Well? Well??? You freakin’ forgot my birthday, didn’t you?

[dawgmom]

I don’t believe it. You freakin’ forgot my birthday, didn’t you? I’m Molly-freakin’-Ringwald, with my underwear on display for a buck in the boy’s restroom. But that’s another story.

I know what this means. Somebody’s gone out to buy one of those group birthday cards at the last minute, probably one that has cartoon pictures of different animals on it, and “Happy Birthday from the Whole Menagerie” on the inside. Everybody will sign it, putting your little message right next to the animal that you think best represents you, like if you’re tall, you’re the flippin’ giraffe, and if the hippopotamus has red hair, that’s you. The dork who thinks he’s a lion will write, “Hope you have a rip-ROARIN’ birthday” and there will be multiple variations of exclamation-point-heavy “Have a great day!”s.

I know what this means. Last-minute cake order dictated over the phone to some dyslexic kid at the Safeway, and so when you pick it up it’s too late to change it, and it says, “Happy Brithday, Dagmar!” I’m getting drugstore gifts – a Whitman’s sampler, and another one of those little figurines of a kid with a big head saying “I wuv you THIS much.”

Yeah, well….you can forget about getting laid tonight.

[Shiver]

1. Excuse me!

Have you even looked at the FIVE-FOOT TALL CAKE that's PLAINLY sitting on the table?



I was up all night working on it, for YOU, and here you have to *sniff* c-c-come in a-and yell at me without even t-taking a moment to look around for it...

I slipped the card into your coat pocket, as a surprise... I know you were upset at having to work on your birthday, and I thought it would be a nice pick-me-up when you got to the office. There's a dozen roses and other assorted flowers waiting on your desk right now...

I'm not even going to tell you the surprise I had planned for when you got home. Maybe there won't even be one any more, I don't know...

[dawgmom]

4. A Transformer Cake?

What am I, six? And you made that cake. Right. I'm thinking that somebody cancelled their order at the bakery at the last minute, after it was already made, and you got it for half price. I'm lucky I didn't get the "Happy Bar Mitzvah, Cody!" one.

The card is nice, but the roses look like you bought them out of a bucket from a homeless guy by the highway.

As for the surprise....if it's another thong and bra set, that's a present for YOU, not for me. Flippin' butt floss.

[Shiver]

7. You ASKED for the Transformers cake!

I remember it clearly, two weeks ago! "I want an Optimus Prime cake taller than me, please," you said. "C'mon, you have to use those four years of Pastry College for something, right?"

To insinuate that I bought it... I know whay you're trying to do; the sex is always so much better when we're pissed off at each other? I can play at that just fine, missy!

Edward is not homeless, merely mobile. And I did not buy them from him. But if they were wilted, I damn well plan on calling the delivery service and demanding my money back!

Please, I wouldn't arrange a surprise like that, and you know it. Why would I get you undergarments anyway? You and I both know you don't wear any. Guess again.

[TZ]

2. Happy birthday...but you should know...

Literally three days ago we got a group card for a coworker with the cartoon pictures of different animals on it.....And yes, I signed it Have a Great Day!
You is teh psychic to know my department so well.....:rofl:

Have a GREAT BirthDAY!:party: :rofl:

[dawgmom]

5. Yup. And I'm always the giraffe.

Unless that guy Jamal gets the card first.

[siligut]

3. Bappy Hirthday!

From the kid at Safeway to you!!!!111!!! And I got laid last night, watcha gonna do about that? Huh?

[dawgmom]

6. Yeah, well....I got nuttin'

Except to say that everyone was wondering why you were walking funny. Thanks for confirming.

[DS1]

8. Nice try, Walt Starr

I'm onto you

[dawgmom]

9. Ummm....I dun't gettit (n/t)