An open letter to everyone who calls into a company's phone support line...

[ghostsofgiants]

I deal with 30-50 assholes a day who like to yell at me for shit that isn't my fault, so I'm sorry if I'm not in the most chipper mood when you're telling me how much of an idiot I am for a problem that I didn't cause. I sit through your bullshit and try help you anyway because it's my job. If you really want a good customer service experience, keep that in mind and don't give me fucking attitude when I ask you the phone number on your account or why you're calling; I'm not fucking psychic. The yelling and verbal abuse doesn't make me want to solve your problem any more promptly or effectively. It also doesn't help the situation if you don't want to cooperate with the instructions I'm giving you.

Love,
Customer service representatives everywhere.

P.S. No I didn't tell you a different name at the beginning of my call than when you asked at the end of the call, you're just a fucking ass who is too busy thinking you're above me to remember what i told you.

(I really need a new job. I can't put together my portfolio until I get my new video card, if you were won'dering what's taking me so long getting out of this place, haha. And i'm starting to think my headaches are from stress and not my eyes like I had originally thought. x()

[RetroLounge]

1. If your freaking computerized phone system

already asked me for my phone number, why are you asking too?

:hide:

RL

[ghostsofgiants]

3. That's for routing purposes, different phone numbers will be routed to different centers...

And in the routing, that information isn't retained, more often than not, the number of the device routing you will show up on my call display. (Or some shit like that.)

[MonkeyFunk]

5. Yup... that annoys me

a couple months ago I had to deal with a particular departmnet at the bank. I must've keyed in my account number 5 times before speaking to a person who asked "can I have your account number?"

[ghostsofgiants]

8. Just don't take it out on the rep you speak to.

We don't control that stuff.

[MonkeyFunk]

9. No, but it helps explain

why the customers are often already exasperated before they even talk to a person. Companies should work this stuff out better - it's like some just show contempt for the customer.

[ghostsofgiants]

11. Still no reason to be a dick to a customer service rep.

Like I said, it's out of our control.

[MonkeyFunk]

19. And when somebody calls a company

because they're having a problem the last thing they want to hear is "well it's not MY fault". You represent the company - if the phone system sucks and it pisses people off, that's what you're gonna get in your calls.

And I've done your job, and I've trained people to do your job. "It's not MY fault" isn't a good response.

[ghostsofgiants]

22. I'm not saying it is.

I'm saying that people need to recognize that treating ME like shit and then not cooperating with what I need them to do isn't going to get their shit back up and running any more quickly.

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. I had the power to my house disconnected so that my computer wouldn't get a "surge",

and now it won't turn on.

Did it get "surged", whatever that is? Should I take it out of the packing box and look at it, or will that void the warranty? Or should I just take it back to the store and let them deal with it?

I've had the GEEK Squad over a dozen or so times, but all they ever do is sneer and laugh at me, and tell me to check my "fuses" and not to get my union suit in a knot, which is funny, because I've not worn a union seat in almost 5 years so I don't know what they mean, and I'm getting tired of writing them checks.

And my water is cold now, too, all the time, and the TV just shows some black thing that I assume must be one of those fancy BBC shows that I never understand. Could a "surged" hard drive cause the water problems?

By the way, this is all your fault, you stupid fucking ass, and I hate you, and why didn't you call me about this before? Why do you assholes have to wait until your customers have been so fucked over that they finally call you? Why can't you lay fucks call us for once, and be a little proactive for a change?

You make me sick, and I'm calling your supervisor, as soon as I finish this thirtieth beer and hit my wife.

[ghostsofgiants]

4. Dude, were you my last caller?

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. I don't know, because whoever it was gave me at least two different names

x(

[bigwillq]

7. My mom got a rude rep. last night

when she called AT&T....my mom noticed that the fee for the internet service was increased by $20 with no warning...it periodically increased without any warning.

So my mom called to see if this increase was accurate and to ask them why they increased without a warning (which I think are fair questions).

And the lady was so rude, she said "And what do you want me to do about this, ma'am?!?!?"....what a bitch..she should be fired for talking to customers like that.


I hear you though man...I try and always be polite when I call in to a support line.

Good Luck. :) :hi: :hug:

[ghostsofgiants]

12. Yeah, that's a really rude response.

Rep was definitely being an ass there.

[bigwillq]

13. Mom says she was gonna call back

today to see if she can report that woman..could they find out who my mom was talking to (the rude woman)? Do they keep some kind of log? :shrug:

[ghostsofgiants]

14. Presumably there is some kind of log...

But whether that rep left notes as the job requires is another question. Not sure what kind of call tracking system they might use. I know that here notes are supposed to have name and employee number attached.

[Redstone]

10. Dude. I am ALWAYS polite with the front-line customer "support" folks. If it needs

to get ugly, I always escalate to a supervisor, because they get paid enough to have to put up with getting yelled at.

Redstone

[DarkTirade]

61. My thoughts exactly.

I'll let them know if I'm frustrated, but I sure as hell won't take it out on them.

I've also noticed that if you mention how frustrated you are without taking it out on them, they tend to be sympathetic and work a little harder to help you out. Funny how that works. :P

[Akoto]

15. I work in customer service as well ...

I feel your pain.

Myself and a lot of the folks I work with are often treated very well by our callers. However, there's also a sizable number who treat us like dirt for things that aren't our fault. A first line CSR can field a hundred calls in a day, typically for minimal pay, and that can wear at you.

The biggest beef they have? Usually, not reading the things they sign and then it turns out bad for them later.

They ask me why we have unfair policy X. I don't know, I don't write the policies. They ask me for a replacement on an expired or lost rewards card, but can't provide an account number/card number/any identification. So, they are basically calling me to ask for free money, and then they declare that they'll take their biz elsewhere when they don't get it. Or, they buy something excluded under the terms of our rewards program and then call to get angry with us. One guy I spoke with the other day found out that he wasn't going to get the instant discounts he assumed he was going to, and then informed me that he was going to "go take it out on the cashier" because there was nothing I could do.

At first, I allowed it to get me really upset. I took it personally and felt badly about it. In the end, though, I came to realize that these people really matter not even a bit in my life. Chances are, I'll hang up the phone and never speak with them again. That certainly helped. The ones that are polite, I go out of my way to assist. The rude ones just roll off my back.

[jobycom]

16. Don't blame the victim, blame your company's system.

I've lost my cool a tad after ten minutes of circular computerized instructions, sixteen minutes of hold, four transfers with the same questions over and over, and finally someone treating me like I'm the problem. I don't expect a miracle, I don't expect the happiest voice on the planet, all I want is someone to stop transfering me and answer my damn questions. Since I can't snap at the real people who wasted my life to such a degree, I'll snap at someone who works for them and let them relay the message.

Usually I'm calm. But just now and then...

[ghostsofgiants]

23. Don't blame the victim...

Interesting choice of words. Like I said, depending on call volume and length of calls, I deal with anywhere between 30 and 50 people a day. Want to know why you're getting put on hold for sixteen minutes? You're probably getting a newbie who doesn't know what the fuck he or she is doing. That newbie then gives up and transfers you off because he or she can't figure it out and doesn't want to deal with you. Why are you dealing with a newbie? Because very few people have the tolerance to stick around at a thankless job with scores of people yelling at them day in and day out, so after a couple months of holding and transferring they quit because frankly, we are treated like dirt by both customers and management. The only reason I'm still there is because it pays a little above minimum wage and I can browse DU between calls. Doesn't quite make up for the constant stress headaches though.

Just to recap: If customers are actually not assholes, people don't get stressed and quit. People don't quit, they stick around and get the hang of the job, they solve your problem in a quick and effective manner, you don't get placed on hold for sixteen minutes and transferred to a dozen different departments and everyone walks away happy.

[jobycom]

42. Like I said, blame the system, not the victim.

The customer is what gives your company money and gives it a reason to exist. That's what gives you a job paying slightly above minimum wage. If they are calling for help promised by your company, the company needs to make sure they get help.

When they are treated like trash--treated as though they are an anoyance for calling--they are going to get upset. They are under stress, too, before you are under stress. They've just spend however much they've spent on your product instead of someone else's, and they can't get the product to do what they want it to do. Many of them didn't have that money to spend, but they trusted your company, gave them the hard-earned cash, and now they feel betrayed. And so they call support and they waste an hour of their life, believing less and less with each passing minute and each transfer that they will actually get any resolution to their problem, and that they have wasted time and money they will never get back.

They are the victims. Your company, like most companies, should have a friendlier system. They should pay enough to hire people who can calm a customer without taking it personally, who can understand the anger of the customer as well as try to fix the problem the first time around. They should pay enough that when they find such a person, that person is so well rewarded they don't want to leave. I've been is sales, management, and customer service, I know what it's like to be yelled at for something that wasn't my fault--over the phone and face to face in front of a store full of Christmas shoppers, for that matter. But I've always kept my perspective--I'm being yelled at because this person is upset with my company, not with me. I've always kept my calm. There were times when the customer expected something unreasonable or just figured that by screaming louder I could be pressured into doing something the customer had no right to expect. But most of the time, the customer was upset over something I'd have been upset over, too.

And I've been on the other end of the line. I stay calm, but barely sometimes. If I worked for the majority of customer service and tech help lines I've called, I'd be more surprised when someone wasn't screaming at me than when they were.

Straightforward advice. If you've been taking calls like that long, you should move up. You're qualified for better paying jobs in sales or customer service or management. You've been hardened under fire, and someone would find that valuable. It doesn't sound like your company is the type to reward you for loyalty, anyway.

[ghostsofgiants]

45. You're missing my point.

I'm talking about when a customer calls in and is ready to rip my head off right out of the gate. I don't treat customers like trash. I WANT happy customers, if you can believe that, so I try my best to help them and make them happy. The thing is, the customer sets the tone of the call. They always tell you in training that it's your job to set the tone, but that's bullshit. The customer will always set the tone of the call. If that customer isn't verbally abusing me, they are going to have a much more pleasant experience overall. If a customer isn't even willing to cooperate by giving me the basic information I need to assist them, then what the fuck do they want from me? I stay calm on the phone, and I've never once hung up on a customer. I know the person isn't upset with me but with the company. However, I find it poor form to be rude to anyone without just cause, and me answering the beep on my phone, regardless of my employer, is not just cause. If you have to call in for tech support, you're probably not pleased to begin with. I KNOW THIS. Being upset does not give you the right to treat me like shit. That's the point I'm trying to make here.

And you're right, my company definitely isn't the type of company that gives a shit about loyalty. I'm expendible labour. I'm a burger flipper with a headset.

[TrogL]

17. then when I say "put me through to a tech", put me through

Stop asking me stupid questions off your cheat sheet.

[ghostsofgiants]

21. Care to elaborate?

[TrogL]

70. I do this for a living

All I need to know is if the DNS server is down - again.

I don't need some idiot with a cheat sheet asking me if my computer is on, or if its network cable is plugged in, or telling me to disconnect it from the router and put it straight on the cable modem or all the other idiocy they put me through. It's a waste of their time and mine.

[Tektonik]

38. Why do you think you're that special

Let the people do their job. They have to screen through everyone's problems since a tech cannot help everyone at the same time. Have a semblance of some fucking patience.

[Tektonik]

39. I'm starting to think some of the people in htis thread

are actually some of your callers primate1. :P

[ghostsofgiants]

47. I wouldn't doubt it.

If they only knew the things I was saying about them after the call was over... :P

[MonkeyFunk]

49. The problem is that the way it's done now

it just wastes everybody's time.

The "question-tree" approach is useless for diagnosing many problems, and if the customer understands something about the issue, it just wastes his time.

When I started in the computer business, we did our tech support in the same building we did everything else. The support reps were about 50 feet away from the engineers who created the product and the QA engineers who tested it. The reps knew the products inside and out, and were expected to use their experience, knowledge and intelligence to figure out the problem.

Now, support is usually done by a separate company in a separate location - and the reps are forced to use the question-tree, and in most cases, aren't knowledgeable enough to solve many of the problems,and they thus have to be escalated to a tech anyway.

So you could waste the customer's time, AND the rep's time, going through a fruitless question-tree, or you can get someone on the line who can fix it.

There's no simple, obvious solution. You can't just assume EVERY customer knows what's going on. The question-tree approach is necessary the way these companies are structured now, but no amount of justification is going to make the customers any less frustrated.

[ghostsofgiants]

50. I'm gonna say this one more time...

I'm not saying customers have no right to be frustrated. I'm saying that treating me (any customer service rep) like shit IS NOT THE SOLUTION.

[MonkeyFunk]

58. I've never said it IS the solution

I'm simply pointing out WHY customers are already frustrated by the time you speak to them.

Getting support has become such a terrible experience people BEGIN dialing with fear and trepidation.

None of this is YOUR fault - but you have to recognize it.

[ghostsofgiants]

63. I've never wondered why they're frustrated.

I've been through it all myself, I know what it's like. Like I said below though, my whole point is that even if you're frustrated, there's a line that crosses over into asshole territory. I don't mind dealing with frustrated people and I even sympathize with them. It's when you think that give you free license to treat me as subhuman that the problem begins.

[Orrex]

18. I was a CSR for a regrettable 7+ years. Here's the number one thing to keep in mind (IMO)

The asshole who takes it out on you is not taking it out on you. He's taking it out on the company he's calling. The fact that he gets you on the line is just the unfortunate luck of the draw--blame your call router.

Alas, in a position like that, it is the CSR's job to remain chipper (or at least courteous without seeming condescending) while the caller vents about whatever catastrophe is befalling him or her. I can't speak for all companies, of course, but my employer was very specific: each call must be treated as though you're having a great day and it's your first call of the day. If you can't maintain that policy, you will eventually be removed.

If you really want a good customer service experience, keep that in mind and don't give me fucking attitude when I ask you the phone number on your account or why you're calling; I'm not fucking psychic.

See, that's really the wrong way to look at it. It's not the caller's responsibility to get good customer service; it is your responsibility to provide it. Yes, it sucks, and at least 70% of your callers will be assholes who can't follow directions, but that's the nature of the beast.

And here's the bad part: it's never going to get any better. In all likelihood, your employer will allow its call staff to dwindle through attrition, and the remaining CSRs will be required to handle 60-80 calls instead of 30-50. If you don't like it now, you'll hate it later.

Get your new video card and get your ass out of that horrible job.

[Q3JR4]

20. I thought you had, like,

mad CEO powers that would let you move mountains and drain oceans at my whim, what with your minimum wage and all? :sarcasm:

Seriously though I don't usually deal with customer service over the phone. If I have any problems I go someplace and work it out with a live person. That being said on the rare occasions when I do call customer service it's usually a last case scenario. That means that I've looked up all the information I could find on whatever it is that's vexing me, and I've talked to everyone I think might know something. Then I gather all of my info and make the dreaded call. I like to prepare so that I'm in and out as quickly as possible with a minimum of fuss. I also like to treat others like I want them to treat me, so I try to keep my voice low and measured (soothing you might say). When I'm actually working the work I do lets me do what I like and I get paid enough (in 20 hours a week) to pay all my bills, so I have rivers of calm even if someone I'm dealing with is exasperated and overtly hostile.

The way I figure it talking to me is something they're paid to do, but if they've had a really bad day so far I can't expect them to be happy I'm taking up their time. Not to mention the fact that if I really piss someone off, they can (if they're the vindictive type) make my life hell. So, I figure, why antagonize an already overworked and underpaid person who is just trying to make ends meet?

Q3JR4.

[Rhythm]

24. I'm the caller that everybody loves to get... the customer who 'gets it'

I have worked an assortment of dead-end customer-service jobs -- everything from fast food counters to banking services -- so i know the insanity that the employee that i'm speaking with has likely been going through in their workday.

No attitude problems, no snark, and i tip well... i've been where they are, so i can empathize more than most.

I wish that everyone had to do jobs like these when they were younger, so that when they were older, they wouldn't have so much of that entitlement attitude... they would have experienced the stress of these jobs first-hand, and that would make them less likely to be assholes to others serving THEM.

[wickerwoman]

25. I really, really, really tried to be nice but...

but the policy in question was soooo horrendously stupid and unfair and the CS rep wouldn't put me on with a manager or anyone else who could do anything about the problem.

Basically, my credit card number was stolen (I have never used the card so I assume some just guessed numbers until they got lucky) and a $40 charge appeared. The card is a joint account with my parents who live in the US and me who lives in China. The company refused to deal with my parents even though they were co-signers on the account. They insisted that I call them in person from China. They said in the e-mail that I could call collect, but when I called the international operator they said there was a block on that number which meant I could only call regular long-distance. So I call long distance from China and was put on hold for forty minutes even though I specifically chose to talk to an operator in the beginning to explain that I was calling long distance from overseas and to beg that they just put me through quickly. I finally got to talk to someone who said they would cancel the account and mail me a new card but that I would have to get a signed, *notarized* statement that the charges were fraudulent (where the frick am I supposed to find a notary public in China?) and that until they received the statement (which will take 4-6 weeks in international mail not counting how long it will take me to track down a notary), I won't be able to use the card. Fortunately, I have a back-up but if I didn't I would be basically stranded. The charge on the card was $40 and I was already well over that between the phone call, the mailing costs and wasted time and effort. I remained completely calm through each new layer of bullshit.

Then I asked if I could be reimbursed for the phone call since they had said I could call collect and the operator had said I couldn't and they had already kept me waiting almost an hour. The CS rep said "hold please" and I tried to shout "no, no, no... don't put me on hold again" but she had already done it. So I waited on hold for another half hour before the same CS rep came back and said no they couldn't reimburse me because I could call collect no matter what the phone company said. I asked to speak to a manager three times and finally she said "OK, hold then.". She put me on hold for another twenty minutes, then came back and said the manager wasn't in the office (bullshit... then who did she ask before?). She didn't know when he would be but she was sure that I could have called collect and that I wouldn't be reimbursed no matter what the phone company had told me. I finally did manage to get someone a little more senior who said I could get reimbursed if I sent them a copy of my phone bill with the relevant items circled. I explained that I don't get an itemized phone bill in China and bedamned if I was going to the China Telecom office to try to get one which they wouldn't be able to read anyway. She said "Yes, but you can send us your phone bill with the call circled."

Two hour goddamn international phone call to resolve (but not satisfactorily) a $40 fraudulent charge.

So I said screw it and tried to cancel the card. And they sent me a new one anyway with the dumb ass statement I'm supposed to have notarized.

I did shout for the last twenty minutes. Even when I made minimum wage and did CS I at least tried to be proactive and not a moron. I didn't ignore what customers were saying and then resuggest something that they already explained was impossible. I didn't pretend the manager wasn't there when obviously someone had to be supervising me. If your company sucks, try to make it better. If you can't, quit. Don't blame the people being enraged by the company's bullshit for being enraged.

[ghostsofgiants]

26. There's a difference between getting pissed off at someone for not doing heir job...

And being an asshole toward someone who is trying to do their job. I am speaking about the latter. There are definitely legit reason to get pissed off at a rep, and yours is definitely legit. My problem comes in when you want me to fix your internet connection, but refuse to let me help you then yell at me for not helping you. That's what I'm talking about.

(And as for your last point, I intend to quit as soon as I find something else.)

[graywarrior]

27. I have been in your shoes and I know exactly what you are going through

Worst job in the world. The trick I learned is to not say anything for a few seconds after they rant. It throws them. They are not sure if you are still on the line and puts them in the position of need to ask if you are still there. Plus, that space of a few seconds gives them time to hear themselves.

Get a job with Disney.

[ghostsofgiants]

28. I've actually started doing just that.

It works. :thumbsup:

[graywarrior]

40. I knew you were smarter than the average CSR

[SacredCow]

29. The only time I've ever been nasty...

... was when I kept getting phone calls looking for some guy that had apparently stopped paying on his credit card and gave my number as his. It was a daily thing for about a week. At first, I'd tell them that they had the wrong number- there was no "Mike" here. After a couple of days, they started getting nasty about it ("Don't lie to me- I know this is his number."). I kept my cool and told them that I'd had that number for 10+ years, and they could certainly look that up. Finally, they called and woke me up looking for Mike and that was IT!!! I went into full-on expletive laden rampage. Eventually worked my way up to some supervisor, who was very apologetic and assured me that they'd never call again to find Mike.

[dolo amber]

30. "But you removed viruses from my computer 6 MONTHS AGO and now it's BACK!!"

"I expect this will be a warranty service call..."

:nuke:

Ok lady...lemme put it to you this way: I back my car into a light pole. Take it to service center, get it fixed. I'm driving around 6 MONTHS LATER, run into another car in the same place. I'm gonna get that as a warranty repair? NO. The answer is "NO".

If we give you the tools and the baisc know-how to keep your computer safe and you ignore that information and we get to your house and see that an update hasn't been run since February, then no. And then of course it's the "reporting you to the BBB" or "I wonder what my lawyer will have to say about this" and blah blah blah and then we never hear a peep about it until 6 months later when Johnny or Susie has once again gone nutz on AIM or Limewire or something. x(

I *don't* work in a call center, so unless you plan to get a job where you have NO contact with the public whatsoever, be prepared. :hug: :hi:

[ghostsofgiants]

33. F'sho.

I know that I'll have to deal with assholes at any job, but a call center job is like scum of the earth type treatment.

After my shift tomorrow I have two days off. I will install my video card when I get home tomorrow night, and then get cracking on putting together my portfolio and then hitting up every single graphic design job I can find. Should be fun.

[zanne]

31. I don't know how you can handle a job like that...

I phonebank for candidates just six hours a week and sometimes I'm ready to say that people are assholes! Before I started doing that, I didn't understand why I should be nice to service reps on the phone. My attitude has changed completely. Just because you can't see the people insulting you doesn't mean it doesn't affect you.

You have my deepest sympathies and I hope you find another job soon!

[ghostsofgiants]

32. Most people don't ast more than two months. I've been at this particular job a year.

I honestly don't know how I do it either, haha.

[lizerdbits]

34. I will admit the ONE time I was rude

I called comcast to ask why I was suddenly being charged for digital cable and movie channels that I didn't request. The rep was raising her voice telling me "YES YOU DID REQUEST A 3 MONTH FREE TRIAL" which was complete bullshit since I hadn't called them in the last 1+ year since moving (also never had the least bit of interest in movie channels). I guess they got the wrong account number when someone else requested it and since I never canceled shit I never ordered they started charging me. My lovely response was "Fuck you, I'll call back and talk to someone else." That's what I did and got it taken care of. Her tone and loudly telling me I ordered this stuff while ignoring my requests to immediately stop the service just pissed me off.

[hobbit709]

35. I usually don't get upset with customer service until I get

what I call "Standard Answer 35B", meaning some kind of bullshit answer that either doesn't have anything to do with the problem or they're trying to snow me.
I got into it with the cable company once because every time it rained the picture would get all snowy. the REAL problem was that the company was too cheap to use waterproof connectors on the poles. So this sweet young thing on the phone is trying to tell me that when it rains real hard their satellite dishes fill up with water and block the signal. My reply was that 1. the dishes are either made of mesh or the solid ones have drain holes in them. 2. That the dishes are not pointed vertically at the sky at our latitude. 3. I was watching a local station that came in clear as a bell when tuned to its on air channel even without an antenna on my TV.
Then I pointed out that at the time I had 20 years experience in electronics including working on UHF and microwave systems.
The response all of a sudden changed to "We'll send someone out to check the connections, Sir"

[RoyGBiv]

53. Bwwahaha!!!

Their satellite dishes fill up!? Oh, lordy. That's a good one. I don't know if I could have kept myself composed enough to continue in that situation. I would have dropped the phone laughing.

Snowy picture during a rainstorm is always, always, always due to water getting into the lines somewhere. The problem is figuring out where. It can be, as you discovered, at connectors on the poles, or it can be in the ground where a wire has rotted, or on a expanse between poles where a squirrel has chewed through the shielding.

Satellite dishes fill up with rain ... oh, damn ... I gotta remember that one. :)

[ghostsofgiants]

57. Haha, oh god.

Yeah, some reps will try to sell you some fierce bullshit if they don't know what else to do. Where I work though, if we can't figure it out, we'll send tech.

[HamstersFromHell]

36. The real problem is the system you work in...as well as a lack of simple initiative

is so fucked up that it's already alienated the customer long before they hear a voice of sanity.

Example:

A client of mine had Comcast install 3 cable modems, one to each of their 3 buildings. I provided the inside wiring and networking.

The first two buildings went online without a hitch, however the administration building was offline.

I look at the modem...power light and network link lights, nothing else. Call tech support. Wait forever in the queue, then reach Tier 1 CS. Explain problem, and they start reading the flow chart questions to me. I try to explain that the problem isn't with the computer here (I have a network link light on the modem, remember?), it's the fact the damn cable's dead or the modem's inoperative. CS rep tells me I have to go through all the steps to prove to them it's not somehow my fault. (Blood pressure is rising now.) One hour of do this, now this...still not working? OK, your computer seems to be OK...let me escalate this to Tier 2.

Stay on hold another 20 minutes...

Mr. smiley Tier 2 comes on the phone and asks me to do all the same things the previous CS rep told me to do. I'm like :wtf: I just did all that. Well, they need to confirm that it's not my fault. I'm now begging to please get transferred to a real engineer...nope, gotta go through these damned flow charts first. I try to explaon to the twit that I can friggin ping the modem fine, I just can't get beyond that. He had no clue what pinging is or does! By now, I'm bleeding profusely from the mouth from biting my tongue to keep from analyzing this person's parentage and genetic makeup. After repeating all of the T1 stuff yet again with no change in results (didn't someone define insanity as repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?) Mr. T2 agrees to kick me to T3.

Another 15-20 minutes on hold...

Happy voice of T3 now fills my ear, which by now is damned sore from having a phone receiver pressed to it for going on 3 hours. He starts in on the same damned flow chart yet again!

:grr: :nuke:

Hold it...stop right the fuck now! I'll be damned if I'm going to do this all over again so you can decide I'm not lying to the first two reps I talked to. By now, my blood pressure could probably be used to operate a hydraulic lift. I cut him off in mid-chart reading and finally told him I was doing networking when he was still shitting green in his diapers and please get me an engineer. He (thankfully) gave in. here we go on hold for another 30 minutes while they find an engineer.

I tell engineer, we got 3 modems here, first two work fine, #3 is DOA. Power light, and net light, nada for anything else. I can ping it fine, just no Internet. He puts me on hold, comes back 5 minutes later to tell me everything looks fine, must be the modem. Sends a lineman/installer out immediately with replacement. Guy arrives 30 minutes later, subs out modem...still dead. He calls the "secret number" (direct line to the engineers that I coulda really used), tells 'em it's still dead. The engineer goes and looks and I'll be damned, they were looking at one of the other (already functioning) lines to the business...and the problem is that they never turned the fucking service on to that line to begin with! Now who do I bill my 5 hours to? (at $135/hr.)

All of the reps I spoke to during all this were informed that there were 3 separate connections and 3 modems, yet not one bothered to check all 3 connections. Would have taken all of maybe 10 minutes.

[RoyGBiv]

55. I ran into that a lot ...

The problem at the company I worked for was that the diagnostic screen (I'm just gonna call it a screen even though it's a different system altogether because that's what we called it, and it's shorter) doesn't display the same information as the provisioning screen that activates the modems. The reason for that is that it's a different department's job to do the activation, and the techs unfortunately tend to work under the assumption that everyone else before the matter got to him has done their job already. So, they never (or rarely) look at the screen that would tell them in a glance whether the modem has been activated.

That's not an excuse, rather, a reason.

The position I held was sort of a marriage of sales/general customer support/tech support with people standing there in front of me in a store. It's really, really hard to diagnose technical issues with the customer doesn't have immediate access to whatever piece of equipment is giving them trouble, especially since they were already mad by the time they got to me. (They'd already been through the phone dance and had given up on it.) You have to work with what they remember, and the vast majority of the time, they remember wrong, or they leave out essential bits of information, like the fact they bought their own new modem a couple weeks ago and never bothered to tell anyone at the company about it even during all their calls.

So, to survive and try to provide some level of service, I and others who did what I did had to develop creative ways of diagnosing issues and looking for things that a tech over the phone might not look at.

And that was one of them. I swear, at least half the time a customer came in with an issue like you describe (just the generic modem not working) it was due to the modem they had not having been activated on their account. Techs almost never looked for it.

[ghostsofgiants]

56. Provisioning...5 minutes and it's fixed if the customer isn't yelling at you for 20.

Provisioning issues, 95% of the time, are easy. (Our system will show right away whether it's a provisioning issue or not.)

[RoyGBiv]

59. True ...

Our system was stupid. I don't know what it wasn't all integrated ... well, I don't know for certain, but I had a working theory it was due to different people in upper management not talking to each other and working different contracts for the software we used. They were in the midst of changing all this when I left, so perhaps it is better now.

Whatever the case, I also came to understand that most of the time this was in fact either a problem with the sales department or a customer issue. One or the other would fail to provision the modem initially, so when the customer hooked it up, the MAC wasn't recognized by the system. When the customer was at fault, it was usually 'cause there had been some sort of hiccup with the Internet generally (a momentary outage, them trying to hit a site that was down and them assuming it was their provider's fault, etc.) and swapping out modems without contacting the company. In that case, even the tech on the phone couldn't diagnose the problem effectively because he has no way of knowing that the modem has been swapped if the customer doesn't tell him that, just that a ping isn't being returned, and then he sends out a field tech, who discovers it was a customer caused issue, and the tech gets dinged on his performance evaluation for causing an unnecessary field trip.

The majority of the cases where this was the problem, though, were caused by the sales department. Lordy I wanted to hammer them sometimes.

[HamstersFromHell]

66. Exactly!

It's assuming everyone else has done their job properly and the customer is the one at fault. If they would take step one to insure their co-workers actually did what was supposed to have already been done it would save a lot of time in the long run on those kinds of issues...instead, the CS rep assumes the customer is an idiot (or the training tells 'em to only follow the diag. charts).

Now, I'm in the mechanic/repair business and it's almost the opposite. I have customers who decide to "tinker" and do it themselves, get in over their heads and re-assemble things incorrectly then swear no one touched it. Buddy, it don't "just quit" when I disassemble it and find the carburetor spacer installed upside down blocking the pulse port for the fuel pump diaphragm...silly thing would never have run that way, but they'll swear on a stack of bibles it was running fine up till the point it quit. :)

If the customer would admit to having attempted a DIY repair it'd make my diagnostic job so much easier.

[RoyGBiv]

67. Well ...

Internet, phone, etc. customers do the very same thing your customers do. They tinker with things thinking they know how to fix it, end up making it worse, and then won't admit to it. As mentioned, customers will swap their own modems without telling anyone, not realizing the system has to have the MAC address in it before it will recognize the modem as valid. Cable customers will install their own outlets, split the main cable five times, run it across 150 feet of cheap cable, and then call up and act as though the cable just all-of-a-sudden went out, and they have no idea why. Musta been gremlins.

The charts have a purpose, namely to identify the customers that have done these sorts of things or those who don't have the computer even plugged in. (Yes, it really does happen.) On average I handled maybe 20-30 problems a day, and I was lucky if I got one in a week who even knew how to explain what was really going on. "The Internet is out" was very often code for something like "The cat chewed the power chord for my modem" or "I got a new computer and haven't plugged in the network cable." One of my standard questions when confronted with a certain type of problem (or what sounded like a certain type of problem) was whether the customer had installed any software lately, like, perhaps, a firewall that they set to maximum security, answered "no" to whether they should allowed Internet Explorer to access the Internet, and then got the idea that "the Internet is out."

Almost everyone is a genius when they start that phone call, or they claim to be one, and the rep can't just assume it. My typical tactic when someone let me know their knowledge of whatever we were dealing with was, in a very friendly manner that was calculated to express my pleasure at speaking with someone who knew what they were doing, to start using technical terms they would know if they were the expert they claimed to be. Most of the time their eyes blanked. When they didn't, when they really did have knowledge, I was overjoyed not to have to run through all those seemingly nonsense questions, and we would typically get the problem fixed very quickly.

I had a woman once stand there and lie to me, at volume, for an hour, claiming "our Internet" had destroyed her World of Warcraft character. It took that hour to get her to admit that she'd purchased a new computer recently and hadn't even installed WoW on the new machine!

People Make. Shit. Up. when they don't understand something.

It was the same with billing, my primary function. "Why is my bill so damn high! You keep raising our rates!" Well, no, sir, we didn't raise rates, but I can suggest that when you watch Teenage Sorority Girls in Heat every other day, it's going to cause a higher bill since, as you know since you had to enter a security code and agree to be charged for the movie twice before it started playing, carries a charge every time you order it.

I will never forget this guy: He walked in the door yelling, almost to the point he got removed by security before he even made it up to the counter. He was piiiiiised off that his bill kept going up each month. Called me and everyone with the company sacks of shit and countless other creative titles. When I finally ... FINALLY ... got him to give me the information I needed just to look at his account, I discovered (trying very hard to keep from laughing) that he cable bill had gone DOWN three months in a row. Why? I looked at the notes, and he'd called in three different months screaming about this or that, usually just complaining about the price, so the rep he talked to gave him a discount ... three months in a row, each one cumulative to the previous one. And they were static discounts that weren't going to expire. I honest to gopod had to stand there with a printout showing his billing history and explain that the number 68 is *less than* 72, which is less than 79.

Oh, those were the days ...

[HamstersFromHell]

68. I was fortunate that most of my IT work was done for businesses

where most of the employees were scared they'd mess something up.

I can give you a million customer screaming stories...just when you think you've seen it all, here's a new one.

Do service on a snowblower, it comes back a week later, customer screaming it ran fine, just quit and hasn't started since. Turns out he ran it out of gas, didn't have a container to mix the oil and gas for a new batch, and so he dumped the oil in the snowblower's gas tank, then poured in gas. Um, I guess he kinda forgot the oil then ran straight down the gas line and filled the carb, and what oil was left in the tank got mixed when he filled it with gas. Nonetheless, it ain't a diesel. :)

We also have a 92 year old man, bless his heart, who insists he can operate a chain saw. (Yikes!) He brought it in back in the winter because he couldn't start it. Boss took it outside, pulled the cord and it fires right up. Poor man don't have enough strength left to give it the good pull it needs to start cold when it's 30 degrees outside. Back a week later, same problem. I take it outside, one pull and it's running...while warming it up, I notice it just don't "feel" right. Shut it off, check the gas...it's clear...he forgot to mix the oil and it was on it's way to piston siezure. Dump the gas, fill with mixed gas and he's ok. He was back in a few weeks ago, same can't start it problem. Once again, he's managed to forget to mix the oil in...this time he did get it restarted, but cooked the engine for lack of oil. Salesman asks him if he filled it with gas and he starts screaming that "...of course he filled it with gas, it won't run without it!" Salesman then told him he forgot the oil again...and he hear this little muffled "Oh."

And yes, at the age of 92, he's determined to buy another one. :scared: I keep thinking I'm going to watch a story about him killing himself on the 6 o'clock news.

[Tektonik]

37. 30-50 people a day?

You're doing tech support for all of Newfoundland? :o

[ghostsofgiants]

41. Haha!

:P

[Zavulon]

43. Okay, fair enough, and I've never dealt with you personally - BUT...

...you might not want to expect cheery customers when

a.) we first hear an automated "Please listen carefully, our menu options have changed" just after we've memorized the proper sequence of buttons to get to a human,

b.) we then have to wade through 8-10 pushes of a button to get to you,

c.) we now have to listen to shitty muzak for 3-5 minutes, along with "Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received" every thirty fucking seconds (and for a laugh, we're sometimes almost chastised for not using your company's site for tech support instead of trying to call you),

d.) when you finally pick up, we have to listen to scripted horseshit such as "Good morning, this is Smith Productions, a company that cares about our environment and values diversity. Our commitment to customer satisfaction dates back to the Taft Administration. Remember, if it doesn't say 'Smith Productions' on your product, your product isn't official Smith Productions merchandise. Made mostly of recycled materials, Smith Productions merchandise is guaranteed to provide a lifetime of enjoyment for your friends and family, all about whom we care about deeply. Remember, we're Smith Productions customers, too. My name is John, how can I provide you with excellent service today?",

e.) we get asked our account number and phone number AFTER THE AUTOMATED SYSTEM HAS ALREADY DEMANDED THIS INFORMATION FROM US (perhaps the reason why people expect you to know the information by the time we get to you),

f.) you repeat our names in every fucking sentence, at every chance they can be thrown in. "May I have your account number, Mr. Jones? Thank you, Mr. Jones. May I have your phone number, Mr. Jones? Thank you, Mr. Jones. What is the problem, Mr. Jones? Thank you, Mr. Jones. May I have your account password, Mr. Jones? Thank you, Mr. Jones. May I have your zip code, Mr. Jones? Thank you, Mr. Jones. May I have your billing address, Mr. Jones? Thank you, Mr. Jones. How can I provide you with excellent service today, Mr. Jones? Thank you, Mr. Jones. May I put you on hold, Mr. Jones? (as if I have a fucking choice!) Thank you, Mr. Jones..."

We pay good money for the product we're calling you about, so how about easy access to human beings, BEING ASKED FOR OUR ACCOUNT INFO ONLY ONCE, and not sounding like a fucking robot when you talk to us?

More often than not, we have good reason to be pissed off before we pick up the phone. Then we have to jump through flaming hoops to get to a human at all, and those of us who refuse to be tied to phone contracts might just be paying ten cents a minute to listen to fucking elevator music and the Commander Data scripted monotone when we finally get to you. If you're getting that much anger from people who call you, try it from our end and see what someone has to go through to get to you.

Again, this is not at you personally, but it sure does cover a lot of people who do what you do. On a couple of occasions I have actually thrown products away rather than go through the hell of dealing with your colleagues.

You deal with 30-50 assholes a day? On some occasions we deal with 15-20 minutes at a clip trying to get help we shouldn't have to be calling for in the first place. Being rude to you for no reason might not be cool, but listening to us even in our shitty moods is your job. Placating your ruffled feathers when we've had shit thrown in our faces is NOT our job.

LOVE,

THE HELPLESS SHEEP CUSTOMERS YOU OFTEN PUT THROUGH ENDLESS BULLSHIT AS IF FOR FUN

[ghostsofgiants]

46. I've been through that shit myself, and it's a pain in the ass.

And as I said already, there's a difference between being irritated or upset and being a verbally abusive prick towards the rep. That's all I'm saying.

[Zavulon]

51. Well, I can only hope that

you don't say "I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. Jones" every single time someone registers a complaint about the product, the company website and / or the automated system.

The only time I've ever been verbally abusive to a CSR, it was after the seventh or eighth "I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. Jones," and on that last time the dumb fuck actually interrupted me with his bullshit scripted apology and didn't even let me get the complaint out.

My response: "Jesus fucking CHRIST, I didn't even fucking finish. I didn't call you for apologies, I'm tired of hearing how 'terribly sorry' you are, and the next time you apologize to me for ANYTHING I'll be asking for your supervisor and writing to your company headquarters. Now stop fucking apologizing and let me finish my fucking sentences!"

That sort of "courtesy" from a CSR is not only counter-productive, but in my view actually justifies verbal abuse.

[ghostsofgiants]

52. I actually cringe when I hear people nearby at work say that.

[cloudbase]

69. Don't forget that this call

may be monitored or recorded for "quality control" puroses.

[Haole Girl]

44. I have to tell you this story before I log off for the day...

As you may know, I have a very similar job to yours (only working for the airlines). Anyway, the other day after I addressed a woman by her name (since her account information came up on the screen) she snapped back at me, "What-- are you psychic....do you know what I ate for breakfast, too!?" I played along, like I sometimes do when I'm in a playful mood, and said to her, "Cheerios is the first thing that comes to mind." You guessed it, the woman had cheerios on top of her yogurt for breakfast! lol Sometimes our job can be fun-- as brutal as it is. Hang in there!! :hug:

[ghostsofgiants]

48. Oh, I've had some great callers as well.

I know not everyone out there is an asshole. I just wanted to vent and get a message out there to the jagoffs who think it's my job to be verbally abused and then accused of lying to them. Fuck those guys.

[ghostsofgiants]

54. Just to clarify for everyone...

There is a difference between being upset and being an asshole.

Felt I should get that one out there again. Not sure I stressed it enough in some of my replies.

[Haole Girl]

60. Hey, I totally understand

Didn't mean it to come across that I didn't sympathize... totally.. with you. Just thought that story was funny & wanted you to know I understood. Keep in mind, I'm not all "here" at the moment anyway due to pain...so I'm sure I didn't convey what I mean well. I really need to log off of here now!!

[ghostsofgiants]

62. It wasn't directed at you.

I can definitely tell you sympathize. :)

[bridgit]

64. My husband did HSI tech support for 'a company'...

;) and based upon the stories he related to me...I am able to feel you :)

[ghostsofgiants]

65. Word.

:D