At what age should small children be given privacy at bath-time?

[Fran Kubelik]

When should opposite-sex children not take baths together? When should children not take baths with adults?

I'm curious about the general consensus here. Obviously different cultures treat nudity/modesty in different ways. What do you think is appropriate?

[evlbstrd]

1. From birth.

If they drown, it's their fault.

[barb162]

2. Hahahah!

[LeftyMom]

3. When they start showing interest in thier privacy and can be trusted not to destroy anything.

Depends on the kid.

[barb162]

5. HEH! I know an 21 yr. old guy who can't be trusted to destroy

anything.

[LeftyMom]

6. I was thinking of LeftyKid's former habit of splashing and flooding the bathroom.

Which wouldn't be a huge problem, if the bathroom weren't upstairs. :grr:

He hasn't done that in a while, but I still poke my head in the door, and if he's doing more playing than bathing, bathtime's over.

[Fran Kubelik]

How old is leftykid?

Kid Kubelik is still supervised during his baths.

[LeftyMom]

11. 7 in April.

I'm just glad he'll happily take a bath daily. It seems like with most boys are pretty bad about it.

[Fran Kubelik]

13. I think that's why we have to supervise the Kubelik Kid baths

He resists baths mightily, but because of his allergies we have to give him either a bath or shower every day. :(

On edit - he's 6 too.

[barb162]

9. Ahh-so.

See, I just had a rubber duckie or something and didn't screw up everything. Now the dog in the bathroom getting a bath was another story.

[Ilsa]

7. My sister's husband almost divorced her over her

sloppy bathing habits. She'd soak the bathroom and he'd have to do some carpentry work because she had rotted out the walls. Yep, it almost did them in.

[barb162]

4. Well before age 6 , I would think.

What do the pediatricians say? I don't ever remember taking a bath with my opposite sex sibling and I can remember back to age 2.

[Ilsa]

8. I think it depends on the age of the child. I was about

7 or 8 before I became conscientious about my nudity. The water heater has to be set at an appropriate setting so kids don't burn themselves, also.

[Zuiderelle]

10. An adult taking a bath with a child seems creepy at any age.

Unless you mean giving the child a bath, and not taking one with the child. A shower makes some sense up to a certain age, if you don't have one of those hand shower thingies... but a bath? I can't see any reason why an adult would have to get in a bathtub with a child.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding the question.

[Fran Kubelik]

12. When Kubelik Kid was a baby

...by that I mean INFANT...I would sometimes bring him in the shower with me. Especially if he had, say, just thrown up over both of us. :) You have to be careful though - wet, squirmy, soapy babies are slippery suckers. :)

[Zuiderelle]

14. Yeah, good point there.

I suppose if you both really NEED the shower, it makes a lot of sense to consolidate. :D

[Fran Kubelik]

15. At least in this culture...

Bathing with a child who isn't an infant would seem to me to be kind of...not culturally accepted, to say it kindly.

[tigereye]

19. I was wondering about cultures with less access to a large amount of clean

water - they might not have that luxury... and there are also the public baths in other countries.


I have read that some kids and parents take showers together when the kids are little- not all folks in our culture are as uncomfortable with nudity. I think it really depends on the mores of each family. In the 60s and 70s I bet that kind of thing was more common than it may be now.


And what about the folks in nudist colonies? ;)

[Zuiderelle]

20. That would seem acceptable in other cultures, for sure.

But how about our culture here today, or what we consider the "norm" of our culture. Would it be normal for any adult relative to bath naked with any child (aside from exclusions like the kid throwing up over both parties as Fran mentioned) in a private bath tub? What would be the reason for it, I guess is my question? I would be hard pressed to understand, for example, if my son's grandmother took a bath with him. There would have to be a very damn good reason for her to have to be in the bathtub naked with my child.

As for nudist colonies, it doesn't change the fact that a bath is an intimate setting for two people to be naked together. Walking around, swimming, whatever... not a biggie, but bathing, unless it's in some communal greek bath type thing, just would seem odd to me. Maybe I'm uptight.

Showers seem a bit less verboten, and I've known many people who've done that simply because of the convenience of bathing a small child of say 3 or 4 that way. But I would have personally been completely creeped out if my father had taken showers with me at any age. It creeped me out enough just to have accidentally caught a glimpse of his penis from the split in his boxer shorts a couple of times. Ick. I have enough bad memories to deal with without that.

But you're right, society and the times change how we see and judge things I guess.

[Maddy McCall]

26. That depends on if Kubelik kid is an exotic child.

Is he a brown person? You know, exotic?

:P

[GreenPartyVoter]

22. I took baths with my kids when they were babies and toddlers. My mom took baths with us

when we were kids. No big deal. Nobody is scarred for life. :)

[Zuiderelle]

33. Babies and toddlers ok. How old were you when your Mom

took baths with you? I'm really curious about this.

[GreenPartyVoter]

35. I can remember taking a bath with her when I was 3ish I think. After that my bro and I

shared the tub for a couple of years (he was 3 years younger). And then we took our own after that.

[Connonym]

39. we had a double tub with water jets when my kids were little and I bathed with the kids

They loved that tub because it was really deep. Actually deep enough that I wouldn't want them bathing in it alone. My kids are both girls (as am I) and we moved out of that house when my oldest was about 5 or 6. It wasn't any big deal, we never bathed together in the regular tub, just the huge one. Even now with my oldest being 15 and my youngest 12 we still walk around the house in various stages of being clothed. We don't lounge around the house naked but we do walk to and from the bathroom to our bedrooms in just our unders or even sometimes nude. It's all women here, no big deal, we've all got the same parts. Is it really that weird? It's not how I was raised but I wasn't raised in a single-sex household. It seems perfectly normal.

[Zuiderelle]

49. Not weird at all.

[Name removed]

25. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Sheets of Easter]

31. Eww.That's as bad as dropping a deuce in your garden,

then bragging about how your hubby snapped a photo of it.

[Zuiderelle]

32. Yeah, I guess I'm thinking of older children and adults that aren't

the actual parents.

[raccoon]

52. What difference does that make? If the adults are

the fricking biological parents it's still inappropriate for them to bathe with the kids.

Anyone who thinks inappropriate sexual activities can't occur between a child and a biological parent better think again.

[Zuiderelle]

55. Ok...

bottom line, I'm actually referring to something I read here recently about a grandmother who bathed with her grandchildren. It frankly shocked me. I agree that it's inappropriate for parents to bathe with their children in most cases, especially after a certain age, and especially an opposite sex parent. I wouldn't even THINK of bathing with my son, and never have, though I do bathe him all the time. I can't imagine any reason why I would need to be in the bathtub with him when I bathe him.

But I also wouldn't blanketly judge all parents, as there are probably many situations where it isn't inappropriate, like some of the responses in this thread.

I DO think it very odd for a male parent to shower with a female child. Just by virtue of the fact that the sexual organs are pretty obvious on a male.

[raccoon]

57. I agree on that,

"I DO think it very odd for a male parent to shower with a female child."

Maybe that was in the message you responded to, which I didn't see.

[Runcible Spoon]

46. I guess my childhood was creepy then.

nice to know someone is always thinking horrible thoughts and ruining something wholesome and natural.

[Zuiderelle]

50. LOL

It's far from horrible thoughts, and not ruining anything to question things. My personal experience would have been that it would have been creepy for me to bathe with my father in a bathtub... my mother, maybe not so much. My grandmother.... totally creepy. That's my reaction only. It doesn't negate or judge your experience.

[mainegreen]

58. When my tike was little (less than 1 1/2) I'd get in the tub with him.

A hell of a lot easier on the back than leaning over the tub. And when it's the middle of winter, and the rug rat has woken up at 3am, sometimes just hopping in a warm bath is about the easiest thing to do.

He's my kid so I don't see how it's creepy.

[Midlodemocrat]

16. I stopped bathing my eldest two together when she was 4 and he was 2.

I never bathed with any of them. That seems a little creepy, unless you're talking about what you did upthread about a quick shower because you just got yakked on.

[Xithras]

17. In my experience, they'll let you know.

We were never really concerned about it in my household, but my kids kind of set their own limits. My now-14 year old daughter bathed with my now-11 year old son until she was about 7, at which time she asked to start bathing on her own. In that case, I don't think it was a modesty thing so much as it was a size thing...she was just getting too big to share our bathtub. On rare occasion, she'll still let my just-turned-4 year old son jump into the bath with her. I asked her about it once and she turned red and gave me a, "DaaaAAAAD! He doesn't even know what boobs ARE yet! It's OK!"

As for me with my kids, my daughter climbed into the shower with me until she was six (I think). At that point she made a comment comparing the size of my "willy" to that of her baby brother, and I decided that she was getting too big for it (broke her heart too). When I'm hiking, it's still not uncommon for my 11 year old son and I to strip and rinse off at the same time. He quit showering or climbing into the tub with me when he was 5, but hasn't shown any bashfulness about nudity aside from that. My youngest, currently 4, never really did take many baths with me, but he still climbs in with my wife regularly (he loves the bubble tub in our master bath). He will get into the shower with me, but if he's like his siblings, that will probably end in the next year or two.

[tigereye]

18. when they are old enough to be safe in the tub, I guess

and then when they start telling you they want privacy. Kids usually are pretty clear about reaching that point.



I guess with opposite sex kids that would be when they start to be a little too curious about all the "differences in equipment " or when they start to tell you they are too old? Interesting question.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

48. That's what I think...

...and when they no longer need help with shampoo.

[Pied Piper]

21. Funny story...

My sister has two boys, 2 years apart. In their master bedroom suite, the bathroom is huge and there is a separate bath and shower. The shower has two heads, so when the boys were particularly dirty (they live on 10 acres in the woods), the whole family would take a shower together. Until my oldest nephew pointed at my sister and said, "Hey Mom, when are you going to grow a penis out of that black thing?"


:rofl:

After that, the boys were old enough to shower on their own...

[GreenPartyVoter]

23. My youngest is 8 and I still bathe him but we are transitioning to him showering

on his own. He's almost ready but he needs a little more work on cleaning and rinsing himself effectively.

[Fran Kubelik]

27. Cool.

As I mentioned above, Kubelik Kid is 6 and we still bathe him, or at least supervise his baths and help him wash his hair.

[Gormy Cuss]

44. My mother maintained the "check behind your ears" system until she was convinced that we knew enough

to wash ALL parts, not just the easy ones. I think around age 7 or 8 we passed the test and were on our own.

[Maddy McCall]

24. It was about five with my son.

I only required him to leave the door open, and I promised him I wouldn't come in unless he called me.

We never did baths together, except for when he was an infant...he liked to play in the tub, and there just wasn't any reason for me to be in there with him.

As for baths with uncles, aunts, grandparents, etc, we NEVER did that...call me a prude or whatever, but I would never let my son bathe with anyone. And no one asked--and I'm sure my parents wouldn't want to bathe with their grandchild anyway.

Now that he's 14, he won't even walk through the house in his underwear. I, on the other hand, can be seen running through the house trying to find bras etc most any time. I always warn him: "MMjr, I'm about to run through the living room to the bathroom. Cover your eyes!"

[China_cat]

28. When they start asking you to leave.

Kids will become shy and not want other people around when they are performing bodily functions and bathing. That's the time to give them their privacy. Since I only had boys, I can't say anything about the bath situation.

[Schema Thing]

29. that's what I found with my daughter

my ex and I just "let it all hang out" when she was an infant. I think she is the better off for it; y'know, she knows what humans look like from her earliest childhood.

At some point (3, 4?), she developed a shyness about her own nudity and bathroom needs, and we followed suit.

[crimsonblue]

30. my kids will never bathe together

I loathe those nakey bath pictures..... :puke:

[jmm]

34. No real advice but

a friend recently told me about an incident that happened with two of her sons. Her 11 yr old was taking a bath but her 6 yrs old needed to use the bathroom. Since they only had one bathroom and they hadn't had any problems before she told him to go in. When he did the little brother looked at the tube and started yelling about how big his older brother was. After that she realized all her kids needed privacy in the bathroom.

[Fleshdancer]

37. and so the sibling rivalry begins

:rofl:

[Fleshdancer]

36. Depends on the kid I guess

With my daughter, the plan was to wait until she began showing signs of shyness about her body. I remember beginning this phase when I was around 5 or 6, but my daughter is 8 and still thinks streaking across the living room naked is hilarious. Kids. :eyes:

Every kid is different so it's up to the parent(s) to read the clues. They'll let you know when they're ready for more privacy through their actions or words.

[ileus]

38. we stopped our boy and girl at 3b and 5g, As for showers with us

"boy" takes a shower with me, and maddy with mom.

[bridgit]

40. I refer you to Scandinavian ethics regarding same, still...

We had a friend that nursed her son till he was 9. Being a true celestial being, she only cut him off when he bit her nipple *hard* while at a gathering of friends...but he's fine now :)

[Fran Kubelik]

41. Nine? Wow.

I thought we were pushing the limits at 2 1/2.
I would say that Americans, in general, are a pretty uptight culture. I'm certainly not immune to that - gotta be honest.

[dropkickpa]

42. Dropkid is 7 1/2

And she has been bathing by herself for about the last year. I still get called in about 5 times per bath to "Look at me hold my breath!!". We will shower together occasionally as a time saver. Doesn't bug her, doesn't bug me. We're both girls, it's just us in the house, so what the hell. As a side note, to this day, the only time I can take an uninterrupted crap is either when I am at work or she's at a friends house. Between her and the damn dog, I don't get a moments peace if I'm in the bathroom.

[Boudica the Lyoness]

43. How about this

I knew a woman who would be often naked in front of her 12 year old son! He had a girl friend at age 12 by the way. I told her it was wrong for her to let her son see her without clothes. The son was having girls in his room for sex at a very young age. I wonder if it had anything to do with seeing his mother naked? I don't know for how many years she continued it after he was 12. What do you think? It has always bothered me. He was making babies with girls at about 16.

[PaddyBlueEyes]

47. Man thats a tough one

I mean Im not sure, how all families are. In mine it was really no big deal, but my mom lived in Europe for a long time.

[ScreamingMeemie]

45. I never really thought about it.

My son (now 9) showers by himself after I turn on the shower. I bathed him until he was about 7, I think. I also dressed him for school every morning up until last year. I am sad, and a little bit grateful, that that is over.

[Blue Diadem]

54. My daughter and I still check the temp of the water for my granddaughter too.

She's also 9 and she'll sear her body if we didn't set her water temp. We have one of those big old tubs(picture clawfoot tub but with a solid base) and if she takes a bath without us checking the water height..well you can imagine how full the tub would be and how wet the bathroom would be.

It can be awkward with a boy sometimes..I remember my oldest at age 14, falling asleep one morning in a tub full of water. We didn't have a shower at the time, just the big old tub and when he didn't come out and didn't come out and it was time to leave for school, and my hollering and knocking on the door was what I thought ignored, I opened the door and he woke up and totally freaked out over Mom coming into the bathroom. We put in the shower just because of that. I was scared to death he was going to fall asleep and drown.

[RedShoes]

51. When I was a little girl, I used to take a shower with my dad all the time

I don't really remember stopping so one day I asked him how he knew when to stop taking showers with me and his reply is the appropriate one for your question. He said that when I asked him, "Daddy, what's that?" and pointed you know where, it was time for me to start taking big girl baths/showers.

So that's when. When they NOTICE. :hi:

[Blue Diadem]

53. I think when they ask or act as if you're intruding.

As far as bathing siblings together, our two oldest were 3 and almost 5. It was when she noticed he had something she didn't that they began separate bath times.

As far as an adult bathing with a child, the thought never occurred to me.

My granddaughter recently turned 9. She asks for privacy but then when she needs her hair washed and conditioned she'll either call her Mom or me to help her. When my other granddaughter, who just turned 5, spends the weekend, they'll get in the shower together so the oldest can show the youngest that water on her head isn't an awful thing and if water runs down her face, it won't hurt her. Either my daughter or I supervise and instruct or help the 5 yr old to wash properly. The two girls do the same thing in the pool. The youngest has been very fearful of water anywhere on her face/head and heaven forbid, even a wet washcloth on her face is an OMG shriek moment.

[zanne]

56. My sister was so proud of her five year-old son for showering alone...

She thought he was some kind of genius. Then he developed a bad rash. She took him to the doctor's and he asked "What kind of soap are you using"? My five year-old nephew looked up at him and said "Soap"?

[crim son]

59. In my household, I left the kids to their own devices when they became

shy about being exposed. I stopped showering with my daughter at the same time. I stopped showering with the boys when they became more interested in me than the cleaning process (about six years old). I didn't bathe both sexes together after about three years old. My two cents'!

[AwakeAtLast]

60. I don't think it's a good idea to leave small children in a bathtub alone

My 6 y/o is getting the hang of bathing herself without dumping the body wash, but one of us is always around to make sure she's O. K.

I also don't think this would be a question in other countries. :shrug:

[Rhythm]

61. Our son is eight years old. For the most part, he

bathes himself, save for one of us being called in to help him wash his hair, or on occasions (like holidays) when we need to be sure that he's as clean as humanly possible, which involves one of us using our "poof" (which is too big for him to handle well on his own) to scrub his knees, elbows, and ankles.

However, I can remember a couple of times just this past year when we had serious time and hot water limitations, and Oktoberain and OktoberKid shared a bathtub full of water. Our house is nudity-friendly and seeing either of us unclothed is no big deal to him. He understands that there are different rules for what's appropriate at home and what's appropriate anywhere else, though.

Since all of OktoberKid's local cousins are boys, and they are the only ones he ever shares a bath with, the opposite-sex-kids-in-the-bathtub thing has never come up. IF the situation presented itself, then we'd probably bathe the kids separately--not because we think that two opposite-sex children bathing together is "creepy", but because we'd be concerned about the comfort of the girl whose parents probably aren't as hippie-free-and-open as we are.

[Fran Kubelik]

62. I appreciate your post

I'd also like to take a minute to explain that I don't actually think anyone on this thread thinks parents and their kids bathing together is creepy. There was a post earlier this week in the lounge where someone mentioned taking baths with their grandchildren and having them play with her bellybutton. She later mentioned that the grandchildren's parents won't let her see them anymore. I think the conclusion was drawn that in THAT case, it was pretty creepy.
I will admit that I first got the idea for posting this thread because of that post - it got me thinking about what my comfort levels are with kids and nudity and wondering where other people stand on it.

[ElsewheresDaughter]

63. around age 5 or 6