I need advice and don't know where to ask. My friend's son died.

[fight4my3sons]

He was 8yrs old. He had Acute Myeloid Luekemia. He had gone through a bone marrow transplant last year and then a not yet approved medication that the FDA let them try through Mt. Sinai in NYC. He has been at home the last few weeks. My family went to NY last week for my brother's wedding and we were actually going to meet up with my friend and her boys. We made plans before I left Maine and Dylan was ok. When she did not call back last Friday I knew something was wrong. Here is the link to the Caring Bridge site. What I would like to know is what do we do for the family? I know that they would like donations to be made to a specific foundation and we will do that. We want to get something for Dylan's younger brothers - 5yr old twins and a 6yr old. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you so much.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/dylanmayo

[Midlodemocrat]

1. I'm very sorry.

Are they religious? Catholic? If they are, you could have rosary beads made from rose petals that are sent to the ceremony.

I'll be happy to send you the information.

[fight4my3sons]

2. I think that they are Catholic. I know they turned to religion when

Dyl was fighting the cancer. They would say that they were FROGin' it as in Fully Relying On God. They are just beyond consolation, as I would be. It was just so quick and at the same time the past 14 months were pure hell for them. I just can't imagine the pain that they are experiencing right now.

[Midlodemocrat]

5. I can't either. A friend of mine is going through the same thing.

Her 5yo has been diagnosed with brain cancer and they were unable to remove all of the tumor.

The reason I mentioned the rosaries, is that when my mom died, I had them made for everyone in the family and they are truly beautiful. I also had some made for my friend when her husband was killed. Her daughter will carry hers down the aisle when she gets married.

[fight4my3sons]

7. They sound beautiful.

Please send me the information.

I'm so sorry about your friend's child. Are they doing any radiation or anything like that? 5yrs old is so young!

My sister had a non-malignant brain tumor that they could not remove all of. (she had the surgery at Mt. Sinai in NYC) It was too vascular and was in the middle of her brain between the two hemispheres. She has to get MRI's twice a year and is on Topamax for seizures. It has been successful for the control of the seizures. She went through a lot of seizure meds before finding one that worked well. It was no fun for her to have a sudden seizure. She was not able to work for a few years and after the surgery lost the right side of her body. Her foot drooped and her arm and hand were limp. She has fully recovered now and had a beautiful baby boy who will be a year old next month.

[Midlodemocrat]

10. Check your PM.

[Connonym]

3. Not a symbolic lovely gesture (like the beautiful one above) but

They're both quite little and I'm sure their lives have been chaotic recently. Perhaps you could take the boys for a day of fun (to a movie, an amusement park, a picnic, kids' museum, or something). It will give the parents some personal time. Or maybe that's totally inappropriate for the circumstances, I don't know really, I'm not necessarily the best judge of protocol. But I would imagine (and I mean no disrespect to your friends!!) that perhaps the younger children would relish being the center of attention for a day. How difficult for the family, the little ones probably don't really understand what is going on and to lose a child must be the most horrible thing ever for a parent. My heart goes out to them.

[fight4my3sons]

8. I would love to do something like that.

The only thing is that I am in Maine and she is in NY. I was supposed to see her family the day Dylan died. Now another friend (who lives in SC) and I are trying to get something together to send to them.
Thank you for the suggestions!

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

4. I'm sure there are children's books about losing a sibling

Maybe you could search Amazon for something like that. I'm sorry about your friend's loss - how devastating.

[Gormy Cuss]

6. Help them celebrate his life.

Write them each a letter with stories about their brother and what a wonderful boy he was.

Perhaps send them an age appropriate book on death and dying (I'd send the book to the parents for review first.) Here's list of suggestions:
http://www.barrharris.org/barbooks_pfr.html

[fight4my3sons]

9. thank you

the letters are a great idea and thank you for the link to the books