I'm such a push-over

[MissMillie]

So, I'm in this small apartment, and when my son ran into problems I took him in. We have been working through his troubles for a while now... progress, set-backs, more progress... we're getting there.

Now a friend of his has moved in. The big sister he's never had.

Last Friday it was "can she stay a few days still she figures out what to do?" and when I asked on Wednesday what the story was, my son said she was planning on staying.

Now, understand--this young woman's friendship has been great for my kid. She often talks him in to LISTENING to me, which is really quite a miracle. And when I leave a chore list, stuff gets done.

But I don't know that I have it in me to support 2 people who are not working regularly. My apartment is really small (some of you may recall that I moved there to be alone when my son and I were not getting along).

And now I'm learning that the young woman is pregnant (by the b/f who she just left). She doesn't want to continue the pregnancy, but NONE of us have the money to pay for an abortion (and of course, she has no job and no health insurance. I don't even know how she finds a job living w/ us... right now my vehicle is the only car on the road, so she has no way to get to interviews.

I know I need to take care of me.... it's all well and good to want to be helpful to others, but I'm worried that the things that I'm planning for myself in the next year are going to get lost along the wayside.

:shrug:

But then how can I throw her out?

[Pierre.Suave]

1. Wow

thats a lot to handle.

Does the young lady have family around or any other sources of help?

I think an honest discussion about the situation is in order.

[MissMillie]

6. my shoulders are pretty broad

it's my pocketbook that is limited.

[billyskank]

2. You never agreed to her staying

It was "can she stay a few days till she figures out what to do," that was what you agreed to, right?

You took your son in to help him out, that's what moms do, but in gratitude he invites other people to live with him? In YOUR house? I don't think so, MissMillie.

And she's pregnant too. Does he want her to have the kid there, one big happy family? This is not your problem. The original plan is enough: give her a roof while she figures out what to do. So she doesn't have a car. So what. She has legs. There are buses.

[MissMillie]

3. no buses where we are

yes, she does have legs

She doesn't want to have the kid. My son is supportive of her decision (which is irrelevant anyway, because it's not his baby).

I don't necessarily mind her staying, but she needs to work. She has applied for work where my son and I work, but I don't know if they've called her for an interview yet.

I can't house and feed everyone (and pay for family planning) on just my salary.

[billyskank]

4. Okay

but just remember: your son didn't offer to help her. He offered for you to help her. That's like being generous with someone else's money. He himself doesn't have the wherewithall to help her. It's lousy and inconsiderate behaviour on his part.

We should at least get the option to choose to give our charity, not have others choose for us.

[MissMillie]

5. I know

Every logical thought I have reminds me that this is not what I signed up for and it's not my responsbility.

She's a good kid... she's just in a rough patch.

But my son's rough patch and hers, and going to put me in one if things don't change soon.

It looks like my son's situation may start to improve by the first of the month...

I don't know what to think about hers.

[NJmaverick]

7. You need to set a firm deadline for her depature

before you get yourself in any deeper. If she doesn't move by the deadline, a homeless shelter is the next option. You should also look to see if you have 211 where you live. That is a great clearing house of social services available. There might be free abortion services and I am sure there is free prenatal care available. Might even be able to help her with her housing needs.