I am so tired and dissapointed with my life

[UndertheOcean]

and I think I wasted too much of it , starting over won't make a difference.

[Droopy]

1. You are viewing the world through a depression induced haze

Find a good therapist and give the meds an honest try.

[UndertheOcean]

2. It is hard , I feel the weight of every step.

I wish I can concentrate on my work more , and get some progress with it

No, I haven't given up on the medicine , and I am seeing the campus therapist.

[Droopy]

3. I've been there

It's important to realize that things can change and that the way you see your life now and the world in general can change as well. I know that it is particularly heart breaking when you want change so badly (change for the better that is) but your brain will not co-operate. But just stick with what you've been doing and also try to learn as much as possible about your illness. There have been lots of books written about it. One thing I can recomend is to get plenty of exercise. Just walking can help.

[UndertheOcean]

4. I go to the Gym two times a day , just to stay sane

I'm practically an "excercisaholic" right now.

Atleast it does not need thinking , unlike my work (I am a Ph.D. Candidate)

[Droopy]

5. Do you see the thinking here?

You think your life is a waste, but you are a Ph.D. candidate? Man, I didn't make it past my junior year in college, but I feel better about myself than you do about yourself. There isn't much I wouldn't give to have the intelligence to be a Ph.D. candidate, but I've found a place in life and I'm doing alright. You will, too.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

31. You're a Ph. D. candidate?

Are you still eligible for your university's health service?

If so, get thee to thy university's mental health counseling service for a free evaluation.

I had my first major bout with depression in graduate school, but the university offered individual and group therapy that helped me cope.

[Indi Guy]

6. Ironically (man can I relate!)...

...this makes you far more human & even more able to identify with others who have fallen short of their own expectations.

The saddest days in my life were when I knew I failed to make of myself what I knew I was capable of; then I met new friends who experienced the same kind of thing. It was so lonely being a sole failed perfectionist -- I'm glad I failed. Now I have more incredibly creative friends than I ever would have ever had if I'd never thought of myself as a "failure."

Peace to you man...

[applegrove]

7. This too shall pass.

[Karenina]

8. (((HUGS)))

I do understand how you feel.

[UndertheOcean]

9. thanks

:(

[Deja Q]

10. I wasted some of my life too, when not letting a chiropractor waste it for me.

Regret is a part of life. Don't make it a large part.

And why start over? Trading one set of circumstances for another may not always be the best either.

:pals:

[nomorenomore08]

11. "I think I wasted too much of it." How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

I ask because I'm only 23, and even I've felt that way at times. Sure, I'm a college graduate with a good group of friends, but I still feel like there are certain things I've missed out on.

[UndertheOcean]

12. I'm 29

[nomorenomore08]

13. Well, I'd hardly consider being a PhD candidate "wasting your life," but YMMV.

Either way, I was just trying to say that I kind of know how you feel.

[wain]

26. I got my undergraduate degree at 28.

and I've made CEO. You have lots of time. Take a year off. Live life, discover new friends.

Feel good about yourself, what you can do for others

[Lydia Leftcoast]

32. Your life isn't even half over

I changed careers at 43. I might change careers again if I feel like it.

[lost-in-nj]

14. Can I ask how old you are???

I kinda feel like you....


but I will be 50 this year and I am re-inventing myself
I am trying to say yes to all my invitations.
I am trying to throw away the "excess" crap in my life
I am trying to rebuild after 30 years of being married
taking care of kids
and parents and houses and pets....

I am taking care of ME

:hug:


I know what you are feeling.....


lost

[UndertheOcean]

15. 29

My twenties are over , sigh , and I was so socially awkward and depressed through them I feel like I lost them, wasted them just like that , I lost my youth , I can't be considered young anymore.

I wish I can be 18 again , I will bury myself less in books , and try to have some friends , instead of being a pathetic loner .

[Deja Q]

17. I was (and still am) socially awkward too. I am 35...

:hug:

I feel like I lost them too, believe me...

Books are great. Lots of kids miss out on reading because that video game featuring a jumping, pistol shooting gerbil is deemed more fun. If you ask me, THEY are the pathetic ones.

And, no, there is NOTHING wrong with being a loner. I know self-depreciating comments. And what you feel may not be reality. You believe you are pathetic, but I'd bet real money reality would disagree with you.

Indeed, I ought to get my writings out of the dust and finish the books I started. Not being mainstream people, you and I but for varying reasons of course, we have real perspectives that most people cannot begin to match.

[lost-in-nj]

21. You are 20 years YOUNGER

then me

you have so much time to move forward and change your life!!!

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!


go for it!!!!!

:hug:


:hi:


lost

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

23. You still have the rest of your life ...

You and I have talked before and I told you my story ...

When I went to college I ended up having it all paid for. A full ride to NC State University. It was like it was handed to me on a silver platter ... I was a Political Science major and I was planning on transferring to Duke or Carolina Law my Junior year.I even planned on going to Harvard.But then something called depression kicked in and the battle for my soul began. This was in 1998 ... it is now 2008. I spent about 6 to 9 years during the past 10 years depressed. I took Paxil for about 6 months and weaned myself off without my doctor's consent (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS FOR ANYONE ...) in August of 2006 and then something happened on November 25,2006 at 5am - my mom had an aneurysm ... that my was the moment where my life changed ... If she can fight through an aneurysm, I can't let depression take control of my life ... and damn it, it did'nt.

I moved out and forced myself to live on my own and it was'nt an easy road ... but today I can tell you that I am so happy to be alive. Yes there were times when I wanted to commit suicide but I think back to those times and I can't feel or remember why I was so sad. Its all about my mind control - I know that I am a happy person because I smile ALL the time. Sometimes I just smile and I know people think I am weird but who cars. But depression will not beat me - its a chemical imbalance and its not my fault.Something happened around the age of 9 that made my brain act the way it does sometimes ... but I have a song (electronic instrumental R&B is how I describe it) that I wrote called "1984" because that was the last time that I felt that I was truly happy. I wrote this song in 2003 while living in Germany. It took back to a time when I was happy but then I told myself why think back to when I was happy - BE HAPPY NOW. You have to be happy now ...

And when I think back to all the things that I have done in the past 10 years, I have a lot to be proud of. I did'nt finish at NC State , but I am returning to college this fall more focused than ever as a Business Administration major. So f you depression. Who knows someday I might go back to school someday at NC State, Duke, Carolina or even Harvard - I might be Chancellor there one day,you never know. But I am proud of the life that I have lived because its the one that I was given. You need a strong support system ... family friends , even us on the DU. No matter what we think , we can't make it all on our own. Anytime you need someone to talk to, I am here.

I actually told myself when I was around 19-20 (the HARDEST year) that I hope to make it to the age of 21 years old ... this year I will be 28 and I am so HAPPY.
Take care of yourself. And don't give up ...

[MnFats]

24. 29 is young!!!

i am nearly twice that!
I am really fucked! how many good years do I have left?

find something to make you happy! you DO have time to start over...


don't wind up like the guy who wrote this (I forget the name but the words stick with me:)

"What is life, anyway? A few summers in the sun. A few winters waiting for summer. A half-dozen women whose names you can remember. You might as well die now as later."


sometimes I ponder that to get OUT of the doldrums.
I ain't dead yet. I can fight.

[Westegg]

42. I want to shake you and wake you up...

...You are 29. You are young. You are at the right point to be asking yourself what you really want to do/to be. Five years from now, you will still be at the right point. TEN years from now you will still be at the right point. Do not despair. You have all the time in the world. You are 29/34/39. IT DOES NOT MATTER!

I am 45. I am trying to figure out the same things you are trying to figure out. I have hope for the future. I know my life has meaning. HAS had meaning. WILL have meaning. Great things are ahead. For you too.

[Lavender Brown]

16. I feel that way often (just about my career, not in general)

I'm the same age as you, and I'm nowhere near getting a PhD - I just started working on my Master's. I'm sorry you're feeling bummed out, but it sounds like you've got a lot to look forward to. :hug:

[lightningandsnow]

18. ...

:hug:

You know what the best thing about crappy moods is? They always come to pass.

[kineneb]

19. holy shit man, you got nothin' to complain about

I have to start my life over, at 49!

My husband of 26 years died in March and I had been his caregiver during his illness. I have no official income, I qualify for food stamps, and I am waiting to see if SSI thinks I am crazy enough to be considered "disabled". Otherwise I can earn no more than $600/mo, or I have a share-of-cost for medical coverage. So no matter what, I am looking at living at poverty level.

Shit, kid, quit your whining.
Would you like rice and beans with that?

(Sorry for the rant... now go see a therapist or counselor and talk through your problems. You -DO- have your life ahead of you.)

[abq e streeter]

20. I suffer from the same thing---am convinced I've wasted my life...

I'm 56, was blessed with a great amount of intelligence and talent, and pretty much pissed away all that potential, as far as I'm concerned. Been seeing therapists off and on for decades, and have a good one right now. He has been, for months, trying to convince me that I'm not a "waste of perfectly good oxygen" as I've put it. But I can't , in my view, lie to myself that I haven't squandered my god-given talents etc. So recently, he hit me with the simple concept that, OK, even if it IS true ( which he still firmly believes its not), what the hell good does it do to wallow in it? And damned if that didn't make one hell of a lot of sense. So, I'm just working at not wallowing in it, and somehow, by osmosis almost, I'm starting to notice the small things that I DO contribute to the good of the world. You're not even thirty, you got PLENTY of time , believe it or not,to turn around whatever it is that's inside you that makes you think its already too late, and realize you've got DECADES ahead of you to have your life be what you'd like it to be. You're obviously highly intelligent; a curse and a blessing . A curse because people like us are prone to thinking, analyzing etc too much. But a blessing, because you've got the intellectual tools to , with help, make your life one of whatever type of accomplishments will bring you satisfaction . I'm rootin' for you, friend, and if I can start turning that way of thinking around at the ripe old age of 56, you can do it too.

[Joey Liberal]

22. Hang in there UndertheOcean

Try a martial arts class - perhaps Tai Chi. There's Yoga and meditation. You are young and smart. You can deal with this and beat it. Also, become a volunteer for the local Special Olympics. You'll meet kids that will make your problems seem small and they'll give you the courage to carry on.

Hang in their dude.
JL

[Taverner]

25. Bullshit

Simply bullshit

[Xipe Totec]

27. Speak for yourself

I'm 52 and just starting to pick up steam.

[poebango]

28. You DO have time

Life is not a movie -- there is no plot -- it's not like, here's the beginning, here's the dramatic peak, now here's the point, and now, oh what a lovely ending. I'm not going to tell you how old I am, but I promise you, friend, while you may feel like you're old, you're not. And I'm not condescending to you. At 29, you have a goodly amount of life experience under your belt. But don't feel like you need to start OVER. Just start doing things DIFFERENTLY. Your life is, and will be, a combination of a million parts of you -- some great, and some not so great. A lot of life is a series of tasks -- do your tasks (that's actually a very basic Zen concept). Don't put off the tasks -- no matter how depressed you feel... get UP at a certain time.... IN THE MORNING.... spend 15 minutes straightening up and organizing your stuff.... take another 20 minutes and go take a walk and listen to the birds.... then do the things you have to (i.e. your job), then even if it's only 30 minutes a day at first, spend it on something you love. Very few of us actually START OVER. But don't think that there is no point to doing things differently -- you will find, literally within days, that you feel better -- and that there is meaning in even just the smallest, most quotidian of things.

You're on DU... you've definitely not been wasting your time :) O8)

[joneschick]

39. you, poebango, are a wise soul!

and welcome to DU! :hi:

[poebango]

46. Thank you joneschick

... must have been the booze. (Just kidding, UndertheOcean -- I hope today is a better day for you.) :hi:

[dben88]

29. 29...

29 was the most neurotic year of my life and I felt EXACTLY the same way you do. Hit 30, regained focus and everything has been great. Trust me, you'll look back in a year and say "what the fuck was that about?"

[UndertheOcean]

30. I hope so

thank you

[blue cat]

33. I promise you

I have felt the same way and I'm 44 yo now and still growing and changing.

[zanne]

34. I suffer from biological chronic depression.

I know intellectually that I haven't wasted my life. I also know that no matter how much I accomplish, I'll still feel as if I've wasted my life. I have a sister with the same condition. She's a CEO, graduated at the top of her class from Wellesley and has a wonderful family. She's been depressed lately and wishes she'd done something different with her life because she thinks she hasn't achieved enough.

I have a strong feeling that you suffer from the same condition. Remember; feelings are not facts. Just because you feel as though you're wasting your life doesn't make it so.

[TimeChaser]

35. You sound like you're in the exact same boat as me

:hug: When my depression gets really bad, the apathy and lethargy set in, and the further along I go, the harder it is to get help. I don't even realize I need help, I blame all the symptoms on my own failings. And then I hit the wall and have a breakdown.

I've been seeing a school counselor, trying new meds, and withdrawing from two classes I don't need. I'm not better yet, far from it, but I'm on the way. If you're in counseling already, it sounds like you've at least taken the first step that it took me too long to take.

[zanne]

43. Too long to take? You're 29. I'm 56!

You have a good long life ahead of you, TimeChaser.

[TimeChaser]

45. Ummm...

I'm 21 :hide:

[MissMillie]

36. starting over is overrated

take what you've learned and move on. There's much to do, no matter what your age.

[poebango]

47. Exactly!

:bounce:

[yellowcanine]

37. A PhD candidate at 29 hasn't wasted too much of his life,

First of all, age 29 is not old for a PhD candidate. So there is lots of your life left to go.

Even if you never finish the degree or don't take a job that requires a PhD, it is not wasted. You will use the information and experience regardless. Plus your life has not been "on hold" while in graduate school. You are making contributions, meeting and influencing people whether you know it or not.

I give you my own example.

B.S. at age 22.
Taught school overseas from age 22 to 25.
M.S. at age 27
Dropped out of PhD program at age 30.
Taught school for three years.
Entered second PhD program at age 33
Graduated with PhD at age 38.
PostDoc for 4 years.
Got job that didn't require a Ph.D. at age 43.

Did I waste my life up to age 43? No.

I had a wife and two lovely daughters.
I had a ton of great experiences.
I have used things I learned in almost all of my graduate courses and teaching experiences in my present job (14 years now - yes I finally did "settle" down)

Could I have made more money if I had taken the job I have now fresh out of college at age 22? Yes, and I would also now be retired with a fantastic pension. Would I be any happier? I sincerely doubt it. And I am certain that I would not be as good at what I do now without all of the graduate work and other experiences.

Hope this helps.

[Westegg]

38. Okay! I know what that feels like....

...I've felt that way often in the last year. Today, I feel like life is worth it. Why? because I actually bought into that cliche that "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." I still have a lot of problems I'm dealing with, but I am looking optimistically to the future. I have decided to have faith. As simple as that. Not some "religious" faith. Just faith that things will get better.

I had a hard time asking others in my life for help before. Now I know I can ask for help and people say things like, "Why didn't you ask for help before? Of course we'll help you!"

It's not too late UndertheOcean. It's never too late. I once thought it was. I was wrong.

[Inchworm]

40. I know I've wasted most of my life

but I wouldn't be me living it any other way.

At least that's how I look at it to get by. hehe

Keep on plugging.

:hug:

[Jamastiene]

41. Start from scratch, then.

Don't look at it as "starting over." Look at it as starting from scratch on a new adventure in life. Set small goals and go for them. In the meantime, take a slow, meandering walk through a forest. Pay attention. You'll see that nothing is permanent and no matter what is built, it can be torn down. And when something is torn down, something new can come of it. I'm serious. Take a long slow walk through the woods. It'll calm you down and give you time to think and experience life from a different perspective. Good luck. :hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

44. No need to start over.

Start where you are. All the experiences your 29 years have given you will come in handy when you least expect them to. Trust me, you've wasted nothing. :hug::hug::hug:

Here's hoping you soon find inspiration! :toast: