I feel like starting a Lance Armstrong flamewar

[LostinVA]

I can't believe he never let the French win the Tour de France. I mean, isn't it about time the French won something???

God, what a tool.

[Danger Mouse]

1. The French must always lose because they eat cheeses and drink wines.

[LostinVA]

2. Look, they lost to the Germans, then the Germans again, then the Germans again

Then, they lost to Lance.

My wife eats cheese and drinks wine, and she's never lost to a German. Of course, she's not French.

[Danger Mouse]

20. The French were made to lose to the Germans.

[LostinVA]

22. Even in the tour

It's their lot in life.

[MonkeyFunk]

3. Stupid giant-hearted one-nutted freak

[LostinVA]

5. Yes -- but he's an American one-nutted freak, who beat the French

Even if he did endorse McCain...oh wait, I forgot, that was only GD:P mass hysteria.

[bicentennial_baby]

4. And he's no Miguel Indurain....

Just sayin'...

[LostinVA]

6. That's right

Lance is an American.

:patriot:

[bicentennial_baby]

16. And Miguel is teh hotness, and...

He came from nowhere (look at his placings in the years prior to 1991) to win 5 times in a row, while pretty boy Lance got cancer and everyone showered him with love. He got lucky, Euro cyclists were in a lull. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I hate that motherfucker. Screw his Repuke ass.

Viva Miguel! :bounce:

(closet cycling fanatic over here)

[Dr. Strange]

7. You're doing it all wrong.

If you want to start a Lance Armstrong Flame War, start with the doping rumors. Then casually bring up the fact that kittens keep disappearing around his neighborhood, and how his bike seat is lined with something that looks a lot like kitten fur. Then, just before the thread gets locked, bring up his telemarketing scam. (Although it's difficult timing that last bit.)

[LostinVA]

14. Haruka wanted me to post this in GD, but I didn't want to press my luck

[KitchenWitch]

8. What's it to you, Rev Phelps?

:P

[LostinVA]

15. Whatever, Falwell

[jobycom]

9. He pollutes swimming holes that little kids use.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/25/AR2006102501609.html

Lance Armstrong is feuding with his neighbors over how to clean up a prized swimming hole that became polluted after he began building a dam on his ranch in Dripping Springs, Tex.

[LostinVA]

12. I hate kids and I don't want them swimming anywhere near me

They just pee in the water.

[jobycom]

24. Lance pees in the water, too.

And all the fish grow to the size of whales.

[LostinVA]

26. I actually don't think he was a juicer, but I do think he bloodpacked

But your post made me laugh out loud.

[jobycom]

31. I don't know what I think, but it was a joke.

I hope he was clean, and without proof, I don't make up my mind otherwise. Still, after Landis and Ben Johnson and Marion Jones and Roger Clemmens...

Sometimes I think there's so much doping in sports that when an athelete like Landis says "There's no way that was my sample" I think he means "There's no way your tests outsmarted my masking techniques, so someone must have set me up."

[Mr. Blonde]

36. I don't think it is out of the realm that he was clean

if you look at it. He had far and away the best team, the best coaches, the best training regimen. And the all important thing he was willing to suffer more than anyone else. He was good at that last part before the cancer and after he realized just how far it could go.

[jobycom]

51. Oh, I agree.

The only reason I have doubts about him at all is because I have doubts about the entire sport. If you read between the lines with Landis, and with everyone else who gets caught, they are almost saying "everyone does it, why are you picking on me?"

As for Lance, I believe he was as clean as the cleanest in the race.

I live in Austin. I used to see Lance riding up Tumbleweed Hill with his entourage, back before he had cancer. I remember a pickup driver trying to run him over once, just because he was mad at cyclists. This was on a lonely country road that has since become a major highway--the road I live on, actually. I was into cycling, too, back then (just a rider, not racer or anything), and heard a lot about Lance at the local bicycle shops. I remember when he got cancer, and everyone would mention it and shake their heads sadly. Most people had heard the story that he was not given much chance of survival. Before his first Tour de France, he said he was just entering to see if he could finish. He won, and now he's a legend.

So I've been a big Lance supporter since before he became a household name. Still love the guy. It's just hard not to be a little cynical these days, I guess.

[Mr. Blonde]

53. My dad remembers him in

the Hotter 'n Hell Hundred in Wichita Falls when he was 18. He said everyone was amazed by this kid who took off like a shot and was never to be seen again on the course. Beat everyone else there by 10 minutes.

I agree that the whole sport is suspect now, which is sad because it is a great sport. What gives me hope about Lance is that he was the most tested athlete in history. You would think he would have had a slip up somewhere along the line.

It seems this years tour was at least somewhat cleaner.

[Redstone]

10. Who is Lance Armstrong, and why?

Redstone

[LostinVA]

17. He's the dude who beats the French all the time

He retired because he beat them so many times, it just wasn't fun anymore.

[Redstone]

42. Well, then, he's a True 'Murkin, inn't he? Any sumbitch what whoops them Frogs

kin come over to the trailer for some Bud an' BBQ with me.

(Good God, I'm tired. Can you tell?)

Redstone

[Mojambo]

And Sheryl Crow is incredibly overrated. n/t

[Dr. Strange]

18. Truer words were never typed.

[LostinVA]

21. Nope -- the French are

They can't even win their own bike race, although I don't think her third album is as good as the rest are.

[Critters2]

11. The French won the Hundred Years' War. But it took 'em 100 years to do it. nt

[LostinVA]

19. It actually took them 116 years, which shows they can't even count

If Lance was in charge, it would have been Mission Accomplished in three weeks, and he would have won it in the Alps, with only one ball.

[Critters2]

27. Yep. 1337-1453. That, along with the Battle of Hastings in 1066,

the Great Schism in 1054, the printing press in 1439 (and first printed Bible in 1455), and the 95 Theses in 1517 make up all the dates that got drummed into my head while majoring in European History. And something happened in 1492, as I recall.

When I'm in a nursing home, unable to recall my own name, I'll probably be wheeling down the hall shouting "1337-1453!".

Do ya suppose Lance would've used elephants to cross the Alps--or a mountain bike?

[LostinVA]

29. Elephants on custom Trek mountain bikes wearing yellow jerseys

Duh.

[Critters2]

32. And yellow wristbands! nt

[Fran Kubelik]

48. ...

:rofl:

[Tektonik]

13. Wow when did the Lounge become Fresno?

I'm half French, and unless you want Mr. Sarkozy to nuke the East Coast, hush before I have my mommy give him a call. :cry:

[LostinVA]

25. I'm sorry

Not everybody can be Irish/Sicilian.

If it makes you feel better, I think Lance probably bloodpacked.

[Tektonik]

34. Hey it's okay, it's not every day one encounters someone that's French/Afghani

Did I say I may be part Saudi as well? :D

[ismnotwasm]

23. George Carlin quote

"I'd like to begin by saying fuck Lance Armstrong"

[LostinVA]

28. "And, while you're at it, fuck Tiger."

At least he got the last bit right.

[kwassa]

30. Cheese-eating surrender monkeys

How could Lance let them win?

even if they did win the American Revolution for us?

[LostinVA]

33. What have they done for us since then?

They gave us Gerard Depardieu.

Woohoo.

[Tektonik]

35. Don't forget Peugeots!

[LostinVA]

44. Excellent point -- and Jean Reno

[mitchum]

37. Armstrong dresses like a freakin' Power Ranger on a casual Friday

[flvegan]

38. Steroids.

:popcorn:

[LostinVA]

39. Whatever, I know you sneak Big Macs

And, I learned in GD recently, that they are very healthy for bodybuilders.

[flvegan]

40. I've been in this field for a long time

and I've never, ever...EVER known nor met a bodybuilder that ate a Big Mac.

[LostinVA]

41. That's because you never met the superhero bodybuilder

Lives off of McD's, is a psychologist turned cop turned lesbian turned bodybuilder...or something.

Where are they all coming from?

[taterguy]

43. Have you read his fucking book?

I did on a whim just because it was mentioned in some stupid Owen Wilson movie

It turns out that he (or his ghost writer) is a very decent guy.

Sure he's a lot of hype but I genuinely think there was something positive in the way that he proved to millions that cancer isn't a death sentence.

I also like the fact that he gives most of the credit for his recovery to nurses, a profession that never gets enough respect / credit.

Of course the true secret to his success is all the weed he ingested while training in the NC mountains.

[LostinVA]

45. I've read ALL of his books and actually am a fan

I also love that he loves the Boone-Blowing Rock area, even if I can admit that he's a tool, the Olsen twin thing was icky because he watched her grow upon TV, and I think he at least bent rules re: bloodpacking, etc.

I started this thread because I was talking to my wife today how a segment of DU has an irrational hatred of Armstrong not based on facts. Hating him because he's a bit of a tool and a possible juicer is one thing, but hating him because he's dropped his wife for Crow (false), is a Freeper (false), endorsed McCain (false), left Crow when she got cancer (false) cracks me up. There is much the irrational feelings for Oprah, too.

[taterguy]

46. I'd be a little peeved with him if my yellow bracelet got mistaken for a Do Not Resuscitate bracelet

I'm not kidding about that:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/12/071218122409.htm

On a less snarky note he strikes me as being a very goal oriented person. His goal is to raise money for cancer research. I suspect (but don't know for sure) that he cozies up to some Republicans because, well, they have a lot of money and can help with that goal.

ps: Lots of public figures make icky private decisions. Sometimes I yearn for the good old days when private things stayed private.

[LostinVA]

47. OMG -- DNR!!!!!

That's terrible.

Yup.

[taterguy]

49. Almost as bad as the "No anesthesia" bracelet I was wearing when I got my vasectomy

Ok, I'm kidding about that one

[SKKY]

50. I met Lance when he was here with Robin Williams, Louis Black, and Kid Rock....

...on a USO Tour. He's a decent guy, and seemed quite genuine when he talked about his love for KICKING SOME SERIOUS FRENCH ASS!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

[LostinVA]

52. Damn straight

The French don't stand a chance against those four.