Okay, wise people. It's 2:11 my time. To call or not to call?

[crim son]

Boyfriend. I love him but we fight constantly, relentlessly, without a break. I'm not stupid and he's not a jerk, but there's a serious chance we may not be suited. I asked for a break, and he dumped me, citing his certainty that I wanted to end it. He was wrong; I am wrong. We are always wrong.

This guy is Unbelievably Amazingly wonderful, except he is more insecure than I am.

I'm gonna call, probably, and hang up which he DESPISES and which normally leads to further argument. Or, I could call and talk to him which he won't like but will receive better (he likes his sleep). Or, I can choose not to call, and mope around and call in three days, at which time - well, I don't know what. We break up so often that one of these times it has to be real. This time?

Thoughts? And please, if you have the urge to tell me to fuck off, keep it to yourself. I already know.

[KitchenWitch]

1. Sleep on it.

If you still want to talk to him when the light of day hits, then call him.

[crim son]

2. I'll always want to talk to him.

That's the problem. He is wonderful. And... and...

maybe you're right, KW. :pals: Thank you.

[KitchenWitch]

4. Why get into an argument because you called at 2AM when

you might be able to actually have a decent and nice conversation during the daylight.

[crim son]

6. Good question.

My honest answer would be, because I want him to jump hoops. There, wench. I've said it. And he won't jump them, so I need not call.

Evil woman, you. :pals:

[KitchenWitch]

9. Just an attempt to protect you from yourself!

:hug:

:pals:

[crim son]

17. Of course.

I know that. :hug: :pals:

[Aristus]

3. Don't call. Stay here and drink with me.

The longer you go without calling, the less power he has over you. Make him sweat it out. Have fun while you do it... :-)

[crim son]

10. I will stay here, and have a few drinks with you.

He doesn't sweat. He hurts, but he waits for me to fix it. He is lonelier than I am, and less sure of himself though he has good reason to feel confident.

BUT, his insecurity destroys me. And here is a lovely, honeytoned glass of wine! A toast to you, Aristus. :toast: I sincerely love how you haven't gone to bed yet!

[Aristus]

12. No...I've got hours ahead of me...

:-)

[crim son]

20. Excellent!

My good fellow, you are worse than I am!

[Aristus]

21. No. Just trying to be as appealing as you are...

:pals:

[crim son]

23. I'm sort of on the defensive, given the responses to my query here.

Are you insulting me? I think not but without the thread rating system, I cannot be certain. :P

[Aristus]

25. No, sweetie. Take it at face value.

I would never insult you. :hug:

[crim son]

29. And if you did, I'd forgive.

Thanks. You have truly made this night bearable. :hug:

[Aristus]

31. Likewise.

:hug:

[LeftyMom]

5. Almost nobody does their best thinking at 2 am.

Go to bed. Call him at a reasonable hour tomorrow if you still think it's a good idea.

[crim son]

7. You are right.

I think what I'm hoping for is somebody who is willing to deal with me when I'm not at my best. I KNOW it's bullshit; but it's my little test.

Thank you for responding, LeftyMom. You are, as usual, quite correct.

[Ptah]

8. "we fight constantly, relentlessly, without a break"

[crim son]

13. I do see your point.

It's the strangest thing. I'm not seventeen, or twenty-seven. Not even thirty-seven, nor am I inexperienced. Here is this man who loves me and who, inconceivably, is more hurt than I am. We fight because I can't be the safe person he requires.

Meh. Before the wine, I had resolve. What's real? The impotent anger or the calm brought on by the wine? Neither, I imagine.

Hello, dear Ptah. How does your garden grow?

[Ptah]

14. my garden failed this year.

The summer heat turned me into a shut-in this year.

:cry:

[crim son]

19. I'm sorry; I imagine that was a disappointment for you.

This was the first year I've had success since moving into the town. I just wish I still had the twenty-one acres. Now we're talking 200 sq. ft.

No sunflowers? Ptah. I don't believe it.

[Ptah]

26. I still have some hot peppers flowering, so all is not lost.

[crim son]

28. Envy.

Early in the game, while the crop was still yellow yet prolific, my son mowed my peppers down. I forgave him but then there were other mysterious mishaps, and my sweet Gypsies were crushed before ripening. I'm in Maine; I treasure my peppers and am very jealous of yours.

[1]

11. get drunk. call. then leave a long rambling message on the answering machine...

and then when you awake in the morning immediately and horribly regret that. for days and weeks. maybe forever.


no, wait. that's what i always do.




do what i always wish i had done (the next morning, with a clear head...) don't call. go to bed.

[Withywindle]

18. Very well said. Don't call.

Just this one night, don't call. For me. In honor of the times I did call and then wished I hadn't.

There is NOTHING to regret about a good honorable night's sleep. Go do that instead.

[crim son]

22. Laughing. Date (or drink) much?

But I will bear your advice in mind. When I get to the rambling freak state, keep it to myself. Gotcha. :D

[1]

27. both. but if you must call, call someone you absolutely hate...

an ex, your bank, the utility company... anybody with an answering machine.

you can still leave exactly the same message, you can vent and get it off your chest. but in the morning you will laugh uncontrollably about how stupid that message was and how odd it must be for the utility company guy that has to listen to it.

just a thought...

[crim son]

30. I'm screwed, because I hate nobody.

Even the call to the ex was going to be conciliatory.

[1]

33. wow. what a wonderful woman you must be...

even i hate my utility company and an ex or two.


hold that comfort in your heart for a moment or two. what an amazing and wonderful woman you are.

do not discount the rarity of that personality trait that so few of us have knowledge of.



i'd bet you think everybody is like you. you'd be wrong...

[crim son]

34. I would be insulted, but I choose to believe you are sincere.

And I'm really surprised!

Thank you.

[1]

35. absolutely sincere. i don't like the fact that hate people. that makes me small...

but i do.

ex'es on top of the list. if you can't even hate an ex? wtf?

that's impressive. that causes me rethinking certain things. you may be right.

hummm...

so, thank you.

[crim son]

37. And thank you, CasualWatcher9.

You make me feel useful, right or not. :hug:

[1]

38. well let's leave it at that. you are amazing, and i have some thinking to do...

:hug:


what a great thread this turned out to be...

[Truthiness Inspector]

15. Do not call him

Think of this: Is he thinking about YOU right now, asking others if he should call you? Probably not, or else your phone would be ringing.

I don't know all of the background, but this is NOT a loving healthy relationship.

You mention the option of calling then hanging up as if that is normal: it isn't. That is an unhealthy arrangement.

This is not a bash: Have some self-respect, don't grovel. If it isn't right, it isn't right, but at least you have your self-respect, and that's worth more than anything else.

[crim son]

24. I don't take it as a bash. Thank you.

I think perhaps I have no idea what is a healthy relationship. Nor, apparently, does anybody else. We're fucked, no?

[Lil Missy]

16. Sounds like WAY too much drama. Love should not be so difficult.

If he is so insecure that you cannot take a break, and you are constantly fighting, sounds like time to move on.

But I'd never tell you to fuck off. :pals: I've been there and done that too. And I did not realize how miserable I was until it was over and I finally got a chance to breathe.

:hi:

[crim son]

32. Thanks for not telling me to fuck off.

Really. People who understand or are willing to imagine are surprisingly scarce. I'm happy you're breathing. :hug: :hi:

[Aristus]

36. I'm serious, dammit. Don't call him!

Call him tomorrow. You'll be sober, and you'll have the clear light of day to make your case. Don't do it now.


I've got a DVD of "Dark City". I'll go watch that if you don't want to talk anymore...

...I just looked at the subject line. It was spelled very nearly "series". :D I corrected it...

[dorktv]

39. I am taking a six month break from my best friend who I have been in love

with since about a year after I met him. No contact whatsoever so I can hopefully stop being in love with him. I desperately want to move on but I cannot seem to let him go. And not having any breaks with him over the past five years has not helped with giving me the space and time to get over it. However this is best for me-not sure if it is best for us as a friendship.



You have to decide what is best for you-if you really think this is a go nowhere relationship-do not call.

[lost-in-nj]

40. How are you doing today crimmie??

hope you made it through the night with out calling him....


:hug:

I'm going to a new market that opened up. the old one has been around for ever but I have never been there.... this one is right in my town. Its an Italian veggie, fruit, food and bakery.....


hope you have plans!!! sure is quiet around here with some people having lives and all.... :*



lost

[mnhtnbb]

41. Oh, crim son. Been there, done that--not the fighting part--but the we just

weren't suited for each other part.

Sometimes it is better to let things go. It's hard to not have a special person in your life, but it's much better (believe me) to be alone, have friends, and keep looking for the right special person.

You mention your own insecurity. That's something you can change. It's not easy. It takes work.
But it can be done. Becoming the person you want to be will attract a different kind of guy.

:loveya:

[wellstone dem]

42. This is a poem, great writing at 2 am, it goes like this

Boyfriend.
I love him but we fight
constantly, relentlessly, without a break
I'm not stupid
and he's not a jerk, but
there's a serious
chance we may not
be suited
I asked for a break, and
he dumped me, citing
citing his certainty that I wanted to end it.
He was wrong
I am wrong
We are always wrong
This guy is
Unbelievably Amazingly wonderful, except
he is more insecure than I am.

[BarenakedLady]

43. I would have said no

If I was still awake when you posted. I hope you just went to sleep, my friend.

:hug: