Reverend Fred Phelps to begin filming minstrel show.

[DrWeird]

Lynchburg, Va- Following the widespread success of Mel Gibson's The Passion, the Rev. Fred Phelps has decided to throw his hat into the arena and is already starting production of a film tenatively entitled, "That's My Mammy."

Phelps says that the film is intended to be a historically accurate portrayal of the last 12 hours of Zip Coon's life. Zip Coon, as you all remember, was an uppity city slicker who met a comedic comeuppance. The dialogue of the film will be spoken entirely in Creole, Old Southern Belle, and the almost dead language Southern Dandy, of which only a handful of scholars speak. Phelps originally planned the film to be without subtitles, since nobody actually speaks these languages anymore, yet coproducers forced him to add subtitles. A dubbed version is expected for certain, less literate parts of the country.

The film, as it is intended to be historically and biblically accurate, will be a comedic musical. This will include such minstrel favorites as, "Camptown Races," "Dixie," "Boy I Sho Am Lazy," and "I Dint Touch No White Woman!" No word yet on who will play the black lead. But rumor has it that Ted Danson is interested in the role. US Senator Trent Lott is expected to have another cameo, following the one he did as a confederate slave owner in Ted Turner's "Gods and Generals."

This project is not without controversy, however. Some reactionary types say the show may be racist, as it portrays a somewhat negative view of african americans. Indeed, Phelps' own father, the Grand Dragon Skeeter Phelps, was actually photographed sans hood in a celebratory lynch mob. Yet the filmmakers claim that in no way is their film racist.

"Sure, all those minstrel shows in the past were racist," says professor of confederate studies Dr. Boudelang, "but I've seen this movie and it isn't racist. This one's different, so stop saying that."

Even african american leaders like J.C. Watts and Bob Barr are quick to dismiss any claims of racism. "I wept when I saw this picture," says Barr, "I've never seen a more accurate and beautiful portrayal of Zip Coon's last hours. Truly this is a blessed picture."

Phelps is bankrolling the entire project himself. Although some Hollywood liberal elites might dismiss Fred Phelps as "crazy," he might just come away in the black, no pun intended. Advanced screenings of "That's My Mammy,"have already been sold out to Southern Baptist church groups.

[Supply Side Jesus]

1. lmao!

You should submit that to The Onion!

[southerngirlwriter]

2. You have the BEST username on DU.

Tied with ZombyWoof and BerthaVenation.

[Bundbuster]

3. "That's My Mammy" receives rave reviews

from revered SCOTUS Judge Clarence Thomas. After 767 consecutive days of silence on various Supreme Court rulings, Thomas issued an uncharacteristically loquacious opinion after a private screening of the Phelps film, commenting: "Things were so much simpler back when we were called "colored" and didn't have to worry ourselves with such chores as voting."

Also seen applauding at the film's Preview were civil rights activist Ward Connerly and liberal columnists Armstrong Williams and Ken Hamblin.

When reached for comment at Jerry Falwell's Lynchburg estate, Mr. Phelps divulged his plans for another nostalgic production, tentatively entitled "Queer Eye My Ass."

[Dogmudgeon]

4. Bamboozled!

I hope you've all had a chance to watch Spike Lee's movie Bamboozled! It's about almost the same thing. A black executive who's trying to fit in to the power structure of network TV is pressured by a blaxploitationist white executive and comes up with a modern minstrelsy TV show.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll have a lot of thinking to do.

--bkl

[DrWeird]

5. Bump

.