Bittersweet Memories Of Estes Park, CO And My Mother Who Died Here

[SPKrazy]

my dad is moving finally (I say finally, it's just been a few years and I can see how hard it is to let go of anything) down to below the front range in the I-25 corridor looking up at the Rockies. He's moving to a wonderful place with lots of amenities and I'm very happy for him.

What surprises me I guess is the sadness I feel about leaving this beautiful place, knowing it will never be somewhere that I spend much time.

My dad has lived here for 7 years, and my mother for 5 of those here. She died of Ovarian Cancer, looking out her bedroom window at the mountains that surround the beautiful valley of Estes Park.

As I sit here and look up at the Rocky Mountain National Park, with its glaciers and peaks, I know that I will miss that view as little as I saw it.

So it is bittersweet, I remember my mother's worst years (IMO) with her sickness, and in some ways her best years, with my son's birth and life as her only grandchild. She loved him dearly and probably stayed alive to fight longer because she wanted him to be old enough to remember her.

My mother was far from perfect, and there are issues that I need to resolve between me and her. I love her though, and I know she loved me.

So tonight I'm just a little sad, a little peaceful, and full of memories.

Take care all, I know that there are lots of things to think about and we all have our things we are dealing with. Mine just happen to be what are paramount in my mind. Thanks for letting me share a bit of it with you.

:grouphug:

[Ptah]

1. Hey, buddy.

:grouphug:

[SPKrazy]

2. Thanks Ptah

:hug:

thanks

[Ptah]

3. When I was in the USAF, I was stationed at Lowry AFB, Denver, CO.

I had cousins that lived in Estes Park.

Simply gorgeous, stunning, breathtaking beauty.

:pals:

[SPKrazy]

10. Lowry is now a housing development

and Estes, while beautiful as hell, is also experiencing lots of growth

:pals:

[Ptah]

11. This desert rat misses the Rockies.

[SPKrazy]

12. Beautiful mountains, water, trees, and

in the midst of a drought right now too

time machines would be nice

[lost-in-nj]

4. .....

:hug:


yeah

memories hurt...
I re-learned that tonight


embrace the good ones SPK

thats the best you can do....


lost

[SPKrazy]

7. Its all we ever can do

say goodbye to the past, and move on.

We grieve, we deny, get angry, depressed, bargain, and we accept.

How we get there is akin to each individual

It always means letting go

and letting the past be the past, neither regretting nor wishing to shut the door on it.

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

14. At the moment however

All I feel is despair and a sadness so deep Im loathe 2 peer any farther into it. Too many memories 2 much unknown in the future 2 much 2 think about. I need 2 forget. All I know 2 do any more is hit my knees and let it out. I am a skeptic at best as 2 how that works. Its worked before when all else fails. It might work again 4 today anyway. Tomorrows too far off lost. I thank you for being my friend :hug: and giving a shit

[Bullwinkle925]

5. no problem SPK . . . . .

it is always hard to say goodbye - to anything, i think. i'm happy that your father will be in a place that is best for him - and makes it easier for you as well.
enjoy your visit there and being able to spend time with Pops.

big hugs . . .

bw925

[SPKrazy]

8. Good bye is a hard one BW

:hug:

thanks

extra :hug: :hug: for you

better?

[Bullwinkle925]

15. i think so . . .

my sis and i went to Glide Memorial Church in SF today. had a wonderful time and then went downstairs to their basement to help make sandwiches for the homeless. they serve 3 meals per day to the homeless - say they feed 1,000 people daily. that helps put things into better perspective for me.

i certainly hope your spirits will become lifted. methinks you've had enough on your plate for a long time.

xoxoxoxox
bw925

[SPKrazy]

16. glad you and sis got to do that

and that it felt good, it should because that was a kind and giving thing to do.

thanks for the well wishes, I guess my plate is not as full as some, and more so than others, ultimately I think it is relativity.

you are very cool yanno!

xoxoxox

SPK

[mopinko]

6. it's a beautiful place, and it reminds me of my mother.

one of the few trips we ever took was when me, my mom, younger sister, one of mom's bridge buddies, and her daughter, took the denver zephyr on a sight seeing package that went to estes park, colorado springs, and a couple of other places. i was 13, i think, and typically self absorbed teenager, i didn't know that my mom was thinking about leaving my dad. she found out that he had partied and drank while we were gone, and was a mess when we got home. she realized that he would end up in the gutter without him, so she stayed.
it was a tough life, and she didn't deserve it. left us lacking, tho, and had hard feelings for a long time.
beautiful place, tho.
take care friend. as both mother and daughter, i know that nobody does it perfectly. but all kids wish for just that. it sucks.

[SPKrazy]

9. True, none of us are

what we would like to be as parents

I fall short of my mark every day

I won't let my standards fall back too much

my son needs a good strong father figure and that is my goal

[mopinko]

13. it's a conundrum, tho

if we could be perfect for our kids, would we not be holding out an unachievable ideal? isn't it more useful for them to have an example of how to struggle along in the human drama, with our flaws and failings, getting up and meeting the new day in spite of so many reasons to do the opposite? i wonder.

[Rhiannon12866]

17. Oh, my friend, I am so sorry.

I lost my Dad, as well, but he could return tomorrow and still find all his things intact. That's how some people are. And I lost him, way too young, in 1990. But I totally identify with what you're going through. I have family in Colorado, as well, exquisite country. Thank you for sharing and a big hug from Rhiannon. I also send one to your adorable little son, who your Mom must have been so proud of...


Rhi:hug::hug: