gatorboy
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Mon Jul-07-08 03:04 PM
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Normally I avoid the cutesy emails but this one was just too darn funny.
DOG DIARY:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY:
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Jerks!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously an idiot.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
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latebloomer
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Mon Jul-07-08 04:50 PM
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Unfortunately, it's been circulating for YEARS- I guess that's why you didn't get any responses.
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gatorboy
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Mon Jul-07-08 04:55 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
2. Maybe we should switch names. |
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:P
Anyone seen this new movie called the Godfather? It's great!
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latebloomer
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Mon Jul-07-08 05:36 PM
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3. Well, then I'd have to get a sex change, too |
fizzgig
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Mon Jul-07-08 05:40 PM
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4. that one never fails to crack me up |
lildreamer316
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Tue Jul-08-08 04:21 AM
Response to Reply #4 |
6. Actually it would be cool if someone updated it with a LOLcat. |
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Gonna have to work on that...
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Biscottiii
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Tue Jul-08-08 04:17 AM
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5. Never fails to give me a giggle too, no matter how many times I've seen it! |
Heidi
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Tue Jul-08-08 04:21 AM
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7. You will love this: "I am Henri. I am a black cat . . ." |
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(With a big thank you to the fellow Mod who shared this with me. :thumbsup: ) http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=0M7ibPk37_U
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DU
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Thu May 09th 2024, 03:44 PM
Response to Original message |