Banned from Walmart

[Maine-ah]

Banned from Walmart

This is why women should not take men shopping against
their will.


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her
on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I
found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get
out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women -
- she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received
the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.


Dear Mrs. Samsel,


Over the past six months, your husband has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this
behavior and have been forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against
Mr.Samsel are listed below and are documented by our
video surveillance cameras..


1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in people's carts when they weren't looking.


2 . July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to
go off at 5-minute intervals.


3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's restroom.


4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right
away.'


5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
bag of M&M's on layaway.


6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.


7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department
and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they
would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
department.


8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him
he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people
just leave me alone?'


9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera
and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.


10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked t he clerk where the
antidepressants were.


11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.


12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.



13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'


14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH
NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'


And last, but not least.


15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here!'


Regards, Tom Richards Walmart Manager

[TZ]

1. .

:rofl:

[Maine-ah]

4. lol

#3 is my favorite! :rofl:

[TZ]

5. Disgustingly funny..

Seeing people's faces to that one would be pretty hilarious though.

[originalpckelly]

2. DAS SO FUNNY!

:rofl:

[ghostsofgiants]

3. Bahaha, makes me want to go wreak havoc on my own local Wal-Mart.

[siligut]

6. I'm pretty sure 7 is the funniest!

Damn! I think I would die laughing if I saw some guy doing that. Banned from the Walmart, :wow:

[Jamastiene]

18. 12 would make my day

Maybe I should go to the NC forum and ask that we identify each other in rural areas here in NC by doing that.

Strike a pose! :rofl:

[Shell Beau]

7. But what if it is a big bag of m&m's?

:rofl:

[skygazer]

8. I don't understand why people think this is so funny

Crap like this doesn't affect Wal-Mart the company at all. It affects the poor slobs who work there. I know I'll be seen as a downer and "it's just a funny joke" but I don't see making a retail employee's life any more miserable than it already is as funny or a joke.

signed,

A Retail Employee

[Maine-ah]

12. meh, former wal-mart employee here

and I laughed my ass off. I would laugh my ass off if I still worked there.

hell, I'm a waitress, and I see some crazy shit that makes me laugh my ass off, that many people would get their panties in a bunch over. Sometimes you just need to lighten up a little. :hi:

[sarge43]

13. If I ever worked Wally World, I'd appreciate some funny. n/t

[Marrah_G]

14. Dude- It's a JOKE..........................

Wow. I thought ~I~ had crappy humor radar.

[skygazer]

17. Well, you have crappy reading comprehension too

Because I mentioned in my post that I realized people would say "it's a joke" - my point is that I personally don't understand why anyone finds it a funny joke.

Look, I've got a good sense of humor, a somewhat sick sense of humor sometimes. But I just think it's kind of strange that a bunch of progressives find such humor in what is to me 1. pretty juvenile and 2. essentially aimed at people who work a crappy job for very little money.

I work retail. I deal with people who seem to get amusement out of basically abusing people who aren't in a position to fight back. I have to deal with rude, pushy, obnoxious and downright mean people with grace and professionalism - and I do it. That's part of what I get paid for and I certainly don't let it ruin my day. In fact, I like my job. But I do find it discouraging that some people want to applaud people who do it purposely.

And if you think it's "just a joke" and that people don't really do any of those things mentioned in the OP, you've never worked retail.

[Marrah_G]

19. Sigh- nevermind

[Jamastiene]

21. Herb, Flamewar Cleanup in Aisle 12.

Laugh, dammit. I promise it won't kill you. :P

[skygazer]

23. You call that a flamewar!?

Good heavens! :rofl:

[Jamastiene]

25. hah, made you laugh.

I knew you could. :rofl:

[Jamastiene]

20. I used to work at Wal Mart.

I would have thanked anyone who lightened my miserable days with humorous antics like that...anything to break the monotony of that kind of job. Then again, I worked in the Pet Department where kids were always doing all kinds of crazy shit. Nine times out of ten, I stopped what I was doing to go make sure they didn't hurt themselves and laughed my ass off in the process.

[skygazer]

22. Well, it's cool you see it that way

Just for me, I see it as making your day that much more of a hassle because you're the one who has to clean up after them, shut down all the ringing clocks, put back the stuff that got dragged around, etc.

Obviously I'm in the minority here and that's fine. I just thought I'd throw out another view of it. :shrug:

[Jamastiene]

24. Just once, try laughing at them.

It's fun. I looked for any chance I got to laugh and break up the monotony. :P

[skygazer]

26. You are laboring under the misapprehension that I get no amusement from my job

I do - constant amusement. I enjoy people-watching, I enjoy the absurdities of humanity and I enjoy interacting with the people who come through. No need to worry about me - I laugh plenty and I'm not an uptight, stressed-out person.

I don't particularly like people who purposely fuck with other people. I'm not sure why that's such a big deal.

[Jamastiene]

27. I'm thinking some things are harmless while other things

are with malice. On the things people do with malice, that actually do any harm, we are in agreement. For the others, I have no problem. :P

[Chan790]

29. I'm of two minds on this as a retail worker.

1.) I find some of this to be funny...those things that are merely amusing but don't make a mess or create more work for people like me. Some things like the alarm clocks or the tomato soup or the hair dye prank posted up-thread are far across a line. The Madonna cones OTOH is just funny as long they put the stuff back where they got it. I think the talking clothes rack is funny.

2.) As a retail worker I see your POV. Nothing is as irritating as the HS kids who think it's funny...:

*To come in and rearrange the coffee.
*To take their beverages and pour them into the mugs on the shelf then put the mugs back.
*To pee in the trash can.
*To find the single most complex way to order their simple beverage.
*To get to the register and ask 100 questions then order water.
*To come to the register with arms full of stuff which they drop on the counter, declare "I've changed my mind...I don't want any of this." and leave.
*To pour the cream into the sugar shaker.
*To play percussion on the counter with the biscotti then put them back after they're broken to hell.

[datasuspect]

28. sounds like someone has a case of the mondays

[skygazer]

30. No, not really

I didn't write that in any kind of bitter mood although it may come off sounding like that - it's so hard to regulate tone in a web posting.

In reality, I was just commenting on another point of view of these things. What I find interesting in the responses to my comments is the way people seem to take it so personally that I have an alternate opinion on something so subjective as whether something is humorous. But then again, I may very well be reading THAT tone into areas that it doesn't actually exist.

Still, it seems that some posters are "getting their panties in a bunch" over the fact that they believe I am doing the same.

And that IS funny. :rofl:

[sarge43]

9. I think we have a Duzzy

I'm keeping some of these in mind for the next time Hubster drags me to Lowes or Napa.

(Hold up a big wrench and yell down the aisle, "Honey! This sucker vibrates and heats up. Can't have enough sex toys, right Lover?.")

[Deep13]

10. I've done 2, 8, 9 and 14. nt

[Lucian]

11. ...

:rofl:

Number three is really gross. :rofl:

[curse of greyface]

15. When I was a kid one of our favorite pranks was opening the boxes of hair dye

And switching the contents so Blond would be dark brown and vice-versa

[Jamastiene]

16. Bookmarked

:rofl:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

31. Have you ever tried this one?

Taking bottles of douche solution and putting them in the frozen foods section.


:rofl:

Light, refreshing....Summer's Eve!!!!! :rofl:

[CraftyGal]

32. TrogL sent me the link....

I just laughed. :rofl: I have worked retail for a number of years. :yoiks: Nothing like humour to get through the day. TrogL said don't tempt me....

CraftyGal

[arterypyop]

33. hysterical!

I laughed my ass off at this. I live in neighboring state NH and can picture this happening in our Wartmart. I wish you would come across the border and prank it up in there.
Good stuff!