Word contest

[Renew Deal]

I got this in my email.

*The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are
asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were
winners for 2003...

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12 Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before and after he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican or Haitian proctologist.