So if the phone call/frito incident wasn't bitchy, tell me if THIS is

[XemaSab]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7853297

For the record, I've been unemployed close to a year, and I haven't been able to find work. I've got a temporary gig with this company. I went out in the field last week, and I'm going out in the field again next week.

Since I haven't been paid yet, I had to borrow $100 for an expense advance so I could buy food next week while I'm working.

I got the hundred yesterday, and my mom immediately planned to spend it. For example, this morning she told me to go to the farmer's market to get some eggs and bread to have for breakfast, and when I asked what was wrong with eating english muffins or plain toast (which we both have in the house already) with our eggs, she acted like I was being unreasonable. She also suggested that I could go buy clothes today, and that we could take a ride out into the country with ME paying for the gas.

I asked her what the hell I was supposed to eat in Chico all next week with no money, and she told me to just have my colleague pay for my food and he could put it all on HIS expense sheet.

She's treating me like I'm being a selfish jerk for wanting to have money to buy food with until payday. :shrug:

[Lars39]

1. You're going to have to stop telling her stuff.

She's overstepping your iffy boundaries. Time to firm up the boundaries to stay sane. just my 2, ymmv. :hug:

[CreekDog]

2. whatever you do, don't take her advice

you have enough problems at home now, you don't want them at work.

i think at some point you have to tell her that until you are working you aren't able to contribute financially (and travel advances are only for travel, not for anything else). you can contribute around the house for now. if this is not okay with her, then you might say something like, "if that's not going to work then you can ask me to move out, though i don't have anyplace to go."

put the ball in her court.

good luck. don't envy you. :hug:

[Whoa_Nelly]

3. Sorry you've received so much flak from others here

From what you've shared with me in the past, your mom's MO has always been the same, and she's still determined to undermine you no matter what.

Hang in there, Xema :hug:

And, I mean it. I do have a room here here with private bath if you get a job down this way :hi:

[AlCzervik]

4. is their anything that will make your mom happy with you?

you've had a tough year and it's not like you're sitting around doing nothing and i'm sure you're living with some serious stress. I really hope things improve for you asap and hopefully you'll land something fulltime and you can move out.

[Midlodemocrat]

5. XemaSab, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

I know about your being unemployed and I can believe it is very frustrating to be back under your mom's roof at this point in your life.

You have nothing to apologize for, nor to explain to anyone. :hug:

[Gormy Cuss]

6. I hope that you can find a FT job soon, XS.

I don't know the whole story but it's pretty obvious from your frustration that living there isn't good for you.

[skygazer]

7. I didn't respond on the other thread because it was getting very testy

It sounds like you and your mom have a difficult relationship from way back. So your situation sucks all around.

That said, it also sounds to me, in the way you relate your stories, that you have a rather poor way of responding to her. Instead of just saying no about the farmer's market or the ride, you ask questions -

"...what was wrong with eating english muffins or plain toast..." and "what the hell I was supposed to eat in Chico all next week with no money"

That just gives her a chance to answer and continues the dispute.

In other words, don't argue - just tell her no, I need it to get through the week. Period. Seems it might work better.

And none of that means she isn't unreasonable - she probably is. But how you respond to unreasonable people can make all the difference.

Good luck. I hope you find employment soon.

[Blue Diadem]

8. I certainly hope you're able to find a permanent job soon.

It's rough being unemployed that long. My daughter and my DH have both been through unemployment for that length of time. It's stressful. Please try to understand that it's also stressful for your Mom too.

Good Luck XemaSab

[Darth_Kitten]

9. it's bitchy.

:)