My mom doesn't believe bisexuality exists.

[lightningandsnow]

Or pansexuality, or general non-descript queerness, for that matter. People are either 100% gay or straight, according to her.

And she asked me, a few days ago, if I was "seeing anyone".

I said no, because I didn't feel like explaining the whole thing.

The less my mom knows about my personal life, the better.

[noonwitch]

1. I think there comes a point in an adult's life where bisexuality is an excuse to avoid commitments

Once you reach a certain age, it's time to settle down with one person.

I'm not saying that an adult might not be attracted to both genders, I'm just saying there's a time to grow up and make a commitment.

[ghostsofgiants]

4. How many people actually do that? Seriously.

Do you have any basis for that at all aside from it just being a complete broad brush statement?

[harmonicon]

85. I think I agree with them

A friend of mine is in a very committed homosexual relationship - they'd like to get married, but will have a hard time of it since they're from different countries, neither of which recognize homosexual marriages. When I met my friend he occasionally went out with girls, then in his mid 20's started seeing men. He's said that he doesn't really feel that strongly one way or the other, but he felt that it would be easier on a social level to self identify as gay. I think that decision may have been what has made it easier for him to find one person to settle down with.

[skygazer]

9. What a bizarre statement

So you're saying that being bisexual means you're incapable of being in a committed relationship? Do you know anything at all about bisexuality? :wtf:

[noonwitch]

58. Obviously not as much as you all think I should

Again, I am not calling for any kind of discrimination or mistreatment of anyone. I am just stating my opinion.

[Solon]

90. A really bigoted and stupid opinion, but I guess you are entitled to it...

seriously, :wtf:

[Phillycat]

10. What?

:wtf:

[Lex]

13. Gramma? Is that you?

nt

[Critters2]

17. LOL!

:spray:

[Fleshdancer]

18. why?

Not everyone needs to settle down with one person and doing so or not doing so has very little to with sexual orientation.

[redqueen]

22. Uh... not everyone is the same or wants the same things out of life.

Nothing to do with being an adult.

[Critters2]

23. But I can make a commitment and still know that I'm attracted to both sexes.

The two things are not mutually exclusive.

[Phillycat]

30. Right? By this person's logic, if you're gay and find your same-sex

partner for life, you stop being gay and become "committed". :wtf:

[DarkTirade]

59. And when I was dating a brunette, I stopped being able to be attracted to blondes and redheads.

:crazy:

[Arugula Latte]

26. What does it matter to you if someone doesn't want to "settle down."

Some people realize they're not suited to spend the rest of their life with one partner. I see nothing wrong with "not settling down."

[Name removed]

35. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

56. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Book Lover]

60. For one thing, this person

Dead because of attitudes like the one you expressed.

[noonwitch]

95. I doubt that my opinion is responsible for someone's death

Since I have no idea who's photo that is and how she died, I can't really make any further comments.

Whatever my opinion about someone's sexuality may be, I treat people individually with respect and caring. Just because I have an unpopular opinion doesn't mean I'm cruel.

[Book Lover]

96. Are you still here?

Yawn.

[TrogL]

99. I suspect that's Gwen Araujo

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gwen_Araujo

http://jaimesite.homestead.com/gwenaraujo.html

[Phillycat]

68. Because it was bigoted nonsense, and it was deleted for being against the rules.

As this one will be. As far as "why does someone care enough..." that's a pretty stupid argument, since you ARE posting on a public message board here. If you didn't want a reaction, why would you have posted something so closed-minded and prejudiced? You do know this is a progressive message board, right?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

32. ugh. how stupid.

[Name removed]

38. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[TrogL]

48. Did you even read the TLP?

The topic is bisexuality.

If you feel "bisexuality" translates as "make up your fucking mind", I've been in committed relationships with both genders (and multiple orientations including tranny). They broke up due to matters beyond my control (eg. somebody changing the locks on the doors) not anything to do with a change in orientation.

[ScreamingMeemie]

51. So now, that I am no longer settled down, I am a bisexual??

A stupid question here to an equally stupid statement.

[noonwitch]

57. That's up to you to define by your standards

I really don't care. But all this defensiveness, geez.

[ScreamingMeemie]

63. Defensiveness...?

Where? I made a comment on a ridiculous statement. I hardly call that defensive.

[LostinVA]

87. I always knew you were a slippery bisexual

[Schema Thing]

98. go on...

[KamaAina]

69. Well, you do post an awful lot about sports 'n' stuff...

...even football!!

:sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm:

edit: and cats! How could I forget about the cats! We all know about lesbians and cats, right?

(more :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: )

[Book Lover]

53. Quite the other way around, friend

I am married, but I am still bisexual, just like I have brown eyes, no matter what color contacts I may have on. (OK, imperfect analogy...)

[SPKrazy]

55. Uhm... What?

:wtf:

weird

[woo me with science]

70. What was that article someone posted not too long ago

about someone who finally "settled down" and became a Republican?

LOL that is what this answer and the responses remind me of.

[Rhythm]

102. "Settling down" with one person does not mean your NOT bisexual

Being bisexual does NOT mean having to have intimate relations with both at any given time... it means that you are physically attracted to both genders. I can and do engage in intimacies with people of either gender... but only if i am involved in a relationship with them.

I'm bi, and so is Oktoberain. We've been together exclusively for 9 years now, but both of us were previously married to men. I dated/screwed around with both guys and gals from high school until i met the guy i married, but i was never 'seeing' more than one person at a given time.

I guess you would call me a 'serial monogamist'

[ghostsofgiants]

2. My mom, from time to time, has indicated that she doesn't think homosexuality really exists...

And that gay people just do it for attention. She's not a bad person, just reaaaaaally ignorant sometimes. x(

[Phillycat]

3. Yes, all that wonderful attention. Like being tied to a fence and beaten to death!

They're the center of attention! The star of the show!

[ghostsofgiants]

5. Yeah, really.

I love my mom, but her views are sometimes very shortsighted.

[Phillycat]

7. That's all right. My mom can be like that too.

[Shell Beau]

6. That is why I laugh when people think being gay is a choice.

Who would choose that? It doesn't seem to be the easy choice.

[Critters2]

21. I knew a pastor once who insisted it was a choice.

I mean he INSISTED!! He'd pound the table and turn red in the face when talking about how it was a choice. It was clearly emotional and personal for him. I came to the conclusion that he believed he had made a choice in marrying his wife and living a straight life....but that that was not his true nature. And he thought everyone could do the same. I felt really sad for him. And for his wife.

[Fleshdancer]

24. the funniest conversation regarding homosexuality took place between my two grandmothers...

The good news is that both my grandmothers believed homosexuality was real, but they argued over why. My paternal grandmother said it was because everyone knew that the male g-spot was located in the anus. My maternal grandmother thought this was ridiculous because everyone knew that the male g-spot was located somewhere in the throat or mouth.

Both agreed that lesbianism existed because women are just easier to be around.

:banghead:

[Critters2]

27. Women are just easier to be around. nt

[RadiationTherapy]

47. ha haaa haaah haahahaha! BAAAHHH hahahahahaa!!

sigh.

hahahahahahaAHAHAHAaHAAaAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

hoooooo....so so so funny.

[krispos42]

28. Trying to imagine my grandparents having that conversation...

...







...







...






...








FAIL!

[Fleshdancer]

29. mine were pretty damn cool

and conversations like the one I described almost always took place after an afternoon of scotch. One of my maternal grandmother's best friends was a gay man who lived across the street from her. He was a great guy and I often wonder if he told her the g-spot thing just to see if she would believe it.

[Critters2]

31. My grandmother, who was more accepting than anyone in the family

of my gay cousin, once said to me "I know that K and J love each other, and have sex. But I don't know how they do it. Do you?" I told her I didn't because, well, who wants to have that conversation with their grandmother?!

[Fleshdancer]

37. lol, exactly

That's why I never jumped into the g-spot conversation. It was enough for me (and my parents) that they respected homosexuals so why bother with the logistics?

It does make me wonder what crazy things will come out of my mouth when I'm that age though.

[krispos42]

44. "They kiss a lot"

I think that would be my answer. Followed by a rapid subject change.

[littlebit]

39. Yeah right

Most women I have been with were psychotic and not real easy to be around. I think that is why I became a truck driver. It gave me an excuse not to be home all of the time.

[Fleshdancer]

41. HA! but you never had to deal with my grandfathers

in their world, women were easier to deal with. :D

[La Lioness Priyanka]

34. she is right. i am an attention whore and gay. so clearly she is right.

:P

[ghostsofgiants]

42. You'd be an attention whore if you were straight too.

:P

[Oeditpus Rex]

64. You aren't the attention whore per se

The Big Gay Boobs are. They just can't help themselves. :D

[redqueen]

8. Geez.

[IndianaJones]

11. I've read that its a myth. nt

[Shell Beau]

61. No that is monogamy!

[terrya]

12. I used to think that.

I used to think that bisexuality was a copout for some people. For heteros who were "confused" bisexuality was a rationale for their "confusion". And for gay people, bisexuality was a way to rationalize their being ashamed of their homosexuality.

Luckily I outgrew those ridiculous ideas about bisexuals. And I feel foolish for thinking about that kind of crap.

[redqueen]

25. Ah no... it's not foolish... just mistaken.

It's only foolish if you don't learn as you go. :)

[johnnie]

45. You're absolutely right redqueen

I think everybody learns along the way. I sometimes feel bad for posters here who ask what they think is a innocent question about these types of issues and then get torn new assholes for not innately knowing the answers.

[nomorenomore08]

72. I think most people just assume that everyone else has the same knowledge/information they do.

Makes for some heated arguments that don't need to be so heated. Just my two cents.

[unpossibles]

14. that's funny, because you can tell her that this bisexual doesn't believe in hetero-/homosexuality

kidding, sort of.

I do think, based on experience, think that there are a lot more bisexual people than is commonly believed, but that's just my opinion, that sexuality like other traits, is a fairly diverse spectrum.

[Fire Walk With Me]

15. Your mom may be fantasizing about kissing women.

:shrug:

[stuntcat]

50. hehe yah, some denial going on there..

nothing against your mom of course! She rocks I bet.. I could tell her some stories if you'd like :)

[LanternWaste]

16. Gore Vidal once wrote...

Gore Vidal once wrote ('Selected Essays of Gore Vidal' was the name of the book I think) something to the effect that there are no straights, no bisexuals, no gays, nor any lesbians, either.

He explained that there are only sexually oriented people and non-sexually oriented people. I certainly don't know if I agree with that sentiment or not, but it sure has livened up the discussions at the poker table every few months.

[lightningandsnow]

20. Yeah.

My sexuality doesn't have a label, except for, perhaps, "queer".

Like, I thought I was almost completely gay - until I met my boyfriend. Now I don't know...but whatever.

[Zuiderelle]

19. The problem with bisexuality...

is that so many "straight" people are actually bisexual to a certain degree that they therefore think that being gay is a choice, since they have chosen to be straight.

I mean seriously, that has to be the reason.

B-)

[Reverend_Smitty]

36. I think there may be something to that

If you look at the Kinsey scale, very few people are exclusively heterosexual or homosexual so maybe a few 1s or 2s on the scale can't come to grips that they find a person of the same sex attractive so they repress those feelings and assume people on the other end of the spectrum are making a choice.

[otherlander]

33. That's weird. Where would she get that idea from?

Most people would call me bi but somehow I don't really feel the label fits me. It's not like "I'm attracted to men... and I'm attracted to women," it's just, "I'm attracted to sexy people." So I don't feel the term describes me that well. If that makes any sense.

[littlebit]

40. That's the one thing I have always really loved about my mom.

She is very open minded. I can tell her just about anything.

[Dogtown]

43. The last line in your post...

Advice for a lifetime.

[TrogL]

46. I've had three wives, one long-term boyfriend

...and find both sexes attractive about equally (if not necessarily on the same day).

Explain that.

[Shell Beau]

49. You're just horny!!

:P


j/k!!!!

[HEyHEY]

52. You talk to your mom about that?

Jesus. I cringed when I was 16 and heard my dad use the word, "boobs"

[Unvanguard]

77. My mother and I had discussions about pornography when I was a teenager.

Two militant feminists arguing it out. I don't remember much awkwardness.

But then, my parents and I had (and have) a weird relationship in some respects.

[SPKrazy]

54. Just Say "You could be right"

and let it go

[Book Lover]

62. Sounds like the prudent thing to do

Sorry to know you deal with this in your own home.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

65. That's not what your mom said at the orgy last night.

:shrug:

[Bucky]

66. What about ambisexuality?

I coined that, by the way. Figuring "bisexual" means you go both ways, "ambisexual" means you could go either way. The term bisexual would seem to leave the door open to occasional, but necessary, infidelities. Ambisexuals, in theory, could be happy with just one partner and just don't sweat the details (like genitalia).

[MrScorpio]

97. I read recently that women are more likely to do that than men

Basically, a lot of women just completely disregard gender when it comes to a sexual partner

I guess it explains why women are more likely to engage in same sex behavior than men

[DarkTirade]

67. Some people just can't handle having things exist outside of the little boxes they like to put

everything in.

And that includes gender and sexual orientation.

Personally, I'd defy any straight guy to see http://youtube.com/watch?v=kfMnM5Y2rw8">this music video and not wonder if they'd switch sides for the lead singer. :P

[nomorenomore08]

73. But does it count if the guy is that feminine-looking?

On a superficial level, being attracted to him doesn't seem much different than being attracted to a woman. But I'm one of those boring 100% hetero (more or less) guys, so what do I know? :P

[DarkTirade]

74. Which also indicates that gender itself is fluid.

Which was kinda my whole point. :)

[nomorenomore08]

79. Very true.

For instance, some of those Thai "ladyboys," if I didn't know they were really guys, would be very attractive to me.

[RadiationTherapy]

76. I would not switch sides on account of his

COCK!

Sorry, boys, I like the innies. But, carry on unimpeded!

[DarkTirade]

78. I didn't say you'd switch sides...

just that it might make you wonder. :P

[newmajority]

91. Looks like he's trying to be the new "Boy George"

Decidedly feminine in appearance, but not trying to actually pass as a woman.

[DarkTirade]

101. Yes, but unlike Boy George, he's actually kinda hot.

:P

One of the other band members is his twin brother, and they look a lot alike (not sure if they're identical or not) but the brother doesn't go for the effeminate look so it isn't really noticeable unless you pay close attention.

[ismnotwasm]

71. Odd

I was just explaining bisexuality to my 9 year old grandson. He had heard something on a talk radio station right before his mom dropped him off. (Thanks a lot daughter) He knows what "gay" is, and he was saying that he thought if "a man has sex with another man then he's gay" Evidently they were discussing bisexuality on this show-- he heard to much information in my opinion. Anyway if he can ask, he deserves an answer, so I gave him the response for 9 year olds, "You can like both, a lot of people do" Kids tend to drop the subject when their curiosity is satisfied and he did. We all try to leave the topic of sexuality open and as comfortable as possible for him.


My personal opinion that many people are bisexual to a greater or lesser degree, far more than what stats show. I can't imagine thinking it doesn't exist. Maybe your Mom is a bit sheltered?

[lightningandsnow]

100. Yeah...the thing is, I guess,

that I came out as a lesbian a few years ago...well, I thought I was bi at first, then I was like "nah, I'm way more into women". I thought I was almost completely gay (my attitude was "Yes, some boys are hot, but it's not like I want to kiss them"), until I met my boyfriend. But he's trans - and pansexual. And all the guys I like (and they're few and far between) are either trans guys or really femmy queer guys.

What would that make me? Hmm... I just consider myself queer. That's a pretty good non-descript label.

[Unvanguard]

75. I find it incredible that people can believe things like that.

I just don't get it.

Do they think we are all liars?

[Unvanguard]

80. Why does it say that the number of replies to this thread is 93? n/t

[DarkTirade]

82. Deleted subthread

musta had enough posts to bring the count up to 93.

[Unvanguard]

84. Oh. That makes sense. Thanks.

It was confusing me--I thought there had been new replies, and I couldn't find them. :)

[last_texas_dem]

81. I used to feel the same way as your mom

I generally consider myself pretty good at putting myself in other people's shoes, but the idea of people being attracted to both sexes was just hard for me to grasp for a long time. I'm 24 now, and as late as the age of 18 or 19 I had a difficult time grasping the existence of bisexuality. I learned about people being gay from a young age, learned as a teenager that two of my best friends and one of my relatives were gay, and was always very accepting of them and the way that they are. I think the problem for me was simply that I have never found myself sexually attracted to any man, and so I looked at things like they had to be black and white: if you're straight you're attracted to the opposite sex, if you're gay you're attracted to the same sex. I assumed bisexuals were either gay people nervous about coming out "all the way" or straight people looking for attention. While I still believe that there are some people who may claim to be bisexual (or "bi-curious") who fall into that latter category (for example, the obviously straight women who make out with their female friends on "Girls Gone Wild" or something because it's "hot"), I now realize that the beliefs that I used to hold on the subject were closed-minded and shortsighted. I don't know much about how your mom, but perhaps, with time, she will potentially come around to a greater understanding of things as well. Sometimes all it takes is someone one knows and trust explaining to someone else who they are and where they are coming from for that other person to begin to come around on something they had not formerly thought about deeply enough.

[CreekDog]

83. regardless what anyone thinks, nothing good can come out of an argument about this

especially between a mother and child.

that's life.

and FWIW, someone I once worked with, who is very open minded on other things, didn't approve of bisexuality, though she had no problem with anything else. her thought was one or the other was okay, but both as she described bi, well, that's just too much fun to be right.

...or something like that. :shrug:

now, before you flame me...i could have argued with her, but i don't usually argue beliefs unless i have some standing to do so and something intelligent to say in response.

[no name no slogan]

86. Some people like pointers. Some people like setters. And some people like 'em both.

Good on 'em all.

[DarkTirade]

88. Why'd you leave out the papillion people?

WHY MUST YOU DISCRIMINATE?!?!?! :cry:

:P

[DarkTirade]

89. Fortunately reality doesn't care if one person believes in it or not.

Reality goes on about its business just the same.

[Dastard Stepchild]

92. My bisexuality exists.

It's always been all kinds of awesome.

But yeah, I heard that a lot, too, when I would tell people I was bisexual. Now people really fight me on the issue because I am married to a man. Which clearly erases my bisexuality. Clearly.

[DarkTirade]

103. Yes, because once you're in a relationship with a brunette, that negates any past relationships

you may have had with redheads or blondes.

... hey, same logic. :)

[old mark]

93. Get her a date with a woman.

[SarahB]

94. I'll adopt you.

My 16 year old (mostly, probably) strait daughter has many friends of varied sexualities. I'm bi (probably a soild Kinsey 2 kind of bi), but I'm married and choose to not get heavily into the details of my own sexual experiences. "I've had a wide range of experiences" is all I say and all just wants to know (most people really don't want the nitty gritty of their mom's sex lives anyway). We're just very open about stuff and this is a non-issue for my family.