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pulled from another board
Perhaps (old coot rant)
To whom it may concern:
I had to have out patient surgery yesterday to have my pace maker replaced. Not a huge deal I suppose, still I was a bit on edge and not in the best of moods, much to my shame, when I first encountered you.
Now everything is over with and I am able to think a bit more clearly I suppose I should, perhaps, offer up an apology and explanation to you; the mid 30's something peroxide blonde with your rigid unfettered fake boobs, green dirty shower shoes, dirty daisy dukes, the duffle bag sized purse that you had set in the middle of the floor, unbelievable trash mouth and let's not forget that constant companion of yours, the "oh-so-cute-pink" cell phone. Just in case you are uncertain of who this addressed to, here's a clue, it was just you, your two charming, athletic, artistically inclined children, and myself in the waiting room for thirty minutes, that somehow seemed to be thirty years, on the morning of June 5, 2008.
You see, I was, as I said, not in the greatest of moods at 10:30 yesterday morning when I encountered you in the cardiac out patient surgery waiting room as you waited for your girlfriend to get off work from the cafe. I also can not begin to tell you how pleased I was to be privy to your cell phone conversation, several in fact, about how much you paid for various things at a yard sale.
Perhaps if you could have put the phone down and paid attention to them, your children, would not have poured the still hot coffee onto the floor where they thought it would be better served than in the coffee urn. Granted, it was only a few cups worth as you tried to excuse their behavior to the old gentleman who had to clean up after you three. That was a very nice touch when they dropped several of the creamers into the coffee and then stomped on them, splats of cream everywhere, except on you. How you managed that slight I will never know. Still, it was a very nice touch indeed,rather artistic with the creamy swirls in the old gray-brown coffee on the slime green color floor tile.
Perhaps if you could've, or would've, read the several signs posted in the waiting room stating in bold letters CELL PHONE USE IS PROHIBITED; then possibly things would have gone just a bit better for everyone. ya know, I do believe there was one sign on each wall as well as a placard on the coffee table, how ever did you manage to miss those ? Cell phone use is prohibited in parts of hospitals for several reasons, one of which is they can screw with older model pace makers in smaller spaces,,, like the one I was having replaced and just like the space we were crammed into.
Perhaps if you had put the oh-so-cute-pink cell phone away and tried to monitor your children, the young girl would not have a split lip after she ran through the coffee on the floor, slipped and crashed full bore into the magazine rack while playing an energetic game of tag with her brother.
My, my, she does have a healthy set of lungs. Who would've believed such a loud wail from such a small child ? Of course you swatting her butt with your dirty green shower shoe while yapping on the phone really did nothing to ease the volume of her wailing. Why, I believe that child might have a career as an opera diva, mercy what an awesome volume. In fact though, all it really did was to cause you to speak louder into the cute pink cell phone. Well, you speaking louder was not quite all it did, I was able to see a vivid shade of red clouding my brain and creeping into my vision. I thought I did quite well in restraining myself from thrashing you.
Perhaps if you had put the oh-so-cute-pink-cell phone that you were bragging about having just purchased, somewhere besides in your ear, you might have also noticed the signs requesting visitors control their children. The same sign also reminded you that all hours were quiet hours. In fact the sign even used the word "PLEASE" several times. I really can not fathom how you managed to miss seeing those sign as well as they were about two feet square with a 72 point block font type in blue on a yellow background.
Then, if you had had any sense at all, you would, perhaps, have realized that cell phones do not work all that well inside buildings that are full of steel reinforced concrete and gobs of other higher powered devices. Maybe the location had something to do with how bad your reception was that you were constantly complaining about between the bragging of finding a pair of green shower shoes for 25 cents at the yard sale.
If you had just stepped outside into the fresh air courtyard, I would not not have even spoken to you yesterday morning, let alone raised my voice. It was a delightful day yesterday, low humidity, about 80 degrees and the courtyard had benches under trees plus a place for your kids to play. You know, playing, kids like to play outside, burn off the energy they always seem to be full of. Of course if you'd stop feeding them M&M's and Coke-Cola their energy level might decrease as well.
Certainly I would not have lost my composure with your rude, self centered, arrogant, disdainful attitude if you had stepped outside.
Perhaps I would not have screamed at you after your son ran into me hard enough to knock my glasses askew as I was leaning forward studying the floor trying to keep my composure, if you had gone outside. By the way, I really believe that kid some potential as a future NFL linebacker. Mercy, the way he bounced off me and just kept charging full bore ahead was something else. Can't teach that sense of balance and purpose as a skill in training camp.
Perhaps I should apologize for raising my voice and then getting security to haul your three butts outside. On the bright side, that very large black man did not slap you silly or throw you out when you uttered the "N" word in his face, not once, but twice. I do wonder if you will have bruises on your arm though from where he escorted you from the room ? Never fear, I saw the whole thing, and I will be more than happy to testify on his behalf any day, any time.
Instead, I shall offer just a few words of advice;
1) If at all possible you really should, PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR BUTT you miserable, wretched, piece of maggot infested horse poo.
2) The world does NOT revolve around you or your wants or your needs in spite of how much you may wish it to be so.
3) Start acting like a responsible adult instead of some spoiled rotten eight year old.
4) You either are, or certainly could be, the poster child for the stop inbreeding movement if you could get off the damn phone long enough. That alone would most likely be the highest honor you will have in this life time, take advantage of it is my advice.
Signed,
The "Old Coot" ( not ancient, just older )
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