A friend of mine is having financial problems

[Droopy]

A friend of mine who lives 1300 miles away from me is going through some financial problems. I met her on a dating site for the mentally ill. You may recall me talking about my illness here. She has the same diagnosis as me. We've been pen pals for 3 years and we have visited each other in the other's home towns a couple of times.

Considering what we've been through, we have both accomplished a lot in our lives. She became homeless when she became ill in her mid-twenties. She comes from a dysfunctional family and nobody would help her out with a place to stay. Since then she has gotten treatment, has gotten her college degree, has lived independently, and has held down a job for the last 10 years or so. Those are big accomplishments for those of us who have a severe mental illness and they are a source of pride and dignity. I think she is probably a stronger person than I am because I had my folks to fall back on when I became ill. I don't know what would have happened to me if I would have wound up on the streets.

She's worked two jobs off and on for about the last year, so I knew she was having financial problems for a while, but I didn't know how bad it was until just the other day when she confided in me that she was contemplating bankruptcy. I immediately went into chivalry mode and told her that I would help her if I can. I told her that no matter what the bill collectors are saying to her that she has to make that rent payment her number one priority. Everybody else can wait. She must have a roof over her head. I do not loan money to anybody now days because I've been burned a couple of times on that, but I did tell her that I would not let her go without meds. I think she can make her rent payment on time if she brushes off a couple of debtors. So between her and me she will have her home and her sanity. I'm kicking around what to do next. She hasn't asked for any help working out her finances, but I'm pretty good at that kind of stuff and I think I might be able to give her some good advice if I can get her to sit down with me and a calculator. But I haven't heard from her since I replied to her bankruptcy e-mail on Friday.

I'm worried about her. She usually writes to me every 2 or 3 days. It was 8 days before she wrote to me about her bankruptcy worries and in that same e-mail she said she was very depressed and shrinking away from everybody. I'm hoping that she'll write today. She doesn't have anybody on her side when things get tough and I'd hate to see this put her in the hospital.

I guess I just wanted to get that out there and maybe get your reaction. Bankruptcy law has changed and I'm thinking that I might be able to show her another way if I can get her to crunch the numbers with me. I hate seeing friends and loved ones in trouble or pain and my first reaction is always to try to help. I hope she reaches out to me.

[lizerdbits]

1. I'm glad you're not lending her money

My dad has done that with his siblings and of course never sees it again. However helping with meds I think is great of you because in this case if she doesn't have them then there's not much hope of any improvements. I was helped greatly by anti depressants and my dad always told me if I wound up in a position of no health insurance he would pay for them. He's also paid for doctor appointments and meds for his sister who has some mild depression.

I think sitting down with a calculator sounds like a good idea. It sounds like she may not have health insurance? Saying she was becoming depressed and shrinking away from people sounds like she may need a med adjustment. Is there a way she can see someone about the depression?

I hope everything works out for her.

[Droopy]

2. She does have health insurance

But the meds she takes are very expensive and her share after insurance is still a couple of hundred dollars a month. We've talked about and compared medications in the past. And she does see a psychiatrist regularly- I just have to make sure that she keeps seeing her. I can help her out with that too if need be. I'll take your suggestion and ask her if a med adjustment might help things. I just need her to get back to me. I have her phone number around here somewhere. Maybe it would be a good idea to call later today.

[lizerdbits]

3. A phone call sounds like a good idea

And we both know when things go south with mental illness people often stop meds/stop seeing the professionals so making sure she's getting appropriate help is crucial. I didn't really need to tell you that. Her insurance costs are another example of our shitty health care system that shuts out people who need it most.

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

5. When I had no insurance

my doctor gave me samples that would last for weeks. I realize she has insurance, but maybe her doctor has some and this could buy her some time...

You're a good friend Droopy. :hug:

[Droopy]

7. Yes we know about free samples

In my case my doctor supplied me with 28 days worth when I was without health insurance. I don't know how many free samples my friend would be able to get, but I'm not too worried about that right now. I got her back on that one if she decides to accept my help.

[madrchsod]

4. if she has a steady job she could consult a lawyer

about filing chapter 13. i`ve had a similar situation as she has and the best thing that could be done was to get rid of that problem. it`s really difficult to deal with bill collectors and deal with mental illness. doing this if possible may help but it`s not a cure all. a bankruptcy attornery can not advisor her just show her what the options are. she`ll need to discuss all this with her doctor.

[Droopy]

6. They've made new bankruptcy laws

and from what I hear they no longer forgive all of your debt. A guy at work was saying that he knew someone who recently declared bankruptcy, but still had to agree to pay back a lot of his debt. They take half of his pay check every week now.

[TZ]

8. It sounds like you are doing the right thing here

Offering help with managing her budget..thats waaay more helpful than simply loaning money. And hopefully she will talk to you soon..I understand about financial troubles making the mental illness worse...
You are a good friend, Droopy..:hug:

[Droopy]

9. Thanks Sue

I've become a personal finance guru through my own trial and error. I was having troubles in that department myself a few years back. In August of 2006 I had about $10,000 in credit card debt and a $10,000 car loan. I now own the car free and clear and I have shrunk my credit card debt to $4400. I will be debt free except for my mortgage by the end of this year.

It took a lot of changing and a lot of sweat, but I've done it all on my own.

[BarenakedLady]

10. You are a good friend Droopy.

:hug:

[Droopy]

11. Thanks

:hug: