What does it mean "to be happy?"

[darmok167]

This isn't a trick question. This is just something I have always wondered about as a somewhat "tortured soul" if that makes any sense.

People sometimes ask me, "Are you happy?"

I know that most of the time it is simply a courtesy question and they want me to just say "yes" much like when people commonly ask, "How are you doing?" they want you to say "pretty good" and stuff like that.

But when people ask me if I am "happy" I honestly don't know what that means sometimes. By that, I mean happiness.

I suppose some background information is needed here...I am a married man with two of the most perfect children any parent could ever ask for. My wife and I...we're pretty good, even though we don't always see eye-to-eye on things. We never fight, though. We discuss, and I mean that seriously. I love my wife and I couldn't imagine my life without her. I have a decent job. By decent, I mean, it pays the bills more or less and then some. For every reason imaginable, I should be "happy" and for the most part, I am, but at the same time...I just feel empty.

I just remember thinking when I was a teenager that when I grew up, everything would finally be different, and that I wouldn't be so frustrated because of this and that. Or that when I finally had enough money to afford this or that, everything would be different. Or that when this or that happened, everything would be okay and I would finally find happiness.

Don't get me wrong, my wife and my kids bring me much joy. I love them very much and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't laugh and love.

I just feel empty much of the time. Not suicidal or anything like that, but just disappointed.

Does any of this make any sense? :)

[Skittles]

1. means the plight of others doesn't really get to you n/t

[darmok167]

16. c'mon now...

...that's not really fair, is it?

If I didn't give a shit about other people and was only concerned with myself and my immediate family, I would simply be a Republican.

That was somewhat a joke, but it really wasn't.

I wasn't trying to sound self-centered when I asked my original question, but I certainly see how it could have been interpreted that way.

[Richard Steele]

2. If you get a good answer to this question, please PM me immediately.

Everything you wrote there makes perfect sense to me.

[Random_Australian]

3. Eh, empty (not emoting) is something a lot of us do a lot. IIRC, the key to happiness

(well one of them) is not asking the question "am I happy"

I can't remember the exact reason for that, but I'm sure there was a fairly good one.

[LeftyFingerPop]

4. This afternoon I was sitting on a chair in my backyard...

and I was thinking about someone that I love.

As I gazed up toward the sky and watched the clouds, my arm dropped to my side. Since I was sitting in a low seated Adirondack chair, my fingertips touched the ground, and I began to absentmindedly pull on a blade of grass.

Thinking about a loved one. Looking at the clouds. Feeling the texture of a single blade of grass as it slid between my thumb and middle finger.

For about 30 seconds, I felt complete contentment. I literally felt like a child again. Because for that 30 seconds, there were no worries, no pain, no problems either in my personal life, nor in the world at large.

Just loving thoughts, clouds, and that blade of grass.

So maybe happiness is forgetting about health worries, gas prices, financial woes, mowing the lawn, mortgages, etc.

Have you ever flashed on how good you felt when you were a child? That's what happiness is.

[zippy890]

8. nice. thoughts of happiness

those precious moments when all is right



20 years ago hubby & I went to New Zealand. We were young & healthy

and so happy. we have those memories and each other.

refecting on then. and the goodness that life gives us sometimes.

:)

[TZ]

5. Makes sense

But you would know it you were actively not happy...I know...I'm there.

[Political Heretic]

6. If you don't feel like you know what it means, then you probably arent.

You know its okay to say that no, you don't think you are generally happy, right?

But I think, to paraphrase and bastardized a movie quote, that being happy is a like being in love - you just know if you are.

After years of unhappiness - which doesn't mean I never laughed, or never had a great day or a good memory or loved anyone, but you still know what it means to be "unhappy" - knowing that its like to be truly happy is something that you just "know."

[zanne]

7. I think we have moments of happiness...

Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm not. Happiness is fleeting, just as sadness is fleeting. I mostly ask myself whether or not I'm content.

[fight4my3sons]

9. It makes perfect sense.

*sigh*

[supernova]

10. In the moment, being able to be fully aware and fully content

Happiness is something that you can cultivate, I think, being able to be appreciative of what you have, and not focus so much on what you lack (whether personal qualities or material goods).

edit: I'm a believer in the misery as "get a clue" theory. If you feel a general emptiness, perhaps your life is telling you it's time to take on a new adventure?

[Coyote_Bandit]

11. IMHO

Happiness is found in moments of fleeting joy. I think we can choose to be content whatever our circumstances. We don't find happiness. But we do experience it when we are otherwise content in our personal lives and open to experience the wonders and joys of everyday life.

[Dirty Hippie]

12. For me, happiness is about

realizing that it (happiness) has nothing to do with the absence or presence of problems or difficulties.

Barring the extreme, happiness has nothing to do with a problem-free life (as if there is such a thing).

I've been through divorce, the near-death of my son (and subsequent disability) and the death of my partner and I think I have learned that I can be happy in spite of personal tragedy.

As a result, I feel very little fear these days. What happens, happens and either I will survive or not.

But I can be happy anyway.

I truly believe that money (again maybe barring the extreme - on either end) has nothing absolutely to do with happiness.

I try to be clear-headed about what I want and change what I feel needs to be changed. But again, my happiness is a separate thing.

After raising my kids, I live alone (with 6 dogs) and I'm very reclusive. I've just found that I am delightful company.

Around my neighborhood, I'm known as the crazy dog lady, which is fine by me. I work, paint, play with my pups and watch TV. That is
my life and I would not change a thing at this point.

Look inward. Happiness is there. You will never have "enough" money or "solve" all of you problems so forget about it.

I now pass the soapbox on to the next poster!

[warrior1]

14. I've been feeling the same way lately

Mainly my feelings are of disappointment. Everything seems so hard, again. I'm 52, live alone with my dog and wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not sure if I have any good advice, but I have found that as silly as this sounds, we have to go through these moments in our lives to truly feel what it is to be human. I would suggest trying something new. Or not. It's ok not to feel happy sometimes. It is nice to know I'm not alone.

[femmocrat]

13. I think those "Is that all there is?" moments happen as we get older.

Everyone wonders about the road not taken, opportunities they missed, choices they could have made, etc. No one is ever totally satisfied about everything in life. Something new always comes up to cause a little upheaval or discontent.

Counting your blessings--and you have many-- is a great place to start. It seems like this time will last forever, but it won't. Try to find joy and gratitude in every day. What ever is nagging at you will pass, but then so will the blessings you enjoy right now.

Just the ramblings of someone who has "been there". Good luck to you, darmok. :hug:

[darmok167]

19. I think that's the thing that gets me the most.

"The road not taken"...etc.

I've always heard that to die without regret is to die happy. I don't know how true that is, but from my perspective, it makes perfect sense.

The reason I call myself a "tortured soul" is because of this very thing...regret. Regret for doing things I have done, and regret for losing people I shouldn't have lost.

I don't want to get into a great amount of detail, but I honestly think I was born at the wrong time, or met someone at the wrong time, or probably just fucked things up at the wrong time.

I know I should count my blessings because they are many, and I will not bullshit myself about that at all...I live a very good life, and I acknowledge that fact...I just feel disappointed much of the time. I just thought "life" would be better when I got older and had more opportunities.

But at this point, for some reason, I feel the need to justify my ranting by explaining that I do actually have a goal in life. My children. My childhood was completely fucked. Not in the sense that I was sexually or physically abused or anything like that, but mentally, I was fucked.

I suppose my goal now, is to live vicariously through them. Not in a bad way, though. I guess I should take my life experiences and pass it down to them in a way that will help them not suck at life the way I do. LOL (No, I don't really think I suck at life)

I guess I'm just talking to myself now. That's okay, though. It happens. ;)


Goodnight.

[raccoon]

26. Sounds like to me you think you married the wrong person.

My childhood was completely fucked too. I feel your pain.

[raccoon]

25. I agree with you, this happens as we get older. It's been happening with me

for the last maybe 3-4 years.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

15. When I experience it, I will let you know. I am in pursuit of it.

If they don't outlaw it before I find it :D

[datasuspect]

17. i'd settle for the ability to cope. consistently.

[BlooInBloo]

18. Per Nietzsche, one's meaning is one's own.

[ScreamingMeemie]

20. Happy, for me, was my family.

Trust me. You don't realize how happy you are until you lose it all. I was happy. We were happy. Take joy in even the most mundane. It can all change tomorrow. Happy is a word I don't know anymore.

[Lil Missy]

23. I have felt the same way for a long time now, MrsG.

I've changed my definition now that sometimes I am not "unhappy". But I'll never be the same again.

:hug:

[khashka]

21. Happiness is not a state of being

It's something that just happens sometimes - the rest of the time we just get on with life (and that's most of the time). But you have a decent job, love your wife and kids - be satisfied with that, not everyone is so lucky. There will be moments of happiness. But, to be honest, I don't trust people who are "happy" all the time.

Khash.

[Lil Missy]

24. Gawd, have I ever mentioned that I just adore your ass?

[raccoon]

28. IME, they're usually full of it.

"I don't trust people who are "happy" all the time."

[just a girl]

22. I know I'm happy...

... when I catch myself smiling alone.

[stuntcat]

27. I am never really happy from now on

My own species causing the mass-extinction of plants & animals while we're pretty much trashing our own future but making it almost impossible for a lot of women to get birth control.. maybe I could try to forget all this but I have inlaws needing me constantly to have a baby. Yeah, I give up on Happy, I have funny moments, and my cats and garden give me little bits of Joy or whatever. I can never again be 100% happy though.

Sorry to sound all heavy, but my mind is eaten up, I'm sad from now on.