I'm living proof

[lizziegrace]

that no matter where you are or where you go, you can't escape or change who you are.

I'm sorry Lelapin. I know you're miserable here. :(

[Madrone]

1. Oh honey....

what's wrong? :hug: "

[lizziegrace]

2. I work so hard all day that I'm exhausted when I get home

Lelapin is stuck up here and she knows no one. I'm feel so bad for her.

Oh, and the chain is broken in the toilet, and the sofa I bought to replace the one that wouldn't fit through the front door is stuck in the stairwell. And I keep falling. I know it's the stress of moving and the fibro...

[Madrone]

5. Okay... Don't be mad.

But I have to admit - by the time I got to "stuck in the stairwell" I was laughing. :D ONLY because .. omg ... I have SO been there. More times than I care to think about.

Is Lelapin that miserable for sure, or are you just worried that she is? I suspect that no matter what the answer she will meet people - she's amazing! How could she not connect with people?

The falling thing worries me ... have you ever seen a doctor regarding that particular ailment? When do you get insurance?

I'm really sorry you've hit a snag and things aren't going as smoothly as you DESERVE. I love ya, woman. :hug:

[lizziegrace]

6. Thank you sweetie...

:hug:

Lelapin is very shy and doesn't know the city at all. I know she's miserable.

The falling thing - 4 times in the last month. It's really tearing up my knees. I get insurance on September 1st and can't risk a pre-existing condition situation. I have to be more careful.

The sofa *is* funny. It's so typical for me. Unfortunately, it will cost me another delivery fee because I told them on the phone to leave it. My neighbor's going to try to help me remove the threshold and some of the door frame. It might be out of the stairwell by the weekend... Oy...

[Madrone]

10. I'm sorry things are such a struggle for you both.

One of life's many injustices is that those that deserve the best often get the worst - and vice versa. I hear you about the pre-existing conditions ... I hate insurance. x( Almost as much as I hate no insurance. x( The falling IS scary though - it worries me very much.

If there's anything at ALL - no matter how minor - that I can do to help lighten your burden you need to let me know. I would be offended if there was something I could do and you didn't ask.

You are one hell of a survivor. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. :hug:

[Chan790]

21. The next time you have a day off...

just lay-down, spend the day relaxing, curl up with a book or let your mind wander. Recharge the batteries and get yourself acclimated to this new reality. Once you accept it in your mind and decide that you like it...your outlook will change. I do speak from experience here. It'll get better.

When I first moved back to CT from Philly to take care of my grandmother...I thought I'd lost my mind...I was miserable, I was alone except for the company of my grandmother who I had a poor relationship with, I was exhausted constantly, I had just failed at something on a massive scale for the first time in my life (and I'd managed to do that twice in 4 months). Two months later...it was where I wanted to be. It's one of the defining moments of my life.

My advice for Lelapin would be the opposite: Go out and do what you enjoy (or what you've always wanted to do). This is the secret to meeting people. It's so easy that most people never figure it out. introverted/extroverted, young/old, cerebral/active...it works for everybody. `You wouldn't believe the friends I made in one weekend in Daytona, FL, visiting my aunt Robin, learning that I'm just too uncoordinated to surf. You might believe the friends I made sitting at a table in Afterwords reading The Art of War and drinking a caipirinha at 1am. (Off-topic: I miss DC's 24-hour bookstores. They have liquor, espresso and books at any time. It's heaven.)

[lizziegrace]

36. We've got plans to head north for the 4th

ZombieNixon is coming up from Chicago and we're going to get out of Dodge for at least a day or two. :hug:

[ThomCat]

3. Damn. I'm so sorry.

:(

Lelapin, you are a wonderful person. I hope you can find a way to be happy whereever you are, and keep moving towards the good things in your future. :hug:

LizzieGrace, I miss you and I hope that this rough adjustment smoothes out and turns into many good and wonderful things for you.
:loveya:

Whatever the current stresses are, I hope they get worked out, or pass you both by and go away. I hope you both can be happy, together and separately.

[lizziegrace]

4. Thank you Thom

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

7. Lizziegrace! Oh Noes!!!!

It will work out...

Lelapin, you will meet people, and what about when you go back to school? All things are temporary and this is just a moment in time where you have a chance to deal with yourself and look around at what new things might be available to you. You are a lovely young woman and I see the world as being your oyster as you are its pearl. Go forth and enjoy... Isn't Milwaukee famous for something besides beer?

As for the sofa, get Mr. Retro over there with some of his buds and get that sofa out of the stairwell.

as for the falling, is it a balance problem? I was falling a lot last fall and concluded it was a combination of new blood pressure med and orthostatic hypotension and an inner ear problem/infection. We took care of that and occasionally I still get dizzy. My blood pressure meds and the Neurontin I'm on for nerve pain both cause dizziness.

I worry about that but I know that there can be a lot of reasons for falling just find out what that/those reasons are. No getting hurt!@

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

to you and Lelapin

Two of DU's loveliest and nicest ladies :*

[lizziegrace]

9. ...

:hug:

Retro's in NYC through the weekend. I've been having a bad fibro flare-up due to stress and all the physical stuff involved in moving. I think that's why I keep falling.

Lelapin's here because I couldn't make a life for myself in Columbus. It's my fault that things are the way they are...

x(

[SPKrazy]

13. Well, Life Is What It Is

and making a life for yourself in Columbus wasn't in the cards apparently but you are now in Milwaukee... making a life.

I hate to say this Lelapin, Mom isn't responsible for making you happy. Economics make our decisions for us sometimes.

Lizzie, you can take the fact that you are doing what you decided was best, and stay with it and know that the alternative wasn't working. You aren't responsible for keeping your daughter happy even though it is hard to watch a child of any age be unhappy.

I'm sorry about the fibro... stressing yourself about this won't help it. Anyone you work with that could help out with the couch? Or maybe it stays in the stair well till you have some help, or maybe your neighbors will help?

:hug: :hug:

[lizziegrace]

15. She's knows I'm not responsible

for her happiness. I threw her into a situation that's tough on her too. That's the part I hate. I just want a home. I don't feel as though I belong anywhere. Bleh...

[SPKrazy]

23. You belong where you are...

Just as I do...

I'm not happy where I'm at...

I'd be gone if my son weren't here. This is his home

So this is my home

I realized today that although I've worked in this town and since grad school for 20 years, I now live in a one bedroom apartment and I am totally uncertain about the future. I have to believe that I will be able to land on my feet again, I'm not completely off balance, just down that I feel I've fallen into this hellhole. It isn't so bad truly. It is just small, has a few design flaws, and it is a problem with privacy issues with the bathroom located upstairs in the bedroom basically. So what am I saying? I think I was trying to relate to you in some way. I feel like I've brought this upon myself, certainly there are people that think I have, however the power to bring it is in fact mine and the power to change it is mine.

[The Straight Story]

8. The real question is - why would you want to change yourself?

You are fine who you are, which is why people like you.

We are all 'imperfect' but when you try to change who you are you risk losing the very things people love about you - sometimes we just don't see that.

I have a wonderful wife who loves me for me, all my imperfections included (and I feel the same about her).

Don't try to be what you are not, work harder to be who you are.

[lizziegrace]

11. Thank you

Please give your beautiful wife a hug for me. I think I'm just tired of being totally responsible for everything. I'm tired of being alone and not having anyone in my life to help shoulder some of the burden. Yeah, I know things could be worse. And yeah, I'm whining. There's no one to talk to. :(

[The Straight Story]

14. You can talk to me :)

And hell yes I understand - even if I don't get YOUR situation, I know you cannot understand mine fully - but I believe you can grasp what it means to me.

I am not in your situation, and you not in mine. But as progressives we understand all that and respect what one another are going through - it is not a contest to see who is worse off, it is a discussion on how we can help and listen to one another.

And if you need to, PM me and call me tonight. I am all ears :)

[lizziegrace]

17. Thank you

it wouldn't be the first time you listened...

:hug:

[The Straight Story]

18. Won't be the last - and truth be told, i could use someone to listen to me as well

Life can be hard at times. We need to be able to talk to one another at times.

[lizziegrace]

20. ...

:hug:

PM your numbers. I'll try and call tomorrow evening.

[lizziegrace]

12. I'm going to bed

work will be here soon enough tomorrow. Thanks for listening. Tomorrow will be better, right?

[Ptah]

16. I'm saddened to hear she's not happy

Do what you know you must.


:hug:

[lizziegrace]

19. We're both trying to figure all this out

14 years in one place and now a totally different state. Huge change for us both. :hug:

[Ptah]

22. All that snow country seems the same to me.

Just remember to tell her: "I Love You More!"


:hug:

[Flaxbee]

24. hey, you JUST moved. Huge change. Give yourself a break,

because I'm sure Lelapin isn't holding you responsible for the fact that your employer in Columbus was laying people off. You tried your very best, raised an excellent young woman, and have done a damn fine job. Economically, it has been a really rough go these last 7+ years for a lot of people ... you are doing the best you can, it sounds like you got a great job, and now you just need to settle in. And get the toilet chain fixed (easy) and the couch outta the stairwell (a little tougher). Moving always is tough, and new places are weird at first. This is how it is supposed to be :D

You might not be able to do this every day, at least not now, but do something special for yourself every day, or every other day, or whatever. And have Lelapin think of small things that would please her, too. Maybe it's a new book (I've heard there's a great bookstore in your town), or a special tea, or just some small treat you give yourself. You deserve it.

Honestly, this may be great for Lelapin - she can't go through life shy (well, she can, but it is much easier being not-so-shy). These are *good* experiences for both of you, even though it may be exhausting and frustrating at times. I was an exceptionally shy child and young adult, and because of a few family situations (parents losing house to taxes, etc.) and some life experiences, I'm not shy anymore at all, and I wouldn't change the trials I went through because I became a stronger person.

If I remember correctly, you'll be earning more $$ at this job - so, use it, when you can after some paychecks come in - to hire help so you don't overtire yourself and exacerbate the fibro, etc.

Anyway. Quit piling on yourself. Or, if you need to vent and whine, do so for a set amount of time. Give yourself 20 minutes to be in a bad mood, and then do something different. Ain't nobody gonna be better to you than you. And if you are upset and disappointed in yourself, it shows. Be happy, as happy as you can, and it will show and permeate your life. Now, this is not a tonic for true depression - I know whereof I speak - but there are little tricks that can help you get through some tough emotional times that really do work.

Didn't mean to lecture. I've just been through some really tough times myself relatively recently, and the combination of compartmentalizing my blue moods, giving myself treats, and trying to conjure up happy thoughts has seemed to help. Doesn't work every day, but more often than not, it does.

[lizziegrace]

31. You're amazing

:hug:

Thank you...

[From The Ashes]

25. I know what you're going through...

...I've been there. Hell, there are plenty of days when I'm STILL there. I'll tell you what people have told me. I think that you are very brave to step so far out of your comfort zone. Everything is going to be ok. Maybe not now, but soon. :hug::hug:

[lizziegrace]

32. And look what you've done

you're stronger and tougher than you ever thought you could be. :hug:

[From The Ashes]

41. ...

It'll be the same for you, too. I guarantee it. :hug:

[Callalily]

26. I'm sorry to hear that

Lelapin is struggling with the new location, but she's an intelligent person, and she'll figure out a way to make Milwaukee feel like home. Maybe a part-time job? To get out out and about, to meet people? Also, solo trips to the museums (I love MAM) are great excursions.

As for you, I'm a little concerned about the falling thing too! Take extra, extra care of yourself. Try not to do everything at once. Everything will jump into place!

You and Lelapin are in a new-home-location adjustment period. I'm confident all will work out.

The couch story is very entertaining, but I suspect for you annoying. That too will work itself out.

Take care and sending lots of hugs and good vibes your way.

<<<<<< for you to brighten your day!

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[lizziegrace]

33. We're both totally overwhelmed

new city, new state, new job, sofa stuck in the stairwell and on and on...

;)

Could you PM your recipe for french bread. I saw it on MrScorpio's thread and it looked wonderful...

:hug:

[MissMillie]

27. lizziegrace, there's no need to run from you who are.

Your move was brave. I envy that about you. Seriously.

Lelapin needs to get out and do things she likes to do. She'll meet people.

And you need to take care of yourself.

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

28. ...

:hug:

[1gobluedem]

29. Don't beat yourself up

You did what you needed to do and, in time, you and Lelapin will love Milwaukee. You're exhausted which is making everything feel worse than it is. :hug:

Lelapin, maybe you can find the local campaign office for Obama and do some volunteering? That's a great way to meet people.

[lizziegrace]

34. Volunteering at the Obama headquarters is a terrific idea

:hug:

Thank you for all your support through all this. I can't wait to see you in August. :)

[Guava Jelly]

30. I'm sorry

:hug:
I hope things improve for you both.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
You will be ok.
Try to think of it as just sort of an annoying acclimation.
Things will get better. Oh and more :hug:'s

[lizziegrace]

35. Ya wanna

help me take apart a door frame that's been around since the 20's? I think the threshold will come up easily, but am worried about the other trim.

But, I WILL get this sofa into my place. Dammit... ;)

[Guava Jelly]

38. If I lived closer I would

:)

[lizziegrace]

39. ...

:hug:

[lost-in-nj]

37. Aww Lizzie

:hug:

I hope things settle and you will enjoy your new home.

and Lelapin... :hug:

honey your a wonderful girl and will make friends I am sure of that....

it's tough to move and tougher when its a new state.

Wish I could help........


:hi:


lost

[lizziegrace]

40. Things will work out

it was just a very tough day yesterday. :(

:hug:

I've lived in 12 states and had 22 addresses and I'm 47. I don't want that same kind of record for Lelapin and I feel guilty about dragging her all over the country. It's my own guilt more than anything. She's being terrific (all things considered), but I can see she's not very happy here.