My brother just told me he was molested by our parish priest when he was 10

[graywarrior]

I am not surprised, and yet...it blows my mind.

[Critters2]

1. How awful, gray!! Is he getting any help, or has he?

And has he reported it to the authorities, and/or the church?

This behavior pisses me off so completely!! I hope your brother is alright.

[porcelain_doll]

2. That's just awful!!

I wish the best for you and your family. :hug:

[graywarrior]

3. It happened years ago when he was a kid

He said he never told anyone because he felt our dad would beat the crap out of him. Now I understand his need to be in a biker gang.

[HEyHEY]

4. Beat up the priest or him?

[graywarrior]

5. Beat up my brother.

[HEyHEY]

6. Dang.

Gotta find that priest

[graywarrior]

10. I think he is dead

[Haole Girl]

7. That's really sad

It's good you two have each other.

[graywarrior]

8. He just called me after 6 years of silence

Twice this week. And he wants to come up and visit next weekend. Something is up. I think he is ill.

[Haole Girl]

12. Oh no...

I hope not. Maybe he's just getting older and wants to touch base. That happened with one of my sisters and I last year. :hug:

[graywarrior]

13. He told me he had a bone disorder

He is so secretive...always looking over his shoulder.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

38. Would your dad

have done that to you brother? OR did your brother "think" that is what would happen?

I am so sorry that this happened.

:(

[rurallib]

19. When I told my parents they called me all sorts of names

wanted me to apologize to the priest etc. From there on we had some uncomfortably tense times. One good thing was my dad was not violent.

[truedelphi]

34. Are you meaning they didn't believe you?

Or worse than that, that you seduced the priest?

JEESH!

[rurallib]

36. Any words spoken against the CHURCH and especially a priest

were blasphemy. In my case it was a monsignor, so it was like a double blasphemy.
Both my parents died youngish, so the split didn't last long.

[fizzgig]

9. i am so sorry, gray

i hope he is getting help

[graywarrior]

11. Calling me and telling me is about as much help as he will accept

[JohnnyLib2]

14. And it IS help, with sharing the load he's been carrying.

Kind of an honor for you, too. :thumbsup:

[graywarrior]

15. Yeah, that is true, isn't it?

[hippywife]

16. Words aren't nearly sufficient so

all's I got is this, sweetie, one for each of ya: :hug: :hug:

I really hope the two of you are able to come together for some really meaningful time and that your suspicions about his health are only that.

[graywarrior]

17. Thank you!

Our recent phone conversation proved to be the most honest we've had since we were kids.

[MichiganVote]

18. Good for him for letting the secret out. That is a HUGE deal for him. And for you.

[graywarrior]

20. It is huge!

He told me he ran into this priest back in the 70's and confronted him and the priest said "you were always a weirdo." Nice.

[MichiganVote]

21. Yup. That's the way they all sound. Its all the kids fault and problem don't you know.

Sickening fuckers.

I hope you and your brother continue to talk when he can and you can listen.

[graywarrior]

22. Thank you for that.

The more I read the posts here, the better I feel about him saying something to me about it.

[MichiganVote]

23. Been down this road. His comments will come in fits and starts. Be patient.

[graywarrior]

24. Thanks. I have a feeling he won't mention it again.

I have all the patience in the world when it comes to him.

[MichiganVote]

25. You're probably right as it takes tremendous courage to acknowledge it to a family member

Sometimes its an impulsive decision and sometimes its after a great deal of thought. BUT...

He brought it to you...so what that means is this...if you have questions about how he feels about it all, you may ask him... but wait awhile. The wound is rawest after a disclosure and he will not welcome any feeling that suggests curiosity. Not that you would.

The thing about holding a secret like this for so long is that it then becomes the only control one has over what could not and was not controlled. So its really uncomfortable to let go of. Then there are the particulars surrounding the abuse that can also affect how he sees things. Things like his age, your age, when, where, and how long the abuse took place.

You know and I know the priest was a bastard. He may have some conflicting feelings about that or he may have progressed further and be more rational.

[graywarrior]

26. He told me after joking about our mother's doctor being his real dad.

That was one of the vicious arguments that went on between my parents...my dad was extremely jealous of any other guys including my brother. After we kinda laughed about that he told me about the priest. It came out as a second thought.

[MichiganVote]

27. Excuse me for acting like a know it all...I mean no disrespect. From what you said..

he's probably been wanting to tell you for some time.

[graywarrior]

28. It just took him 6 years to call me

You may be right. He was more honest this time than ever before. Last time we talked it was quips and barbs.

[MichiganVote]

29. Is he older or younger than you gray?

[graywarrior]

30. 18 months younger

Th bravest thing about it is he knows I have been sober for over 20 years and he still drinks. Yet, he trusted me enough to lay it all out there

[MichiganVote]

31. So you are his hero....that's a pretty special place to be in someone's heart.

Well he has some healing to do and you know you can't do it for him. But you can insist that he do more than contact you every six years. So lean on him a little for that.

I'm so sorry, its a heartbreaker to have a family member tell you this and doubly so when its a priest. Makes you question just about everything.

Good luck to you and your loved ones.

[graywarrior]

32. Thank you.

You have really helped a lot. Have a great night.

[MichiganVote]

33. My pleasure and good night to you also. You're a good brother.

[ThomCat]

35. Reading above,

it sounds kind of ominous that he's contacting you, wanting to talk and visit now. I hope your brother is okay. :(

:hug:

[graywarrior]

41. That's what I told Mr Gray.

Sounds like he may need someone to take care of him.

[RainDog]

37. Now that he's told you his secret

he needs your acceptance. that love is there - the kind that siblings have, sometimes buried, but there because you shared the same parents and all their stuff growing up.

he trusts you with his biggest secret. he loves you. love him back.

[khashka]

39. I'm glad he felt he could trust you enough to tell you

He must really love you. It can take years before you can talk about something like that. Thing is, stuff like that can still hurt years later. Only my lover knows the details of me being molested, and it took years before I could even admit I was raped (and I've never told anyone the whole story). I'm glad he has you. There is a lot of trust and love in him telling you that.


Hugs to you and your brother,
Khash.

[graywarrior]

42. I just want to hug you, Khash.

:loveya:

[khashka]

43. Thank you

I'll accept a hug from you any time! But give the hugs for me to your brother, he probably needs them more. Until he doesn't, I'll wait and then you can hug me all you want to.

Khash.

[graywarrior]

44. Deal.

[Fleshdancer]

40. DAMN IT. My heart goes out to him

It's stories like this that make me want to believe in hell. :grr: