Death of a legend (warning, slightly pornographic)

[jumptheshadow]

Ayveq, the walrus whose bizarre, though oddly compelling, masturbation rituals made him an international sensation at the New York Aquarium, has died. He was 14.

Though well-liked long before he discovered the habit that would make him a star, Ayveq’s frequent public self-gratification made him the Coney Island institution’s singular attraction.

“We are all still in shock about it,” Aquarium Director Jon Forrest Dohlin said. “He was an absolute delight. He had a magnetism and a charm that was totally his own. He loved people and he knew how to work a crowd and entertain guests.

http://www.brooklynpaper.com/stories/31/25/31_25_death_of_a_legend.html

[DS1]

1. Come again?

[underpants]

10. tusk tusk

:crazy:

[Swede]

2. Hunh,a walrus flogging the dolphin!

Who'd thunk it?

[TK421]

3. There will be copycat threads...there must be copycat threads....

:popcorn:

[jobycom]

4. goo goo g'joob.

[jumptheshadow]

6. With a face like that....

The poor guy!

[Westegg]

5. I thought the walrus was Paul!

[Sabriel]

7. Here's the culprit

"The death of Ayveq comes almost exactly a year after the birth of his only (known) son, Akituusaq, whom he sired with the female, Kulusiq after years of unrequited courting."

YEARS? No wonder he was choking his own chicken of the sea.

Unrequited courting is known to do that.

[InternalDialogue]

8. "He knew how to work a crowd and entertain guests"

Indeed!

[Kutjara]

23. Bloody typical! When I do stuff like that...

...I just get told to leave.

Talk about a double standard!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

9. All I want to know is...

Where's the video?

:shrug:

[jumptheshadow]

11. This is the "G" rated video

http://youtube.com/watch?v=1FxKXFmLhzs

There is a real "X" rated video that is definitely not work safe but I don't know if it's him. Just search for "Dirty Walrus" on youtube.com.

[GCP]

12. OMG, I just watched the X rated version

He had a real talent! :evilgrin:

[kath]

14. whoa!

now how many guys wish they were that flexible? :evilgrin:

[jumptheshadow]

16. You can say that again

One of my colleagues said he probably beat himself to death... but it turned out not to be true. :blush:

[originalpckelly]

21. Yes, but now that I've seen the video, the article is *slightly* vague about his...

"Self-loving" as it were.

:rofl:

Probably don't want to talk about it, for fear every guy would go try it and more people would find out they could do it. We don't need to make the recession even worse.

[Kutjara]

25. They're probably more concerned...

...that emergency rooms across America would be suddenly filled with men claiming they'd hurt their backs "fixing something on the roof. Yeah, that's it...the roof."

[originalpckelly]

26. "I fell off a ladder and landed in a ball, I promise."

"Now, it just so happens I fell through the open window in my bathroom and landed in the tub!"

[Shakespeare]

13. Now there's an animal completely at east with who he is.

Or was, anyway. :rofl:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

15. I guess I really am the walrus.

:hide:

[originalpckelly]

22. So you can do that!

Bet you don't get out much!

:rofl:

[Fire Walk With Me]

17. If they stole mah bukkit, ah'd find something else to do too!

[Unvanguard]

18. "bizarre, though oddly compelling, masturbation rituals"

I want to see that in the New York Times one day....

[originalpckelly]

19. Coo coo, kachoo.

Coo coo, kachoo, dear masturbating Walrus. You loved yourself, and we loved you because of it. :-(

[Elidor]

20. Masturbation rituals?

I don't have any rituals. Now I feel incomplete. Do I need to wave incense burners around and chant or something?

[jumptheshadow]

24. I like that this is the lead story in the paper...

and that they played it over the story about the death of Frank Powers, the Republican who was vying for Vito Fossella's empty seat.

Here's a previous story about Ayveq that was written by the same reporter:

>>The bad news: Ayveq is about as good a father as Bob Guccione. The good news: He’s still masturbating.

“Even as the photographers and the camera crews were shooting the new baby in the other tank, there he was, slapping away against the glass,” said Aquarium spokeswoman Fran Hackett, referring to Ayveq’s famous technique.<<

http://brooklynpaper.com/stories/30/39/30_39thewalrus.html

[originalpckelly]

27. The baby has discovered the same habit!

:rofl:

That's a riot!