You know what commercials need to die a horrible screaming death?

[Danger Mouse]

      Those fucking commercials for 'Free Credit Report'. You
know, the one where some douchebag with a guitar sings a hard
luck song about how much better his life would've been if only
he'd gotten a free credit report? I hate them with the passion
of 10,000 burning suns. You know why? Because they make light
of the fact that having a bad credit rating is the equivalent
of having a scarlet letter in this country. Make a mistake?
Pay for it for years and years afterward, for no good reason
other than that business can bend you over and fuck you eight
ways from Sunday just because they feel like it.
      And these commericals hand some drooling shithead a
guitar and tell him to sing a cute song about it. Cause, you
know, poverty and desperation are HILARIOUS, and people with
scarlet letters are so deserving of mockery anyway! My rage,
already hotter than the surface of the sun covered in hot
sauce, burned brighter when I saw an ad for this shit on
Myspace, featuring the Lord of Suck himself, Guitardouche,
saying 'you've heard the songs, now hit yourself over the head
with a stone mallet repeatedly till it seems funny and you'd
like to use our service!'
     You know what? A commercial could be a giant middle
finger screaming 'FUCK YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT NOW BUY OUR
PRODUCT' and it'd be less insulting to my intelligence than
that steaming pile of shit put together by Free Credit Report.
No, Free Credit Report, fuck you, and everything you
represent.

[Danger Mouse]

1. aw c'mon, don't tell me i'm the only person who hates that shit!

[DS1]

3. I hardly ever see commercials, but the web version would be those manic

home loans guaranteed where the silhouette in the suit would be shaking himself like a meth-addicted starbucks barista

[Danger Mouse]

5. it's evolved from the silhouette in the suit, though.

these days they even have a dancing 'mccain, obama, and hillary,' aliens, animals, all kinds of stuff.
i even saw that damn dancing baby advertising those home loans.
if i ever meet the person responsible for those ads, i will shine a strobe light in their face. see how they like it.

[LisaM]

2. The aftershave commercials where the scantily-clad women live in a guy's nose

wielding Super Soakers.

I'm sorry, but I'd rather MARRY the freecreditreport.com guy, bad job, pirate costume, and all, then be associated with anyone who has 100 women living in his nose.

[Danger Mouse]

4. wow, that sounds awful.

and sorry, but freecreditreport.com guy is already married...to a stone cold credit card defaulting harpy. if only he had checked out her credit rating before hand, he'd be a happy bachelor still!

[LisaM]

6. I know he's taken

but maybe he can go to freedivorce.com and get out of it (not that I'm really looking to marry him, only if the guy with the girls in his nose shows up).

[Danger Mouse]

10. there's a freedivorce.com? i want to think you're kidding, but it just sounds so...believable!

:cry:

[LisaM]

13. My intent was to be sarcastic

but I suppose there could be a freedivorce.com!

[Danger Mouse]

14. that's probably the next step.

[LisaM]

22. Maybe he can get a freeannulment.com

since she lied to him (or maybe he didn't ask, but either way, it could be grounds).

[petronius]

83. That one is truly vile - "that smell will get a man going."

:puke:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

7. I hate the ones involving animated mucus.

Mucinex, I think it is. I mean, come on. Cartoon boogers? :puke:

[skygazer]

8. And the animated toe fungus

Ewwwww...... :puke:

[Danger Mouse]

15. dear god no. please no.

:cry:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

19. That's another one.

What is it with animated parasites and icky physical features? Are we going to see cartoon hemorrhoids next? Polyps? Ear wax? Boils, chancres, eyelash mites?

Oh yeah, and then there's the Diarrhea Song from Pepto-Bismol. More catchy jingles about unsavory body functions.

Eww.
Eww.
Eww.

[Danger Mouse]

25. Dear lord, the one where the people in the office are doing the Pepto-Bismol dance...

and one of them is a relatively attractive woman squeezing her butt cheeks when referring to diarrhea... :cry:

[LisaM]

11. Wow, I guess there's a lot going on in peoples' noses

either that, or all the PR people went to the same crappy marketing school together.

[Danger Mouse]

17. It could be worse. You should see the rejected Pepto Bismol commercial from a couple years back.

[sniffa]

9. Well, they say a man should always dress for the job he wants

So why is he dressed up like a pirate with some DUer's grandma?

[Danger Mouse]

12. He wants to be a pirate who plunders grandma booty?

[LisaM]

16. Hey! It's Sniffa.

Maybe he (or she) can clue us in on this nose obsession thing.....

[bicentennial_baby]

18. The man has super nose powers, I tell you...

He can smell it when you're getting sick, before you even know it. I swear to FSM. :o

[sniffa]

30. I can diagnose fatal illnesses before doctors do

[krispos42]

56. Must really liven up weddings and bar mitzvahs...

BiCenBaby: Hi, Jim, hi Terri, long time no see! This is my new husband Sniffa! We've been married about a year now!

Jim: <snakes hands> Pleasure to meet you, Sniffa. How's married life treating you?

Sniffa: Great, BiCenBaby's a wonderful cook and gives great back rubs.

Terri: <shakes hands> Nice to see BiCenBaby's settled down with such a nice young man!

Sniffa: Thanks, you two make a great couple as- <sniffs suddenly, twice> Oooo, ovarian cancer. Five months to live.





:hide:
:-)

[Missy Vixen]

20. Thank you; this is a GREAT rant

Way to make light of a problem that affects millions of Americans, too. After all, identity theft is funny as hell, isn't it?

In the meantime, the advertising genius that thought up the "Viva Viagra" commercials also need to die a horrible screaming death. Those guys aren't getting any. They're too busy sitting around SINGING about getting some, rather than going home and getting busy.
Plus, there is not a self-respecting woman on the planet that would sleep with any of them after that.

Julie

[Danger Mouse]

23. The part that pissed me off more was the one about the girl with the bad credit card.

Like, you shouldn't marry a girl because her credit rating is bad. She has the scarlet letter shun her! Shun!
It's like everything that's wrong with this fucking country was turned into a shitty guitar jingle.

[LisaM]

27. Those guys are gay. Which is great, but they shouldn't pretend to be straight

they practically skip out of there holding hands and if I'm seeing it correctly, at least two of them are leaving together.

I don't even want to think about when they pan to the dog, but there is a line in the song where one of them refers to himself as "this old dog".

[Manifestor_of_Light]

36. I came up with a great name for the viagra commercial band.

The Fix-A-Flat Five. :evilgrin:

That said, it IS a horrible commercial.

But they're not singin' about those four hour woodies your doctor warned you about. :shrug:

[KamaAina]

21. Offer applies with enrollment in Triple Advantage.

You know what that means?

The G.D. credit report isn't even free!!!

"All because some hacker stole my identity.
Should've gone to ExpensiveCreditReport.com..."

[Danger Mouse]

24. There's always a catch. I hope they paid guitardouche a lot of money to sell out his dignity.

[deathdog]

26. He's French Canadian. So he didn't have all that much dignity to sell.

I'm kidding!! Really!!

[Critters2]

28. Goddammit!!! There was some commercial this morning, and I said to myself

"The next time there's 'commercial you hate' thread in the Lounge, I'm posting THAT ONE!" And now I CANNOT remember what it was!

When I'm in the Alzheimer's unit in the home, do ya think I'll have internet access?

[Danger Mouse]

31. Haha, it couldn't have been THAT bad if you don't remember it.

Stuff like 'Head On' gets scorched on your corneas. :)

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

29. the one with the jack-hammer and the couple in the hotel room

i can't reach the remote fast enough.

and tha coke commercial peddling the coke glasses.

[mockmonkey]

61. OMG

That commercial drives me nuts. Who thought a jackhammer in a commercial was a good idea?

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

32. The Fisher & Paykel one with the asshat watching his wife unload the dishwasher

Sweet Jaysus do I hate that one.

[Danger Mouse]

34. I am not familiar with that one.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

37. A guy is watching his wife/girlfriend unload the dishwasher

He sits there saying, "Tush - drawer. Tush - drawer. Tush - drawer." Then finally it's EUREKA - "Dish drawer!" It's for a new drawer dishwasher. Oh GOD do I want to throw something through the TV when that ad comes on!

[Danger Mouse]

42. Hahaha, the hilarity of sexism!

[csziggy]

47. Now there is another Fisher & Paykel ad with the same couple

The jerk is watching his wife move laundry from the washer to the dryer. I am not sure exactly what his new inspiration is since I mute the sound or change the channel as fast as I can when I see either commercial come up.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

53. I think it's a different couple

But I hate that one too. I LOATHE the "tush-drawer" one. :mad: They need to fire their ad team!

[bicentennial_baby]

40. Dish... Drawer... Dish... Drawer... Dish... Drawer...

Dishdrawer!! :woohoo:

:evilgrin:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

91. gawd! I hate that one!!

stoo-pid shit.

[IDemo]

52. That one's the worst out there right now

That dude needs a good tazing. "Dish..DRAAAAIIIIEEEEEHH!!"

[nadine_mn]

88. I always think he is saying Tush .... Drawer

Because we have to look at her butt then him looking at her butt

[begin_within]

33. That Baskin-Robbins commercial currently running where the dad hoses down his son

Horrible.

[Danger Mouse]

35. not familiar with it, but it sounds lame.

[begin_within]

38. The father and son are working in the yard, and the mother comes out the front door,

saying something like "Billy, as soon as you can get cleaned up, we're all going to Baskin-Robbins for soft serve." The dad then takes the hose and blasts the poor kid. (I think the actor playing the kid didn't know hard the spray was going to be.). That's the first half of the commercial, then they show a few other commericals. Then the second half appears about a minute later. That shows the father still blasting the son, then he stops the spray. The soaked son meekly asks, "Can we go now?" and the dad motions for him to turn around. He does, and the dad sprays his back, then they cut to the closing graphic of the Baskin-Robbins logo and say something like "Baskin-Robbins now has soft serve." It seems like child abuse to me.

[Danger Mouse]

39. That's awful.

:puke:

[Kajsa]

68. I hate that one, too.

That hose is power blasting the kid!

It reminds me of the firehoses used on demonstrators
in the 60s.

Not good!
:(

[tigereye]

41. I find those very funny and kind of clever, esp. the PIrate one...

the singer is so cute! :hide:


they remind me of a lot of my old band pals...

[Danger Mouse]

45. What I hate about them is that they make light of the situation a lot of us are in right now...

especially as things get worse.
And the Credit Report isn't even really free! :grr:

[terrya]

59. I like those commercials, also!

And I think the singer is very cute as well. :-)

[tigereye]

62. well, you should have seen Rhett Miller of the Old 97s last night, then

wow, is he gorgeous.


I'll have to look for a pic - but



the image is really large, I'll edit it after you've seen it...

[fizzgig]

43. you are in fine form tonight

i do agree with you about the commercial, though.

i can't say much about commercials because i haven't had cable for three months, but those terrifically nauseating viva viagra commercials make me what to chuck heavy objects at the television.

[Danger Mouse]

44. Why thank you. You know you miss my brutal ass whupin's of justice.

Actually, I wouldn't be able to say much about commercials either cause I didn't used to watch tv. At all. But now I watch Spongebob and iCarly with Ariel all the time, so yay! Commercials! :puke:

[fizzgig]

46. spongebob makes me want to smash

x(

[Danger Mouse]

48. i love spongebob!

bwahaha. actually, spongebob isn't nearly as funny as the bemused reactions people have to him.

[fizzgig]

50. meh

that's all i got


:P

[Danger Mouse]

51. psh, you wouldn't know quality if it bit you on the...

nose.

[LostInAnomie]

49. I hate any commercial that makes the volume jump up ear bleedingly loud.

There seriously should be a law that sets a standard volume for all programming. Anyone going above that volume should lose their ass.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

54. I hated the Verizon guy.

I think it was verizon.
The guy in the black raincoat that lurked and acted like an authority figure.

Damn I'm glad they stopped those. He was creepy.

[SoxFan]

67. The Fox Mulder wannabe was Sprint

Verizon has the "can you hear me now" dork.

[Awsi Dooger]

55. I hate one that plays on Golf Channel all the time

Something about long driving champions. It features raw meat and I click away every time it begins. Raw meat disgusts me.

Also, anything with a talking baby. That one is another instant click. IMO, two themes scream of lack of creativity: talkies babies and a guy getting hit in the crotch.

[krispos42]

57. And the tune is catchy.

Which, dammit, may well be the worst part.

[Paladin]

58. Howabout Those Coldwell Banker Ads?

The ones with the portraits of those two old farts, talking to one another. Jeez, who the hell painted those? What's with the bright, shiney eyes on both of them? Really creepy; distracts from whatever the message of the ads is supposed to be.....

[libodem]

60. That multi-grain Cheerios ad

where the wife asks "What else does the box say?" and he says, "The box says shuddup, Steve." For a long time I didn't even know what cereal it was because I hated the couple. She's just snarky enough and he's just apologetic enough to seem abusive. He clearly isn't harping on her weight but she takes offense. He can't redeem himself and he's in trouble. I don't like that one-ups-manship game playing. Life is hard enough without feigning supposed outrage over a comment taken out of context. Plus, Steve is wearing lipstick. Bad stage make-up.

[Akoto]

63. Any involving the Burger King.

Creeeepy.

I especially remember that one where the lady opens her blinds after getting out of bed, and the Burger King is standing at the window with her breakfast. :scared:

[Danger Mouse]

82. oh, you mean...

this guy?

[hobbit709]

64. ANY commercial with Billy Mays in it.

I can't hit the mute button fast enough.

[Cabcere]

73. I TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY AGREE!

BUT WAIT, CALL NOW AND WE'LL THROW IN EVEN MORE OBNOXIOUS SCREAMING FOR FREE! THAT'S A FIFTY-FIVE-GALLON-DRUM-OF-ANNOYING - I MEAN, DOLLAR VALUE - ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!!1!1!11!!

:banghead:

[Feron]

79. Oh man.

I can't stand those either.

[PBS Poll-435]

65. SunSetter Retractable Awnings

"Tell Them About the Discount, Harry" "Tell Them About the Discount, Harry" "Tell Them About the Discount, Harry" "Tell Them About the Discount, Harry" "Tell Them About the Discount, Harry"

[Eurobabe]

66. Right after that falling gnome, Travelwish#43, Cliffdiving in Mexico

[Danger Mouse]

80. Dear God yes.

[Missy Vixen]

69. Okay, I'm in Hell

I was just downstairs looking for something to watch on TV. It's beastly hot here.

First channel? The pirate guitar freak.
Next channel? Viva Viagra.

I shut the television off. I was worried there'd be excerpts of the Verne Troyer sex tape next.

Just shoot me.
Julie

[loveable liberal]

70. Me and my kids love those commercials.

We sing along. Kids know all the words. heehehee

[FloridaJudy]

71. I don't have a TV

But that awful commercial MSNBC continually runs with the business woman getting positively orgasmic about the delights of flying business class, makes me want to buy a handgun. First I'll shoot my monitor, and then go after that narcissistic twit. I'm sure this is why they have 3 day waiting periods.

[Cabcere]

72. As soon as I saw the subject line, I knew exactly what commercials you meant.

:hug: And I agree. :pals:

[Danger Mouse]

81. Thank you, my friend.

:hug:

[carlyhippy]

74. that's easy....the HEAD ON commercials

aaarrgh

but on another note, I find myself terribly attracted to the free credit report.com guy and his friends in the band............:spank:

[Sir Jeffrey]

75. "Guitardouche"?????

:rofl:


I agree wholeheartedly. We mute it when it comes on, and it looks almost a stupid as it sounds.

Not to mention that freecreditreport.com is a rip-off, since they actually piggyback on people intending to head to annualcreditreport.com.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

76. I only hate them cause the song is so catchy it's in my head all day.

I never thought about it the way you have, but now that I have, I agree with you.
Duckie

[TheCentepedeShoes]

77. Funny you should ask

It's one I'd never heard before but came up on the teevee in the LR while I was reading your post.
(And I agree, the free credit reports really grate)
I had to go in and ask Mr 'pede what company the commercial is for, I think it's locally produced.
He didn't know except, he said, it seem a group of businesses out of Clovis are doing it:
They (the employees, don't know, didn't get there in time to see) advertise the business while reciting the pledge of allegiance, and really emphasizing the under dog...er under god part, as in "under god, under god, under god."
Sheesh...

Edit: sentence structure

[NV Whino]

78. I'm so happy

I don't get TV reception.

[Feron]

84. I hate those commericals as well.

They grate on my last nerve like the Head On commercials did. If some hacker steals your identity, it may not even show up your credit report anyway.

And I especially hate the one where guitardouche says that he should not have married the wife because she had bad credit. Ugh.

[Danger Mouse]

90. Yes, that's the part that pissed me off the most as well.

[ScreamingMeemie]

85. I love them.

And he is cute.

[papapi]

86. "Have a happy period. Always" . . . . .

and the Stanley Steamer commercial with the dog scooching his ass on the carpet.

Any kind of animated germs.

And genital herpes commercials.

ALL pharmaceutical commercials.

Any commercial that debates the worthiness of toilet paper.

[Danger Mouse]

89. When I was first diagnosed with genital herpes...

the men/women in those commercials better hope they actually HAVE herpes, cause they ain't ever getting laid again. Ever.

[papapi]

92. I don't want to see that!?!!?? - I... do... not... waNT... TO... SEEEE THAAAAT!!!

People are soooooo lame. I saw a blog where a teenager was reporting that she found a pimple on her 'poo-twá' the day after she jerked off her boyfriend and he fingered her poo-twá. eighty-eight posts later the responders had her dying of the Ebola virus and calling 911.

Will we never grow up?

[nadine_mn]

87. Progressive w/ the insane Cashier and WaMU

[BarenakedLady]

93. I HATE Lee and Anne Marie

If I have to hear about how they found each other on e-harmony one more time, I'm going to stab someone in the testicle.

[Kat45]

94. I've never seen that one. I guess I'm glad I haven't.

How much do you bet the next time I'm watching TV, it will come on? Although, I can honestly say that I have never seen that Head-On commercial that everyone loathes. Seriously, I haven't.