Absurdly difficult video game bosses...memories of frustrating pixellated ass-whuppings.

Danger Mouse

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Sun Sep-21-08 04:24 PM
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Absurdly difficult video game bosses...memories of frustrating pixellated ass-whuppings.

I'm a nerd. I like being a nerd. I've been a nerd for most of my life, and for most of THOSE years, I have been a gaming nerd. I started with Super Mario Brothers on the NES and soon moved onto Contra, Legend of Zelda, and the original Final Fantasy. Over the years, I have come to really enjoy boss fights as the ultimate challenge of one's skills and capabilities. Sometimes they require crazy reflexes and quick reactions, sometimes they require excellent thinking and planning, and sometimes they just require luck. In the worst case, they require all three.

There is, of course, a fair share of utterly pathetic wussy bosses that are hardly worth remembering, but who cares about them?
This thought came to me as I was playing through the Nintendo DS remake of Final Fantasy IV, which has enhanced the difficulty of the bosses. Now, formerly wussy bosses have become nightmarish exercises in futility and humiliation.
In honor of the remake of Final Fantasy IV, here are five examples of the most ridiculously difficult bosses ever encountered:
(In no particular order):

1. Dynamo Man (Rockman and Forte)

Huh? You may ask? Who's this loser? If you're saying this, then you are a lucky, lucky bastard. This asshole easily takes the prize for most frustratingly difficult boss in the entire Megaman series, I am not joking. Why? Because not only are his attacks hard to dodge, and cause tons of damage, he can heal himself. Frequently. And it's really really hard to prevent him from doing it. When you face this metal nightmare, expect a long, drawn-out bloodbath that will have you wanting to punch our little blue hero square in the junk.

2. Mike Tyson (Mike Tyson's Punch Out)

Who else? The final opponent in Mike Tyson's Punch Out is none other than Mr. "I Will Eat Your Children" himself. It's almost funny how unfair this fight is. He starts off by throwing ridiculous punches again and again with no sign of letting up, and getting so much as tapped will send you sprawling. It's more than a minute before you can even touch him, and then it doesn't get any easier. Punch out is hard enough already, but this takes the difficulty to a whole new level of frustration tolerance. If you can face this man-beast without throwing your controller in exasperation, then you are a better man than I.

3. Dr. Lugae/Barnabas/Lugaborg (Final Fantasy IV DS)

I couldn't find a good pic of him from the DS version. Dear lord, this is one of the most ridiculously unfair bosses I've ever had the pleasure to be subjected to. In the original SNES game, he's a wuss. In the re-imagined FFIV, he's a nightmare. He starts the battle by casting 'Reversal Gas' which switches healing and damaging effects. So, cure spells cause damage, attacks and damaging spells heal. Then he stars spamming cure spells on your party. This wouldn't be so bad if he couldn't remove reverse at will. And then turn it on again. Or off. And on. And off. As much as he damn well pleases. The battle becomes a frustrating exercise in trying to predict what to do next, while desparately trying to stay alive as he pummels you ceaselessly with overpowered beam and fire attacks. There is a cheap way to win, and it's just about your only option. I hate this bastard.

4. Death and Dracula (Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin)

You've fought Dracula before. You've fought Death before. How about at the same time? It's a first in the Castlevania series...and it's kick you in the ass hard. It's a lot of fun, though. :) One of my personal favorite boss fights in the the entire series :)

5. Golemtwins (Chrono Trigger):

It's like somebody took pain, frustration, futility, gave it form, and multiplied it by two. That's what this battle is like. Anything you can do, they can do better, and if you don't think fast and come up with a rock-solid strategy, you'll be dead right quick. Some people say that this battle is really. I say that some people are fucking liars. If only Dalton were half as strong as his Golemtwins, he wouldn't be the huge sack of Fail he turned out to be. This is easily the most difficult boss in Chrono Trigger, and that's saying something. Too bad the Golemboss is such a wuss.

Hope you enjoyed this. Feel free to chime in with some of your own, or to tell me how wimpy these five are, and that I suck at life. :hi: