Avry caption I could think of would be bound to offend somebody

[ashling]

[nomorenomore08]

1. Mandrill prostate exam?

:hide:

[SeattleGirl]

2. "I see you're talking out of your ass again."

:P

[Oeditpus Rex]

3. 'You're going to take a long journey, on which you'll meet the gorilla your dreams'

[krispos42]

4. "Yup, I can fix that, Mrs. Gimpel. It's the latest thing, you know...

...anal bleaching! I wasn't going to expand my business into this area, originally, but with all the sudden demand, how could I not?

"So I said to myself, I said 'Hon, this is your change to get in on the ground floor!' So I read up on it, went to a seminar, got to see one done hand-on, and made the investment! I figured that since a lot of my clientel, such as yourself, go for the Brazillian waxes anyway, while you're all spread out from here to breakfast I might as well apply some bleach, yanno? Get it all done in one show. Why draw out the pain, right?

"It's the price of looking young and sexy, Mrs. Gimpel. But it sure does drive the Mister wild, doesn't it?

"Hold still, Mrs. Gimpel, this may-" *riiiiip* "-sting a little. There! Wow, look at that mat! Mrs. Gimpel, you can't go more than ten weeks between waxes if you want to keep this thing maintained!

"So, anyway, my brother's girlfriend, Cynthia, wanted this anal bleaching thing done to her! And I was like, 'Cynthia, I don't think Peter's really going to be cool with this,' because Peter is this kind of hippie, long-haired guy, yanno?

"But Cynthia is like-" *riiiiiiiip* "-going on about how he likes the way the porn stars have it done! And I'm like 'Cynthia, why are you letting him watch porn?', and she's all like 'Well, you know, I like it too, and we get some really kinky ideas from them!' And I'm like "Cynthia, he's a Dungeons and Dragons geek who lives in front of a computer! He probably thinks doggie-style is super-kinky!'

"Then Cynthia says 'Well, you might want to give your brother points for creativity, then,' and gives me this look. You-" riiiiiiiiip* "-know that I mean, right, Mrs. Gimpel? Like a cat that just got a bowl of heavy cream to guzzle down.

"And all of sudden I'm speechless! Too much information, know that I mean? Now I have the mental image of my brother bending Cynthia over a Dungeons and Dragon game while wearing a wizards robe or some such. Makes we worry about what kind of 'magic wand' he might be waving, yanno what I mean, Mr.s Gimpel?

"So anyway, I wound up doing hers two-" *riiiiiiip* "-nights ago. She called today and said Peter really liked how it turned out. So now I'm worried that at the barbeque some close family friends are throwing this weekend my dear brother will decided to publically thank me my services to his girlfriend. Just what I friggin' need, right Mrs. Gimpel?

"Like my mom can deal with anything like this to begin with! She won't even say the word "vagina" out loud, did ou know that, Mrs. Gimpel? She calls it a "unit", and leaves it at that. It's clear enough, so I guess-" riiiiiiiip "-that's all that needs to be said, but still. that does not bode well for the converstation.

"And let me tell you about this guy that came in last week with a computer printout of some scene in a porn movie and wanted me to match the shade of the anus on the paper! What am I, Sherman-Williams? Hope Depot? Does it LOOK like I have a color-matching gig here??? What am I suppose to do, put the stuff on a palette like Bob Ross?

"wanyway,..."

:-)

[Indi Guy]

5. I'll excise the tick from you -- but it'll cost you $1,000 for me to eat it... n/t

[av8rdave]

6. I TOLD you not to go hunting with Cheney!