supposed to be used. Our overprotective ways tend to undermine their resilience in the face of stress, their ability to cope with novel situations, and their ability to learn from failures and mistakes.

At the risk of sounding codgerly, I have to say that when I was growing up, kids played by themselves--there were never any adults around. We made up games, we climbed trees, jumped off low roofs went sledding in winter in streets with cars, grabbed bumpers for free rides--did all the risky things that kids do on their own. And this was not inner city or country living. This was a wealthy suburban community."

[QueenOfCalifornia]

13. I would never leave my child

with people I do not know as close friends. Are the parents of the "birthday girl" close friends of yours? Have you been in their home? Have you any idea how they discipline their child(ren)? I would never assume to hand over my most precious things in the world to someone I do not know. I would not drive up to a place where someone I hardly know was throwing a party and say "Here are my diamond earrings, what time should I be back to get them?" Why in the hell would I take my children, I have 2, and leave them with someone I couldn't identify in a crowd?

A five year old ALWAYS needs close supervision. Your stepdaughter is being closely supervised while at school. Kindergarten classrooms are orderly and that teacher counts all her kids and makes sure each child is where they are supposed to be at all times.

I would no more leave my child (children) at a theme restaurant with a parent whose focus is on a birthday party than I would drive them downtown and leave them with a map and bus fare.

As for siblings - When I am hostessing I expect some people to bring a sibling - It never bugs me and I pay the extra, little ones who have a sibling close in age (as I do) have to take both kids wherever they go, sometimes there are no options available - in most cases the parent will pay for a invited child's brother or sister (as I do when caught in such a compromise) -

I may be more careful than other parents but I have good reason. I pay attention to how and when children are abducted or how they can easily wander away. My husband puts murderers in prison for a living and once you see the heartbreak of those who have lost a precious, little one when it could have been prevented, you never forget. It isn't just abductions but injury or death due to negligence - a five year old can find all kinds of ways to hurt themselves. They fit behind and into things where they do not belong. They move quickly and need a hand to hold onto. It is just 2 hours - stay with your stepdaughter.

My kids - 7 and 8 - took this pic on Friday - Peace to you.

[Miss Carly]

14. I agree

I would have never left my kids with someone I didn't know. Yes, hovering parents are the norm of the day, but thanks to the media who reports every amber alert, every story of molestation, abuction,ect ect. we have reason to worry. Parenting was different 30 years ago, but so were people, situations along with media coverage. My kids are nearly grown, and I still keep fairly close tabs.

As for the sibling drop-off, I remember one party where a woman wanted to drop off her much smaller kid to my son's swimming party. There was a 10 kid limit, and her younger kid would have made it over the limit, I also didn't want to keep up with this kid while trying to watch a bunch of 5th graders in a pool, so I told her no. I don't know if she got mad or not, OH WELL.

[eyesroll]

17. I don't think people are actually significantly different now.

There have always been pedophiles, murderers, kidnappers--years ago, we didn't hear anything about them. Abduction/molestation by strangers is exceedingly rare.

I don't blame you one bit for turning away a little kid at a pool party--I'd have done the same thing. Honestly, if we ever host a party for my stepdaughter here, she'll either have to have just a couple of friends or we'll have to explicitly state "drop-off"/"pick-up" and let the parents decide if they're comfortable or not, because we just don't have the space for all the extra people that a 12-child party, plus one or more parents each, plus siblings, would create.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

53. News flash: There were plenty of pedophiles and kidnappers

in the 1950s and 1960s.

I remember some horrific murders of children from that era: Two four-year-olds murdered in a Minneapolis neighborhood, an elementary school girl raped in a cemetery in our town in Wisconsin, a six-year-old girl abducted from a church dinner, a 13-year-old babysitter abducted from the house where she was babysitting. I also recall getting the warnings about molesters.

The difference? These incidents weren't national news. There was no CNN to give hourly updates.

Also, birthday parties weren't fancy Las Vegas productions. You had a few classmates over for ice cream and cake, and you played a few games. That was it. None of the parents stayed around. We had a great time.

I'm afraid that the current generation of young parents is raising a generation of hot house plants, kind of like some of the Japanese young adults who were raised the same way and who wilt at the first sign of troubles that their parents can't fix for them.

[meow2u3]

61. I know firsthand about the presence of pedophiles in the 1960's

I was a victim of one when on my 7th birthday! Some strange teenage perv exposed himself to me and told me if I didn't give into him, he would beat me up. I said no, so he smacked me in the face so hard he gave me a shiner. I told my mom and she brought me to the doctor--and a shrink!

Sadly, no one believed kids when they told their parents they had been molested. They belived the adults who molested them and then turned around and denied it.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

67. I guess

you don't understand.

I am not considered to be over protective and I know all about the child molesters - we had 2 in the family who got to all of us girls.

I would not drop my kids off WITH people who I do not know and hope like hell that someone there is watching out for them. It is not ever going to happen.

I would like to tell you to F off for the last sentence in your post to me but instead I will explain...

I really am offended by you supposing that I am fucking up my kids by not wanting to leave them with STRANGERS.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

69. I'm not referring to caution about leaving kids with strangers

although the solution is to get to know the other kid's parents and decide whether you want your child to attend or not. If you don't approve of the parents or don't know them, don't let your child attend.

(My parents had no qualms about vetoing visits to homes where they didn't approve of the other kid's parents. I couldn't go to one friend's home--although she could come to ours--because her father was an alcoholic. I was angry at the time, but I got over it.)

I'm referring to the parents who don't give their children any space, and I see them all the time, the ones who hover over their children in the kids' corner of our local coffee shop, keeping up a constant line of empty chatter.

[proud2BlibKansan]

18. They are adorable!!

As for the OP, I would think the polite thing to do would be to tell the guests ahead of time (like perhaps on the invitation) that adults need to stay with their kids. I know when my kids were growing up, I always made it clear that parents did NOT have to stay for birthday parties but were more than welcome to stick around if they wanted to. If I took the kids somewhere that required more adult supervision, I asked my family to help out. I know they seemed to enjoy MY kids' birthday parties more than the other kids' parents who didn't always even know my kid.

Are parents too cautious? I can fall down on either side of that argument. As a teacher, I have seen parents at both extremes. The ones who hover do almost as much damage as the ones who neglect their kids.

[eyesroll]

21. I agree with you on all counts.

I used to teach in an inner-city school and saw many more neglectful parents than hovering ones...my worst was a hoverer/neglecter hybrid, though. He threatened me with physical violence because I called to tell him that his son was failing. He claimed his son couldn't possibly be failing because he did his homework with/for him every night (:eyes:), before he'd let his kid go hang out with friends (until 3 or so in the morning--:eyes::eyes::eyes:, and the dad was surprised the son couldn't get up for my first-period English class).

[proud2BlibKansan]

22. Yes we see a lot of brainless parents

[QueenOfCalifornia]

50. But I would

drop my kids off with you for a party!

As long as you didn't let 'em drink too many margaritas!

:hi:

[proud2BlibKansan]

51. Darn

Kids are more fun when they are drunk. :hi:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

66. and they say

you are no fun at school!
:rofl:

[skygazer]

37. See, this is one thing that seems to have changed

When I was a kid, the only parties I was invited to were those of close friends. Because they were close friends, our parents knew each other and had no problem leaving us at their home. We had already been at each others' homes playing together.

I think there are a number of changes nowadays and they have nothing to do with murder and kidnap rates (which are about the same as they were 30 years ago when I was a kid - we just hear about them more).

Kids parties are bigger, with more kids invited. The parties I went to at the ages of about 6 or 7 consisted of maybe 10 kids - now people have big affairs for little kids.

Parents do not know other parents as well as they did 30 years ago because neighborhoods are not so intimate, more moms work, etc. so kids are often invited to parties of kids whose parents are not acquainted.

And I do think parents are more safety-conscious. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing but if you need to have a 2 to 1 parent to kid ratio, you might want to consider either having your party at a safer venue or inviting fewer kids. :shrug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

54. Right, I think a lot of birthday parties today are all about status

Might as well just throw a potlatch.

[Ellen Forradalom]

19. My son lives with his dad

in a townhouse development. It's enclosed away from the street, there are lots of kids, and they all live nearby. They're all nice kids, too, and I'm getting to know the parents.

We can kick him outside and say "Go play." The kids run around safely, interact with adult supervision nearby but without our direction, and create their own world. I consider this a precious gift to him.

[eyesroll]

20. That's similar to how it works at my stepdaughter's mom's place.

I won't fault anyone for sticking around at a party at a gymnastics place if they don't feel comfortable leaving their kids (although I WILL fault anyone who brings uninvited siblings and expects them to be fed and entertained)...but some of these parents were following their kids from equipment to equipment, and standing over them, and spotting them as they climbed the (low-to-the-ground, well-matted) monkey bars, and were giving them constant direction. Again, I think that's fine for a toddler or perhaps a child with certain special needs...but it was pretty clear some of these kids just wanted to run and play with their friends.

[Ellen Forradalom]

25. That's crazy.

Kids run and play. Deal with it, people.

[Midlodemocrat]

26. I think it depends on the age of the child as well as how well you know the parents.

There are some parents of friends of the Midlets that I wouldn't leave my dog with, let alone a five year old. Others are incredibly competent and I would have left them with those parents any time.

At parties for my kids that I hosted, I always gave the parents the option of staying. Had beverages, food for them, etc., but hardly anyone ever took me up on it. I didn't stay most of the time either, because I knew the parents when they were little.

[GreenPartyVoter]

29. A thing of the past, yes. Parents and siblings stay at parties in our area but

I always ask when I RSVP if the sib is welcome. (Only ever had one parent say no, which was understandable given the nature of the party.)

[eyesroll]

31. I think some of it may be geographical.

I live in the city of Milwaukee and I think more parents would generally do the drop-off thing here than in Madison, where the party was.

I do wonder what parents with multiple children do...let's say it's a single mom with a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old who have parties at the same time...the 4-year-old's is in a private home, the 6-year-old's at a pool...

I googled this (yes, I'm procrastinating studying for an exam) and found most online discussions about this topic to be split...some parents drop their kids off, some wouldn't dream of it, some would drop one 5-year-old off but not another, depending on readiness.

[GreenPartyVoter]

32. I live in a village of 700, so I am sure it is very different than it might be in a city. Oddly

you would think here would be the place where parents would feel comfortable leaving their kids and that in a city they would be velcroed to you.

Honestly, I stay to make sure my kids behave but also for a chance to just visit with other mommies. :) (Here's my best ever birthday party tip: Take an aspirin about an hour before you go! LOL)

[eyesroll]

35. Unfortunately, it wouldn't have been a chance to visit with the "other mommies."

They were all hovering above their children. :D

In any case, I'm in a weird position as an almost-stepparent who lives in a different city with the joint-but-not-school-day-custodial dad...the "oh, you're not kiddo's mommy...OHHHHH...." conversation can sometimes be awkward. I'm used to it (her dad and I have been together for more than three and a half years) but often, the other party doesn't know what to say and turns her conversation to other people. (Hopefully, as kiddo gets older and more of her peers have stepparents this will become less of an issue...not that I'm wishing divorce on these people but you know what I mean...)

[GreenPartyVoter]

39. Heh, in this town we've had parents divorce and marry each other's former spouses. Gets

real interesting like that. LOL

[eyesroll]

41. Well...right now, the aforementioned stepchild is at a baseball game with her dad,

her friend, and her friend's stepdad.

Her friend's stepdad is whoisalhedges, who long-termers may remember I was married to for several years.

What might get interesting is if we host a party for kiddo, and invite adults--because two of those adults would be my parents, and two other of those adults would be their ex-son-in-law and his wife.

[GreenPartyVoter]

45. Does make for interesting gatherings. :^)

[Rabrrrrrr]

33. Helicopter parents - fucking dispicable.

[zanne]

34. I wonder if there's such a thing as parents being too involved.

I understand wanted to keep a close watch on your kids, but doesn't that stunt their individuality?

[tigereye]

38. no.

I never asked anyone to stay - but they could if they wanted to...

:hi:

[Shine]

42. I think it depends on how little the kids are.

when my kids were young than 5 yrs old, I would hang out at some of the parties they'd been invited to. It was, quite frankly, also a fun time for me to schmooze with the other parents, as we watched the kids all play together. No big deal.

But yeah, once they hit 5 or 6, they were old enough to be dropped off for a couple hours.

I think if the hosting parents have issues with child/adult ratio, they should be asking for extra help ahead of time, rather than assuming everyone will want to hang out for the whole party.

Like you said, it's a nice break for the parents!

It's soooo much easier now that my kids are older.

[Reverend_Smitty]

46. I don't know exactly when things changed...

I was born in 84, so my prime childhood days would have been in the early 90's and I have fond memories of playing outside with friends all day. Occasionally we would run back inside the house to get a drink to which we would be greeted with the "don't keep running back in and out, you're letting the cold air out"

I also don't remember parents sticking around for birthday parties either...it's a strange phenomenon

I have little cousins who are about 12-15 years younger than me and the supervised birthday parties and "play dates" (argh!!! I fucking hate that word) were the norm for them.

I guess I was part of the last generation of actual children...not the over-scheduled "mini-adults" of today. But yeah helicopter parenting sucks

[WildEyedLiberal]

56. Your childhood sounds exactly like mine.... also born in '84

I guess we JUST missed the "helicopter parent" phenomenon, thank God. All I did during the summer was run around and play outside, and receive similar chides for "letting the cold air out," haha. I made up games and pretend scenarios with my friends and had a blast. I have a couple of young nieces, now, and while they aren't sent out on "playdates" and given scheduled "playtime," they don't seem to have nearly as awesome a childhood as I had... they don't really ever play with other kids at all. They just stay at home and do stuff. I wasn't Miss Popularity or anything, but from Kindergarten on I had at least one good friend with whom I always hung out on weekends. I dunno, it's like Americans forgot how to be parents after the year 2000.

[Reverend_Smitty]

70. I was discussing this with a friend a few weeks ago

and I half-jokingly said "people have to constantly watch their kids 24/7 or else the terrorists might get them...cause y'know 9/11 changed everything" but maybe that had something to do with it, people have been frightened into being these deranged helicopter parents because it sure seems like overnight this phenomenon happened.

I didn't have tons of friends either, I lived with my mom for the school year down in Florida and spent summers back in Jersey with my dad, so I really only had one solid "go to" friend until I was in high school...but damn if we didn't make the most of our summers. It wasn't a productive week if one of us didn't run back home with a bloody nose or a scraped up knee

[LiberalEsto]

48. When I lived in NJ

it was the custom in our community for parents to attend birthday parties with their kids, when the kids were little. Those hosting the party would provide adult food and beverages, and everyone would enjoy socializing with the other parents, while keeping half an eye on the little ones. If kids misbehaved, their parents dealt with it. Once the kids were older, the parents generally didn't come, unless they were friends with the birthday child's parents and wanted to socialize.

This was in the mid-to-late 1980s, in Somerset, NJ.

When we moved to Maryland in 1990 and hosted the first birthday parties for our kids (turning 7 and 4), I set out food for the parents, but nobody showed up to my surprise. Often all I saw of a kid's parent was the car streaking away for two hours of shopping freedom at the mall. Sometimes the parents never even walked up to the house to pick up their kids after the party -- they stayed outside in the car and honked the horn. I thought this was rude, not to mention extremely stupid and risky, since the party could have been in the home of drug addicts or perverts.

Call me crazy or old-fashioned, but as a parent I wanted to meet my kids' friends, and at least briefly meet their parents. I discovered that far too many people in Montgomery County, MD are rude, snobby and disinterested in getting to know people. In Somerset, NJ parents would get acquainted while waiting to pick up kids after school, and invite one another over for coffee. Here, people are in too big a rush to bother.

When our kids got older, their friends always hung out at our house because they considered us the "cool parents." Invitations to our home birthday parties were prized. We always had games, crafts, dancing and plenty of food. We never had a birthday party at a fast food restaurant, pool or other outside venue. We figured our kids were only young once; might as well enjoy them while we could.

[Blue Diadem]

49. In the case of a public place, I'd definitely stay.

I don't know how busy, if there are age groups, or what the capacity of the place the party was held, but I know the ones I've been to with my gdaughter have hundreds of kids, various BD parties and other walk-in families having a good time. The business itself seems really good with stamping hands and keeping guard at the doors but that's where it seems to end. I've seen bigger kids picking on smaller kids, pushing, shoving, taking tickets for games etc.

A few years ago, there was a news story about one of those child/youth play centers where a young child was molested by a teenager in the restroom. The child was there with his Mom and his Mom became upset when he didn't come out of the bathroom. She barged into the bathroom and caught the older boy in the act. Had she not been there, the young child might not have said anything or something even worse might have happened.

As far as neighborhood parties, unless parents are requested to stay, I think it's ok to drop off a child. I'd be more apt to stay if it was a pool party or like some of our rural kid parties where they have wagon rides, horse rides etc. With those types of parties, I could understand the difficulty of just a few adults being able to keep their eye on everyone.

and no, siblings shouldn't go unless invited and invitations should be clear and include all information.

[Connonym]

52. I think 5 is a perfectly fine age to drop a kid off at a party

assuming that the other parents aren't total strangers. My kids are older now (11 and almost 15)and I've never taken them to nor hosted a party where the parents weren't free to drop off the kids and pick them up. I actually had sort of a reverse issue at Chuckee Cheese when one kid got picked up and the parents didn't come over to tell me they were taking their kid home. Holy shit did I panic. But I've even had a pool parties at the Y and a swimming school and in those cases I took care to make sure there were enough of us (my ex, my mom, etc.) plus the staff to adequately supervise the kids. I don't *think* I'm a negligent parent but maybe I'm deluding myself :shrug:

[eyesroll]

57. I got left behind at Showbiz Pizza when I was 5 or 6...

The party parents were supposed to take everyone home, but the mom thought I was in the dad's car and vice versa.

I got a bunch of free tokens and was happily racking up skee-ball points when my parents and the party parents showed up. It was scary for a few minutes but otherwise no big deal.

My mom told me that she just wouldn't let me invite more kids than she, my dad, and perhaps my grandmother could adequately supervise.

In our case, the parents were unknown quantities to us (her mom may have met them at one point) but the place was well-staffed, and kiddo just basically ran off with her friends ("bye!").

[Duer 157099]

55. The simple answer is that today's kids are being raised by

the "13th Generation" (born 1961-81) who themselves were raised during the heyday of latchkey kids, permissive attitudes towards kids, lots of freedom, etc - and this is the rebound effect, since these things go in cycles. The "Millenial Generation" (born 1982-2002) is the "Baby On Board" generation, remember? It's because the parents are trying to do things differently from how they were raised, it's sort of normal to do so.

What's interesting about this "generational analysis" is that there was never a President from the "Silent Generation" (born 1925-42) - unless McCain wins to fill in the gap. It went from a member of the "GI Generation" (1901-24, GHWB) straight to Boomers (1943-60, Clinton and GWB). Isn't that interesting?

Incredible reading in "Genrations" and "The Fourth Turning" by William Strauss and Neil Howe.

As for parties, that's just one of those indications of how things are being done differently today.

[BarenakedLady]

58. I haven't stayed at a party since the kids were toddlers.

:shrug:

[trotsky]

59. The parties my kids have attended, it's been the complete opposite.

Most parents barely even slow the car down enough for the kid to get out. I guess there are some helicopter parents, but by and large they relish the free daycare for a few hours. I have always asked if they want me to stick around; sometimes the answer is yes just because there ARE a lot of kids and they do need a few helpers to get cake served, etc.

Like someone said above, this might be a regional thing.

[fed_up_mother]

60. Pretty expected that if the party is in a public place

parents will stay. It's not the same thing as watching a dozen kids in your own home.

There's no way that I'm going to leave my young child in a public play place without another adult besides the party giver being in charge. (In other words, if a good friend is going to stay with her son, then she could watch mine or vice versa.)

[annonymous]

62. Depends on the age of the child

For children younger than 6, yes at least one parent is expected to stay. It also depends whether you know the child's parents. I am more comfortable dropping off my child when I know who is hosting the party.

[LibertyLover]

63. My daughter has been to both kinds -

She is 5 and in kindergarten and has a few birthday parties under her belt. When she got her first invitation to a classmate's party I asked a colleague at my office with a daughter a year or so older than mine what the birthday protocol was - I was used to being dropped off, attending the party and then being picked up and assumed it was still that way. But my friend informed me that I should expect to stay for the party. Ugh. My kid doesn't get a lot of time to be with her friends on her own, and I really didn't want to stay, but when I brought her to the party, I asked the mother if she needed help and would like me to stay. She thanked me and said no. When I returned 2 hours later to get my kid, I found that I had been one of only a few parents who had left their kids and was made to feel awful about it. The next party was a bowling party. I stayed for that one because no way was I letting my then 4 year old child on her own in a bowling alley. But the last couple of parties she's attended have been traditional "drop off and retrieve later". I do always ask if the party-giving parent would like some help however. I try not to hover, but it's difficult. She is a much loved and wanted only child and if something happened to her that my being there could have prevented in some way, my guilt would be off the charts.

[DS1]

68. I used to ride my bike to little league games, play them, and ride back

IN THE DARK!


Damn you negligent parents! DAMN YOU!


:D

Somehow we all managed without a fleet of Suburbans showing up with enough gear to build a bridge across a 30 foot river.

good times!

[ceile]

71. I think so.

My friend has a 9 year old and all of his parties that I've been to so far, the parents have stayed.

When I was growing up though (80s), the parents never stayed.

[electron_blue]

72. I have a 6 yr old. The vast majority of parents do drop off.

I think you have just one data point that shows something out of the ordinary. And yes the invitation should have stated whether parents were required to be there.

I am not one of those parents who do drop off, btw, I suppose you would think of me as a hoverer. But my child has a severe nut allergy, so I have to be there with epipen and whatnot, just in case. Anyway, since I *am* at all these parties, I can tell you that most drop off, even when they shouldn't. Fwiw, the bouncy places are known for not being that safe, with high accident rates, so it might have more hovering parents than an average bday party. I don't think you have to worry about this being a nation of hovering parents ruining the kids.

[eyesroll]

76. Fair enough--I don't think you or anyone else is a hoverer just for sticking around.

First: You have a good reason.
Second: If you actually stayed within a step of, or literally standing over, your 6-year-old while he tried to play with his friends, then you'd be a hoverer. That's what many of these parents were doing.

[electron_blue]

77. I knew you'd think I had a good reason, and no, I don't generally stay within a step

of my 6 yr old while at a party. I can't imagine it. Otoh, I haven't seen parents do that at any party I've been at. I'd say you have that group of parents calibrated!

[NewJeffCT]

74. about a year ago, our then 4 year old went to a mostly drop-off party

My wife & I were surprised because we didn't really know.

[jobycom]

75. You were dropped off when you were five? I wasn't.

My kids (fourteen and nine) have and attend drop-off parties now, but when they were five and six they didn't. Seems to change right around seven and eight. Before that, parents instinctively expect to stay with their kids, from my experiences. After that, the parents start making excuses to leave, until sometime after 10 years, when they expect to drop and run. Between seven and ten I remember parents hanging out, but mostly to chat with the other parents. It's a good way to get to know your kids' friends' folks.

I don't remember that as different from when I was a kid. I vaguely remember my five year old party, and only my family was there. I don't remember going to parties and being dropped off until around third and fourth grade, unless it was with someone we knew very well.

Maybe the difference is the size of parties? I grew up poor and rural, so maybe I'm not typical, but it seems to me that before I was ten, parties were limited to a handful of close friends at the party kid's house (or in my area, trailer). Now parents hold parties at public places and invite the whole grade for pre-schoolers.

[Sweet Freedom]

78. My daughter is about to turn ten

and we really didn't start seeing drop-off parties until she was seven or eight. (In fact, until that age, it was assumed that they weren't drop off parties.)

[Karenina]

79. Jan had his 4th birthday today.

The party was scheduled from 3-5pm. 7 kids got dropped off. Both of his parents were home and I showed up at 4, while mom was reading to them all, blowing bubbles and singing. Now THAT was a proper kid party! No helicopter parents and just a brief interruption by a family friend.

[IronLionZion]

80. That's why I could never have children

Other parents would self-righteously and judgmentally accuse me of neglect.

[oregonjen]

81. What ever happened to house parties?

Why should a parent spend hundreds of dollars for a big birthday party at Pump It Up or Chucky Cheese? I just don't understand the social pressure to force parents to hold expensive parties for their little ones. I grew up sharing my party with my Grandfather because our birthdays were a few days apart. I was surrounded by family and loved it. As a parent now, looking back, some of my fondest memories were b-days with my Grandpa.

My children have never had huge parties at a silly manufactured "fun center." They have invited their close friends over to the house with pizza and a movie. They can enjoy each of their friends, it doesn't cost a fortune and they truly enjoy it.

[Miss Carly]

82. It's parental peer pressure I think

Some parents feel they must do whatever the other parents are doing or their kid isn't going to be treated equal.

My kids both had Mcdonald, chuckecheese, pool parties b-day parties until about the 5th grade. When I realized how much it was actually costing to put on those parties, I decided one year to just ask my kids....ok do you want a party with all the fixins or do you want something that would cost as much as the party itself? 99% of the time they have chosen the extra presents LOL, they really didn't care for the parties anyway come to find out.

Carly