Crap.... Very Frustrating

[SPKrazy]

dividing up one's life and assets.

I'm very frustrated right now tonight.

I guess that is what a lawyer is for.

The serenity prayer is also helpful, sort of. :grr:

fear, money, guilt... all factors to deal with and not get caught up in or attached overly much to any, but when they all come together in a packaged format it sucks, really.

:(

Here's a song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1bxlDAjGCo&feature=related
I'm Movin' On--Rascal Flatts

I've dealt with my ghosts
And faced all my deamons
Finally content with the past I regret
I found you find strenght in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with my self
I've benn burdened with blame
Traped in the past for too long
I'm movin on

I've lived in this place
And I know all the faces
Each one is different
But they're always the same
They mean me no harm
But it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed
Home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin on

I'm moving on
At last I can see (Last I can see)
Life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarentees
But I'm not alone
There comes at time
In everyones life
When all you can see
Are the years passing by (are the years passing by)
And I have made up my mind
That those days are gone

I've sold what I could
Packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should
But lived like I shouldn't
I had to loose everything to find out.
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm Moving on
I'm moving on
I'm moving on

[SPKrazy]

1. did I mention this sucks?

or that my head is about to fucking explode right now?

:banghead:

[fight4my3sons]

2. .

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

4. thanks F4my3sons

:hug:

I am floundering around at the moment trying to get my wits together to figure out how to deal with this without being an ass, or milquetoast

[yellowdogintexas]

10. if the reason is not wanting to uproot your son, I can see why that

hooks you. And if that is truly her reason I can sympathize.

However, if you have reason to believe she wants full title to house and then might turn around and sell it then you might want to make sure that if she sells you get your cut of any profit on the sale. She also may have been talking to a friend who has gotten her all pumped up on how important it is for the woman to get the house.

Your lawyer needs to talk to her lawyer, definitely.

when my husband and I divorced, he offered me a buyout. we didn't have much equity so what we did was figure up what we paid down, and the monthly payments for the whole time we were in the house and he paid me half of that. I actually came out better at that time than if we had picked it apart by the value vs equity route. I wanted out so bad that I took that offer and didn't ask for anything if he ever sold it. He finally sold it about 20 years after we broke up so I am sure he made a bundle but I also don't have to deal with him again.

[SPKrazy]

24. Interesting way of buying out

We've been in the house 12 years

I'll have to put a calculator to it

thanks

as for the motives, I have no reason to suspect that they aren't both sincere and otherwise motivated. She loves the house and doesn't want to move and I don't believe she would want to if the son weren't there.

[yellowdogintexas]

38. we had only been in the house 4 years, and he did not want to sell it

I was moving out anyway. So it was more advantageous to me for him to pay me back half of the down payment and half of the monthly payments we made..and that was based on the whole payment, including the taxes and homeowner's insurance too.

funny thing I had always thought I would fight to keep the house. When we finally got to the point of the divorce I flat out did not care.

Wishing you the best with this difficult situation.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear Southpawkicker...

Oh sweetie...

I am so sorry...

This sort of transition is always difficult...

But do remember that you were unhappy in that marriage...

And the important focus is your son, so his future may be bright...

This too shall pass, it will!

And you will have a lot of better days!

:loveya:

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

5. It's figuring out how to

stand up for myself, and not feel like I'm making things harder for my son that has me tied up in knots at the moment.

Has to do with the house. She wants to keep it. She wants to not take all of her half of my retirement 401K (a trade off sort of) which might be fine if I had lots of money and could turn around and buy a house of my own, but instead that would leave me with only money on paper that I could get someday if it still exists in 23 years or whatever but does me no good about buying a house.

The options range from the most severe, a F you, sell the damned house and we split the equity like that is the way life goes, to some kind of compromise where I get some of the equity and some of it traded for me keeping some of the retirement account.

It just hit me like a ton of bricks today and gave me a blister on my brain I think for a headache. The bottom lines, she can't afford the house, and she knows how to get to me, implicitly using my son. :grr: our son I mean


:hug:

thanks

:loveya:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

8. Yikes!

I had no idea it was that complicated!

You have my COMPLETE sympathies...

Maybe talk to your lawyer?

I guess that's what I'd do, sweetie...

After all, that's what they're supposed to do, help you!

You will get through it, that's for damn sure!

:loveya:

You know I'm here for you...

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

16. I will be in touch with mine

tomorrow for sure

:hug:

thanks

[AlCzervik]

14. when my neighbor got divorced she bought her husband out, she got a big mortgage

and now she's having trouble, she wanted to keep the house because it's the only home her kids have ever known. Her husband kind of sounds like your stbe, he gave her a really hard time about the house thing, and now it looks like the selling and spliting of the equity would have been a much better deal for both of them, he want and bought a new house with his buyout but he's now lost his job.
I hope you can figure a way to work it all out.

[SPKrazy]

17. I hope so too

thanks

[TZ]

6. Divorce sucks....

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

7. Yes

it do

:hug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

9. Sorry you're going through this.

Sorry for the clichés, but remember to breathe deeply and to give it to God. I'll add you to my prayers again. Be well!

[SPKrazy]

18. Thanks Mr. Breath

I do remember to breathe deeply and let go

it is in so many ways out of my hands.

:hug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

28. As such, may God provide the greatest possible good for all involved.

[SPKrazy]

31. thanks

:hug:

[Debi]

11. Sorry - I know it sucks

It's been 17 years since mine (and 12 years for Mr. Debi) - I still remember arguing over the household items and the bills as if it were yesterday. I could give you the 'it'll get better in time' bit, but maybe I should just say "breath in and breath out" and you'll find your way somehow.

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

20. Thanks

I think the breathing thing is the center of life and the rest of it just extends outward in a perfect circle and I'll find my way as long as I keep breathing.

:hug:

[succubus.blues]

12. I am so sorry.

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

21. Thanks Devil Girl

:hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

13. I am sorry SPK...

:hug:

Tons of bricks hurt really bad and keep you from breathing sometimes. It is so hard, I imagine, for you to walk the line between doing what is best for your son while keeping your own self straight...all the while, the emotion barging in. I wish I could say something that would either 1. Make sense or 2. Ease some of your pain. I can't. But I can give you this virtual hug ( :hug: ) and let you know that I think it is so very admirable and inspiring that you haven't lost sight of what is important-your little boy.

[SPKrazy]

15. Thanks Mrs. G

that really does mean a lot, he is the most important thing/person in my life right now and whatever he needs it will be had if I can do it. I also have to clear the clutter out to see what it is that HE needs vs. what SHE claims he needs or what she needs. Not that I want to leave her in a bad place, I just don't want to end up in a situation where my life is made worse which won't help him either.
So balance is the key. He needs both his parents to be able to stand up and take care of themselves and him and that is the real focus of whatever negotiation is in the works.

:hug: :hug:

[graywarrior]

19. .

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

22. aww thanks gray

:hug:

[graywarrior]

23. You know I loves ya

:loveya:

[SPKrazy]

25. yeah, I does

:loveya: back

[graywarrior]

26. Hang in there, man.

You know it will get better. Not now, not right away...but it will.

[SPKrazy]

27. *sigh* I know it will

and most of the time I feel that, just wrestling with my own emotions about this tonight

thanks! :hi:

[graywarrior]

29. Gotta walk through that shit sometimes

[SPKrazy]

30. got my hip waders on though

I think they are holding out okay :P

[graywarrior]

36. Face it, people like us kinda suck at relationships

Especially when they go bad.

[SPKrazy]

42. ...

hmmm


oh kay>>>> ;..>,,,,,,

[BeachBaby]

32. Well, SHIT, babe....

I had no idea you were dealing with this. And here I was last night, begging you for a beer. :blush:

My divorce was finalized last year. It wasn't a walk in the park, not by any stretch; BUT.....I have zero regrets, in retrospect. I did the right thing for me and my kids. I'm a much better parent for doing it.

You are on your way to getting this done. You've already taken the most difficult step. Everything will be okay.

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

33. well thanks JGD

yeah, I'm dealing with this

:hug:

thanks

:hug:

[BuelahWitch]

34. Sorry you're going thru this SPK

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

35. Thanks my friend!

:hug: :hug: to you too!

hope the thunderboomers were indepentende.

[1awake]

37. Divorces are bad

I went through one several years ago. I was told during it's beginning that it would get ugly at some point just like all the others. My ex and I began our divorce on semi-good terms.. as good as it can get during a divorce I guess. But in time, it went just like I was told.

My advice is to see the lawyer, and have a long talk with him/her about what you want, and what your fears are. Knowledge of what could happen is better than not knowing at all. I understand you want things to go well for your child(ren) and the better things are between you and their mother, the better things are for them in most cases. But sometimes you need to stand your ground even if it makes waves.

I hope things get better for you soon.


~1awake

[FloridaJudy]

39. That bites.

Been there, done that. There's no easy solution. Just get a good lawyer. And have a hug.

:hug:

[Bullwinkle925]

40. I have no words of wisdom . . .

only my heartfelt wish that you get through this emotionally intact.

Take care, my friend.

[mwooldri]

41. I don't know what to say but I hope all goes relatively well.

In my head I can't conceive of going through a divorce. I'm thinking of that show "Divorce Court" on TV right now and I hope your situation isn't anything like that.

I guess it's focus on maintaining a relationship with your son ... and keeping it civil with the estranged. I can't advise as said I can't conceive of going through a divorce.

Anyway all my best wishes to you.

Mark.

[From The Ashes]

43. Sorry SPK...

:hug::hug::hug:

[Callalily]

44. Sorry to hear that you

are hurting, but it's heartwarming to hear that you have your son's best interest at heart. It's a fine line that you're walking, because through all of this you have to think of yourself too.

Regarding your house? As stated above, have your lawyer and his/her cadre of financial people figure out the best way to settle with your house issue. Something fair and equitable for both.

Keeping you in my prayers.

:hug: