Why is it unacceptable to cry at work in our society?

[raccoon]

Those with a background in sociology, anthropology, of just with any idea of why, please check in.

Note that at work it is acceptable to blow your top if you're high enough up on the food chain.

[JVS]

1. Because it's the emotional equivalent of shitting your pants!

Ewwwwww!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. one is feminine and the other is masculine

one denotes power, the other the lack thereof.

[Name removed]

13. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Fleshdancer]

3. My guess is because it's considered feminine and therefore, weak.

I've even heard people discuss crying as if it were a form of emotional manipulation which pisses me off because I'm a crier. It's not something I ever plan to do and it's not something that occurs just when I'm sad or upset. My body responds to ANY extreme emotion (including stress) by making my eyes wet and drippy for some reason and it's not something I can control.

[Jokerman]

4. You just had to ask that today.

A coworker passed away last night after a long battle with cancer. I've never seen so many tears at work before in my life.

In general I think I'd have to agree with previous poster's ideas about traditionally "masculine" vs. "feminine" reactions even though most of us are fighting back tears here today.

[blueraven95]

64. ...

:hug:

sending good thoughts, for you, your co-workers, and the co-worker's family.

[Fire Walk With Me]

5. Men know that if they ever appear to be weak or vulnerable,

other men will pick at them until they're dead. This is because men have small, vulnerable egos and don't know what to do about it, can never manage to be detected as "less than", and must take great measures to prevent it from happening. When men attack another's character, it is because they are afraid of people seeing that same vulnerability within themselves. And attacking it.

This can be based upon the normal need to be useful and accepted. The fear of not being useful and accepted (we are pack animals; our greatest punishment is banishment from the pack) causes all sorts of trouble. Stuffing down these truths causes all sorts of trouble.

Women's egos are stronger because they have to be able to put themselves aside in order to provide for the developmental needs of their children. Women's egos are stronger because they need to be able to perceive these needs and meet them. Men are less because out of fear they seek to put themselves first. Learning to put themselves second is the beginning of actual strength, usefulness, and acceptance. This is all very basic.

I love giving answers which will make me popular.

[RadiationTherapy]

61. No one replied to your post, which is probably a good idea, but let me be the first to say...

your facts are colored with latent hostility towards men. Not that it is unjustified or anything, it just reduces the rationality of your expression.

[RadiationTherapy]

6. So many bullshit gender specific answers.

The reality is that any dramatic emotional display is inappropriate at work. Displays are distracting. Whether one can "help it" or not. It doesn't mean anyone should be fired or disciplined, but if someone starts to cry at work, people stop what they are doing to sympathize. If it is anger, there is often a rift long after.

Neither crying nor anger is exempt. The idea that "blowing your top" is "accepted" in the workplace (high up or not) is absurd. Getting away with is not the same as being accepted and there are always repercussions to a blow up.

I also doubt that anyone has ever been disciplined at work for crying, so why are you couching it in those terms?

[raccoon]

8. IME it is if you're high enough up.

"The idea that "blowing your top" is "accepted" in the workplace (high up or not) is absurd."

" Getting away with is not the same as being accepted and there are always repercussions to a blow up. "

Not to the bully, I mean the person who did it. There might be SOMETIMES but not ALWAYS.

YMMV.

"I also doubt that anyone has ever been disciplined at work for crying, so why are you couching it in those terms?"

Articles, books, about the workplace always emphasize that it is a big no-no. Also, people will tell you that in RL.

[RobinA]

10. The Biggest

blower upper where I used to work is a female who marched right into the position of General Counsel for a large corporation with nastiness and temper quite intact. Using her as an example one could only include that being a bitch on wheels was a ride to the top. Did I mention that this woman cannot make a decision to save her life? Nope, screaming fits, having no secretary willing to work with her, didn't hurt her a bit. I also always had a feeling that a man acting similarly would have been told to cool it.

[hedgehog]

14. "The idea that blowing your top at the workplace is absurd"

Well, that depends on the workplace. I spent 6 years at a place where blowing your top was the norm. I think I have PTSD as a result!

[RadiationTherapy]

15. I am not saying it doesn't happen, I am saying it is disruptive to any business

and is generally considered inappropriate.

The OP was written as if angry outbursts are accepted, but crying is not. I am asserting that both behaviors are out of place in a modern workplace.

[redqueen]

16. Where do you work?

You don't hear arguing in loud voices on a regular basis? Either between coworkers, or coworkers and vendors, or coworkers and clients...

Everywhere I've worked this is the norm. It's just accepted.

[RadiationTherapy]

18. I have worked at Merrill Lynch, ATT, Blue Cross Blue shield, landscaping

cleaning, bellman at a 4 star hotel, youth hostel manager, mover, phone sales, inbound customer service...

I currently am in my 6th year at a university.

I can categorically state that even at my manual labor jobs I have not ever seen any sorts of emotional outbursts with any regularity. I have seen outbursts at all of them, but it was always out of the norm.

I can also categorically state that I have seen a few people reprimanded for angry outbursts; I have never seen a "crier" receive anything but sympathy/empathy.

[crispini]

21. It may be a cultural / geographic thing.

When I got a job at a startup in Manhattan the angry arguments were the norm there. Quite a surprise for me!

[redqueen]

22. That's interesting... I've worked for both large and small companies...

and criers got harrassed and told to "grow up" while yellers... well nothing was ever said, cause like I said... it's just accepted.

[RadiationTherapy]

41. Wow. I have no advice. That sucks. I will just have to stick with my experiences

that any drama is frowned upon unequivocally.

[dropkickpa]

59. Not at my place!

I hand out reprimands for that type of behavior, and have the full support of my employers HR and legal departments in this. It is completely unprofessional and unacceptable. And my staff is roughly on par with hospital orderlies, not white collar office workers, so if we are capable of resolving conflict and dealing with stress in a mature manner, everyone else should be, too.

[redqueen]

65. You work at a hospital?

That's surprising... most of my close family members have worked in hospitals, nursing homes, etc. for most of their careers, and it seems in most cases only people with a chronic inability to control their temper are reprimanded. Most of the time it's assumed to be just a side-effect of working in a high-stress environment for a long period of time. (Same as with crying...)

:shrug:

[dropkickpa]

66. Nope, in cancer research

But, as I said in my post, my staff's job duties are on roughly on par with hospital orderlies (not that they are hospital orderlies). We work with animals, not people, but the duties (cleaning up piss, shit, doctor's messes, etc) are about the same. There are slow times now and then, but usually we have to be right on the ball or we fall behind, which snowballs into a total clusterfuck. Regular inspections by internal, governmental, and international entities can, if things aren't kept at a certain standard, create a *great* deal of stress. Screw ups cause stress, being shorthanded (chronically) causes stress. Being isolated for large parts of the day can lead to difficulties in getting along. Working with biohazardous materials and carcinogenic chemical hazards causes stress. Because there is such a small group of people who HAVE to work together (6 employees total at this site not including myself or clinical personnel), blow-ups, disagreements, shouting, yelling, stomping, bawling etc are not acceptable. They are extraordinarily disruptive not only to coworkers but also to the research staff AND the animals.

Other areas of my department have had incidents where people actually came to blows because the chronic behavior that allowed that escalation was never addressed, and my department got a big HR smackdown for it. I've just never tolerated it.

[redqueen]

67. I'm not sure it's so comparable...

when dealing with patients who can talk back, and patients' families who can (and will) vent at you as well... it's quite another environment altogether.

[dropkickpa]

68. You seem to be having difficulties in understanding

Basic job duties are similar, but you keep inssting I'm implying something deeper.

[redqueen]

69. Not at all...

just that working with humans makes for a much higher stress level, and therefore much higher possibility for frayed nerves, which is when emotional outbursts occur. Perhaps working in that environment (not all wards, but many) generates a more tolerant mindset re: people's emotional states.

[raccoon]

37. You very well might. Lots of people develop PTSD from work. Google "work trauma." nt

[La Lioness Priyanka]

24. because its true? you're not the only one in the world who has had a job.

i have seen people cry and its met with far more disdain than a burst of anger is, even if both waste equal amounts of time.

[RadiationTherapy]

40. the disdain for crying is a characteristic of our society that is changing rapidly.

I had no idea that so many people have had so many shitty sexist jobs. I feel lucky.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

42. maybe you are lucky that you are a boy/man and can afford to ignore sexism

dont underestimate privilege

[RadiationTherapy]

43. C'mon. BOY/man?

Is that as subtle as you get? Leos........

[La Lioness Priyanka]

44. well i use boy to identify men, but i thought maybe you used man to self identify

thats why i put it that way

[RadiationTherapy]

57. I am in a communications theory class right now, so I understand what happened.

Sorry I misunderstood earlier; thanks for clarifying.

[LanternWaste]

54. Laughter, too?

"...dramatic emotional display is inappropriate at work"

Laughter, too?

[RadiationTherapy]

56. Too much laughter is definitely distracting.

Especially when it requires preceding action to generate it.

[LanternWaste]

58. So if it's "too much laughter"...

So if it's "too much laughter", is the corollary also true-- "too much crying"? In other words, a little bit of laughter, or a little bit of crying is fine at work, but taken to a more extreme degree, both become inappropriate in a professional setting.

Or is there a relevant difference between any degree of crying as inappropriate, but a small degree of laughter as quite acceptable?

[RadiationTherapy]

60. Jesus complicated Christ.

The first sentence gets my vote. A little this a little that is expected when working with humans.

The second sentence seems to be what many are asserting (but use angry "man"bursts as the conterpoint), but I frankly do not believe it.

[LanternWaste]

62. I imagine...

I imagine trying to find consistency can get complicated sometimes.

[RadiationTherapy]

63. Yeah. Sorry. Hadn't had my coffee yet.

I'm much better now...

[MrCoffee]

7. They ain't paying you to cry.

[raccoon]

9. No, nor are people paid to harass other employees. But it happens. nt

[Iggo]

23. Exactly, MrCoffee.

Cry off the clock.

[kwassa]

25. unless you work as a blues performer.

[flvegan]

27. What about quality control staff at the Kleenex factory, Nancy?

[JVS]

36. Crying is bad for company morale too!

And suppose a customer sees you. What does it say about the company?

[Haole Girl]

11. It's not just our society, unfortunately

I know it's difficult, because we are only human. But it really can hurt your career to have a meltdown at work. Trust me, I know this from personal experience.

Here is an interesting article I ran across yesterday:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/worklife/09/17/cb.work.meltdowns/index.html

Hold on!

:hug:

[Richardo]

12. It upsets my patients too much

:shrug:

[LeftinOH]

17. Its unprofessional, as are angry outbursts, (very) coarse language-

and more.

[DS1]

19. Might short out the keyboard

[Midlodemocrat]

20. Well, I believe the root of it is sexist, but personally,

I think emotions like that don't belong in the work place. From either gender. That includes crying, emotional outbursts, angry outbursts.

JMHO. YMMV.

[Taverner]

55. Yes, as hard as it is to control the impulse to throw my puter out the 10th story window

It is inappropriate at work

[flvegan]

26. Nothing wrong with it. I've made lots of people cr...uh, I mean

I've seen lots of people cry at work. I used to work in a really shitty, high-stress environment though, too.

[OmahaBlueDog]

28. Are you crying?

Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying! THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!....Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pigshit. And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Michigan to see me play the game. And did I cry? ....NO. And do you know why? Because there's no crying in baseball. THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL! No crying!

[MrCoffee]

31. :thumbsup:

[Taverner]

29. Because it affects other's abilities to do their job

Honestly!

If I see someone bawling in the office, I can't work.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

30. nor can you if someone is yelling.

[Taverner]

32. Or playing their music too loud, or farting, smoking, or speaking in tongues

As a result, the workplace should be for work

[JVS]

38. Anyone who thinks they're going to stop my speaking in tongues and farting at work has a world of...

pain coming their way.

[redqueen]

46. "bawling"

I love that. Nice loaded word for it. Include the shame right there, don't even have to add anything else.

:thumbsup:

[Taverner]

47. No "bawling" implies loud crying

As in "He was bawling so hard I couldn't get my TPS report cover sheet done"

[redqueen]

48. Maybe to you. IMO it's pejorative. (nt)

[Taverner]

49. Don't you think that's a little thin skinned of you?

Almost like Palin overreacting to the Pig with Lipstick remark?

[redqueen]

51. I truly do not.

Now I'm curious what most people think.

[Rabrrrrrr]

33. Because it's inappropriate in any public setting outside of great trauma or emergency.

To wit: if you are crying at work (or other public place) because your husband just died and you just got the call; or you just had a car accident; or your doctor called with a diagnosis of a serious illness that can only be cured by listening to Billy Joel music for the rest of your life and the decision about euthanasing yourself has you upset; that's one thing.

If you're crying at work because your boss told you to work faster, or that your document was filled with typos, or that the radiator you were supposed to weld to the front of the car is not supposed to be bungie-corded to the rear seat, that's fucking childish and inappropriate.

[Taverner]

39. Unless you are a professional mourner

And that profession used to exist

[Tuesday Afternoon]

34. in my field, I have seen people cry to keep their jobs, it usually

works. :shrug:

[fizzgig]

35. it was actually pretty commonplace at my old job

i can't tell you how many times i cried either at my desk or locked in a stall in the bathroom. it was a very high stress environment, especially my particular position.

but, overall, i think it's taken as a sign of weakness, and, as others have said, feminine weakness at that.

[wickerwoman]

45. Because it's an unconstructive approach to a problem

and it's emotionally manipulative (whether intentionally or not).

[Lucian]

50. Why is it unacceptable to cry at all?

Especially for men?

[Taverner]

53. It's not the crying, its the crying in the workplace

Anyone should feel perfectly fine crying in their car, or the bathroom

But at work, disrupting the workplace - that's rude

[zanne]

70. Good question.

I especially hate it when people try not to cry at a funeral. WTH? I think a good funeral should have loud, heart-wrenching bawling, not just sniffling. If the person is going to be missed, what's wrong with that?

[billyskank]

52. .

This thread deserves to :nuke: