Married DUers - did you change your name?

[SallyMander]

Just curious what the stats are. I suspect they are different among lefties versus the population at large. I've just decided not to change my name, mainly for professional reasons - and because I like my name!

What about you? Post your reason pro/con too if you want. :hi:

[GCP]

1. I liked his name better than mine

[SallyMander]

8. Good reason!

:D

[GreenPartyVoter]

38. My name was fine but his is pretty cool too so I went with it. I even kept the same initials

[bicentennial_baby]

2. Not yet...

I figure it will be easier to do between Undergrad and Grad school. Don't ask me why. :hi:

[SallyMander]

7. Hey sweets

That's what i'm thinking - i can do it down the road if i ever decide i want to. Right now there is too much going on with publications, job applications, etc.

Hope you're well!! :hug:

[DarkTirade]

3. I'm still waiting to find a scottish femenist to marry who'll make me hyphenate my name with hers.

Then I'll have the whole UK represented in my name... even though I don't think I actually have any UK ancestry. :P

[SallyMander]

10. LOL

Sounds good - maybe you should put an ad on Scottish craigslist. ;)

:hi:

[Kutjara]

4. My wife kept her name, mostly because it's extremely rare.

She was initially going to change it, because it's difficult to spell and so many people get it wrong. In the end, family pride won out, however. If we have kids, they'll have her name, just to keep it going.

[SallyMander]

25. That's cool

A lot of guys wouldn't like that, I'd imagine. I'm glad you are open-minded! :)

[Kutjara]

35. Well, my name's common as dirt. Besides...

...I despised my parents and everything they stood for, so I have no problem not carrying on that lineage.

[nam78_two]

5. I am keeping mine-professionally it makes sense

I am on a bunch of papers under my current name so it just makes sense. Besides I have a very Indian sounding first name and my fiance's last name is of German origin. It sounds very strange when the two are strung together. And for the same reasons he isn't taking mine either.

[SallyMander]

26. That was my situation

Publications and professional contacts - i think it would be detrimental for me to change it. :hi:

[mcctatas]

6. I hyphenated...

his last name sucks!

[SallyMander]

27. LOL

Why'd you take it at all? Did he want you to?

[mcctatas]

75. He didn't care....

I really don't know why I did, but my mother in law still hasn't forgiven me (14 years later;) )

[Deja Q]

9. My maiden name was Lethbridge-Stewart.

Why I changed it, I had no idea...

[SallyMander]

28. That's not bad

I've definitely heard worse hyphenations! That one sounds sort of old-school British. :)

[Phillycat]

11. I changed my name

I was very proud to take my husband's name. :)

[SallyMander]

29. Did you dislike your maiden name?

:hi:

[Gormy Cuss]

12. Kept mine

because it's mine. The SO would have been appalled if I had even considered changing it, so it's all good here.

[SallyMander]

30. That's interesting

Of course, i've heard the opposite - hubbies that insist on their wives changing their names. Shouldn't it just be the woman's choice either way?

[Gormy Cuss]

39. Well, I'm a bit far out on this issue.

I think changing your name @ marriage in this day and age is a bit bizarre, but I recognize that some like the symbolic way it creates a couple. I do know women who changed their names to keep peace with their mates and I couldn't do that -- that would be a deal breaker.

[SallyMander]

47. Gotcha, i agree there

I was just posting below about this friend of mine who insisted his wife change her name, even though she didn't want to. He had such a fit about it that she caved in. The whole thing made me really mad!

[Number23]

80. Lots of men from Latin cultures

....take their wife's name or add her name in some way to their last name and then they BOTH will take the new name combination as their surname.

For some reason, I find that slightly hot. :)

[MadrasT]

13. I changed my name

But in restrospect, I wish I hadn't. I miss my old name. I've been married 16 years and it still doesn't feel like my "real" name.

[SallyMander]

31. I wondered about that

How long it would take to get used to, i mean.

And hey, welcome to DU! I love your sig line picture! :hi:

[MadrasT]

90. Thanks!

:hi: I have the same picture on a tshirt, I love it. (You can search for "tuff kitty" on the googles to find it!)

[DebJ]

14. I didn't want to keep my ex-husband's name! Johnson ain't good

for much except confusion!

[SallyMander]

32. So you changed it, then changed back?

Is it more or less of a pain the second time?

[DebJ]

94. No. I took my husband's name the first time I married and then

took my second husband's name the second time I married. It was just a form I filled out as part of application for the marriage license.

[Debi]

103. Wait! Are you me?

My ex was a Johnson and I couldn't wait to get rid of that name! I waited until Debi, Jr.'s name was changed to Mr. Debi's last name before I changed mine.

What really bugged me was there was a woman in the town next to ours who kept getting arrested for prostitution - and it would end up on the news all the time. Her name was the same as mine! :rofl:

[ScreamingMeemie]

15. Yes I did. It was never an issue. I wanted us to be a unit. Just my thought.

I don't think of either way as being better. It's a personal decision. I'm glad I carry his name.

[SallyMander]

34. Right, that's what i liked about the idea

And changing my name seemed like sort of a fun adventure. Maybe if we have kids i'll change my mind, but right now i don't think it'll negatively affect our "unit-ness." :)

:hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

64. I keep meaning to tell you that WannaB and I really liked your dress.

And my fervent hope is that you have more years of joy together than you could ever count. Enjoy married life, for it is truly enjoyable.

[SallyMander]

67. Aww, thanks MrsG

For the compliment and the good wishes. It means a lot. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

16. Do yourself a favor-- pick your married name or maiden name and stick with it!

PLEASE do not hyphenate two names! Working for the airlines, I can tell you this without a doubt, it creates nightmares you would not even believe!! :hi:

[SallyMander]

36. We never even considered hyphenating

Our names sound TERRIBLE together - they both start with a hard GR, so it just doesn't work at all! :)

[Critters2]

17. When I was married, I hyphenated my name. If I were to marry again, I'd keep my name. nt

[SallyMander]

37. Did you change it back then?

Or are you still hyphenated? :hi:

[Critters2]

41. Got rid of his last name like a bad appendix!! nt

[RadiationTherapy]

18. Male; kept my name; was willing to change it.

I did want a family name. My wife decided to change her last name to mine.

I was open to taking her name or creating a new family line.

[SallyMander]

43. Yay for open-minded men

I have one friend who totally blew me away by having a fit and *insisting* that his wife change her name - even though she didn't want to. She eventually caved and did it, but the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth! x(

:hi:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

44. Any man who did that to me would seriously be close to seeing singlehood in front of him.

If he can't respect my wishes about my own name, what CAN he respect?

[SallyMander]

46. I totally agree

I couldn't believe it, and we actually got into a fairly heated disagreement about it one night. Sure glad i wasn't the one marrying him!

[WritingIsMyReligion]

50. I'll basically go as far as to make it as close to a deal-breaker as I'll get.

You let me handle my own name, sir (which for me would likely mean keeping it), or else you won't handle anything of me or mine, ever again.

[RadiationTherapy]

87. Open minded men willing to struggle with closed minded fathers and uncles.

I had been priming the pump with my dad, but I never had to fully go there.

He is a very loyal type (schools, country, family, etc.) and I feel detached from all of those sorts of identities.

[Sisaruus]

19. Which marriage?

I kept my first husband's name all the way through my second marriage.

[SallyMander]

45. Did you have kids, or just like the name?

And welcome to DU! :hi:

[bridgit]

20. Kept mine...

We don't need no piece of paper
From the city hall
Keeping us tied and true
No, my old man
Keeping away my lonesome blues - Joni

[SallyMander]

48. Aww, Joni

:thumbsup:

[fizzgig]

21. i'm not married, but i've thought about it a lot

i have no real attachment to my last name (it's not even the family name, my grandfather and his brother changed it back in the 40s), so i don't feel i'd be losing a family connection if i changed it. however, i'm a real slack ass and don't know that i'd want to go through the actual process of getting my name changed or learning/remembering to sign my new name. my name now is very easy to sign, very fluid and pretty.

a couple with whom i am close friends took a new last name when they were married, neither wanted any further connections with their family names.

[SallyMander]

49. We talked about a new/combined name

But my fiance just decided that he liked his name, which i respect, and i like mine too! So now i get to avoid the pain-in-the-ass process. Although apparently there are websites you can find that take care of everything for you, filling out all the forms and whatnot - for a fee of course!

:hi:

:hug:

[AlCzervik]

22. changed it.

my maiden name was something i was thinking of changing for a long even if i stayed single.

[SallyMander]

51. I know women like that

Who never liked their names and were looking forward to changing them! :hi:

[vard28]

23. Didn't change mine

'cause my maiden name is the same as my hubby's anyway. And, just 'cause I'm the kind of gal I am, I did the wedding invitation with as many of that name as I could. It pretty much looked like an inbred redneck invitation. We resemble the redneck part (with some intelligence and humor), but as far as we have gone back in the family trees, we're safe on the inbred part. :rofl:

[SallyMander]

52. LOL! That's great!

:rofl:

My mom's maiden name was just the first half of my dad's name - so she just had to add four letters. :D


Edit - i was going to welcome you to DU, but i see you've been here a while! :D

[vard28]

60. Thanks

In the past I didn't wander thru the lounge, just kinda hung out reading and learning in the political forums, but after "lurking" around here for a while, I'm a little more comfortable posting. It looks like a fun place and I'm probably twisted enough that some people might not even kick me out... LOL!

[SallyMander]

62. Glad we've finally sucked you in, LOL

The lounge is fun when you need a break from the craziness of GDP... well, i guess it's really just a different kind of craziness here! :silly:

:hi:

[vard28]

65. Not sure if it was the Hoover

or the Electrolux that got me! There is a lot of intelligent, ungodly sarcastic, dry humor around here that keeps me coming back, and I appreciate that!

[Connonym]

24. another hyphenator here

I'm divorced now & in some respects it's handy with the kids having part of the same last name but if I could do it over again I would have never taken his name to begin with or taken back my maiden name during the divorce.

[SallyMander]

53. You could still change it back

If you want to! :hi:

[MorningGlow]

33. I couldn't wait to change my name

It's hard to pronounce, hard to spell, and gives some prejudiced people an opening to make fun me of or discriminate against me based on my nationality. (Yes, it had happened in the past, plenty of times.)

However, I did officially make it my middle name so I didn't lose it entirely. But as for carrying it forever, I decided to leave that to my brother.

[SallyMander]

54. That sucks

Why are people so dumb? x(

[Blue-Jay]

40. Neither of us changed our names.

There's really no point in doing it when you wait until you're almost 40 before you get married.

[SallyMander]

55. Why do you say that?

The kid factor? That's not too old for kids... or some other reason?

[Blue-Jay]

63. It's not about kids, even though that's not going to happen.

It's just that we were already both "established" in our lives, and didn't see the point of changing either of our names. I may have gone for it had I gotten married earlier in life, but even then it wouldn't have been important to me. I find the practice of a spouse adopting their partner's name quaint and archaic, but still harmless. I mean... I guess if your maiden name is Cocknok, I can see why you'd want to get rid of it. Or if your name evokes some kind of bad memories that you'd rather forget, like an abusive father or something...

I knew a couple who got married years ago. She didn't want to assume the last name of "Fish", so they both changed their names to (get this) "Dragon". They were both woo-woo D&D players. heh.

[SallyMander]

68. Cocknok??!?!

:spray:

I love the story of your friends the Dragons! :rofl:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

42. Reppin' my mom here, who steadfastly refused to take my father's name.

So it stands today, more than 20 years later. No name-change. No sorrow or heartache or moment of regret over it, really.

:)

[SallyMander]

57. Did you ever have inconveniences growing up

not having her last name? I have one friend whose mom couldn't pick her up from school one day because they didn't have the same last name! :o

[WritingIsMyReligion]

59. Not really.

She's my mother any way about it--most people assume they're just divorced or something. :D

[Breeze54]

56. I kept my name, but he made me pay for that... n/t

:(

[SallyMander]

58. ???

I'm sorry... :hug:

[Breeze54]

61. I'm Smart and I'm a divorced happy woman.

I'm now an unmarried DUer.

I'm Smart and I divorced Him.... :grr:

[SallyMander]

66. Glad that you are happy now Breeze!

That's the most important thing. :)

[Pierre.Suave]

69. ask me after I am actually married...

Geez, I thought you were smart enough to know that...

:P

on a serious note, how are you and iza doing these days?

[Flaxbee]

70. I liked my husband's last name, so I chose to take it.

My sister, however, the marine biologist, decided to keep hers for professional reasons -- she had published several articles, her thesis, etc., and it was just easier to do.

Though I think she wishes she might have hyphenated her name "Sister MaidenName-MarriedName", and is considering doing that now.

[madeline_con]

71. I kept mine.

I was in the middle of a community college semester, and din't want to confuse anyone. Really.

I had changed it back to my maiden name after a divorce years before, so I still have my maiden name. :)

[bluesbassman]

72. I changed mine - Chuggo was just too ordinary.

But Paco-Rabinowitz rolls just off the tongue!

[petronius]

73. My wife and I both kept our names - partly for professional and partly for aesthetic reasons (nt)

[Muttocracy]

74. I've known two couple who merged their names (not hyphenated - new word)

In one case their names were similar to start with (one had a -son ending, otherwise almost identical).

In another pair, they took two names that were a little harsh sounding and tough to spell and created a beautiful lyrical new name.

edit for spelling - time for zzzzs

[CaliforniaPeggy]

76. My dear SallyMander!

I loathed my maiden name (waaaaaaaaaay too much teasing in school!) so I changed it!

Plus I wanted to be a part of him, and this was one easy way to accomplish that...

One of my daughters kept hers, and the other one didn't!

Everybody's happy!

:hi:

[pagandem4justice]

77. Kinda did both

I wanted to take my husband's name because over the seven years we dated/cohabited prior to getting married, I came to consider myself part of his family (as in a true member of the whole "clan"). However, I didn't want to lose my dad's surname either, and hyphenating was just way too long. So my solution was to legally drop my middle name (which was my mother's, and hence loathed) and make my maiden name my new middle name. Basically, go from "Pagan Mom Dad" to "Pagan Dad Hubby." :)

[Withywindle]

78. I'm not married now but if I did, I would keep mine.

Several reasons:

1) I've had it for almost 40 years. I wouldn't answer instinctively to anything else!
2) It's been a professional byline for 15 years.
3) I already have two middle names, one of which is my mother's maiden name (Brazilian custom) and moving my own maiden name to a third middle name would be just ridiculous. I'm not that special, I don't need that many syllables!

[Number23]

79. Came into this world with a last name

...and I'll leave it with the same one!

But I do soooo love my husband.....even if we do have two separate surnames.... :)

[Bucky]

81. You forgot an option

I'm male/female and like Cher or Moses, I don't have a last name

[Shell Beau]

82. My husband's last name is way better than my maiden one.

But, I am traditional in that way and would have done it anyway unless I was the last one with my name.

[av8rdave]

83. Male and kept my name both times.

In both cases, my spouse took my name.

The first time, it was the early 80s and we were unenlightened.

This time, Mrs. av8rdave didn't want to keep her last name - too difficult to pronounce.

[1gobluedem]

84. I always thought if I got married I'd change my name because my last name is so long

It has ten letters and is very unusual. But I haven't married and, if I did, at this ripe old age I'd keep my name; it's how people have known me for over forty years.

My sister-in-law DID change her name to ours because....it was shorter. Her maiden name was really long. :rofl:

[nadine_mn]

85. I already had spent $140 to legally change my name when I was 18

to my my mom's maiden name because my dad was such an abusive shit and not in my life at all. My mom and her parents raised me and helped me be the wonderful awesome DUer I am today.

So when I got married 8 years later I told my husband I paid for my damn name and I was keeping it - he was welcome to take mine (he declined - but every year I bring it up and he warms to it a little more).

But even if I hadn't changed my name before marriage I probably would still have kept my name... I don't like the idea of taking someone else's. My mom has been married and divorced 5x and all the paperwork is a damn hassle.

[BarenakedLady]

86. I changed mine

My maiden name is British slang for ass.

[Inchworm]

89. heh heh

you said ass

Hi you!

:hi:

[azmouse]

88. I didn't like my family name and was more than happy to change it.

[mnhtnbb]

91. After divorce in 1979 took my maiden name back. Remarried

in 1985 and have used the Hillary Rodham Clinton model since then.

[Arugula Latte]

92. I hyphenated, but if I had to do it over again, I would have just kept my own.

[Kali]

93. I did. Not sure why other than tradition, because

I never really saw myself married or with kids so when we decided to get married I just went ahead and did the whole thing. Life is weird that way.

I also dropped my middle name and put my family name there instead, but I rarely use it on documents or in life.

[Blue Diadem]

95. I changed mine.

I've had his last name almost twice as long as I had my maiden name. My daughters-in-law changed their names and my daughter changed hers when she married too.

[Debi]

96. I changed my name - but only AFTER Mr. Debi had adopted Debi, Jr.

I didn't want to be odd-woman-out ;). I did change my middle name to my maiden name so the family name continues on (wish I would have changed Debi, Jr.'s name to my maiden name too, wasn't thinking at the time I guess).

[yardwork]

97. I changed my name and instantly regretted it.

After the divorce it was a big hassle changing my name back. I would never, ever change my name again. I recommend keeping the name you were born with.

[unpossibles]

98. my wife kept her name, but frankly I would not wish my last name on anyone

even though it was for professional purposes. I considered taking hers, and we also discussed both of us coming up with new ones, but decided against that too.

I do know a couple who both changed their names to "Marvelous"

[GoddessOfGuinness]

99. I tried hyphenating...

but kept getting checks written only to my married name. So I gave up.

[montanto]

100. I'm male and I kept my name, but I wanna say

When I was young I used to see mail addressed to Mrs. Thomas J. Smith (example). -- What? She loses her whole name? She becomes some sort of possession of Mr. Smith?

My wife and I don't need to share the same name and I'm glad.

In fact, she still goes by Miss X (at 45, after 15 years together), and, I don't ever introduce her as "my wife" I say "this is Jane." I don't own her.

She pwns me!!

:rofl:

[susanna]

101. Kept it...

...at my former employer everyone knew me by it. I couldn't notify everyone of a change, because many times people got my name from handbooks, guidelines, etc., and called with questions. So it wouldn't have been smart. I was laid off recently and suppose I could change it now, but I'm used to it. My husband actually likes my name better than his, so he says "keep it." :-)

[VenusRising]

102. I took ZI's last name.

Both of our last names were French, so that was one issue that I didn't have to think about. There was no way that I was not going to have a French last name. :P I always hated my middle name anyway, so my maiden name is now my middle name and my last name is the same as ZI's. I like it and very happy that I did it.

:hi::hug::loveya: