ADVICE.My neighborhood grocer killed someone

[skypilot]

There is a little grocery store across the street from me owned by a Korean couple. They are a hardworking couple that spends most of their time at the store. They open at 7:00am and close at 9:00pm. A couple weeks ago the wife was arrested for killing her niece. The store was closed for about a week but is now open again. The husband is there and has hired some relatives/friends to help in the store. When I go in there now I feel very awkward. He is obviously suffering but I don't know what if anything I should do or say. I go in pretty regularly but we aren't really on familiar terms or anything. Since he is Asian I'd imagine that he'd be especially private about family matters (I hope I'm not stereotyping) and this is a very big family matter. I want to offer him my sympathies but it seems that that would be alluding to the very personal, private and tragic matter at hand. What if anything should I do?

[displacedtexan]

1. Hand him a personal note as you leave.

Just tell him that he's in your thoughts (and prayers, if appropriate), and that you value his contribution to the neighborhood.

That's more than he expects from anyone, and you'll feel much better.

[DuctapeFatwa]

2. Bake some cookies. A note would say you know more than cookies

Just make some cookies, or brownies or something, wrap them up, and next time you go in, smile sheepishly and say you got carried away and made too many, and maybe he and his family can help you eat them.

If his wife is still in jail, he will have something nice to take her, and he will know that there is at least one friendly person in the hood.

[skypilot]

3. I'm a single guy...

...who doesn't bake and I honestly don't think that I could pull off an act like that but I do like the idea of him being able to take something to his wife.

[DuctapeFatwa]

7. Then buy some at a fancy bake shop, rewap them and say your

aunt sent them but you just had a root canal, or are strung out on Atkins.

Or just hand them over and smile. :)

[skypilot]

6. I'd thought of giving him a note or card...

...I just feel so awkward clueing him in to the fact that I know about this very private matter.The death of the niece was a big local news story before the police found out who her killer was. The arrest of the aunt, and the grocer's wife, was mentioned once in our local papers. I just feel awful even knowing about it.

[Bertha Venation]

4. just be nice, smile, be yourself

Shake his hand with both of yours and look in his eyes and say something mild & supportive. That'll let him know you care.

[Kamika]

5. DO NOT DO ANYTHING

YOU NEVER HEARD ABOUT IT.

Ok IT'S HIS PRIDE AT STAKE

DO NOT:

Bake cookies
Hold his hand
Say something supportive

You never heard about it!!

Thank you.

<-- korean american, I know my stuff

[DuctapeFatwa]

8. Giving somebody cookies does not imply you know they have problems

It implies you are a nice person who gave them cookies.

I'm a human being, I know my stuff.

[Kamika]

9. lol

ok..

[pagerbear]

10. Giving a grocer cookies?

Isn't that like giving a teacher chalk?

[skypilot]

11. Forgive me if...

...I take awhile to respond to all your suggestions. I'm trying to give this all some thought. To be quite honest, my instincts tell me that Kamika's suggestion might best. I would really like to do something to make him feel better but there does seem to be cultural considerations.

[Kamika]

12. so like

why did she kill her niece

[DuctapeFatwa]

14. LOL I wanted to ask that, too

but didn't have the nerve. Thanks :)

[skypilot]

15. I don't know.

Her niece's death was reported on the local news and in the local papers before any arrest was made. Nothing has been reported about the aunt after the initial report of her arrest.

[Kamika]

16. okay

hehe sounds like something mom would do

You should hear what her solutions to ppl cheating etc are

[DuctapeFatwa]

13. LOL that's why I said make them or get fancy ones

I am making an assumption that most neighborhood grocery stores do not carry golden spice brownies or white chocolate macadamia macaroons wrapped up in little Martha Stewart bags.

[Carolina]

21. However

in this day and time would you accept cookies or any gift of food from a stranger (a customer is still a stranger) that wasn't sealed or from a reputable manufacturer with the packaging intact?

Sorry, but I think those cookies, albeit a nice gesture, would be dumped straight in the trash.

[Fleshdancer]

17. I agree

I think the best way you can support this man is to keep shopping at his store.

[skypilot]

18. I kinda feel that way too.

When he reopened the store I made a point of going in and buying a few things even though I didn't really need them. But it's just the act of going into the store and seeing him so unhappy that makes me think "Is there something else I should do?"

[Elidor]

19. Given the potential for embarrassing him

I doubt there is anything you could do that would lessen his burden other than shopping there. Broaching the subject with him would imply a familiarity you admit you don't have and could be very inappropriate by his standards.

He surely knows that you know about his wife's arrest. Your continued patronage says everything that needs to be said. It's hard to stand idly by while someone is suffering, but you need to give the man the space to grieve in private.

[CanuckAmok]

20. Do NOT, I repeat "NOT", Squeeze the Charmin!

n/t