Match Game Story: "Edna Echidna was so full of gas, her pantaloons ___ like the fucking Hindenberg".

[Rabrrrrrr]

Sorry it's so late today.

Let's see if we can do better than in past weeks, in which the responses have been pretty fucking pathetically few. Good responses, yes; but pretty fucking sad in terms of participation.

Standard rules - ten words or more in the blank space.

[bertha katzenengel]

1. they said "fucking" on Match Game?

Heh.

:hi:

I'll try to come up with a response.

[DS1]

2. Edna Echidna was so full of gas, her pantaloons

we interrupt this broadcast with breaking news from Washington


NBC's Tim Russert dead at 58

Washington bureau chief, 'Meet the Press' moderator collapsed on job


Tim Russert, NBC News' Washington bureau chief and the moderator of "Meet the Press," died Friday after being stricken at the bureau, NBC News said Friday. He was 58.

Russert was recording voiceovers for Sunday's "Meet the Press" broadcast when he collapsed, the network said.

He had recently returned from Italy, where his family was celebrating the graduation of Russert's son, Luke, from Boston College.

No further details were immediately available.

Russert was best known as host of "Meet the Press," which he took over in December 1991. Now in its 60th year, "Meet the Press" is the longest-running program in the history of television.

But he was also a vice president of NBC News and head of its overall Washington operations, a nearly round-the-clock presence on NBC and MSNBC on election nights.

He was "one of the premier political journalists and analysts of his time," Tom Brokaw, the former longtime anchor of "NBC Nightly News," said in announcing Russert's death. "This news division will not be the same without his strong, clear voice."

In 2008, Time Magazine named Russert him one of the 100 most influential people in the world.

Timothy John Russert Jr. was born in Buffalo, N.Y., on May 7, 1950. He was a graduate of Canisius High School, John Carroll University and the Cleveland-Marshall College of Law. He was a member of the bar in New York and the District of Columbia.

Senate staffer before entering journalism
After graduating from law school, Russert went into politics as a staff operative. In 1976, he worked on the Senate campaign of Daniel Patrick Moynihan, D-N.Y., and in 1982, he worked on Mario Cuomo's campaign for governor of New York.

Russert joined NBC News in 1984. In April 1985, he supervised the live broadcasts of NBC's TODAY show from Rome, negotiating and arranging an appearance by Pope John Paul II, a first for American television. In 1986 and 1987, Russert led NBC News' weeklong broadcasts from South America, Australia and China.

Of his background as a Democratic political operative, Russert said, "My views are not important."

"Lawrence Spivak, who founded 'Meet the Press,' told me before he died that the job of the host is to learn as much as you can about your guest's positions and take the other side," he said in a 2007 interview with Time magazine. "And to do that in a persistent and civil way. And that's what I try to do every Sunday."

Cuomo, Russert's onetime boss, wrote of Russert: "Most candidates are not eager to present themselves for Tim's incisive scrutiny, which is fed by his prodigious study and preparation. But they have little choice: appearing on 'Meet the Press' is today as vital to a serious candidate as being properly registered to vote."

Russert wrote two books — "Big Russ and Me" in 2004 and "Wisdom of Our Fathers" in 2006 — both of which were New York Times best-sellers.

Emmy for Reagan funeral coverage
In 2005, Russert was awarded an Emmy for his role in the coverage of the funeral of President Ronald Reagan. His "Meet the Press" interviews with George W. Bush and Al Gore in 2000 won the Radio and Television Correspondents' highest honor, the Joan S. Barone Award, and the Annenberg Center's Walter Cronkite Award.

Russert's March 2000 interview of Sen. John McCain shared the 2001 Edward R. Murrow Award for Overall Excellence in Television Journalism. He was also the recipient of the John Peter Zenger Award, the American Legion Journalism Award, the Veterans of Foreign Wars News Media Award, the Congressional Medal of Honor Society Journalism Award, the Allen H. Neuharth Award for Excellence in Journalism, the David Brinkley Award for Excellence in Communication and the Catholic Academy for Communication's Gabriel Award. He was a member of the Broadcasting & Cable Hall of Fame.

Russert was a trustee of the Freedom Forum's Newseum and a member of the board of directors of the Greater Washington Boys and Girls Club, and America's Promise — Alliance for Youth.

In 1995, the National Father's Day Committee named him "Father of the Year," Parents magazine honored him as "Dream Dad" in 1998, and in 2001 the National Fatherhood Initiative also recognized him as Father of the Year.

Irish America magazine named him one of the top 100 Irish Americans in the country, and he was selected as a Fellow of the Commission of European Communities.

Survivors include Russert's wife, Maureen Orth, a writer for Vanity Fair magazine, whom he met at the 1976 Democratic National Convention; and their son, Luke.

now back to your regularly scheduled broadcast

like the fucking Hindenberg

[flvegan]

3. which were thankfully made of rubber and could easily hold that much

gasoline, she exploded in a violent, fiery blast when an errantly tossed cigarette did a one bounce direct hit to her ass and as she returned to the earth all aflame someone commented that she looked just

[Parche]

4. Edna Echidna was so full of gas, her pantaloons

were whipping the air around her and making weird noises, sounds like rabrrrr, rabrrrr, rabrrrr
it got so annoying as hell that she was "Farting on them over there so we dont have to fart on them here", but then they wanted to open up our shores for drilling for gas, but that would be
a tragedy, just ___ like the fucking Hindenberg".

:shrug: :hi:

[nuxvomica]

5. "...inflated after a dinner of pasta e fagioli that had been...

...overseasoned with garlic flakes and dried basil at the local Olive Garden. She had ordered seconds and thirds, and a bolus of highly flammable plasma wended it's way through her large intestine, followed by another, then another. The first helping escaped her bowels as pure methane and filled the pantaloons, lifting her some several meters into the air. As she rose, onlookers described her expression as a combination of horror, shock and embarrassment, her eyes were said to be black as coals and her arms flailed wildly, ending in jazz hands. "It seemed like she was trying to burp," said passerby Wayne Sprattely. "I've never seen anything so disturbing outside of the Olive Garden," he continued ambiguously.
A muffled tuba blast heralded the second helping's transition to combustible vapor causing her britches to inflate even more. Stretched beyond their functional limits, the pantaloons released a burst of foul-smelling gas that somehow went unnoticed by patrons just exiting the restaurant. Newton's third law of motion came into play at the same moment, thrusting her in the direction of New Jersey.
After some time, Edna was spotted approaching Lakehurst Naval Air Station were ufologists had recently gathered for a symposium. At the sight of the flying woman in swollen pink stretch pants overhead, attendees ran into the field, snapping their digital cameras and hurriedly concocting theories to explain the unexpected phenomenon aloft.
Edna had quit smoking just the day before but by this time her nerves were so jangled that she convinced herself that one more cigarette couldn't do her any harm. She found a single stale Kool at the bottom of her pocketbook along with a small Bic child-proof lighter. She fumbled to light the cigarette but kept forgetting to push a tiny lever on the lighter and it produced only sparks.
Witnesses on the ground recall hearing a woman's voice shouting "Dammit...dammit...dammit...dam.." then "Boom!" as an errant spark ignited her pantaloons in a fiery explosion that broke windows as far away as Hoboken. A History Channel producer who had been on site to cover the ufology symposium reported the "breaking" news. "Oh my gosh, what's that smell?" He exclaimed, followed by "That alien spacecraft just exploded..."

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. OMG! I'm laughing my ass off at that one.

:rofl:

:thumbsup:

:applause:

[nuxvomica]

7. Thank you, sir

Think of it as a PSA, warning of various things. :D

[SalmonChantedEvening]

8. That may well be the funniest paragraph I've ever read

I'm simply in awe :rofl:

Thank you nuxvomica :D :hug:

[nuxvomica]

9. Thanks, SCE

BTW, Edna miraculousy survived and was little harmed by the incident. I think it's important for people to know that. :D

[redwitch]

10. I just adore a happy ending!

You are very, very funny!

[nuxvomica]

13. The pantaloons were a total loss, I'm afraid

:hi:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

14. Nicely done!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

11. Edna Echidna was so full of gas, her pantaloons

tended to billow behind her like a spinnaker as she paraded, flatulating rhythmically, across the center ring of the circus where she was employed part-time as a clown (her day job involved energy futures trading); in fact, her stunning display of pootery was all part of her act, which she modeled after the legendary French fartmaster Le Petomane; and like Le Petomane, she drew huge crowds who marveled at her utter mastery of sphincter control and her ability to inflate her drawers until she resembled the bastard child of Phyllis Diller and a weather balloon -- but the one flaw in her act, as far as Edna was concerned, was the fact that ass gas is heavier than air and tends to sink (which is why elevator farts do not float harmlessly to the ceiling but instead hover insidiously at the level of the elevator's occupants, leaving them to glare at each other but not daring to mention the faux pas lest the perpetrator parry with the timeless words, "He who smelt it dealt it"), and Edna wanted to be able to use her unique intestinal skill as a means of aerial transportation as well as the best circus act ever, never considering the possibility that the FAA would require her in any event to obtain a balloon pilot's license; so she availed herself of the infinite resources of the Internet tubes and learned that farts contain hydrogen sulfide, H2S, which could be broken down to sulfur and pure hydrogen, so she purchased a small catalytic membrane converter on eBay which she installed in the appropriate orifice and thereafter ingested a large quantity of hard-boiled eggs and cheap Mexican food; then, returning to the circus, she entered the center ring, released her sphincter and inflated her panties, then rose triumphantly over the astonished crowd, but unfortunately as she reached the top of the tent she collided with a spotlight, which popped and arced and ignited the hydrogen, and the lions and tigers hid in their cages and all the people remarked that this was the best fucking circus act they had ever seen, and someone said, with a laugh, "Oh, the humanity!" as pieces of Edna and her flaming pantaloons settled to the floor, just like the fucking Hindenberg.

[nuxvomica]

12. Well that was pretty disgusting

:rofl:
Props for incorporating "Oh, the humanity!".

[Kutjara]

15. "Edna Echidna was so full of gas, her pantaloons...

...felt quite tight, requiring her to loosen her belt and unfasten the top button. The discomfort put her in mind of of the memorably painful indigestion she had suffered many years before, after sampling tepid smoked salmon from a buffet trolley on the fucking Hindenberg."