Blast from the (Recent) Past: Seven Car Commercials

Fenris

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Fri Jun-27-08 02:19 AM
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Blast from the (Recent) Past: Seven Car Commercials

1993 Chrysler New Yorker

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOEEKswPu-w

"214 horses or two airbags?" What a choice! America was still emerging from its post-Malaise horsepower fog when this commercial was made. Perhaps 214 "horses" doesn't sound impressive to you because your car likely has as much or more and an airbag, but hey, the world the New Yorker was fighting against in 1993 was, according to Chrysler, one in which car companies asked if you'd like modest acceleration or the ability to live through a crash because both were just not possible. The "American luxury car" proves you can have everything! Except for the passenger sitting in the middle of the front bench. He's going to die.

1980something Renault Alliance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkQrL8123Zg&feature=related

Ever feel like substandard French automobiles are just out of reach, like on the other side of a canyon in a Roadrunner cartoon? Apparently people in the 1980s did, but Renault (THE ONE TO WATCH THE ONE TO WATCH THE ONE TO WATCH) decided to bridge between "European technology and affordability" that gap with the Renault Alliance, available exclusively at your AMC Jeep dealer! Yes, "European technology" here means the "unreliable Renault 9" and "affordability" means "the Franc is strong, so this heap is built in a retooled Nash factory in Kenosha."

1986 Mercury Cougar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m36bH1clVgk

This probably wasn't funny at the time, but given our familiarity with the word "cougar," it's a little odd. The (possibly "of a certain age") Mousy O'Shoulderpads jumps into her '86 Cougar and is transformed into a mid-80s prom attendee. I bet if Merc brought back the Cougar nameplate and remade this commercial they'd have a lot more sales and wouldn't be facing extinction. I know a few women who would buy one!;)

1985 Pontiac Fiero

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szKCDrnEavI

Mid-engined. Enduraflex. V6. It sounds so very exotic. If you're a student at State College, you don't just want one of those - you want all three. State College is famous for producing America's most demanding hitchhikers, and this young undergrad does not disappoint. And yet, he is rebuffed. Because if you find a vixen driving a Fiero GT, chances are the accelerator pedal is stuck and the engine aflame and she's just not going to be able to stop and pick you up. Should have gone with the hot brunette with the Iron Duke.

1984 Chevy Celebrity Eurosport

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vdqCmvsgXQ

This commercial captures the hopelessness of the 1980s. When you hear the term "Eurosport," you might conjure up images of BMWs or Porsches. In America, that name meant front wheel drive, synth vocals, and the most unexcited drivers in the history of car commercials. Just listen to the woman's voice when she says, "This is exciting." There's no excitement. It sounds like she desperately wants to tell you "riding in this car makes me want to die." To show how impressive the Eurosport's suspension system is, they have the driver pilot the car around a computer generated track at no more than twenty miles per hour. How confident are you in your car's handling when you won't even take it out of residential street speed? And that singing is not helping.

1983 Mustang GT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwYdQuGcy0Q&NR=1

Speaking of Malaise, the highlight of this commercial, aside from its "ripped from 'Flashdance'" incidental footage, is the engine specs. The GT, the top of the line 1983 Mustang, had a 5.0 liter engine with a four barrel carb and 175 horsepower! To compare, the current gen GT has 300 HP. Thanks to the fuel crisis, you might be seeing 175 HP V8s again soon!

1985 Plymouth Duster

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZGwGFpjFxI

Speechless, eh?

Nothing says 1985 like mountains of white powder, Kajagoogoo hair and a set and wardrobe courtesy of Chess King. What's truly upsetting about this commercial (everything?) is that this song is catchy and you might catch yourself humming the chorus after only one viewing.