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via Stephen King:
1. Once upon a time, the husband, of the world's champion blind lady had to go away for
awhile (to slay a dragon, or something of that sort) and a wicked man named Harry Roat, who
came from Scarsdale, came by to see her while her husband was gone.
2. Once upon a time, three babysitters went out on Halloween night, and only one of them
was still alive come All Saints Day.
3. Once upon a time a lady who stole some money spent a not-so enchanted evening at an
out-of-the-way motel. Everything seemed pretty much okay until the motel owner's mother
came by; mother did something very naughty.
4. Once upon a time some bad people tampered with the oxygen line in one operating room
of a major hospital and a lot of people went to sleep for a long, long time—just like Snow
White. Only these people never woke up.
5. Once upon a time there was a sad girl who picked up men in bars, because when the
men came home with her, she didn't feel so sad. Except one night she picked up a man who
was wearing a mask. Underneath the mask he was the boogeyman.
6. Once upon a time some brave explorers landed on another planet to see if someone
needed help. Nobody did, but by the time they got going again, they discovered that they had
picked up the boogeyman.
7. Once upon a time a sad lady named Eleanor went on an adventure in an enchanted
castle. In the enchanted castle, Lady Eleanor was not so sad, because she found some new
friends. Except that the friends left, and she stayed . . . forever.
8. Once upon a time a young man tried to bring some magic dust from another country to
his own aboard a magic flying carpet. But he was caught before he could get on his magic
carpet, and the bad people took away his magic white powder and locked him in an evil
dungeon.
9. Once upon a time there was a little girl who looked sweet, but she was really very wicked.
She locked the janitor up in his room and set his highly flammable bed of wood-chips and
excelsior on fire because he was mean to her.
10. Once upon a time there were two little children, very much like Hansel and Gretel, in
fact, and when their father died, their mommy married a wicked man who pretended to be very
good. This wicked man had LOVE tattooed on the fingers of one hand and HATE tattooed on
the fingers of the other.
11. Once upon a time there was an American lady living in London whose sanity was under
some question. She thought she saw a murder in the old boarded-up house next door.
12. Once upon a time a lady and her brother went to put flowers on their mother's grave and
the brother, who liked to play mean tricks, scared her by saying, "They're coming to get you,
Barbara." Except that it turned out they really were coming to get her . . . but they got him, first.
13. Once upon a time all the birds in the world got mad at the people and started to kill the
people because the birds were under an evil spell.
14. Once upon a time a crazyman with an ax started to chop up his family, one by one, in an
old Irish house. When he chopped off the groundskeepers head, it rolled right down into the
family pool—wasn't that funny?
15. Once upon a time two sisters grew old together in an enchanted castle in the Kingdom
of Hollywood. Once one of them had been famous in the Kingdom of Hollywood, but that was
long, long ago. The other one was stuck in a wheelchair. And do you know what happened?
The sister who could walk served her paralyzed sister a dead rat for dinner! Wasn't that funny?
16. Once upon a time there was a cemetery caretaker who discovered that if he put black
pins into the vacant plots on his cemetery map, the people who owned those plots would die.
But when he took out the black pins and put in white pins, do you know what happened? The
movie turned into a big pile of shit! Wasn't that funny?
17. Once upon a time a bad man stole the little princess and buried her alive . . . or at least,
he said he did.
18. Once upon a time there was a man who invented some magic eye drops, and he could
use them to see through people's cards in Las Vegas and make lots of money. He could also
see through girls' clothes at cocktail parties, which was maybe not such a nice thing to do,
but this man kept seeing more . . . and more . . . and more . . .
19. Once upon a time there was a lady who was saddled with Satan's child, and he knocked
her over a gallery railing with his trike. What a mean thing to do! But lucky mommy! Because
she died soon after, she didn't have to do the sequel!
20. Once upon a time some friends went on a canoe trip down a magic river, and some bad
men saw that they were having fun and decided to fix them for it. That was because the bad
men didn't want those other fellows, who came from the city, to have a good time in their
woods.
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