Hello. I would like to learn how to be a mean person.

[Writer]

I have decided that, after 33 years of being a relatively nice person (minus a few fuck ups here and there) that I would like to adopt the mantle of "Mean Person."

So given that, I would like to ask a few questions:

- What does one do to train to become a mean person?

- How much time does it take for one to become a mean person?

- If I become a mean person, will I get my own posse?

- After I become a mean person, how do I choose my victims?

- Will I be able to carry a wallet that says "Bad Ass Mean Person?"

- Do mean people get their own catch phrases? For example, could my mean person catch phrase be: "Writer: Zero to Bitch in One Hour and Seven Minutes?"

- After I earn my doctorate, will I then be Dr. Mean Person?

And finally:

- Do mean people have a lot of sex?


I'd be happy to read any insight you have. I'm thinking of starting on Wednesday, as it is, because that's when I damn well feel like it, assholes! (Was that an acceptably mean statement?)


~Writer~

[datasuspect]

1. just become a right leaning suburbanite

that would be a good start.

[Writer]

2. Does that mean I'd have to take up scrapbooking?

If so, those bitches over at Michael's better watch out.

[Dr. Strange]

3. Step 1: Go read the GD-P archives from the primary season.

[windoe]

4. First of all you may not be allowed any pleasure,

repress all of your desires and call them evil, and blame others for having too much fun. It will be easy after that.

[World Citizen]

5. just remember.... me first

alway and to the detriment of any and all others