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derby378 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jun-21-08 11:13 PM
Original message
This post is especially for you youngsters on DU to mull over...
Mr. President, I'd like to introduce you to...
-> JIM

Hi, Mr. President?

Hello. Always nice to see you,
-> JIM
You know, the mainspring of this country, wound up as tight as it is, is guaranteed for the life of the watch. And who's watching? People like you,
-> JIM

Right on.

And you,
-> BARNEY
People who are alerted and unafraid to waste the little time that I've scheduled for your question.

Awwww, shoot, Mr. President...

State short question.

Wellll, Mr. President, it's the bees and spiders again! They stole my food stamps and sold them to the rats, and I tried to get down to my car for to honk the horn for help, but the snakes is guardin' it for the cockroaches! I go back upstairs, but the spiders has jammed the police lock! I ain't been inside for a week, and I know my that wife is sleepin' with the bees! Oh...

Could you state that as a question, please?

Well, sure, Mr. President! Where can I get a job?

Many busy executives ask me, "What about the Job Displacement Market Program in the city of the Future?"

That's right!

Well, count on us to be there,
-> JIM
Because if we're lucky tomorrow...

Awwwwwwww, he's jiving me again...ohhhhh...

we won't have to deal with questions like yours ever again.

Shit...no...

<< APPLAUSE >>

Thank you for question. Exit left to Funway.

All that wing and that go went around... (???)

Mr. President, I'd like to introduce you to...
-> BARNEY

Hello. Always glad to talk to you,
-> BARNEY

Ah - me, Sir? Well, I just want to...

You know, when you clock the human race with the stopwatch of History, it's a new record every time.

Ah, that's a cute story, Mr. President, but I...wan...

And who wins? And who loses? People like you,
-> BARNEY

Well...

And you,
-> UH, CLEM
People who are alter...

Stop, stop, Mr. President, please stop! Now, I know it means nothing to you, I'm only a clone, but you've got such a wonderful job and you're doing it so well. You know, we Bozos have a saying: "When you put on the nose, it grow...

Could you state that as a question?

It grow...

REDO
Thank you very much,

-> BARNEY

Ah...

You'll be getting a handsome simulfax copy of your own words in the mail soon...

No...

...and my reply.

Oh, by golly...

<< APPLAUSE >>

Mr. President...

Thank you for question.

You're beneficent...

Exit right to Funway.

Oh - ah, yes, Sir. Hey Harryette, how ya doin'?

Fine, how are you?

Mr. President, I'd like to introduce you to...
-> UH, CLEM

Hello. Always nice to see you,
-> UH, CLEM
You know, the springhead of this country, wound...

Uh, alright, stop, Mr. President - Mr. President, stop, please. Now listen to me - this is Worker speaking. Hello.

Hello. How are ya? State maintenance question.

Uh, fine, thanks, no, no. README DOCTOR MEMORY.

AMRAD
is not sure I understand you fully. Could you state that as a question, please?


README DOCTOR MEMORY?

SYSDAT
DIRECT READOUT
UPTIME 901

I have been awake for 9 hours...


Hey, maaan, ask him a question!

Shh!

...1 minute, 44 seconds.

Good, good...

AMULFAC SHUFFLE TIME:
Less than 1% of Freight Drain
LOGFILE:
5 jobs, 2 detached
MINIMUM ENTRY GATEWAY:


Equalimit? So boring...

Totally balance National Debt, 3, 4, 5, 6 boxcars.
GATE TO CLOSE


Okay, alright, you're doing fine - but, uh, this is a Flip-Flop, Springhead.

Flip-Flop?

"Flip-Flop?" What is this "Flip-Flop?"

Right. Now, I'm gonna ask you a question that you won't be able to answer.

I'm not sure I understand you fully.
LOGOUT RUNOFF MEMORY
A: The system is less energetic if domains of opposite direction alternate.
BM READ: MACNAM PMP READ: MACNAM


What is he TALKING about?

PASSWORD:
Maximum Output Resource Yield
ILLEGAL ENTRY
Try again.


Yes, we're going to try again. Open your Gate, Doctor.

SYS...POP...

That's right...

DAD...BOB...MOM...
MMMMMMMMMMMMM


Yes, yes...

PIP...DAD...DUD...

It's repeating, it's repeating...

It's got little squinty eyes out...

DID...MO...
MAAAAAA
MEM...MAHAM...


MEM. MEM.

MEM...MEM...MEM...MEM...MEM...

MEMORY.

DIRECT READOUT: DOCTOR MEMORY
-> UH, CLEM

Thank you, thank you. Now, now, Doctor, I'm speaking to you, Doctor...

MMMMMMMMMMM?

Something the Leprechauns asked me when I was a sprout in Indiana has always puzzled me. Uh, Doctor? Question. Evaluate.

MMMMMMMMMMM...

Why does the porridge bird lay his egg in the air?

What is he talking about?
LAUGH
RUN AWAY

What's going on in there, man?
I don't know, man...
The Doctor makes NO readout.
READ
UNHAPPY MACNAM
UNHAPPY MACNAM
SYSDAT UPTIME 901

I have been awake for 9 hours...

Hey man, go in there...
Oh, come on...
Man, go inside there...
No, no...
2 minutes, 36 seconds...
EMR
AT
ANSIT
PIER

This is a sickness.
I think he broke it, man...

{Snippet of Spanish}

I'm as TIRED OF IT as you are, and I hope THAT our children...

Get the guard.

Hey, I don't know, man, I think he's gonna break it, uh?

will COME TO love us AGain in some BETTER world than this.

Aw, damn...

<< APPLAUSE >>

Thank you for question. Exit center to Funway.

Okay, it's me now, uh? What did you do to him, man...? Okay...

Mr. President, I'd like to introduce you to...
-> UH, CLEM

No, maaaaaaaan!

Illegal character in line.

No, it's not Clem, man!

RUBOUT
Go away.


What's happening?

Just a second, will you, please?

I'm sorry, this ride is closed.

This ride is closed?!

Exit center to
FUN
AT
ODD
OOOOOOOUUUUUU...


I - I've been waiting for 10 minutes from here to listen to the President talk to me! What's happening? I think he broke - hey, Paolo? He broke the President! I'm gonna get my wife...
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derby378 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jun-21-08 11:38 PM
Response to Original message
1. Of course, if you're over 35, you already know where this came from
Trnscription was a pain, man...
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csziggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jun-22-08 02:54 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. My favorite comedy group of all time!
I used to have audio clips from that album for the sounds on my computer. It is unreal to realize that is from 1971.

"He broke the President!" is one of my favorite lines.
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Oeditpus Rex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jun-22-08 03:56 AM
Response to Original message
3. It wasn't always like that
No, first they had to come from towns with strange names like...

Smegma!

Spasmodic!

Frog!

And from the far-flung Isles of Langerhans.

But who were they?

They were small, angry men with hairy faces and burning feet... We was running away from poverty, intolerance, the Army and the law... and the Army...

And we took to them!

And they took to us!

And what do you think they took?

Oil from Canada! Gold from Mexico! Geese from their neighbor's back yard! Boom, boom! Corn from the Indians! Tobacco from the Indians! Dakota from the Indians! New Jersey from the Indians! New Hampshire from the Indians! New England from the Indians! New Delhi from the Indians!

Indonesia for the Indonesians!

(Boom!)

Yes, and Veterans Day...

But we couldn't do it alone!

ditditditditditditdit

No! We needed the hope, the faith, the prayers, the fears...

The sweat, the pain, the boils, the tears!

The broken bones!

The broken homes!

The total degradation of...

Who?

You! The Little Guy!



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