women: do you actually like getting flowers?

[harmonicon]

Are you all "aww... flowers. He really really cares", or more, "oh... flowers... what kind of shit head would think an empty gesture like this was worth anything?".

[lizziegrace]

1. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've gotten them

so yes, getting flowers is special. But, if they're in lieu of a needed apology, that's not good.

[harmonicon]

6. what about in conjunction with an apology?

Or in lieu of making a phone call that could turn into a fight or a bout of mutual sobbing and stumbling over words?

[lizziegrace]

14. My ex thought that flowers would make it "all better"

when what was needed was a heartfelt apology. He never apologized for anything the entire time we were married... But that's my past, not yours.

[harmonicon]

15. yeah... *sigh*

I don't think that they could make things "all better", but wonder if it might just be a little something extra... more than I can just say in words, which I have in spades. I don't send flowers usually... I don't do a lot of things that people should probably do.

[MissMillie]

54. yep, I'm w/ you on this

I never get flowers either... of course no one ever says their sorry either.

[zanne]

2. I LOVE getting flowers, especially if they're a surprise.

On Primary night, I got some flowers with a note from my nephew that said "You're my hero'. I cried.

[pitohui]

3. no not really

a living plant, yes, flowers, no, it just seems...i dunno...something else that i'll have to throw out in a couple of days

[harmonicon]

5. that's kind of how I've always felt too

however, some people don't agree with us on this... I wondered if there is a majority opinion.

[undeterred]

4. absolutely love it

:hi:

[hippywife]

7. No.

I told my husband never to send them to me. It's a waste of money and most of the cut flowers that are sold come from South America where they are harvested and packed by women working for slave wages and then flown in. Huge waste on so many levels.

[1gobluedem]

8. I love it

I wish he would give them to me more often.

[Lavender Brown]

9. I do.

Either cut or potted. Absolutely.

[w8liftinglady]

10. I always felt it was kind of..wasteful

a cut arrangement..while beautiful and well-intentioned..never lasts very long.I'd rather have a fun date and skip the flowers..save your money.

[harmonicon]

12. what about a potted plant?

something that will last.... ?

[redwitch]

19. I have nothing against potted plants. Flowers are more meaningful to me.

But a beautiful bouquet of flowers makes me feel very special and rich. I buy flowers for myself sometimes but it is especially nice to get them as an unexpected gift.

[harmonicon]

21. ok, a specific question then:

What would be better - A potted orchid, or a dozen roses?

[Oeditpus Rex]

63. Sarah Palin?

She won't last, either.

[Lorien]

49. Me too. Potted flowers like tulips (much less expensive and longer lasting)

are OK, but cut flowers just don't do much for me. I'd rather have the friend spend the money on an evening out-or if they really want to buy something, a thoughtful old book is always appreciated and lasts a lifetime!

[LostinVA]

11. I like to get them -- even platonically

My boss gave me some Friday for my birthday. They are something nice that I won't spend money on for myself.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

13. yes i do,

[dorktv]

16. I am still waiting to get flowers.

[lizerdbits]

17. Choice #2

Especially if it's right after he did something stupid. I don't own a vase for a reason.

[Haole Girl]

18. I love getting flowers

Doesn't happen often, these days, but it always makes me smile. :-)

[crispini]

20. LOVE it.

Have even been known to buy flowers for my own damn self when I want.

[sarge43]

22. My SU gets bonus points and good vibes

for flowers. I love flowers and love having them around me.

A gift isn't an empty gesture and being appreciative when receiving one doesn't qualify a person as a shit head.

[Shine]

23. I love 'em. MrShine still brings them to me once in a while

sometimes for special occasions and sometimes just because.

...and we've been together over 16 yrs. :loveya:

I think it's very romantic. And yes, I've gotten him flowers before, too. :D

[mcctatas]

24. I love it!

At least I think I do, no one has sent me flowers in a while...

[skygazer]

25. I love getting flowers

And so does my husband - now that I'm working and he's laid off and taking care of the house, I bring him flowers every Friday. :)

[grilled onions]

26. I WOuld Rather "Share" Them

with a sweet little thing in a nursing home or perhaps someone in hospice care.

[LisaL]

27. No. I feel they are kind of useless and then they die.

[harmonicon]

28. how about a potted plant, like an orchid?

[LisaL]

29. Never gotten a potted plant.

So I dunno. If you are thinking of getting someone a gift, it probably depends on the person. She might love flowers or she might not.
A more traditional gift would be just flowers, and not a potted plant.

[lukasahero]

32. Orchids are very difficult to care for - does the woman you're asking about like flowers?

It seems you might have an agenda here so my suggestion is instead of asking us what we like, try asking her what she likes. (Or, most romantic of all - NOTICE what she likes.)

[LisaL]

37. Exactly.

Some of us might like flowers, and some of us might not like flowers. Which is not going to help OP with a particular woman. It all depends on what she likes.

[Lorien]

50. Except if you live in Florida. Then you just stick them outside

and leave them alone.

[Left Is Write]

67. If the recipient enjoys them and is cheered by them, they are not useless.

If the recipient does not enjoy them or is not cheered by them, then I suppose it's a waste.

[lukasahero]

30. No

Certain flowers are migraine triggers for me and they die a few days later anyway. I never understood the attraction.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

31. yes. n/t

[Mutley]

33. Yes, flowers are a wonderful thing to receive.

:hug:

[crim son]

34. I really do love getting flowers, although a live plant is better

because I'm a gardener. My boyfriend brought me Halloween flowers and last week he brought me some for no reason. I think it's the cutest thing!

[GreenPartyVoter]

35. I love flowers. He's only done it a couple of times in our marriage so

it's certainly not an empty gesture. (One was a .50 cent daffodil and the other was a daisy he picked in the yard. LOL)

[MichiganVote]

36. I love it! Like sports tickets for a guy.

[SOteric]

38. Yes and no.

I like the gesture, and don't think it's empty. Getting the actual flowers is irrelevant. It's a nice thing when you believe your fella has thought tenderly about you and wished to express it, be it a dozen roses or a bottle of beer.

On the other hand, too often, flowers become a kind of shorthand for "oops, I really f'ed up and now I've got to come up with a big apology." In which case, just skip it; I'd much rather we worked through whatever it is without the dog and pony show.

[harmonicon]

39. yeah, that's what I'm afraid of - your "on the other hand..."

I just thought that maybe it could be some of the first, but no that it's more of the latter. I still thought maybe it could be better than something more specific that could turn into a fight or result in hurt feelings. I don't think flowers could cause hurt feelings, but I don't know if it would be appreciated either. :( *sigh*

[SOteric]

44. If I infer the situation correctly,

I'd say just skip the flowers at this point. Maybe bring home some beer and a take away pizza, sit down with her offer her a beer and say something like "Darling I really don't want to fight. I know you're hurt/angry/upset and I'm very sorry for anything I've done that's contributed to that. I love you/care about you and I want us to work through this, but right now I'm just here to share a meal and listen to anything you have to say."

Don't fight with her no matter what, - just listen. When she's done venting, tell her you'll think about what she's said. Then do that. Sleep on it even.

No matter what you think of what she's said, be honest. No matter what she says in response, hold your temper.


And yes, as a matter of fact I do know how hard that is.

:pals:

[harmonicon]

45. unfortunately, there's no going home

not with something like seven thousand miles between us. Otherwise, I'd do exactly what you've said, and I bet I could work things out. Being this far away, I just don't know what to do.

[tismyself]

48. I thought that's what you were thinking about.

You need some Cheese Grits Therapy. Don't they have grits over there where you are?

By all means, go out and buy some flowers, and give them to the first beautiful woman you come across when you walk out of the flower store.

Not only are you going to be just fine, but trust me on this, you're going to be even better.

[harmonicon]

53. man, I wish they had grits here, but alas, no...

They have fried chicken, but no biscuits or cornbread either. What the hell is up with that? How am I supposed to eat fried chicken without biscuits or cornbread?

[tismyself]

55. WHAT?!

I'm outraged! The indecency! The injustice! Does Amnesty International know about this abomination?

THE INHUMANITY!!!

How can you stand it?

Wait, I have to know... is there... sweet tea? Mint juleps?

[harmonicon]

57. none of that either

and get this: macaroni and cheese comes in a can. Getting comfort food here is a big big problem. I haven't really looked into it, but I bet there's no meat loaf either.

[tismyself]

58. OK, that's it.

I knew there was some good reason my ancestors came over here.

Do you need a cook book? I'll get you a new copy of the Joy of Cooking, or better yet, (are you sitting down?) the Southern Living Cook book.

[harmonicon]

59. cooking for one is hard though

I guess I could make some of these things, but I don't know how I'd ever be able to eat them all by myself. I do have plans to make stuffing on thanksgiving. That's one thing that I can do a good job on. One of my cousins put together a little book of some of our grandma's recipes, and I have that, but haven't used it yet. Most of it is deserts and things. What's funny is that I've never lived in the south, but found out as I grew up that a lot of the food I grew up with is considered southern. I think it just comes from having a rural background - grand parents were farmers.

[tismyself]

62. ah hah

That's something, I love farmers. Believe they are the heroes of this world.

It isn't easy cooking for one at all. Left to my own devices, I usually end up fixing breakfast all the time.

The problem with cooking for one is the leftovers. You mentioned meat loaf - the best part about meat loaf is the sandwiches the next day! Do you have a deep freezer? Don't laugh, I don't know anything about daily life outside of a 3 mile radius of my house much less across the pond. Where are you anyway? What country are you in?

I'm in NC, land of sweet tea, fried chicken, pop tarts and tater tots. :hi:

[harmonicon]

64. I live in England

no deep freezer, just a small one person sized fridge with a tiny little freezer door at the top inside of the main door. I've also stopped cooking meat at home, because I was becoming too much of a fat ass on all of the hamburgers and bacon sandwiches that I was making for lack of a wider variety of foods that I'm familiar with.

[tismyself]

69. oh law

That is a problem. Is there a pub near by?

[harmonicon]

70. loads of pubs

Good ones too. Without pubs, this place would be crap.

[SarahB]

46. As often the case,

you hit the nail on the head. :hi:

[LadyoftheRabbits]

40. I would

:)

[LeftyMom]

41. No.

They're not something I'd personally get much of a kick out of. I'd rather get something practical that I could use. Hell, if I'm going to get something that will only last a few days, I'd rather it be some especially nice produce.

[KitchenWitch]

42. My husband very rarely buys me flowers.

So it is a meaningful gesture when I do get them.

So I like to get them.

But I have been in relationships before that the flowers were meaningless. YMMV

[SeattleGirl]

43. I love getting flowers.

And I love giving them, too.

[AccessGranted]

47. I'm a nature girl at heart, so I like getting flowers.

Brings the outdoors inside.

[BlooInBloo]

51. Wow. If I had a nickel for every girl I've seen receive flowers, and then immediately poo-poo it...

And rip on the guy who did it, I'd be rich.

There's some kind of disconnect here.

[Lorien]

52. What is her home like?

is it filled with decorative elements? is it colorful? are there cabbage roses on a duvet cover and on the throw pillows? Is she sentimental? Then she might enjoy getting flowers. If her home is filled with books, get her a thoughtful (perhaps old and out of print) book. Does she ADORE cooking? Get her a really clever gadget for the kitchen.Is she obsessed with her dog? Then bring her some treats from an upscale pet bakery and a really fun (or funny) dog toy. The thoughtfulness of the gift-something that says "I pay attention"- is more important than what's spent on it.

[Missy Vixen]

56. YES

I wish I got them more often.

Julie

[noamnety]

60. depends, but mostly ... don't bother.

Good flowers: When the relationship is going good, and you just want to celebrate it randomly and unexpectedly with something that took some thought. My ex was good at picking out flowers, though no good for much else. One time it might be irises. Another something else. My husband bought me bleeding hearts for the yard once, I liked that because I'd talked about having them in my yard when I was a kid.

Bad flowers: anything that smacks of "because Ms Manners says I should." This includes first dates, a dozen roses for an occasion that demands a dozen roses (could anything be more cliche?) along with any time you are tempted to use them to manipulate my emotions, which tends to bring out the FU reaction in me far more than any sense of sentimentality. Are you sending them because you screwed up and you think if you buy me crap it will make it better? Are we broken up and you're getting creepy and stalkerish? Ugh, no.

Potted plants: don't send these in a relationship, especially a relationship going south, because I know I will kill it and then see that as an omen, and especially if we are maybe breaking up, I'll see it as stalkerish in a "let me give you a permanent reminder of me" sort of way.

Generally, I'd rather have something more personal. "Miss manners says if I do X you'll do Y" is bad form and shows no effort - it's like a bad pickup line to be used generically. Actually, if this is about me, I can help you out very directly here. What I need is a new pair of shoelaces. My black shoes have needed new shoelaces now for I think 2 years, they are knotted in multiple places to hold them together.

[harmonicon]

61. I guess it's a grey area

Here's some context: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=8207029&mesg_id=8207029

I really don't want to be weird and stalkerish, but I also want to have a chance to save the relationship. My thinking is that it may be a way to say "I care" without leaving pleading phone messages or sending emails. It's something that doesn't require a response, but maybe shows some compassion. Fuck... I don't know. I think I've decided to go through with it though.

[noamnety]

65. If she's breaking up with you, don't send the flowers.

It will make you look pathetic and needy. (sorry)

I would not like if I tried to break up with someone and their reaction was that we should go to counseling, to be honest. I think a healthier attitude is to understand that she does have free will and that sometimes we really really want to be with a person, but that desire is in ourselves; it isn't something we can control in other people. Please don't lay guilt or any emotional guilt on her. She has a right to be happy, and if she's happier alone she made the right decision for her. Even if it sucks for you.

There were comments in the other thread about learning to not focus your life on another person and I agree with that - it will make you responsible for your own happiness in life rather than putting that on other people. And in the end it will make you more attractive to other people as well, though that shouldn't be your primary motivation. If any guy put me on a pedestal and made his life revolve around me, I would find it to be a huge turnoff. Some women love that in a guy, others not so much. I'm in the other category. I want to be part of my partner's life ... but I want them to HAVE a life. And sometimes I want my own life that doesn't so much involve them. I don't know if you've talked to a counselor or not on your own, but that might be a good first step before even trying to bring up couples therapy with a person who doesn't want to be with you.

[harmonicon]

66. I basically agree with you

Things are just complicated. The way our lives are, even anything like a normal break up probably isn't possible, and it's not entirely clear what's going on right now. Having our own lives has been the easy part.... actually having the time together work is what's been hard. I'll still go with the flowers. If it's too late, it's too late, and I don't care if I make a fool of myself then. If there's a slim chance that it would help, I'm for it.

[Lyric]

68. I love it, but it's not something we can afford more than once every couple of years.

Still, I absolutely love a bouquet of red roses and stargazer lilies. My favorites. :)

[Withywindle]

71. Yes!

Simple question, simple answer: yes!


As you can see, though, every woman is an individual and we don't all agree on this.

[progressivebydesign]

72. love getting flowers.. but I run screaming from roses.

Avoid the dreaded 1 to 3 roses syndrome. I prefer a more casual buoqet (no babies breath or carnations, that looks like something you put together at a flower stand.

[harmonicon]

73. I ended up sending roses

:(