How are all the single Parents tonight?

[Breeze54]

Just thought I'd ask.

Is everything okay today? This week?

--------------------------

My youngest is grown but still a teen and driving me insane!! :crazy:

I may be getting my own place... without him. :scared:

But it's such a hard decision to make. :(

I'm excited about having my own place, finally!!!

But sad and apprehensive to separate from him too.

Life's baby steps, I guess...

----

Edited to change the OP to 'parents'

[latebloomer]

1. How old is your teen?

I have a 16 and a 14-year-old, and a lot of letting-go issues are coming up for me.

Where would he live, if not with you?

[Breeze54]

2. He's 19 ... going on

16 at times. I'm not sure what he'll do.

I was thinking that we could each get a one bdrm in the same place.

Then he'd have his space, and me, mine but we'd be near each other.

He may not want to do that but he has some issue's (ADD) that make

me worry he'll be OK on his own. He forgets important things still.

Like the Rent, Utilities, the IRS, taking out the trash, locking the

doors at night; etc! :scared: He's still so disorganized. :(

[latebloomer]

3. That might be a good compromise

You'd have your own space but still be able to keep a close eye on him.

And hopefully he would get a little more responsible.

[Breeze54]

4. I agree but he thinks his friends are going to all rent a place together and

I know that isn't going to happen right now. They're all either away at college or going
to school and working at jobs, like him, and still living at home. He makes decent money
to be able to 'share' the cost of an Apt. but not on his own. In the meantime, he's avoiding
the responsibilities of sharing this townhouse with me! That's why I'd like to have my own
place, my own mess!! I'm tired of picking up after kids and he's 6' 4" now! I'm done!!

You know what I mean? :P

[latebloomer]

6. I hear you!

He sounds very trying.

My kids can be big pains in the ass but I'm sad that I'm gonna have to let them go pretty soon. Their childhoods went way too fast- I thought that time was gonna last forever!

[Breeze54]

9. He is trying and I'm on my last nerve.....

I hate saying it but I really want to be alone now!!

Does that sound terrible?

:(

[latebloomer]

11. Nope, it sounds human

And it sounds like it's time.

Maybe he needs to be on his own and really experience what happens when you don't take care of business.

[Breeze54]

16. I think like that too, the "Tough Love' stuff but then

I have to also consider his 'issues' (disability) and then I feel guilty and pull back.
But I really want to just toss it all and do my own thing for a change! He is going
to be reassessed by a psychologist on the 23rd. Maybe that will help put things in
perspective and he's refusing to take his meds and that's a big reason there is so
much chaos in my home. :( Thanks so much for listening to me.

[latebloomer]

19. The "tough love" thiing IS tough

You could just experiment with it for a while, tho- you don't have to let him be homeless. Maybe he would get more responsible if you weren't on him all the time. Stranger things have happened.

PS- I should talk- my husband calls me the "Nagivator"-- I nag him and my son all the time- with not-so-hot results.

[Breeze54]

22. I've been ignoring him, mostly... in fact the other night

he came home, after being out with friends, (mind you, he didn't want to discuss anything when he came home from work, even after an hour to cool down) but he decided that in the middle of the movie I was watching that he wanted to talk about things and I told him to buzz off and that if he didn't respect my boundaries and our home, then he had no room to just decide, on his time, that he could just interrupt me. I stopped at saying, "Move the F**k out!!" :grr: He seemed quite rattled at my response (lack of)(which I thought was kind of funny) and he's been more considerate to me than lately. Maybe that's the track I have to take, although, he still has not cleaned his room. A fire hazard waiting to happen. :grr: :scared:

[LeftyMom]

5. The usual: tired, stressing about money.

Thankfully, LeftyKid's been an absolute doll lately.

He fell off of his bike earlier and gouged a pretty big chunk out of his leg, but was real good about getting it bandaged up and not throwing a fit.

[Breeze54]

8. Hi! How old is he? He sounds brave!

;)

Sounds like you have it 'handled'. :thumbsup:

[LeftyMom]

15. He just turned seven in April.

I'm managing somehow.

[Breeze54]

18. Awe... he's still very young and trying to be a brave man!

Sounds like all is well, besides that injury. My sons, at that age, were just so funny!
They used to see if they could run faster than my car! :P Of course, I'd slow down and
tell them they were running at 22 MPH!! They ate it up! ;) Fun years!! ;)

[jobycom]

7. You know, some are fine, some a little down, some might have fatal illnesses....

A wide range of conditions is likely.

[Breeze54]

10. Huh?

That sounds pretty depressive. :shrug:

[jobycom]

17. You asked how "all" the single parents were...

[Breeze54]

12. Are you a single parent?

[jobycom]

20. Hm. Never thought about it before.

I'm a parent, I'm separated. My kids, one or both, are with me about half the time. But the ex and I still communicate and share responsibilities. So not completely, but sort of. What do you think? Does a single parent have to be more than single and a parent? Serious question.

[Breeze54]

21. You sound like a single parent to me!

You have them half the time? That's half the responsibilities, right?
It's still a lot of work. How old are they? The smaller they are, (IMHO)
the more work. Did you just get separated? Do the kids have their own
rooms at your house? Sorry if I didn't understand your first reply. I'm
a little spaced out tonight. It's been a long week... and I just got kicked
off the net... again!! :argh: That's 3 times tonight!!! :grr:

[jobycom]

28. 9 and 15.

I've been separated three years now--more if you count in-house, but in terms of parenting, that's not really the same. They share a room in my apartment, which is why they both seem to like staying one-at-a-time, though not always. I don't know if it's half the responsibility--we really have different responsibilities. The kids stay at their mom's house more than here, but I pick them up from school and spend afternoons and early evenings with them (something that's kept me from getting a better job). So I do more errands, and more dinners, but she does more breakfasts and clothes shopping--although that's not exclusive, either. They spend the night here, and I buy clothes, and she cooks some dinners.

Somehow or another, my life has never looked like those I see on television. :)

[Breeze54]

33. A 9 yr old and a teen? Ugh! You have your hands full but

it sounds like you're both handling it! That's awesome and it sounds like you both
are taking care of business too. I hear you about 'possible job opportunities...
'if only I didn't have the KIDS!!' Been there, been passed over but that's the way
it had to be, at that time. It sucks though. I'm proud of you though. My ex divorced
his kids when he diviorced me. He was 'punishing me for leaving him.' :eyes: Idiot!
At least you're taking care of them! Awesome!! Kudo's to you both!

[jobycom]

36. I hate parents who do that.

My sister's ex did that to her. Ruined a lot of lives, but at least it got him out of theirs.

I left mostly because of the kids. Without going into detail, I felt they needed another place they could live. There was never a possibility that I'd leave them--the question for me was just what was better for them. Not that my own emotions weren't important, but they were the reason I stayed when I did, and they were the reason I finally left.

My spouse became a better parent when I did, too. Mabe she realized they could go elsewhere, or maybe just having the strain of our relationship removed made things easier for her, too. Don't know. :)

[Breeze54]

40. I had such a hard time with my ex... he actually said ....

"If you leave me, I'll make your life hell."

That's about the only promise he kept. He was so possessive and controlling.

But you sound so well adjusted and that always amazes me.

I would like to meet a man, someday, that is mature, for a change!

That's why I said Kudo's to you!

You are being responsible and I guess I had a bad attitude about men but you're not like him.

I've never experienced a mature man before.... sounds nuts, doesn't it?

I'm not hitting on you.... just observing.

[jobycom]

43. Heh. Don't worry.

I wouldn't know hitting on me if I saw it, and I've got plenty of proof of that. Women have told me they've made obvious, direct passes at me and I had no idea. :rofl:

People get so caught up in gender I think they trap themselves into expectations, and make those expectations come true. I've seen as many immature, irresponsible women as men. I've seen women do all the same things men are accused of doing, but people see it differently. If people saw past the stereotypes of gender we create, there'd be fewer problems, or maybe just more easy solutions to the problems.

I'm not mature or responsible about everything. I just have certain priorities. And I don't see my kids as kids, anyway. Just people I got lucky enough to know. Leaving them wouldn't even be a possibility I could visualize. They are a bigger part of me than anything else has ever been. Maybe my spouse was at first. But... well, that's one of those stories. Anyway, they are who I am.

[TK421]

13. I'm not a single parent, but thought I would just drop by for a how-the-hell-ya-doin?

:toast:

[Breeze54]

24. Thanks for that!! ... You are to cool!

:toast: back at ya! ;)

[TK421]

26. I'm muching on brownie cookies ( they are half brownie-half chocolate chip )

and I have a huge-ass glass of ice-cold milk here with me...

In other words...I have died and gone to heaven

[Breeze54]

29. I've been staring at a Devils Food cake mix for 3 weeks but have resisted, so far!

;)

[TK421]

32. Give in to temptation once in a while...it does the soul good

or in my case, the stomach ;)

[Breeze54]

34. LOL! I will eventually but I'm to lazy to even grease the cake pan!

:P

[TK421]

35. Come on, now...think about the rewards!

grease a lousy pan, but savor the sweet taste of victory afterwards....

you know it's worth it...do what makes you feel good

[Breeze54]

39. I will get to it... but I'll have one or two pieces and then it will sit there...

and grow mold. I'm getting there. ;)

[AccessGranted]

14. Single Parent Here

Raised three boys by my damned self. Was married and divorced. I did a pretty good job. Good kids. They're 24, 22 and 15. Two oldest are gone. Youngest still home. I guess I'm lucky. Can't complain really. I know how you feel. They're a pain at time but breaking away is rough.

[Breeze54]

25. You sound just like me!! 3 boys, 2 grown and away, one at home.

:hug:

Breaking away, which I know has to happen, is killing me.

I'm very confused about where my responsibities end.

I kknow he's over 18 and legal but I have moral responsibility, due to his 'issues'.

It's driving me nuts and I'm so torn....

I keep playing that song in my car...."I just want to fly away" (can't remember the artists name right now)

[AccessGranted]

31. I Know How You Feel

When you're a single parent and the kids go, it can be super-lonely. Hell, my youngest son is at his older brother's place for the weekend and it's lonely as hell. I just miss him. He's still in high school and I'm already thinking about breaking away from the last one and how long he is going to be up my butt. It's confusing. What are the issues your son has, if you'd like to talk about it? I think that song you're talking about is by Lenny Kravitz...."I want to get away. I want to fly away!"

[Breeze54]

38. Lenny Kravitz!!! That's it!! Thanks!! I love his most of his songs!

My son is a real case of ADD..... totally disorganized, totally spaced out about how to pay his
bills, etc. ...argh He loses his car keys daily and his cellphone all the time and then, I oblige.
Log off the internet to call that damn phone so he can find it... BUT he also has graduated HS
and has two jobs. One is FT days and one is 'under the table' + tips at night. He banks the day
job check and lives off the night job tips. So, he's a good kid but he's also a typical teen and
male and immature and still thinks of me as his maid, therefore he doesn't clean up after himself
( sometimes ) ALL the time!!! :grr: and I'm on strike!! :P

My oldest son is coming home on the 26th with his SO and I haven't seen him since he got back from
Iraq and I've been begging my 19 yr old to help me clean up the house before they get here and he
promises he will, but then takes off to his friends to play basketball or video games and nothing
gets done!

I have a back/neck injury, so I can't lift heavy stuff and I've only asked him to take the trash out
(he works 2 jobs) but he blows me off and even said to me, "Are your legs broken?" He's 6' 4" and
I'm 5' 4"!! :grr: I was sooo pissed off when he said that! Read him the riot act about taking care
of your home, like everyone has to do, who also have jobs!! :grr:

At least he has a job that feeds him, so I don't cook much anymore... except for me! ;)

Sorry for going on and on....

[AccessGranted]

44. Parallel Lives

My youngest, who will be 16 in a few days the sweetest, happiest, most loving child and a truly decent kid, but at times he is totally oblivious. He has ADHD and supposedly Asperger's Syndrome. I just had the school's child study team test and classify him this year. He's been on ritalin since 2nd grade because he was hyper in class, but I took him off the meds. Testings show that he's highly intelligent and yet he could give a crap about school, except for the social interaction. He's messy and I have to nag him about picking up his crap.

I get so sick of saying the same thing over and over again. I want to scream sometimes. He is never rude, but when I get upset about his schoolwork or chores, he says that my behavior is exagerated and tells me "Calm down, it's not that serious". I go out of my way, within reason, to make his life as peaceful and nice as possible and he really doesn't ask for much. I understand about being "torn" and how frustrating it is. It is is a complex situation, especially with the last child.

I have degenerative arthritis and have already had a hip replacement, even though I'm not that old. Most of the time I'm prefectly fine. I even play basketball with him and his friends and other days I can barely walk by the time I get home from work, but I don't complain and make the best of it. Anybody reading this probably thinks we are whining and venting LOL. Well, I understand your pain and your dilemma, so you're not alone.

The only suggestion I can offer is to talk to him at a time when you're both relaxed and in a good mood about what's bothering you, but not when you're pissed off. If he won't listen, write him a well thought-out letter. If he still won't listen, have his older sibling's intervene. "I wish that I could fly into the sky, so very high - just like a dragonfly" LOL. Keep singing that song and try to keep a sense of humor.

[SPKrazy]

23. Missing my son right now

he's gone for a whole week, which I've not ever had him gone for that long before. It is a bit lonely but he calls me.

He's in paradise down in south Florida having a blast

:hi:

:hug:

[Breeze54]

27. Ya had to say that !!

:cry:

I'm really OK.... it's just thinking about being alone for

the 1st time in 30 years that's freaking me out!

Glad you're getting a break. How old is your child?

I like your new avatar!! Quite PINK! :P

I love pink and rose... I look good in rose and red! ;)

What are you doing with your spare time, while he's gone?

[SPKrazy]

30. okay...

he's 8 years old

I get a break, he doesn't live with me, but I'm still a single parent, right? We will have joint custody, and he will spend more time with her than with me though.

My avvie is the pink triangle right now in honor of Ronny K Marshall who got married today. :)

You look good in rose and red, ;)

My spare time, well, I've been kinda bored, although I have plenty to do. I am missing him this weekend as it would have been my weekend, and I haven't seen him all week either :(

:hi:

:hug:

sorry you are missing your child, they are always our children no matter how old they are, aren't they?

[Breeze54]

41. Yes , you are a single parent and I'm not missing my youngest....

He just got home.... but I'm 'missing' him, in the sense he's moving out soon.

He and I will be parting ways soon. Before Dec. '09. That's upsetting me.

I'm worried, that's all. I know.... I'm a goof! ;)

Yes, I like rose and red for my clothes! :P But not all the time though.

8 years old? Just a pup. You have a long road ahead of you.

Sounds like the two of you have worked it out! That's awesome!

You and Jobycom are too cool!!! :P

[liberaltrucker]

37. LTwife may as well be a single parent

Since I'm seldom at home. She's raising our GD's 5 and 3.
LTstepdaughter is, shall we say, um, not very possessive
of parental skills.

Best of luck, Breeze.

:hug:

[Breeze54]

42. Thanks, liberaltrucker !

I may be traveling soon... hitting the road, etc.

I just have to get things squared up here first!

I need to get to Illinois in August, if I can.

Possibly in Oct too, my middle son may be getting

married then. I don't even know why I posted that...

:silly: