What does "unconditional love" mean to you?

[bicentennial_baby]

I don't mean towards your children, parents, etc...

Friends, lovers, partners, etc. Something I saw on t.v. made me think about this.

Does it exist? If so, what is it?

:hi:

[LostInAnomie]

1. A dog's love.

Seriously.

[cprompt]

25. exactly

only a dog shows unconditional love

[Danger Mouse]

2. Only a child or an animal can give true unconditional love.

That's what I think.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

11. I can't agree...

It comes naturally to children and animals. Everybody else has to work at it. It's not easy to do, either. Some people never give it or get it.

[Danger Mouse]

13. No person is capable of true unconditional love.

No adult, at least. People become jaded and cynical.
Even kids stop loving unconditionally after awhile.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

31. If they're willing to let go, they are...

Haven't you ever loved someone in such a way that the love transcended the relationship you had with that person? You love the person so much that you are willing to relinquish your desires for the sake of keeping the love intact?

Or maybe some of us have had kids who did terrible things that landed them in prison. While they don't love what their kid did, it doesn't mean they don't love them.

I'm not suggesting it's possible to love everyone this way, or that it's easy; but it is possible.

[LeftyMom]

3. I think as a culture we tend to misunderstand the concept, especially women.

Unconditional love means loving a person completely as they are. It doesn't mean endless tolerance of their harmful behaviors, or endless undeserved praise, only love that sees a whole person. You can't truly love somebody without being honest with yourself about who they are, including their flaws.

And it's an ideal, not a reality, because we never see anybody else perfectly honestly.

[bicentennial_baby]

5. I think you've got it...

:)


Good answer. :thumbsup:

On edit: I agree that you can't see someone perfectly honestly, b/c objectivity has no place in love. But, I think you can, in certain situations, see the bigger picture of who a person is, and still love that totality of the person, even if certain aspects are undesirable.

[LeftyMom]

6. What do I win?

:bounce:

[bicentennial_baby]

7. Um...Flvegan?!

:D

So when's he moving to CA, btw? B/C I'd never wish Floriduh on YOU! :rofl:

:loveya:

[LeftyMom]

8. Yay!

I keep trying. Jesus, who knew somebody could be so resistant to the idea of moving out of a redneck infested swamp? I mean, hello, heaven on earth and regular sex... totally worth shopping one's resume.

AND MY COOKING! I almost forgot.

[bicentennial_baby]

10. I agree completely...And really,

what kind of MAsshole could love living in FL? It's like completely against our genetics. The Pod people have gotten to him, I'm sure of that.

:yoiks:

[LeftyMom]

12. Also, we're way less likely to get swept into the ocean by hurricanes/global warming/giant robots

Let's see, we've got:

Florida
IMPENDING DOOM
Republicans (see above)
Toxic wildlife
No culture that doesn't involve a brass pole
Ghastly weather
Am I missing anything?

California
The best fucking place on earth, period
Me
Great vegan food everywhere
Republicans can't get elected to save their lives
Some of the best snow on earth under two hours drive away (I hate the cold, but he snowboards)

He's silly not to be looking into it. Hell, houses out here are actually affordable for once.

[DarkTirade]

19. Wait... he snowboards...

and yet he lives in a place that hasn't seen snow since the last ice age, nor has it seen hills since it first rose out of the water when that last ice age subsided?

:crazy:

[LeftyMom]

20. THANK YOU!

I'm telling you, this whole living in Dumbfuckistan when there's a hot chick wanting to play house in California thing is, to put it mildly, completely fucking retarded.

[RetroLounge]

56. Well, hell, If *he* wants to stay in Floriduh

I'll start packing for Cali.

hot chick wanting to play house in California?

On my way!

:hi:

RL

[kwassa]

32. having lived in both Florida and California

let's see ...

Florida, six months.

California, 17 years. Why the difference?

they both have warm weather, except Florida is HUMID. Can't live without AC, or your home fills with mold. Florida has often been called a swamp surrounded by a beach. Most residents are transients from someplace else, and many disappear just as quick as they showed up. Culture? there isn't any. Traffic sucks like California, but the rewards are fewer.

Real estate is cheaper there. This is for a reason, or many reasons.

California skiing is great, too, the climate unbeatable, and I have gone to the beach and skiied the same day.

[flvegan]

22. A monetarily driven one.

Seriously, it's all money. I chose Florida because of money (well, and because driving a 'Vette in the snow really really sucked).

No state income tax, lower cost of living. My house in a like area would have been over 3x as much. My salary in say, Revere (which seems a good comparison) would need to be close to a half mil to compete, which I might add, I'd never get. And that's BEFORE the state took her share.

I love Massachusetts and I can't wait to retire there. I hope Inskip is still around to get me the cars I want when I do.

[Shakespeare]

40. As someone who lived in FL for several years (and then DC) before moving to Cali....

I have one word for you: MOVE. I can't even find words to describe all the advantages California has over Florida. I'm sure LM has given you a lengthy list of why it's so great here, but since I'm in the rather unique position of having lived very close to where you live now, and then moving to California, I'll chime in. Legions of wild horses couldn't drag me out of this state (and I've lived in SoCal and NorCal, for almost 10 years now).

Get thee west. Series.

[LeftyMom]

57. As east coast cities go, I like DC quite a bit.

Except for the mosquitoes. I've been home a month and my legs are still scabby from wearing shorts outside one evening. :eyes:

[Shakespeare]

59. I'm so homesick for DC (not leaving Cali, but REALLY want to go back for a visit).

It's a great, great city. I lived on Capitol Hill for over four years, and loved every second of it.

And flvegan still needs to get the hell out of Florida. Been there, done that, don't know WHAT he could possibly be thinking. :eyes:

Tell him the weather out here will be much, much better for his beloved 'vette (Florida = body rust capitol of the universe).

[Forkboy]

23. I was going to say much the same thing....

Only I was going to mix in a monkey joke, a story about that time back in 1977 when I met the Bearded Lady, two gratuitous pictures of Jennifer Connelly, and a reference to Hitler's only nut.

All in all, you were probably more succinct.

[truedelphi]

55. Around the fourth time that I watched the movie "High Fidelity"

I realized the main character (played by John Cusack) was so in love with the woman he wanted because she acepted him totally. Even when he proposes to her in an off hand way, she is accepting of it. She knows that is just how he is and doesn't say no to punish him for not proposing more romantically.

Love is an ability and it is a hard one for grownups to achieve. We sure can have fun while we practice, though.

[barb162]

60. That's a beautiful defintion you have there.

I think you nailed what it really is. And I think you got the part , unstated, is that it's about acceptance of people as they are.

[applegrove]

62. Well said.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

4. I have never experienced it. I have always had conditions placed

on me from my parents on down. As, I believe there is a God that is the only unconditional love that I know in my life.

[elshiva]

9. ....

:hug:

buffy/

[Skittles]

14. I believe it is possible to love unconditionally

it is certainly impossible, though, to LIKE unconditionally

[bicentennial_baby]

15. So VERY true...

Wise, you are. :)

[Danger Mouse]

16. I don't. Period.

The cruelty of man far exceeds the capacity to love.

[Silver Swan]

17. Many years ago

I had a wonderful dream, during which I felt I was loved unconditionally.

But when I awoke, I realized that only God loved that way, and since I am not particularly religious, I did not feel unconditional love in real life. I asked a friend whether he felt God's unconditional love, and he said he did.

But I do not. The dream left me with a wonderful feeling, but unfortunately, it was only a dream.

[flvegan]

18. In regards to people, it's a false term and does not exist.

I know this will be unpopular, but it is true.

Unconditional love only exists in a non-ego, non-self relationship such as the human-canine relationship, the canine having the unconditional love for the human.

*asbestos suit on*

[Danger Mouse]

21. I could not agree more with you.

Humans are too petty to love one another completely without condition. Dogs don't have 'deal breakers.'

[JVS]

24. Robert Hamburger wrote it best

"Mom, do you love me unconditionally?"

"Yes, of course"

"Would you love me if I weren't your son?"

"Oh, I suppose not"

[halobeam]

26. I believe it exists, I believe it is our true energy life source w/in us all.

When we are scared and we let ourselves become vulnerable, we trust. When we are let down, and we are hurt, we forgive. We have a will in us to connect as deeply as is our will to live; we'll accept our differences even if some are major and we will agree to disagree. We do this, because we desire to be accepted as who we are, and we offer as much in return.

Unconditional love is not bound by time or circumstance. It is the core of our being, until we are no longer.

[billyskank]

27. It means it doesn't depend on what you do

It doesn't matter whether you love me or not; I love you just the same.

[krispos42]

28. If it's not returned, it hurts like hell.

:-(

[Lyric]

29. I think it exists, but I also think that there's a difference between

unconditional love and unconditional relationships. You can love someone completely, flaws and all, and still decide that a relationship simply isn't possible anymore. Love is the most important thing, but it isn't the *only* consideration.

As for my relationship--we're the kind of sickeningly sweet couple who don't really need anyone but each other and our kid. There's almost nothing that I couldn't forgive her for--and the "almost" comprises things that she'd never do anyway, like murdering babies or something. I know she feels exactly the same way about me. There's an enormous amount of happiness and relief that goes along with knowing that your relationship is that secure; you feel free to truly be yourself, without having to hide things or pretend to be better than you are. And that freedom, in turn, makes the temptation to do something hurtful a lot less. If I know that she'd stay with me even if she caught me in the midst of a four-way orgy, I am less likely to actually *do* something like that, because that kind of love and forgiveness doesn't come around often and I wouldn't want to risk hurting someone so precious and rare.

It's complicated. I've met very few couples who are like we are, so people often mistake this devotion for something ugly, like psycho co-dependence. That isn't the case at all. We are just *that* committed to each other--committed enough to know that there is very, very little under the sun that could be bad enough to justify giving up a love this powerful. And yet, half the people in this nation think that our love is sickening and unnatural. I truly feel sorry for them. There must have been a lot of pain within their lives, if they have that kind of bitterness and hate toward people who've done nothing to them.

[crimsonblue]

30. love doesnt exist

n/t.

[HERVEPA]

33. Are you really the most negative person on earth....

or is it all an act?

[qb]

34. An atheist's perspective:

I know emotions are the result of electrochemical processes in the body, but I have come to ignore that and become immersed in the metaphor, the pure 'feeling'.

I can't love just anyone unconditionally, but I think I can for those who are receptive to it.

My children, of course, have my unconditional love.

I consciously decided to love my first boyfriend unconditionally... make no demands or ask him to change in any way... because he had so many worries in his life already... others making unreasonable demands. He had to end it, though. He wasn't ready for a relationship and said he actually felt smothered. We are now friends and my love for him is still unconditional.

I did not have to make that decision with my life partner. It just happened. We love each other unconditionally. I suppose there may be some hypothetical betrayal that could challenge this love... it has only been tested in small ways so far.

[regularguy]

35. A watered down version:

I don't think you can have truly unconditional love in a romatic (or even close friend) relationship, but I do think that there comes a point where one stops constantly evaluating and re-evaluating their partner and their relationship with said partner. The default state becomes mutual love nnd respect and a mutual expectation to stay together. Of course, as mentioned above, people aren't dogs and there are deal breaking behaviors. Nice thread, btw.

[vard28]

36. This

[billyoc]

37. Love me no matter what I do to you.

Psycho-babble bullshit.

[Dogtown]

38. Hollywood

CA 1930s or merely lame if more current than that.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

39. i think loving friends and your partner/s unconditionally is stupid

if your friends and partners are not returning your love, then they aren't upholding their side of a relationship

i love lisa. if she starts cheating on me or ignoring me, i will leave. i love myself enough to know what i deserve

i love my brother unconditionally, if he starts ignoring me or randomly killing people, thats a bond i couldn't sever.

[Coventina]

41. Donna Summer!

Sorry

:spank:

[Sebastian Doyle]

51. I remember that song

But I liked the remake better....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZtr1WWl5bk

[pitohui]

42. well it's the ideal to which married/partner'd people must aspire

you make up your mind that it's for life and not to be changed by the changes of time, for over the decades the loved one WILL get old, they will lose their physical beauty and be transformed into something you can't recognize at the beginning, they MAY lose even their mental abilities, and yet you are still together because it isn't about your or what you "get" out of the relationship, it's about the two of you, your history twined together

a public example might be ronald and nancy reagan, after all the manipulation, after all the who knows what of fooling around on each other, after the pressures of a very public life, after the man loses his mind and even his ability to remember how to freaking eat, she is there to the end instead of quietly dumping the guy in a nursing home for the last decade and trying to enjoy her last few years of active life (this doesn't justify their horrid political acts, but it is one of the better examples to hand of what you're asking about)

i have seen it in private realm also, two people make up their minds that their love has no conditions, and one or both of them make their mistakes, both of them get sick, both of them get old, but they still keep on until the end because that's what you do

my definition of it anyway

for some people it is an ideal that is not possible because they can only bear to touch and to love the young and the beautiful, it is best not to align yourself w. such a person unless you're in it for the money, because you can't be young and beautiful forever and people who are made that way can't change the way they are made

a while ago a man of 83 told me that his "bride" still looked, to him, like the young woman he married when they were 20, trust me, she didn't, but from the way they acted together, she didn't see it, they didn't see it, what mattered was the two of them as a unit -- that is unconditional love -- because time changes people in ways they can't control, hence, you can't put conditions

as far as people saying, well, my love would die if my partner became a serial killer, if you loved them unconditionally, it wouldn't die, you'd just make excuses for them, we see it all the time when killers are caught and the families/spouses make excuses, but what else can you do? if you really love someone unconditionally, then you figure they had their reasons, either their reasons or a serious illness that changed their brain -- it crosses into the dark side when your love makes you shelter or conceal the serial killer tho

[Taverner]

43. Utter Stupidity

It means that you love a person, no matter what they do to you

So if your lover tries to kill you, you accept that and love them just the same

[pitohui]

45. you love them just the same but you take care of the situation, this happens w. alzheimer's

at some point the loved one can't recognize you and becomes violent and convinced that you are starving them to death, because they can't remember eating, even tho you just fed them, they strike out

would your love die in a minute because of that? i don't think so, if it did, there wouldn't be so much grief when you are forced to walk away and put them in care

[Taverner]

46. That's different

They aren't themselves - and in essence you are loving what used to be there...

[Shakespeare]

49. I think LeftyMom understands the concept better than you do. n/t

[Fox Mulder]

44. I don't believe it exists.

[Roon]

47. I know for a fact that it exists

Because when I came out to my Republican,Right wing, Rush Limbaugh listening Mother, she reacted in a way that I thought the unconditional love was gone. And let me tell you, that was the worst emotional pain that I have ever dealt with. I was only 22.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

48. i think it does exist amongst parents and maybe siblings

but i dont think it should exist in romantic relationships

[Roon]

50. I agree eom

[Mutley]

52. I'm not sure it exists in adult romantic relationships.

I think only a fool would continue to love someone who has repeatedly hurt them physically and/or emotionally (and this is coming from someone who has made that mistake). Personally, I think true unconditional love only exists in young children and animals. Not to say that love can't be deep and true in a romantic relationship, but even the kindest heart will have limits.

[ismnotwasm]

53. Acceptance

with love.

And the ability understand what a friend of mine used to say when talking about the human condition, FUCK you, with love.


Of course it exists, but it's not in stasis. Love, like any emotion, has a certain flow it combines, mingles then separates with other emotions.


I'm the recipient of unconditional love, and so, not being naturally inclined to it, I learned to give it.

[redqueen]

54. Yes, it exists...

but it seems to me it only exists between parents and children. And even then, somtimes not.

[RetroLounge]

58. It means I own(ed) a dog

other than that? It's hallmark hogwash.

I loved my wife since the day I met her. But it was conditional on her not doing the exact things she ended up doing.

They were all spelled out pretty clearly in the wedding vows.

RL

[bigwillq]

61. My parents and my sister

are the only three people who will always love me unconditionally.

My boyfriend probably does but if anything were to happen between us, I know he will still love me but he wouldn't unconditionally.

I don't think lovers or friends can.