One year ago,yesterday, my son hung himself

[easttexaslefty]

And much to my amazement,I am still alive.In a moment of panic he made a rash decision. One that will haunt me all the days of my life.I think of him every second, every moment, every hour and everyday of my life.
Yesterday we did a balloon release. We had 50 balloons that we tied messages on to. We told him we loved him and missed him and that we hope he is at peace.The balloons floated off together, and we watched them until they were no longer in sight.I tried to remember his often joyful life and not the terrible end.I am lucky to have such a sweet, gentle soul as my son.I am grateful for the 33 years he was with me.
So much needs to be done, regarding suicide. It is much more common than people think, Do this grieving mother a favor and check out www.afsp.org . Learn the signs and what you can do. Contribute what you can to community walks, such as, OUT OF THE DARKNESS COMMUNITY WALKS www.outofthedarkness.org . Walk with us and give us your support.Please remember that suicide is not the answer and chose life.

[MissMillie]

1. powerful post

:hug:

I'm not foolish enough to think there is something I can say to take away the hurt, but I hope that you believe me when I say that I'm so sorry for your loss.

[redqueen]

2. ...

:pals:

[Midlodemocrat]

3. Marie.

There are no words.


:hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. lots of love and hugs and best wishes to you.

i wish you didnt have to deal with this and hope you can heal.

:hug:

[malta blue]

5. you are a brave woman to share your story with us

:hug:

[easttexaslefty]

9. thank you but not so brave

I just want to the very best I can, for the rest of my life,to help in what ever way I can, in hopes that maybe, just maybe someone will reconsider suicide as an option

[auntAgonist]

6. Marie,

:hug: :loveya: :hug:

kesha

[bertha katzenengel]

7. no words

:hug:

[Spacemom]

8. Love and wishes for Peace for you

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. My dear easttexaslefty...

Thank you for sharing your very painful story with us...

I have nothing real to say here, except that I am so very sorry for your unbelievable loss...

:hug:

[lost-in-nj]

11. no words..

:hug:


lost

[Tektonik]

12. You are so strong

:hug:

[Swede]

13. Thank you for your courage in posting this.

I am at a loss for words.

[PeaceNikki]

14. I'm so sorry for your loss.

:(

[Tuesday Afternoon]

15. ~

:hug:

[NewJeffCT]

16. I'm very sorry for your loss

even though it's a year later, you have my sympathy

[skygazer]

17. I'm so sorry - cannot imagine

I admire your determination to help others avoid this pain. :hug:

[Shell Beau]

18. Bless your heart.

I am so sorry for you and your loss. I can't imagine. :hug:

[SeaLyons]

19. My deepest sympathy

that has to be the most difficult of losses, and I'm very sorry...:hug:

[easttexaslefty]

20. thank you guys for your kindness

Danny was such a great guy and I want his light and his love to shine through me:grouphug:

[Shine]

37. It does and will through the life you live and the love you share.

:hug:

[RFKHumphreyObama]

21. My deepest and sincerest thoughts, prayers, sympathies and condolences are with you and your family

Word are inadequate I know but rest assured we are all here for you and our hearts go out to you:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Zuiderelle]

22. So very sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[applegrove]

23. So sorry for you.

[redwitch]

24. I am so very sorry.

I cannot begin to imagine such a devastating loss. My deepest sympathy. Judy

[mokawanis]

25. Thank you for sharing your story and message

I wish this kind of thing got more attention because it's so important and could actually save some lives. I admire your strength.

[FloridaJudy]

26. I'm so sorry.

This must be devastating for you. Thank you for your courage.

:hug:

[Redstone]

27. Oh, fuck. Nobody who has not been through what you have can even IMAGINE

the pain, the loss, the utter magnitude of such a devastating event.

I don't know you, but allow me to salute you for your courage in coping with your loss, and for spreading the message with your post and the links you cited.

I know that there are no words I could say that would help lighten your grief. I wish there were.

Redstone

[jeff30997]

28. So sad.

I don't know what to say.:hug:

[txwhitedove]

29. Absolutely beautiful way to honor and remember your son.

:hug:

[lightningandsnow]

30. So sorry for your loss.

Thank you for posting.

I'm glad you're doing something about this.

[latebloomer]

31. As a mother, I am afraid to imagine how terrible this has been for you

Nothing can ever take away the pain. But I'm glad you've been able to mobilize the strength to try to prevent this from happening to others.

Take good care of yourself.

:hug:

[WinkyDink]

32. {{{easttexaslefty}}}

[Pierre.Suave]

33. ...

All I can do is this, and I know not even it is enough.

:hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

34. Done, and bookmarked for future reference...

:hug::hug::hug:
I'm going to check my calendar to see if I can participate in one of the walks.
:hug::hug::hug:

[easttexaslefty]

35. again, thank you everyone who responded

I wish I could thank all of you individually. My husband had oral surgery today so it has been hectic. It is also my surviving son's 32 birthday and we wanted to acknowledge it this year as well. Again, much love and appreciation.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

38. How is your survivng son doing?

What an awful thing, for it to have happened so close to his birthday. :hug:

[easttexaslefty]

39. He is coping

I was really worried about him this year. he had started drinking heavily again, however he is doing better now. He still misses his brother like crazy. They were only 2 1/2 years apart and loved each other alot. Jeremy is now an only child:cry:

[Shine]

36. I cried when I read your post.

:hug: My heart goes to you and your family.

Suicide is hardest on the ones left behind.

May all who suffer be at Peace. :loveya:

[ThomCat]

40. I am very, very sorry

for what you are going through, and for whatever he was going through. :(

I wish life wasn't painful. :hug:

[OmahaBlueDog]

41. Off Topic: Are you safe tonight in East Texas?

[boilerbabe]

42. I have had many friends commit suicide

but I have no good advice, so I just want to say...my sympathies are with you. XXXOOO

[mnhtnbb]

43. I am so sorry. My oldest son's very good friend, who had spent a week with us

at the beach in August 2003, killed himself Dec 2003. He was only 18.

His mother sent her youngest son--same age as my youngest son--off to college this past August.

Your post has reminded me I should give her a call and see how she is with her now empty nest.
Her marriage did not survive: she and her husband divorced within two years of their son's suicide,
although I think a lot of it had to do with him losing a job and not telling her about it.

My heart goes out to you.

:hug:

[easttexaslefty]

51. mnhtnbb

Please do call her and if you are comfortable, talk about her son. Share memories. give her a shoulder to cry on. Ask her how she really is.
Often, people avoid a grieving mother or father. They don't know what to say. Thank you for responding

[libodem]

44. That is so tough

I feel for you. Suicide prevention is an important function. Most folks who survive an attempt are very glad they made it with in about 6 months. If a person could just be stopped when those rash impulses occur they will get over the bout of depression. Bless you, stay strong, you have all my sympathy.

[Lindsey]

46. My thoughts are with you. I absolutely agree that suicide and so many

illnesses like Bipolar Disorder, OCD, and many, many others have been horribly negleted. One of my biggest (among many) heartbreaks of Al Gore not becomming the president was that Tipper has suffered from depression and she was going to make mental disorders her cause. Bless your heart.

[crim son]

45. I've not responded to this thread because I haven't known what to say.

Thank you for you message, and may you continue to find your way through grief. I can't imagine.

[Skittles]

47. easttexaslady

I do hope for you a day you can remember your boy and not think of how he died. On top of such a huge loss, so many people do not understand depression so you're doing people a service getting the message out there. It was terribly hard for me when my dad killed himself - you're so right that so much needs to be done. Thank you.

[CreekDog]

48. i am grateful for your message

i admire the strength and honesty conveyed through your sharing of this story and your feelings.

i always try to look out for friends who might be having the darkest of thoughts and i've told others when i wasn't sure if we should do something. one friend i was so worried about that i went to his parents --he doesn't talk to me now. but i remember the advice another wise friend gave me about that situation which was if they've said it you have to react, even if it risks the friendship. she ordered my priorities.

i am so sorry for your loss. words can't express how i feel. life is such a gift, but it feels so far from that for some folks some times. :hug:

[fizzgig]

49. i wish i had adequate words for this

peace and love to you and your family :hug:

and thank you for the work you're doing to help raise awareness about this

[pokerfan]

50. I am so sorry

I don't know what to say. I have friend whose 21-yo son killed himself many years ago and I know how that tore him up.

I think what you are doing is great.

[bigwillq]

52. The ballon release is a nice tribute.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

53. Thank you for your thread

:hug:

[Jamastiene]

54. I have been meaning to reply to you since yesterday.

It has been very hard to find the right words. I have been suicidal at times in my life. I'm on a good antidepressant and somewhat stable on that front now.

Believe it or not though, it was not the antidepressant that stopped me from attempting suicide the last time I seriously starting planning to do it. It was something a woman I admire very much said. She said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Nothing is permanent. Even if bad times persist for a long time, they will eventually become easier to handle or become not such big problems as new ones demand immediate attention. Some problems you can solve. Some problems you have to live with until you find a stabilization point; the point where you don't really care about that certain problem any more.

There is one thing about your post that I cannot get out of my head: I could never see my mother caring or getting involved like you have. My mother would snort and make a rude comment if anyone mentioned my name, if I did go through with it. That is what she is like. She has always been a hardass and nothing I have ever done, when she was in complete control of my life, was ever good enough for her. She has never been caring or compassionate in the least bit. I can count the times she has hugged me on one hand. I'm 38 years old now. I guess you would have to know her to know what she's like.

Your son was lucky to have you. Depression is very very bad about clouding a person's perception though. It can be very hard to imagine that anyone anywhere cares when the depression is in full swing. I know that from first hand experience. There were people who cared for me, but I couldn't see it at that time. I couldn't even imagine it. All I could think about was that my mother would never be satisfied with me no matter what.

Hearing that woman, that I looked up to, say that, really made me pay attention. No one had ever shown me compassion before. It made all the difference in the world for me. Of course, every situation is different and depression is such a devastating disease to live with, for the family and for the person suffering with the disease.

This is hard to talk about, but I did want to share and to wish you the best. I also wanted to thank you for caring and being compassionate. There are far too few compassionate people in this world. :hug:

[easttexaslefty]

56. Dear Jamastiene

Thank you so vey much for your kind words. They mean so much to me. I am glad you are still here. your friend was right.Suicide is forever. I know if Danny had reached out to any of the people who loved him like crazy,he would still be here. I want to give you some of the hugs you missed from your mom... :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[wandathewitch]

55. My heart aches for you.

We lost our only grandaughter at the age of 20 and it hurts, so much. I do think that she is somewhere looking after us all, though. It is just a feeling and I have nothing to say I know it.