Meditations on Pain

[SidneyCarton]

Its been an interesting week. An old injury of mine, a pinched nerve has flared up again and is causing me endless trouble. Indeed you know things must be bad when I am finally prodded out of my typical inertia to go and seek the help of not only a doctor, but a Chiropractor on this subject. The verdict, which gives me little comfort, is that I have a swollen disc in my neck, that has swelled to the point that now it makes direct contact with the nerve that runs down my left arm. This injury is likely rather old, indeed the Chiropractor thinks it may have resulted from my years as a High School Wrestler. I find no small irony in this, I quit wrestling nearly a decade ago, due to another, unrelated injury, yet in some ways I am still paying for a snap decision I made in the first week of my Freshman year. There is doubtless a lesson to be learned in choices and consequences to be learned there.

For those of you unfamiliar with experience of nerve pain, I can only describe as the purest expression of pain your body can give you, for it is not mixed with any other sensation (itching, burning, nausea, pressure, etc.) It still cannot compare with childbirth, as Mrs. Cartion was quick to remind me, but as she has suffered from sciatica herself, she does note that while Labor is an “active pain” a pinched nerve is pure pain for seemingly no reason whatsoever. If you have never felt this, more blessed are ye.

The night before last was particularly unpleasant. Due to the way my disc is swollen, I can only sleep on my left side, however, my left arm is the one that hurts, particularly around the elbow. That night the pain was so great, that no matter what I could not get comfortable. The problem was compounded by a bad reaction to a painkiller I took, which literally gave me an anxiety attack. Finally, there was the loneliness. It is bad enough to be lying, sleepless, listless in pain and in the dark, but when you’re trying not to wake your wife or child, you feel particularly alone; as if your torment is ultimately of concern to no one but yourself. (Of course this wasn’t true, Lucie didn’t sleep particularly well that night as a consequence of my discomfort.)

In essence you feel totally alone, alone in the dark without help, succor or peace of mind. In such circumstances you would give anything just to hear a sympathetic voice, the touch of another human being, anything to let you know that you are not alone, that the abyss has not swallowed you up and taken you beyond all reckoning of life and hope.

This was just one night. When the day dawned and I got up (unrested but eager for the new day nonetheless) there was little to evince my past torment but bad memories that were soon expunged by another day of labor and occupation. But what of those who have no sunrise to look forward to? What of those whose torment does not necessarily end at the edge of a bed? There are many millions this very day who lay in windowless cells, (whether wrought by human hands or their own emotional burdens, it matters not, for both are equally imprisoned) whose torment knows neither days nor weeks. Their pain, be it physical, emotional or spiritual isolates them and holds them captive. They too await the reassuring touch of another, to remind them that they are not alone, that they are more than the sum total of their pain, that they are human. How much good might be done, how many captives might be freed, if we just had the presence of mind to reach out to our fellow sufferers?

[NJmaverick]

1. Great post very well thought out and expressed

I will offer up my own simple observations on pain. The degree and intensity of the pain is greatly affected by one's focus on it. For example the dentist office pain is often consider horrible, even though it's not particularly strong. The problem is we pretty much are completely focused on it, as we sit in that chair. To contrast, there were many stories of bomber crews in WW2 not even being aware they had been shot or hit by shrapnal. They were so busy manning their guns and trying to protect their plane they were completely oblivious to the severe pain of a gun shot or shrapnal wound.

[SidneyCarton]

3. Very true.

That night would not have been so bad had I gotten up and done something. In retrospect I ought to have done so, though I was getting too tired to read. When you have nothing to do but feel your pain, even the smallest irritation can become intolerable.

[NJmaverick]

4. I think you are probably right

[skygazer]

2. You know, I get a little weary of the immediate comparisons to childbirth

I've had three kids and a miscarriage (the last was by far the most painful). I've also had chronic nerve pain and I suffer from arthritis that is sometimes so severe that I can lay perfectly still in bed and feel, like a dull burn, every single point in my body where two bones come together. There are a lot of those points.

I'm not sure why so many women jealously hold on to the pain of childbirth as the most terrible pain imaginable because for me it certainly wasn't. For one thing, it is finite - it ends. For another, there is a purpose behind it and one worth enduring pain for. There seems to be with a lot of women an attitude of "you can't possibly know pain because you've never had a baby." Bullshit.

(I don't mean any of this as a slam against your wife - just musing on the subject)

At any rate, chronic pain is so terribly wearing because it's inescapable. It's really hard to take your mind off something that hurts when you're not even doing anything. Sorry you're hurting - hope the chiropractor can ease it. :hi:

[SidneyCarton]

5. No offense taken.

In Lucie's case, her labor was induced, and she was in labor for 30 hours, with the last four spent pushing. That said, I think her bout of sciatica runs a close second. I think for a lot of women childbirth is a benchmark, something against which they can measure any number of experiences. That said, I think your experiences show that pain is very subjective, and what was a sojourn in hell for one person, might be just another day of difficulty for someone else.

I go see the Chiropractor today, thanks for the vibes. Be well.

[yellowdogintexas]

8. women who make that claim have never had chronic pain, exp back/neck or a kidney stone

I have had both

I would take unmedicated labor any day

[LeftyFingerPop]

6. Beautiful post. I have the EXACT same problem.

Left arm pain due to 4 bones spurs in the cervical spine making direct contact with the nerve.

Pain began as an indescribable feeling...left arm just felt "heavy".

Then, the pain was horrible and relentless 6 inches on either side of my elbow.

It has now spread to my wrist and hand.

The pain is pure, shocking, and unbelievable.

I was on Vicodin, which worked only a little. I am now on Lyrica, which may or may not be beginning to work.

You are not alone. I understand the desperation you may feel. Please try to get some relief as soon as possible.

[SidneyCarton]

7. Ouch!

I think you have it worse than me!

I have heard that acupuncture works well to relieve this kind of pain. (haven't tried it yet, am going to see a chiropractor today, if this doesn't work I will go and see an acupuncturist.) I hope you're right-handed at least, being a lefty (in dexterity as well as politics) this has been somewhat of a challenge.

[LeftyFingerPop]

9. Yes Sidney, I am right handed thankfully...

You get that pain taken care of, ok? Do what you have to do, and be aggressive. I wish you the best. :pals: