I have schizo-affective disorder. Ask me anything.

[Droopy]

My symptoms include psychosis, mania, and depression. They actually treat me like I have two illnesses and I take the meds that they use for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, although I don't have all of the symptoms that people with schizophrenia have.

I function at a pretty high level considering the severity of my illness. I respond very well to medication. I live independently and I work full time as a trucker. The trucker part surprises some people once they learn about the illness. I have to take a physical every year and I have to be cleared by that doctor and my psychiatrist to work. I've been a trucker for almost 12 years, and for 6 years before I got treatment. I've never gotten a ticket for a moving violation.

The stigma of being mentally ill is tough to overcome sometimes. I'm a single guy and I'm looking for a girlfriend. You never know how people are going to react when you disclose the above information to them. Some people are genuinely interested, but it's a deal-breaker to a lot of people (DEEP BAGGAGE:)). I also recently ran into an old friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a long time. After talking to him a couple of times I told him about the illness. I haven't heard from him since. He won't return my calls.

It's 1:45pm edt on 9/16 right now. I'll have to turn in pretty soon, but feel free to post a question and if I don't get back to you today I will tomorrow.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. no questions, just that i think you are a really nice guy

and i hope you find love :hug:

[Jamastiene]

15. I agree.

And it was so important, you had to say it twice. :P

(just kidding, I know DU has been giving me fits the last day or so with dupes and pages not loading)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

21. yo girl, i am just happy to see you posting again

kisses and hugs

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. no questions, just that i think you are a really nice guy

and i hope you find love :hug:

[Droopy]

3. Thank you very much

Yeah, I think a mate would make my life complete right now. It's the only thing I don't have that most normal people my age have or at least have had.

[hunter]

5. C'mon DU singles. Ask Droopy out on a Date!

He's a thoughtful, caring DU superstar.

:hi:

[RebelOne]

8. I would, but I am much too old for him.

I have dated guys with much worse problems than his.

[Droopy]

25. Thanks for the vote of confidence, RebelOne

And that's exactly what I need: Confidence. :)

[MilesColtrane]

4. How has your psychosis manifested itself?

voices...delusions?

I'm wondering how your doctor differentiated it from any manic episodes you have had, because from what I've read, mania can have some of the same symptoms.

[Droopy]

13. I'm not sure how my doctor differentiated between the mania and the psychosis

I was hearing voices (I think that's psychosis) and I was also having delusions of grandeur (mania). I also had an endless supply of energy at times and needed very little if any sleep (mania). I had also lost contact with reality (psychosis). I was living in a paranoid and delusional world completely of my brain's own making.

I was hospitalized when I was 30 and the doctors thought that I just had bipolar disorder. I ended up back in the hospital 6 months later and they ghot the diagnosis right that time. From what I understand, it can be very difficult to properly diagnose mental illness even for seasoned professionals. I'm glad they got it right because my life is light years better than it was 6 years ago.

[MilesColtrane]

29. Glad to hear things are better.

Keep that shiny side up.

:headbang:

[crispini]

44. Endless supply of energy sounds great!

The rest, not so much. :) Thank you for sharing. Don't worry, there *are* folks out there who will get it. :hug:

[lightningandsnow]

6. Most ignorant things people have said to you about it?

People are so ignorant sometimes.

I mean, I have a fairly mild learning disability, and people still manage to say stupid shit about that.

Best of luck to you. It's tough, but you seem to be handling it well.

:hug:

[Droopy]

16. Thanks AspieGrrl

The most ignorant things people have told me about mental illness are:

1. Mental illness doesn't really exist. You will find people right here at DU who believe that.

2. People who have a mental illness are "retarded." Got that one from somebody on a dating web site.

3. People who have a mental illness are ignorant and uneducated. I actually had someone tell me that I couldn't possibly be mentally ill because my grammar was too good. :)

[LibraLiz1973]

34. Wow, all of those are ignorant! And wrong.

Hard to believe sometimes what people are thinking.

[hunter]

38. My own personal favorite is "be strong."

It implies you are lazy or weak and that by some application of good character and strong will you could pull yourself up by your bootstraps and be well.

Nope.

By personal experience, trust me, a person who is being strong while not grounded in reality can do a lot more damage to himself and others than someone who has the good sense to stay at home in bed and call for help.

[NJmaverick]

7. That sounds like a tough situation, that you are handling rather well

Are there support groups you could join? Maybe if you meet someone with similar problems and issues, it would be an obstacle to romance.

[Droopy]

17. There are support groups for people like me

Unfortunately, all of the them in my area meet at a time that I can't. There is a dating web site called www.nolongerlonely.com that is dedicated to the mentally ill, but the site isn't very active and there aren't very many people from my town that are there and active on the site.

[bertha katzenengel]

9. No questions

Just love & understanding. :pals:

[Droopy]

18. Thanks bertha

That's the two most important things that people like me need. :hug:

[Forkboy]

10. My father was/is bipolar/paranoid schizophrenic.

He's been fine for about 20 years now thanks to the meds, but it was an adventure there for awhile. Some pretty wacky stuff happened. I remember some colorful evenings when he hit a psychotic period. I should stress that there was nothing physical done. My father punched me in the mouth once when I was 11 or 12, but that was literally the only time I was ever struck as a kid, and it right when his battle with all this was really kicking in. Didn't make any sense then, but it did later on.

I'm bipolar myself, but without the paranoia and schizophrenia. I don't really even have mood swings so much as massive energy and focus swings. Emotionally I'm a pretty even-keeled guy (been told I'm too unemotional even), but I can go from being all low-key and mellow to staying awake for days and being hyper into something, which I actually prefer for the most part. I'm sharper, and I get a lot more creative. I also tend to get totally into a subject or activity for 2 or 3 weeks and then totally move on. I'll go 3 or 4 months without reading a book, and then read 12 in one month.

As for how it affects relationships, it's one of the main reasons I have no urge to even attempt one anymore. Half the people who hear the word "bipolar" think "oh, potential serial killer", and the half who do understand wouldn't like my music anyways. :)

Thankfully I have a strong loner streak in me, not to mention agoraphobia, so 90% of the time I'm totally content being alone. That other 10% can be a kick in the ass, but what can you do?

[Droopy]

19. I hear you Forkboy

And I'm sorry that you had that bad experience with your dad. I tell people that people who are suffering from the symptoms of a mental illness will do and say things that the real them would never dream of doing. And that with the proper treatment, mentally ill people can return to their former unafflicted selves, for the most part. I bet that that incident with your dad haunts him to this day and is probably the thing he regrets most about his life.

[Forkboy]

24. It took me to find out I was bipolar too before I could really understand.

I wonder how much of that whole time he even remembers. We've never spoken about it. For me, I can understand why people would say he was wrong, because he was, but they don't know what was making him like that. Now that I do know, from first hand experience no less, it's impossible to have any resentment for that, or anything else that happened. He must have been majorly struggling with his own head back then.

Plus, this was 77 or 78, and treatment for mental illness was barely even on anyone's radar at that time. It's still bad now, so I can only imagine what it must have been like to be full blown mentally ill back then and not have anywhere to turn.

Since I've been grown my parents have been as cool as anyone could hope for. So even though childhood was pure chaos we ended up in a decent place regarding each other. We're not super close like some families, but we get along great when we do talk, so no complaints.

The road of life takes some funny twists and turns. :)

[Droopy]

27. I'm glad things have turned out well

And good luck in dealing with your illness. I know you say it has it's benefits, and I sure do miss my episodes of energetic, creative, euphoric mania. But if their ever comes a time when you need a helping hand, don't hesitate to reach out to someone.

[LibraLiz1973]

35. ROFLMAO!

"As for how it affects relationships, it's one of the main reasons I have no urge to even attempt one anymore. Half the people who hear the word "bipolar" think "oh, potential serial killer", and the half who do understand wouldn't like my music anyways."

I had to laugh at that descriptive!! The part about the music really cracked me up. I feel like that sometimes too!

[Dogtown]

11. Respect, Droopy!

You're a stanchion here.


Any online support groups for your disorder? If I recall, you're over-the-road; that must lead to a seriously lonely life.

FWIW, you have a ton of friends in this community.

[Droopy]

20. Thanks Dogtown

There are some support groups for mental illness around here, but, unfortunately, they meet at a time when I can't.

I'm home every day now and I have the weekends off. I still have a pretty strange schedule, though. And you are right about the loneliness. I lost touch with a lot of friends when I hit the road as a trucker. I did that over-the-road stuff for 3.5 years. It was good for me in a way because I was suffering from my symptoms back then and was paranoid about being around people. Trucking allowed me a way to make a living with as little human contact as possible. It may have saved my life, but it also could have delayed my eventual successful treatment.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

12. I am just glad that you're back on the DU.

Every time I see your posts it makes me stronger. Because its not easy myself dealing with depression and I don't think anyone else understands that. Its not a choice, its something that I couldn't help and for the longest time I thought it was a punishment. I can remember just crying for no reason when I was a teenager; just wishing to disappear because the pain was so bad. But now I realize that I wasn't crazy, it was my brain fighting against my wishes.

I am ok now but sometimes I cry and wonder where I would be if I lost hope and just gave up. I turned 28 last month - I feel like I won a marathon because there was time when I didn't think I would make it to the age of 21. Oh boy it was about this time 10 years ago when I started slipping away... I was in my freshman year of college and I didn't know what the hell I was going through. I was in a city all alone and I think I had a guardian angel that kept sane. That was in 1998. I didn't get treatment until 2006. I took Paxil for 6 months. But I got rid of everything around me that made me depressed. And I had to look in the mirror and become my own coach and say "Cheer the fuck up! Be you CP!" - sometimes all you have is yourself.


I think if I were to read ever post that I have made on the DU (other than GD-P, I curse when I am in there) I could see a pattern of my mental growth.

My mom had an aneurysm in November 2006 (she is great now) and you would think that would have sent me on the deep end. I did go into "shock" but everything made me stronger. I had no choice. It made me grow up.

So yeah, I am happy to be happy :) Now I can't wait to get married and have a baby :) That's what I want next. Oh yeah I hope to finish college by the age of 35 too :rofl:

[Droopy]

22. I'm glad you are doing well now

And thanks for sharing your story. I bet that there are a lot of people out there who are encouraged by people like you and me talking about mental illness. Especially when they see that you and I are doing well in life. There may be some people who are struggling right now and these posts may be enough to keep them going or maybe they will encourage them to get the treatment that they need if they are not currently getting help. That's the message I hope to convey and DU is the best way that I know of to get my words out there.

[Jamastiene]

14. Hey, Droopy.

How are you doing today? :hug:

[Droopy]

23. I'm doing well, thank you

I was happy to see all of these posts, because this thread was sinking like a rock when I posted it the other day. :)

Sometimes I get to feeling down a little bit. Nothing all that major, I just get a little case of the blues every once in a while. Doing threads like this helps lift the fog. It makes me see how far I've come. Sometimes I need that reminder. :hug:

[spinbaby]

26. You're lucky you got good treatment

And found meds that work well for you.


:pals:

[Droopy]

30. Yes, and that brings up a point that I should address

Some people who are mentally ill go to get treatment and have a hard time finding the relief that they need. The meds don't work or they have a crappy therapist. I think that's most common with depression. There is also the chance of being misdiagnosed and that happened to me. I ended up back in the hospital 6 months later. You just have to keep going. Get a different therapist or demand a different drug. You can't really tell the doctor what to do, but you are a customer and you have certain rights as a patient.

[UndertheOcean]

28. I support you man !

Because one must ease the suffering , always try to ease the suffering. Despite what God wants.

People maybe think shizo-affective == Sociopath , people are Ignorant like that , would rather dehumanize people like killers and pheodophiles instead of trying to understand them.

We like to keep away and deny the existance of that which we don't like.

[Droopy]

31. I appreciate the supprt, UtO

It is my goal with posts like these to chip away at the stigma associated with mental illness. It's important to talk about these things.

[UndertheOcean]

32. I know , hang in there mate !

[LibraLiz1973]

33. What ASSHOLE wouldn't want to talk to you once you revealed that?

Fuck that- he wasn't a true friend.

I hate people who do shit like that- it just shows them for waht they are.. shallow & insincere.

I have agoraphobia & anxiety disorder, so I understand where you are coming from. It's hard- I'm not sure I'll be able to find someone who would be able to deal with the issues. I also function at a high level- work full time etc. but it is still an issue that I think a lot of people would have trouble dealing with or understanding.


How often do you have flare ups with the symptoms?

[Droopy]

36. I have been symptom-free for over five years

The only time I have a problem is when I miss a dose of that anti-psychotic, and that happens only a couple of times a year, usually due to someone or something throwing a monkey wrench into my routine. And when I do miss a dose I just have physical withdrawal problems for the most part and I get a little strange, but not psychotic. I'll tell you what, when I miss a dose I sure as hell don't miss two in a row. :)

That guy was a friend of mine from a long time ago. We spent our teenage years hanging out together. I don't know what his problem is now, because he used to be a really cool guy. One of the nicest people I've ever met. I just wish I could explain things to him like I've explained things to you all here. But maybe you are right and he's not worth hanging around now days.

I'm glad that you are able to work full time and live independently. There are so many of us mentally ill folks who wish they could do those things. They just want a normal life. You and I were very unfortunate to develop these illnesses, but we are fortunate that we are able to function somewhat normally.

[raccoon]

40. I'm glad that you're able to deal with it, Droopy.

And that person who quit speakilng to you was an asshole. Unfortunately, there is still stigma associated with mental illness.

I believe Brian Wilson has a diagnosis similar to yours.

It took guts to be so honest about it here.

[LibraLiz1973]

45. I understand. It IS sad when people that you thought were friends,

who also remind you of old times- if they were good, turn out to be obnoxious.
Why avoid you over something that you cant change, doesn't make you a bad person, and poses no threat to him what-so-ever?
It's a shitty thing to do.


I'm glad you are able to function well too. It breaks my heart to see people that aren't able to do so. It's HARD and it took years to get to this place.
About 15 years ago the attacks were so debilitating, I was unable to leave the house for almost a year.
Now, I am able to go many more places than that... BUT, I have major avoidance issues dealing with places that I have panicked in before.
The mall would be a good example of this.

I'm good but not "cured". It DOES impact my life & the way I live it, I can't pretend it doesn't.
I'll probably have to take Zoloft, or something like it, for the rest of my life.
My issue also seems to be hereditary- so, as much as I love children, I have issues with what I would pass on to them.
I would much rather adopt and open my heart and life to someone who otherwise would not have had a home.

Of course first, I need to find a man!!

:)

[Schema Thing]

37. How different would your life be if you hadn't gotten therapy?

Also, were you ever resistant to a diagnosis of mental illness?



(btw, you have my admiration and respect for facing it head on, and also because I always like what you write here)

[Droopy]

39. Thanks, AT

If I hadn't gotten the treatment that I needed I'd probably be dead right now. I was hospitalized because I was flirting with suicide. It was either the hospitalization or the coffin. I didn't really want to die, nobody does, I just didn't see another way to solve my problems.

I was not resistant to any diagnosis or treatment. I was just happy to be getting help. When they finally got it right, I felt like I was experiencing enlightenment. Reality was heaven and it is still precious to me.

Thanks for the compliment. Apparently, a lot of people like my stuff here- a lot more than I knew. :)

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

41. My voices told me to say "Hey!" to your voices.

:evilgrin:

[tigereye]

42. as always glad to see your pragmatic take on things in your life

and always good to hear you are doing well!



Seriously you should write a column, blog or a book or something. Weren't you talking about doing that at one point?

[moriah]

43. Mind if I ask what meds you are on?

A friend of mine with schizoaffective disorder was taking Zyprexa for awhile but it was making her way too tired, and I can imagine that the overly sedating meds are not good for a big-rig driver.

Another friend doesn't have an EXACT diagnosis of schizoaffective, but he had been diagnosed as bipolar for many, many years, and then had a non-manic psychotic break. He is now on Geodon and lithium, and is doing very well.